


Needed

by Experiment282



Series: Pricklyverse [1]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Corrupted Steven Theory, Corrupted Steven Universe, Corruption, Depression, Gen, Homeworld (Steven Universe), Loneliness, PTSD, Steven Universe Future, Steven Universe Future Spoilers, Steven moves away, sanity slippage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:48:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 34
Words: 151,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22067269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Experiment282/pseuds/Experiment282
Summary: Events after Prickly Pair have Steven coming to the conclusion he'll no longer be needed on Earth.So he moves to Homeworld where he believes he'll be a part of something greater.Only if he knew how worse the situation would become.
Relationships: Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe, Crystal Gems & Steven Universe, Great Diamond Authority/Steven Universe, Pink Diamond's Pearl/Steven Universe
Series: Pricklyverse [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1699555
Comments: 241
Kudos: 569





	1. The Move

**Author's Note:**

> Hiatus time means speculation time to what will happen next. Not sure how long this will run for given that what ever actually happens in the series will be completely different so think of it as a diverged timeline (Like WOTU is diverged from post-CYM) How frequently it will be updated since I am working on WOTU and Dry as well will be inconsistent and based on interest.  
> I'm basing this on a theory Steven will go to the Diamonds for help and ends up making his home at the palace like they wanted. He'll generally be kind of a dick so be warned.  
> And I've been wanting to throw my lot in with the Corrupted Steven Theory so here! I hope you all enjoy.

He'd gone and done it.

Steven now knew better and Cactus Steven was the last straw.

The last few months had begun to creep up on him on the slippery slope of realization; of out of all the changes that he'd never expect to come across, that people were leaving him. Even his own creations.  
Cactus Steven letting slip of his own, real, private thoughts had Steven in a stasis of panic and desperate retrieval, roping in and hoping, _just_ hoping the gems wouldn't begin to question him. From what Steven could see, Amethyst was the only one trying to reach out to him; her own suspicious line of questioning in asking if he was okay. To the average person, they'd be like I'm fine or, no I need help.

Steven decided on that note that he wasn't gonna be like that. He couldn't let them know what was wrong. He just couldn't. He'd let Amethyst know he felt he was losing his touch but the nagging question remained, fixed on his notice board of unanswered queries.

Why did he need to be needed?

He'd kept deflecting everything; the questions Pearl and Amethyst asked of him and Garnets gaze did not make him feel comfortable at all. Even as Steven burned internally, his own mentality searing in horrible flames, he had to, no...he _needed_ to contain it. He just couldn't let people know what was wrong. He just couldn't admit it. Deep down he knew...

Instead of channeling it into a deep seated conversation, Steven decided, that perhaps...Earth was holding him back. If everyone else was leaving, why couldn't he?

Wasn't that normal?

He figured, that maybe, the Diamonds might need him. At least, they were there. Originally it was annoying that they wanted him around, but now? There was an appeal to it. He could become a part of something greater, more sound, more influence and with his power to change, he could continue to do so. He'd helped them see the error of their ways but now they could do more. He could also get see Spinel and see how she was doing now.

The more he thought about it, it sounded like a solid plan.

Of course, when he informed the Gems about this, they _begged_ him to reconsider. He was a Crystal Gem. He was needed there. And when he laughed in their faces, they immediately turned to each other, confused by his random outburst of chuckles. Amethyst asked him again.

Is he okay?

No, but he will be. He'll be able to build and find purpose once again on Homeworld. Find new ways, discoveries...he would be needed, people would come to him for help like a just ruler would for their subjects and they could visit him when ever they wanted. Or if the Diamonds had their way, they would need to book an appointment. Subconsciously that part would make him feel extra important.

He told his Dad, who was also on the fence about it, but begrudgingly stated he would support Steven no matter his choice, just that as long as he thought long and hard about his decision.

He told Connie, who did come around one more time before he left. Steven smiled all the while and said he'll come back to Earth when he's not busy. To which he said he'll be very busy so finding time would prove difficult. Connie was neither here or there, only holding a similar reaction to his Dad. Figures. They won't understand now but they will in time.

It was sad but Steven knew it had to be done. It was necessary for him to grow and change this way. Ever since he'd finally absorbed the notion that he was a Diamond, he'd always felt this niche of responsibility he had to oblige to. Hence him helping out with Little Homeworld felt just right, even for the short space of time he'd been assisting other Gems there. Gardening clearly didn't work, but...then again, Gardens always had negative connotations so, it was probably for the best that he didn't continue with that hobby anyway.

They did have a brief going away party at the Beach House, to where everyone had gathered, from those at Little Homeworld and even Bismuth, Peridot and Lapis and the other Lapis whom he'd like to call Freckles. Even Volleyball showed up. Unbeknownst to everyone else, he'd already told the Diamonds he was gonna move in and that with Volleyball being repaired, she would now become his personal Pearl. She didn't have to, but she was more than happy to be his guide on Homeworld. Steven didn't like it at first, knowing Pearls should technically not have to follow per say but she wanted to serve.

He'd mentioned some of this during his thank you speech. Pearl was wary about it all the while, looking at the others with worry. All the while he donned that smile, that smile that to those who knew him well, was slightly off from his regular grin. He'd had most fooled...but not the Gems. Not Connie. Not Greg. His mask slipped off briefly but everyone else? It was still, happy, cheesy Steven Universe.

* * *

The day had arrived for him to leave. He'd gotten all of his things in boxes and the others were helping him move them to the Galaxy Warp. It wasn't until Connie had come into the dome that she got to ask for some alone time with him.

"You're really going through with this?" She asked.

Steven adored Connie and completely understood she had her own life to lead. What ever she decided to do with her life, he would surely be proud of her.

"It's time for me to move on...It was going to happen eventually." He told her, using logistics on his own cargo with a notepad.

"I mean, come on Connie. You're going to college. You're going to have a huge contribution to this world. I can feel it."

Connie raised an eyebrow.

"Well, I hope so." She said, her words almost becoming unsure murmurs.

"I mean, weren't you worried about the Diamonds smothering you?"

Ah simpler times, simpler worries.

"They have Spinel for that, remember?" He reminded her.

"Besides, when I told the Diamonds I was moving in with them, they were thrilled and they promised me that they won't be that clingy anyway. And they know I'm half organic so, funnily enough, they're already making adjustments for the Pink Diamond Palace to accommodate me. And get this, they're look into researching in connecting Homeworld to Earths internet. I mean, it's probably gonna be super slow but..."

Connie sighed, interrupting his spiel.

"What's wrong?"

Connie put her hands on his shoulders and looked him deep in the eyes, which had him trying to think of what she was up to.

"Steven..." She said, her tone less than enthused.

"You're not gonna have human contact there...face to face I mean...you know that right?"

Steven shrugged. Didn't bother him that much.

"Hey, I'll still be with family." He assured her with a grin.

"As long as you take into account my new schedule, you can come over...provided you have a gem with you to use the Warp Pad of course."

Didn't comfort Connie all that much.

"I can tell you're worried." Steven continued.

"It's for the best and it'll be a new chapter in my life. You should be happy for me."

Connie tried to feign a smile, but there was a growing feeling in her gut that told her otherwise.

"I know..." She said. 

The two hugged it out. He'll miss Connie for sure. The only solid connection he had here besides the gems and his dad. Even more so than the latter two. His heart had settled on her long ago, but...things had to change for the better and it wasn't as if leaving _wasn't_ bittersweet...

The next person who visited Steven was his Dad, who was in tears. He'd ran in and picked up his son and almost hugged him to death.

"Dad, woah...I'm gonna be far...but not that far." Steven assured him.

Greg put him down and wiped a tear from his face.

"Sorry Schtu-ball but...you're all grown up and ready to face the real world. Or at least...another world." He commented.

Steven laughed.

"Heh...you know it."

It was then Volleyball appeared out of the Warp with that endearing grin on her face.

"Oh Steven, preparations have been completed. We can move you in now." She said.

Steven grinned.

"Well dad, this is it." He said, having his hands on his hips.

The two hugged for the last time for a while.

"Cya Steven...just remember we'll always be here if you need us...oh and I think the Gems want to talk now..."

Greg left Steven be, as Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl entered. He loved them dearly, but he felt like his last set of...conflicting actions and words creating new wounds that had yet to heal caused a tiny amount of tension between them.

"We're gonna miss you dude." Amethyst commented.

"Yes. Be extra careful out there Steven." Garnet told in her usual try to be neutral way.

"You sure you don't need us there with you?" Pearl queried.

No...but he appreciated them asking.

"It'll be fine. You guys have defended the Earth long since before I was born." He told them.

"The Crystal Gems will remain its defenders and helpers as they always have."

They were now ready to take in those reigns now that they were more than capable of doing so.

"You don't need me."

Pearl frowned, then started to bawl her eyes out as she hugged him ever so tightly, much to his dismay.

"We-we'll miss our baby boy..."

Oh not this again.

"Pearl, remember...this is Adult Steven now." Garnet reminded her.

"Yeah...he's not _Classic Steven..._ " Amethyst explained, her tone almost mocking him.

 _Classic Steven_...words that still irked him so. Pearl moved away, then donned a soft smile as she held her hands in front of her.

"Sorry...I'm still trying..." Pearl croaked.

That was okay. She'll get the picture eventually.

The four squeezed each other like it was the last embrace they would ever have. He was going to miss them a lot, as Steven expected a huge weight to lift off of his shoulders, not realizing the context sounded worse than he would intended it to be.

"Good luck out there. Stay safe." Garnet urged.

They didn't want to let him go, as Steven forced them to disconnect as he stepped back onto the Warp Pad. The three waved him, with water gathering in their eyes. Steven waved back as Volleyball finished stacking all of the boxes with them.

And with that...the Warp Pad went off..and he was gone.

* * *

Amethyst immediately turned to Garnet, desperately wanting to know what the future held for him.

"Is he really going to be okay?" She asked her.

Garnet hummed, her tone not entirely positive.

"After all this, he still didn't want to talk to us. I've been trying but...he would never budge."

Pearl sighed, still being filled with all the worries in the world.

"He won't like me saying this, but he's as stubborn as his mother." She admitted, clearly not liking that comparison.

They knew something was beginning to emerge, especially since Pearl witnessed that...pink state of his back in the Reef. Volleyball had the full spectrum of Pink Diamonds fury and now it had begun in Steven as well. Deep down, even without Garnets visions, they knew something lurked on the horizon and it wasn't gonna be pretty. After the chaos with Cactus Steven, they knew something was definitely up and Steven simply didn't want to knuckle down on the problems that had begun to rise on the surface.

"Steven needs to go away for a bit, for him to realize what he really wants." Garnet told them.

"He knows we're here."

Amethyst looked up at Garnet with a sad expression.

"But will he come back?" She asked.

Garnet, for the first time in a while, was unsure.

"Depends on when he decides to properly ask for help." She replied.

"Otherwise...he's not going to find it easy."

Only time will tell.


	2. The Suit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven attempts to find appropriate clothes for his new role.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah didn't expect the responses to this fic to blow up as they did. Thank you guys!

There's a saying, the clothes make the man?

What ever it meant, Steven had to make considerable changes to his life style for here on. Settling into his room in his palace (which was still a weird sentence to say), Steven was helped by the Pebbles and Volleyball to unpack everything and to put everything in their place. All the while with this smile on his face, glad that he was getting somewhere, getting to this required point in his life that he surely needed for his own good.

Putting clothes away, making his bed, setting up the kitchen... It took a good few days but the interior didn't look too dissimilar to the way the Beach House looked in the old days but had a few features like the newer style, namely where his bed was located. A second floor of the room was created with a set of stairs going to the top of the huge window to where his bed was, so he could allow for him to look outside at the stars while he slept. A pair of glass window doors with a not over the top pink flower decor were installed so he could go to a separate balcony outside of his bedroom. 

Downstairs had his own balcony where he could either eat his meals with other people if he wished. Part of him felt the tiniest shred of sadness he wasn't able to eat with the Gems anymore, given it was one of those rare occasions he was able to make conversation. Volleyball was great, but she wasn't exactly the great conversationalist. Maybe Steven could start with her, to get to know her better, to get her to open up.

He'll have to put that on his to do list. 

Oh he was going to enjoy have a new _to do list_ and a _schedule_ and a _purpose_ again. It was so exciting (in a way that kind made him feel like Pearl, which was an amusing comparison.)

It wasn't until he saw his black, rectangular notepad with pink paper on the side table next to his bed that it triggered the fact that he already had one. He was just in this strange, wonderful mood that had him almost forget. He'd gone over to pick it up and flickered through it, taking the pen next to it, clicking it as he went through the existing one to see what had and hadn't been done. He'd ticked off the majority since it was mainly stuff that he had to manage in the moving in process. If it wasn't the Pebbles already doing it.

Since there was only a fence between his room and overlooking the entirety of his new home, he walked over and looked upon every bit of detail and construction, making sure everything was accounted for. Once satisfied, Steven beamed, grinning ear to ear at this first accomplishment. Steven went back to his notepad to add "Get to know Volleyball better" but then recognized something, to his horror, was unfinished.

"Find new clothes."

Oh...yes, of course. Steven figured, that his new role of fitting in as a Diamond would require more appropriate wear for him to venture out in. One perfect to wear while he held the big speech he was preparing to tell the Universe about his new ambitions.

He'd sat down in the lounge area with Volleyball standing by and the Pebbles on the edges of the coffee table with paper and pencils. They were gonna help him design a special suit. Wearing his current wear wouldn't be suitable (before he snickered at the bad pun) so as sad as it was to dump the jacket and jeans and iconic sandals, it was time for Steven to change his style once again to one befitting of his status.

It was amusing to think, however. He'd always had this status. He imagined him actually having a Rose Quartz gem for real and that he would had to look the part of a soldier. Ugh. No way. No how would he ever want to be a part of that kind of existence.

His mom did fight in a war...of her own making. Steven did not wish to fight, not at all. He understood he had to on the occasion because gems like Aquamarine and Eyeball served to prove the outlier forces not entirely keen to see Steven in the same light most gems did. People _hated_ him and it wasn't until that conversation with his dad that not everyone wants to change, even if they really needed it.

Words Steven pondered on and pondered on a lot. Not everything had to change. And the change's he'd witnessed so far weren't entirely in his favor.

He shook his head. No time to go down that road again. Not unless fate reared its ugly head. He'll no longer have Garnet for that.

He wanted to do this. To enter into this new chapter in his life. Steven of the Great Diamond Authority, out there to continue to help enforce change as a positive, rather than a negative. And if people hated him for it, then it was their loss.

Once they got into the crux of their current dilemma, Steven had gone through multiple designs as to what he could now wear. Some designs suggested by Volleyball brought too much of a resemblance to his mom so he had to quickly scrunch those up and put them in the bin lest he subconsciously get angry about it. Bless her, but that wasn't what Steven was after.

"These are some good designs." He told her. They weren't, but he didn't want to hurt Volleyballs feelings.

"But I need something that speaks, professional, not too formal but not too casual. A perfect balance."

A _perfect...balance._

Steven's eyes were drawn to the black notepad and pink paper. Hmm.

He was making this way too complicated for himself. It didn't need to be intricate with all the fancy bells and whistles. As Volleyball insisted on bells for what ever reason. It had be clean cut, inspiring, respectable. Next thing he knew he'd drawn something akin a black jacket with pockets, pink buttoned top with a popped collar and black pants with a belt. He had a pair of brown faux-leather shoes mostly meant for formal occasions but in this case he'd need a fair dozen just in case he wore them out too quickly.

Steven thumbed his lip, narrowing his eyes in focus as his mind fell into the belief that it was pretty good so far but it was missing one tiny detail he couldn't put his finger on. What was it? His eyes went to Volleyball, with that same smile on her face. Then it went to her gem. Ahh of course. His own gem. Though he didn't like to draw attention to it, he had to make it known that he indeed was one of the Diamonds. Tracing back to the design, he wondered how he could implement the feature without going overboard and for it clash with the design he had so far. Eyes skimmed it multiple times, before settling on the belt buckle. He'd picked up the black pencil and drew a rectangular square, with the pink diamond symbol within it. Subtle but it was there.

"What do you think?" He asked Volleyball.

The Pearl beamed as she raised her hands in front of her face.

"I think it's wonderful." She replied with a cheery tone.

It was enough for him at least to confirm a version of satisfaction to them to proceed as planned.

* * *

The Pebbles took in the designs and made the adjustments, taking in Steven's new measurements and going away to sew him up and going into his cupboards to take his brown shoes. All the while Steven had stripped down to his boxer shorts, eventuating in the Pebbles finished pieces and sliding everything on him accordingly, but Steven wanted a better look into this new guise.

He remembered the room with his mothers old vanity, pressing the button as the doors slid open. He'd run in and hopped up to the Vanity and looked at himself in the mirror. From toe to head, Steven felt the confidence run through as a ample flow. The maturity, the suave touch...it was perfect, even if he didn't recognize his old self at all.

Change. This is...change...this is how change is...the _is_ becoming the _was_ and _hows_ becoming the _whys_. Evolution of the self.

He'd practiced his speech enough to the point to where his words felt right. That every little piece was coming together. So perfect.

If only...perfection felt good.

If only...perfection staved off the voice inside.

If only...perfection was attainable.

Steven would continue to improve himself to his limits and beyond. Because _had_ to. He _wanted_ to. He _needed_ to.

Wasn't everyone else doing that? To shed old skin?

How foolish he was, to think that he had everything down pat. An illusion of a stable life when he'd grown up with chaos. Chaos that had him nearly die on too many moments to count. He was ready to throw that part away...the ignorance that it didn't exist. That evil and hate and anger didn't exist when it was always there. Steven was going to bring order to that chaos. To put on the new skin...the new _armor_ , to reign it all in and to finally make meaning to the name of Steven Quartz Universe.

~~Hm...even the name sounded wrong and incorrect in this day and age...he'll think about that part later.~~

And if people got in his way...

The Diamond Chime sounded, pulling him out of those spiraling thoughts.

"Steven, the other Diamonds are ready for you now if you are ready." Volleyball announced as she stood on the ground by the vanity.

Steven adjusted his new suit and popped out his collar. He was prepared.

"Let's go." He said, tightening his fist.

It was his time to shine.


	3. The Name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven makes his speech, then starts his new job in being a World Restorer.

There was something about being in the spotlight.

Being on stage, eyes on him, the attention, the glamour, the performance. 

The light to awaken all those who gaze upon it.

Even to those left behind.

There was...an appeal to being a voice that people could turn to, to let his presence be known that he was there...for them. For all of them and they only need but to ask for him.  
While he'd accepted the fact that no, he couldn't be every where at once, but that his existence mattered for those who needed it. To become that symbol of hope.

The Diamonds absolutely _adored_ Steven's new outfit, fawning over him and telling him that it was more apt of a Diamond. He warned them not to coo or treat him like his mother. They knew, but like the others, they couldn't help themselves. Trapped in a thousands year old concept. They called him Steven and they needed to treat him as Steven and as who Steven was at the moment now and who Steven decided to be a hundred years from now. He could help change them to.

Hm...another to his to-do list.

"Help the Diamonds discover themselves."

Then Steven looked at what being a Diamond actually meant.

It meant being a leader.

It meant having the power to help him lead.

It meant being able to support others.

It meant being the staple in a confusing and changing universe.

Taking Amethyst's advice into account, he would at first play to their strengths. He'd shuffled schedules internally... but if his schedule entailed meeting after meeting...each meeting being the frame of time where Steven would aid them where he could. Not to mention being able to take their schedules to ensure no conflicts. Not that they had a lot to do in this day and age but they had important roles to play in this amazing era.

Yellow Pearl and Blue Pearl prepared the cameras and the equipment necessary for him to make his announcement. He had made sure he looked presentable, not to the point of a narcissism but the way he wanted people to see him. To see him as a professional, to take him seriously. To take him as an important Diamond.

They flipped the switch as Steven took a deep breath.

* * *

The announcement went well and the Diamonds were incredibly impressed. Steven smiled. Everything finally started to look up for the first time in months.

"What had you changing your mind about our offer?" White asked.

Many things. Nothing they had to worry about.

"I guess I felt like...I still had left over stuff to worry about on Earth. Unfinished business you know?" Steven responded.

Unfinished business. Something like that. Where he could tend to the world as a Guardian and to guide Gems through trying times. Times went from trying to changing for the better...in the eyes of those who believed it.

"Ah of course." White said.

"How silly in our haste to believe otherwise. We are not ones to leave matters behind left undone..."

_To leave matters behind._

"I for one think its fantastic you're here." Blue commented.

"Yellow was beside herself."

Steven looked at the other gem who had a blush on her face.

"What?" Yellow gasped, taking it with offense, then looked embarrassed.

"I may have been a bit excited. It's been too long."

The refreshing wave of being needed flowed throughout his body. Those considered to know his mother before all this. Those who could be the ones he could relate to more than anything.

And it must have been, what, hours upon hours that they sat in the palace and talked with one another, ending up in a circle in front of the chairs, sitting down on the floor and just...talking. Steven couldn't believe how normal this actually felt. Yes _normal_ being the _perfect_ description. Why he didn't think of this sooner when problems on Earth became a bit more troubling was beyond him. Still, the smiles on their faces and the relaxed atmosphere had Steven feeling the most content he'd felt in forever.

The Diamonds had plans to restore most of the dead worlds that had been colonized, perhaps to those which could still be salvaged that Steven could help with recovery efforts. His experience with organics (not to mention that being half an organic would work out better) would have him visit hundreds of worlds under the idea that they could be restored. His powers would help immensely as well. Current attempts were being met with failure, namely with some of the organics attacking Gem colonies. 

Steven could understand why and he knew he was the best person for the job. It sounded hectic and incredibly time-consuming but, what else would he do? If he could talk people down and figure things out...like he was so used to doing then he definitely wanted to do. He was here for that reason.

To help.

One of the first steps they took to get Steven ready was to grant him his mothers old Court. Even though it was Era 3, some were definitely eager to continue to serve Steven in that instance. They didn't have to, but according to Blue they had jumped at the chance at serving Pink had she returned and had to remind them that he was to be called Steven. Good to note how they would serve to remind others so Steven didn't have to...so he could always depend on Blue being that staunch enforcer.

It was then Steven yawned, not realizing how late it was.

"Apologies guys, this Diamonds gotta rest and recover. Got a big day tomorrow!"

The three Diamonds beamed and waved.

"Good night Steven." They all said in unison, in an almost singsong way.

* * *

He'll have to look at all the reports in the morning, get the list of worlds on the list to visit. Steven looked forward to it in fact. The impending arrangements and contacts to talk to, in order to get this whole ordeal underway. 

Volleyball accompanied him all the way back as he held his new, shiny electronic tablet in his hands while they walked through the palace hallways, skimming through loads of text, and not even bothering to look up until he bumped into someone.

"Apologies My Diamond!"

Steven looked up, seeing someone he's never met before. A small pink gem with a dress and hair over her eye.

"No, I'm sorry." Steven said in response.

"Oh you're..."

The Gem smiled.

"I'm your Sapphire. Pink Sapphire." She replied.

A Sapphire?

"I once served your mother."

Ah. Blue mentioned that Pink very rarely used her Sapphires for reasons unknown. Though given the path his mother took, he could see why.

"Oh well...nice to meet you." He said, giving out his hand.

Sapphire looked at his hand, remained still before she gave hers. Awkward seconds passed until Steven took her hand to shake it.

"No need...to uh be formal with me Sapphire...oh geez...this is just like Pearl all over again." 

Another nickname?

His mind filtered back to the events of the Rubies on Earth that clicked to him instantly, as an idea repeated called on a silly name for the moment.

"Is it...okay if I call you Baseball?"

Sapphire giggled, then turned to Volleyball.

"He's like his mother. Giving nicknames again." Sapphire commented.

Steven felt the tinge of heat run through, hearing Volleyball chuckle briefly too, before retracting.

"Uh...moving on..." He said, no longer wanting to talk about that topic again as he cleared his throat.

"So...uh Baseball. I hope you've been briefed..."

Baseball nodded.

"Of course Steven." She said with a smile.

"My duty is to serve as your Sapphire."

He didn't like the word serve. Baseball would only need to be here only if she wanted to. But he might as well could take the best of what he could. Maybe get to know her better too. So much to do that Steven just had to remind himself again to add more to his list.

"Glad to have you on board then." Steven said, feigning glee.

"What's the general forecast?"

Baseball froze for the moment, looking intently at the floor to her side before turning back to Steven.

"You will go to a sunny planet. And you will encounter a beast." She said.

A beast huh?

"Is it...deadly?" Steven wondered.

Baseball did another check.

"Yes." She responded.

Dangerous huh? Surely it wouldn't be anything he couldn't handle.

"Good to know. Okay...uhh that'll be all for now. I'll see you in the morning."

* * *

Steven wanted to sleep but there were funny feelings messing around and swirling in his head and his gut. As he laid down on his bed, he tilted his head to the side to look at the stars. His mind couldn't help but venture into that unwanted desire to know how everyone on Earth was doing. There were the small things that he missed, namely the smell of Pearl cooking breakfast in the mornings (before he went on to protein shakes) and Amethyst tumbling about. The wall next to him had pictures of his friends and family. Selfies, candid shots etc. They would serve as memories in time to where he'd come from and to not forget.

When Volleyball for the first couple of nights stood by his bed, it reminded him of Pearl so much. A memory Steven found amusing, but...he'd told Volleyball that she didn't need to be that close and told her she was free to be anywhere while he was asleep. Although, when she said that she was happy to be where he was, Steven grimaced and corrected her. To be anywhere else while he slept. She was aware of privacy but...

Patience would be need to be an important regular practice due to so many Gems that hadn't been to Earth before not necessarily being aware of the same social customs. It would take some getting used to but Steven could handle it. These Gems would do well to listen and eventually they wouldn't know what to do without him. 

He decided to head to his first planet after skimming through the reports. An old colony of White Diamonds. Abandoned for millennia, but Steven wondered about the type of beast that Baseball mentioned, what it looked like, what it did etc...

Volleyball joined him on this adventure. Going through the warp pad and onto the ground and seeing the planet for himself. It was what it was: Dead. Cloudy skies, the ground a deathly grey and an ominous fog that persisted around him. It had a slight chill to it and the slight howls of the wind that sounded more like screams disturbed him somewhat.

White created Celestites here, a more important regal Gem line that once served in her court. He's aware of the long, tall lithe gems with long hair and spiky crowns that he would see wandering about Homeworld that had a habit of gossiping according to Volleyball. 

He met up with some of the group here who had volunteered to restore the planet. Some Bismuth mostly who went into reconstruction efforts. He'd had a meeting with them to where they had informed him that there was a sliver of life that remained on the planet that were described as hardy and resilient to use what little resources the planet had left in order to survive. Good on them to continue to thrive as they did, but Steven was given special seeds to enchant with his saliva to mark the beginning of this worlds revival. He'd gone into a old kindergarten and kissed the seed then buried it. The seed was designed to process basic fauna and grown on its own accord and evolve to eventually cover a huge chunk of the planet. There had been plans to bring water to the planet to assist as well, with a pair of Lapis Lazuli's due to arrive on the planet within the next few days, while this place was made into a temporary center for communication, equipment and logistics.

~~Maybe those ones would listen to him for once WITHOUT fighting.~~

The Center was big enough, three warehouses with a fourth nearly finished with interiors of mostly white and pink, with the Diamond Authority symbol labeled through out. A Science Lab was made as well for proper analysis and a little office for Steven to reside if paperwork needed to be filled out for his approval. If he wasn't out in the field he'd been in here with Volleyball and other Gems would come and go as they needed to.

Volleyball would give him updates in using Steven's touch pad, while Steven's conscious thoughts went to Baseballs prophecy, wondering whether or not the beast that she mentioned remained was here, although she mentioned something about a sunny planet so that couldn't be it. It mattered little but he took it as a sign that this world would see growth without too much of a hassle and directed those in the efforts to continue their hard work and contributed much to the developments. He'd spent a good while on the planet overseeing construction efforts, not realizing several days went by and he hadn't slept. He was fine, only chowing down on protein bars and being told to eat by his angry stomach every so often. He wasn't overall bothered by the lack of sleep due to the unknown reason; only stating that he just wasn't tired, not while he was in thick of very important work here.

The Lazuli's arrived with large drums of water to allow them to put into newly constructed dams and wells, one of them near the Center. He'd approached it and put some into a water battle with its own filter and drunk it. Pure. So pure and clean as Steven sighed with his thirst quenched. If it wasn't his stomach alarming him, it was his throat telling him that he needed to drink.

Funnily enough.

He still wasn't tired.

Did he just...forget how to sleep?

It wasn't until Volleyball tapped on his shoulder, shooting him out of his trance to alert him that one of the traps they'd set earlier to check up on the wild life had been set off. Good. Steven needed to see the creature.

His aim was to find out the current state, studying what he could so could get an understanding on how to care for some of the animals. The sun was out by this point and the day was a little warmer. Subconscious words sounded fuzzy, warning him of what was to come.

Volleyball took him to Science Facility to show him the cage that was placed on a table inside the center and inside was some kind of deep crimson lizard thing with spikes. It looked annoyed, snapping all the while as it glared at Steven. Oddly aggressive but Steven told himself to expect the hostility, given that most of the territory had previously been uninhabitable. Volleyball explained that this species of lizard normally thrived on drier climates, handing the tablet over to Steven, who looked over the population data, its diet of some kind of bug that used to be common here but may be affected by the restoration process in a positive way.

"According to a group of Snow Quartzes and the Peridot's who once helped shape the Kindergartens here, this world had a combination of arid landscapes as well as a series of lakes that those insects used to call home. If we bring back those lakes, then we're able to breed those insects and potentially increase the population of these critters." She continued.

Peridot's huh?

Steven examined the creature inside of the cage as he put his head closer to cage, crossing his arms on table, curious eyes fixated. Steven was fascinated, despite it appearing bitter and unhappy about its current situation.

"Do they have an official name?" Steven wondered.

Volleyball nodded.

"W 13 L". She said.

"At least that's how they've categorized it."

How boring. It deserved a name. He wondered what Connie would call it? If she was here, she'd be the first one he'd consult on the matter, her knowledge impeccable. Heh, he'd even get her to name it if he could. She'd love it, for sure. Also because naming flowers on Earth didn't warrant the same kind of impact he wanted but by naming actually living things would serve a purpose in the long run when it came to all the research, the projects and everything else involved when it came to important Diamond responsibilities.

But...he had to be professional. There was no use getting attached to it. He wanted to, but business came first. Steven rubbed his chin and squinted his eyes, thinking long and hard for a title to give it. 

"Call it...the Spiked Lars Lizard." He announced.

The spike on its head reminded him of Lars mohawk the more he thought about it. Volleyball tapped a few things on the tablet and smiled.

"Understood Steven!" She said, utterly enthusiastic.

"Renaming it, the Spiked Lars Lizard. I can't wait to see what you name next!"

_What he names next..._

Shortly after, they had a Peridot come on by and tag the lizard, notably going to be using it as a focus, to keep an eye on it and tracking it throughout the world in order to find where the rest of the lizards were resting. Once done, Steven took the cage outside to let it loose. He carefully opened the door and let it run free. To Steven's confusion, it crawled at his feet and seemed to...glare at Steven, whom furrowed his brows, perplexed at what he was so angry at, before it ran off into the nearby bushes.

A week had passed since he'd arrived on the planet, when fatigue eventually started to wear on him, even as Steven wanted to push forward. Volleyball noted this and questioned if Steven wanted to rest. He did, but he didn't. So much had to be done...but eventually he had to surrender to it. Others told him that they had matters under control and would forward correspondence if they urgently needed Steven's assistance. For now, they were able to manage on their own. While work was left undone there, Steven came to an understanding, especially assuring him that they would actually ask if they required further help.

Besides, Steven had only just started the process and had dozens, if not hundreds of other worlds that needed restoration.

* * *

He went back home. It was weird. Home was now different, as he stood in the doorway, looking upon his house. It was still hard for him to grasp that this was his permanent residence. Seven times out of ten he'd expected to see the interior of the Beach House...seeing the warp pad and the temple door at the back but instead, seeing the pink hued environment and the window to the eternal starlight.

Seeing Amethyst's head stuck in the fridge or Garnet sitting on the couch, patting Cat Steven's head or Pearl vacuuming...old sights made redundant...

Here there was a stillness. No wind. No life. No random monster attempting to destroying everything it came across, trying to kill him.

Yet, there was still a faint chill in the air and silence became the most damning thing. He was half-expecting fog, but...the room still had perfect clarity in all of its sharpness and refinement.

Because in the silence, he could see in that in his peripheral vision the ghosts that followed him around, whispering in his ear. It was fine. He'd ignore them. Imaginary, cyan coloured holograms nearby, calling out to him, repeating words in different parts of the room. On the couch, on the stool and by the fridge, by his desk...and some occasions, his mind tricked him into thinking Volleyball was the Crystal Gems Pearl.

**~~Is there something you'd like to talk about?~~ **

For the fiftieth time, no.

Was there a name for this? It happened so often that Steven's ignorance of the issue had him perceiving this as a common recurrence that he kind of just rolled with it. There wasn't anything else to be said.

He'd walked up the stairs to his room as Volleyball followed, but he'd gone into this autopilot mode, with only shreds of his willpower keeping him upright until the fall into the dark abyss was ready with the bed in front to catch him as he collapsed on to it, face first into the mattress. Why he never got to sleep on that planet was a question he had no energy to answer, but it allowed his thoughts to crawl through the muck in his forethoughts, bringing up even more questions that randomly popped up. He met no beast on the planet, wondering if Baseball had it wrong. 

"Volleyball..." Steven said, his voice lethargic.

"Yes Steven?" She replied, her voice full of life.

"I'm going to sleep for a while. I need Baseball on standby for when I wake up. We need to talk."

He knew the name of Steven Quartz Universe would bring him bad luck. To hold on to the pursuit of self, he needed to shed the old skin further. Even back on the planet, Steven researched the lizard itself, knowing it did the same as part of a natural, _normal_ process, akin to Earths many variants of lizards and snakes. These planets needed theirs regrown, the surfaces, the interiors in desperate need of repair. Steven's lingering light the power to bring it all to reality. His real power.

So another name was required. He already told everyone that he was the Diamond who was going to fix things and not the Quartz who was going to cause trouble.

_Maybe Steven Diamond Universe?_

_Or just Steven Diamond?_

He surrendered to sleep, to allow the serene darkness the manifest where need be, for as long as it took.

That was normal...right?

This was perfect...right?

Dreams would do little to answer those questions. Other than beady glowing eyes that haunted him every night.

That was perfectly normal?

Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Snow Quartzes are a reference to the Snow Quartzes in my other fic Whispers of the Unheard. This isn't set in the same ficverse BUT I thought I'd put a little cameo by them, going from their roles as Recon/Scribe Gems in that fic.


	4. The Rebellion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven talks with Baseball about an oncoming rebellion. He knows of the perfect gem to join him.

There was always this fight between what he should do, what he needed to do and what he wanted to do. For himself. For others.

The fight for freedom that became a messy war.

He knows.

That there's no such thing as a good war.

War is everything to fight for a purpose, for a dream to be made real.

On the other side of the chaos, there was supposed to be the fragile encumbrance of peace.

The battles were there to be won and lost. Each battle, a fight to remember, to forge the bonds of an answer beyond the gate.

The gates built; broken, repaired, breached, repaired again...

Steven aimed to fight the war in his own way. He's done that all of his life. The purpose, to help people. To fight the battles, to find the gate, to mend and to open them, to reach the answer.

But the reality was never what it was promised to be.

The chaos was always found its way to him, like they burned a short cut through all the barriers, snapping the chains and destroying everything in its path.

Or maybe...

Steven liked to find the chaos himself and to sort through the messes it created.

To challenge the norm. To curve change in the right direction.

What he didn't see...or refused to look at...

and just ignored outright...

Was the war he was currently stuck in.

A rebellion of his own creation.

And it continued to brew on its own accord.

-

He's stuck in a dream.

A Dream with Volleyball by her side.

 _Her_ side?

Staring out at White's Ship for the millionth time.

Wondering why...

She looked at her shaking hand of thin, pink fingers.

~~HOW IS THIS NORMAL?~~

* * *

Steven's eyes shot open, to stare at the dull pink ceiling. He was a bit spaced, unsure of how long he's slept for. His mind went to check the clock next to him. Eight pm. What was it before he fell asleep?

He shuffled upwards and rubbed his eyes, trying to make sense of his surroundings. He was still tired and had every second idea that fluttered by in his head yell at him to go back to sleep. No. He couldn't, fighting off the irresistible urge to escape the waking world, his war against eyelids filled with stones. He took the bottle of water beside his bed and took a huge intake, feeling a bit dehydrated more than anything. The water itself was lukewarm, which prompted Steven to finally get out of bed.

He'd gone to the kitchen to refill, still in quite the groggy haze. Nothing more, cooler, fresher water couldn't quench. It took him about five minutes, refilling the bottle twice and not realizing he did so, not even subconsciously counting how much time had passed. Putting the bottle on the table, he'd gone to the bathroom, situated under the stairs.

The mirror dared to show his lethargic self. Big bags under his eyes, his eyes almost bloodshot. It was this sight that finally woke him properly to witness that he looked absolutely terrible. A shower did little, even as he scrubbed all the dirt off of his skin. Dirt he felt would never come off.

Once showered and dressed, he'd gone to his desk, still drowsy and not noticing where he was going until he'd bumped into Volleyball.

"Oh sorry." He said, dreary.

"Morning Steven. Are you okay?" She asked with worry in her tone.

_Amethyst, was that you?_

"I uhh...I don't know." He answered, groggy as anything.

"Do you know how long I slept for?"

Volleyball put her finger to her cheeks as her eyes looked up, calculating the hours in her head.

"You went to sleep...approximately...twenty six hours ago?"

TWENTY SIX? 

His eyes shot open. Wow his sleeping pattern was shot already. Steven sighed.

"Oh wow...I was really out of it then huh?" He said.

Volleyball nodded in agreement. Good grief.

"All that hard work you did. I've never seen a Diamond work so... _intensely_ like that." She commented with awe.

Was it that intense? Although the way Volleyball put it, it was hard to differentiate between the Diamonds before or after era 3. Or even his mom.

"Heh well, the fun never...or hardly stops with Steven Diamond around..."

Did...did he really just say that? Oh yeah...it was an idea. He guessed he liked it more than he thought it did.

Volleyball giggled, amused more so and generally felt more comfortable around him than ever.

"Anyway, you have a few appointments today. Would you like me to call in Baseball?" She asked, her tone exactly the kind of secretarial way Steven liked it.

Baseball? Oh yeah the Pink Sapphire. He asked Volleyball to have her own standby. Man, he felt bad for leaving her on hold for so long.

"Sure. Bring her in...and uhh....can you get me a coffee...please?"

* * *

The morning spent with Baseball was more to do with her forecast than anything else. He wasn't overall fussed with her predictions about this beast on a sunny planet but he figured, if he could know how each day as it comes went, he would get Baseball to be able to allow him to prepare for any shortcomings. The smell of the coffee Volleyball brought in wafted through his nose. A preference of Steven's was it not to be overly strong, but the dull, scentless Homeworld made it seem more potent than it actually was. (Which kind of explained Yellow's dislike of Earths smell, once Steven thought more about it). One more thing to do his to do list. Add one of those automatic sprays to go off every so often, with ideas as to what kind of aroma he wanted were soon cut off by Baseballs arrival.

"Hey Baseball." Steven greeted her.

"Take a seat."

Appointments became of those activities Steven had already gotten used to prior. The initial original phases of Era 3 had him going to a myriad of worlds with the Diamonds to meet up with most officials and military leaders to help spread the message of peace. It'd come to a point in his life that this was how it was now as an adult.

Baseball sat down with that everlasting smile on her face. It always had Steven on the edge of thinking... _.this is a Sapphire_. _She knows something I don't._

"So...this beast you were telling me about." Steven said.

"I found a lizard on a sunny day. It wasn't exactly dangerous."

Baseball lifted her chin.

"That wasn't the beast I was talking about." She said, her voice still on the hinges of chipper.

Steven raised an eyebrow. He kinda wished she gave him more detail.

"Oh...okay then. Well why didn't you..."

Baseball chuckled.

"Because you weren't being specific. I can tell you a Beast on Sunny Planet will arrive. But not that lizard or that planet."

Oh.

He still had that bad habit of not asking follow up questions. He was a trifle tinge annoyed but that was his own fault. 

"Okay then...uh... do you think I'll need to be prepared for it then? As you said, it was dangerous. Do I have to prepare soldiers or..."

Steven had no desire to fight anything, but danger is danger. Soldiers weren't necessary, or at least an entire fleet. Something small. A Ruby or two?

"Maybe for the oncoming rebellion." Baseball said out of the blue.

A rebellion? That was enough to freeze Steven in his place. _Another_ rebellion? Who-the only people he could imagine would fight against him were Aquamarine and Eyeball. They weren't exactly extreme threats however.

"I'm aware of a group of gems not happy with the changes." Steven noted.

"But mostly everyone is moving on with their lives now. It's only natural."

Those opposed to change....his Dads words did come to mind. So Steven wasn't entirely blind to the fact by that moment that maybe, not everything was as cracked up as it was made to be. It should have been a matter stuck is mind ages ago but now it'd had come to the surface. Especially with what happened with Spinel. So, the question was...

Peace...at what cost?

Defenses for such a thing would depend on size and scale. Bluebird proved challenging, if only the Crystal Gems didn't intervene or maybe if Steven didn't let his guard down on the front of the discourse that the two gems had, he could have won that fight. He could have won, poofed the two and debate on their fate in the burning room. Letting them go one by one to talk about the issue, could have gone in the same direction Peridot did. They could have grown to care and love the Earth. 

Steven rolled his eyes. Once upon a time he would have cared to do that but for how they threatened his Dad was unforgivable.

Did his mom have her own Zircons?

Enough about that, he had work to do.

"If we're worried about some kind of fight on the horizon, I suppose we should be prepared. I don't want the other Diamonds getting worried just yet not unless we have substantial proof."

He believed Baseballs predictions though. If there was anything, he'd have to collect evidence of any plots or plans against them. If they could keep this in house, then Steven could investigate the claims on his own. So, Steven had to start small. Get the ample amount of forces he needed to begin with. He needed a Guard, someone with experience and someone who was...metaphorically on their toes.

Who could that be? Someone who had a hunger to fight, someone with experience with rebellions...

Aha!

Of course!

"Dismissed Baseball." Steven announced, allowing the Sapphire to go on her way.

"Thank you for your help. I will make the arrangements for here on in. I will ask again for you soon."

* * *

Steven requested Volleyball to send a messenger to Earth. He wouldn't dare to go back himself. He'd stood on the balcony with his hands behind his back and allowed certain thoughts to manifest while he awaited the outcome. 

The same stars his mother would have stared at, night after night. Stars that Spinel would have stared at, night after night.

Change...the power he had that he could instill within others. Eternity out there with the same gears grinding over and over again. That's what Gem kind really was. The cogs and if someone removed or someone attempted to replace or disrupt the flow...of course people would be angry.

There were no ticking clocks inside the palace for him to listen to. Noisy, Steven didn't realize that Time was so noisy. 

So was war.

No ticks, no tocks.

Eternity was silence.

No wonder it felt damning.

Either way to move out of line ruffled up feathers.

But then again.

You needed the noise. For others to listen. For others to obey. No it wasn't about obeying. It was really just for others to see...to understand.

So many times he cried for others. He cried so hard and for so long...for that reason alone. To understand.

He couldn't stand the fighting and the hurting. He himself could not understand why others had to fight and to hurt. So using those tools to change the tide was equally painful.

Steven engaged noise in combat; his heart; his weapon. His voice; his ammunition.

Eventually...it became simple sentences that set him off. Simple...strong, triggering the flames within himself to react in explosions that risked starting battles he never desired for. So calling for the ceasefire...

Was really putting the lid on a kettle that's been boiled once too often and the lid could melt...

Any day now.

It was...partially the reason he needed to leave. Subconsciously, he knew he was getting worse and to escape to a place that could handle him better was the best way to deal with it, in his mind.

But was it really?

Fighting back was becoming more difficult. The lid was no longer able to fit on properly anymore.

* * *

Eventually, Steven attended to his appointments throughout the day. Not exactly the most exciting but it passed the time. It wasn't too long, only a fair few hours until he got the call from Volleyball that the one he asked for had finally arrived. That messenger he sent was one of the of the more tough ones he knew would convince them to be his audience.

A grin donned his face. The first one he'd had in hours. He asked Volleyball to have them sent straight to his office and that he'd be there shortly.

Once there, he could see the tall orange Quartz standing there, arms crossed and the merged look of being disgruntled.

"Hey Jasper, it's been a while!" Steven said, his tone overly friendly.

Jasper grumbled as Steven wanted to shake hands with her, but she staunchly refused. Steven expected that. He ushered her to take a seat as he sat behind his desk, with Volleyball standing by his side. The bigger gem eventually relented, sitting down and crossing her legs and withdrew herself, not bothering to look him in the eyes. Hostility was anticipated, knowing Jaspers front better than most did. Even perhaps better than Amethyst's knowledge.

"I hope you've been briefed on why you're here." He asked her.

"Eh you think some kinda of rebellion is out for you? I can't say I'm surprised. You certainly broke the mold on Empire's conventional hold on the Galaxy. I could have told you plenty of people were going to be angry." She replied.

Herself included.

"I learned that much from Spinel...and from Bluebird Azurite." Steven admitted.

"Change is hard. But...while I'm not going to ask you to work at the school or teach me...I'm actually inviting you to be a part of my Court."

Jasper rose an eyebrow.

"Your Court? I thought that stuff was being disbanded?" Jasper believed.

Steven smirked. There was a lot Jasper didn't know.

"Hey there's nothing wrong with bringing the band back together. Besides, you were originally from my moms army anyway. Isn't that what you wanted?"

The Quartz grunted, blowing a piece of her hair out of her face.

"You've still got a long way until you can prove to be as good as the Diamond I once served." She stated.

"Our fight was only a taste."

There had to be some way to appease to Jaspers tastes further. She rejected the premise teaching him to fight or at least hone in his Pink State more carefully. Too many mishaps already had caused enough drama on Earth for Steven to think about fighting again.

"Well, given that I have more resources here than I did on Earth, is there anything you want I can give in exchange for your services?" He offered.

A sneer and a shot of spit to the floor gave a subtle answer. Steven did not want to get frustrated with her like he did last time. She had to want something, anything. All this talk about wars, rebellions and battles. There had to be something in that department that would appeal to Jasper more so.

"Come on...surely. I could..."

He looked at a photo on his desk of himself as Tiger Philanthropist and Amethyst as the Purple Puma in that brief moment, as a light bulb sounded in his head.

"Give you your own...little wrestling matches?"

He had to try.

"Wrestling matches? Like a fighting ring?" Jasper asked, sounding a tad interested.

Steven nodded with enthusiasm.

"Yeah. I mean, I know Quartz soldiers like yourself love to fight. Maybe even get to train them."

Jasper squinted, getting suspicious of his generosity.

"Hmmm...what do you want in exchange then?" She queried.

Only one thing, really.

"I want you to be the General of my new army." Steven announced, his words in complete confidence.

"I mean, nothing is concrete just yet in terms of anything major or gigantic that's about to happen, but I figure you're the one who I could count on to be prepared _juuusst_ in case anything went horribly sour. N-not that I anticipate anything.., but...but it doesn't hurt to have the big guns on your side."

Jasper seemed to ponder on this for a few minutes, thinking on his offer. Jasper was a veteran herself, perhaps seeing through some of the biggest battles in the Rebellion (his mothers position in all that not-withstanding.) 

"You never know, you and I _miiight_ get to have fisticuffs again if you ask nicely..." Steven offered, sweetening the pot a little.

More minutes passed, until Jasper uncrossed her legs and her arms, standing up and staring down at Steven with an expression he found little hard to read. Angry? Happy? Sad? That last one was probably out of the question...

"Hmmm...I won't lie....I did enjoy our last fight. I think some of the Quartzes on Earth could do with a little softening up only to harden them up some more if we do get to see combat." She murmured.

They were more than welcome to come if they really wanted. Steven did learn of some other warrior gems from Yellow that felt left out in all of this so he could invite them too.

"I'll do all the preparations and you can run the whole show. There's no one else I'd rather have to be the shining example of what the Ultimate Quartz has to offer."

Jaspers face twitched.

"Oh don't even try to flatter me with that talk...." She criticized.

"But it's better than being on that trash dirt you call Earth...you have yourself a deal... _Steven_..."

She then gave out her hand...which Steven went all starry eyed at as a wave of relief went through him. It'd been too long since he'd had the feeling of helping someone and giving them a purpose after months of trying and getting nowhere. It took to Jasper clearing her throat for Steven to get out of his trance to shake her hand back.

"Oh-...uh Welcome aboard General Jasper!" He welcomed her, trying so hard to conceal his excitement.


	5. The Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven both craves and loathes the quiet

Time seems to run differently when you're traveling around. Could be room to room, building to building, world to world.   
A slice of life is spent going from A to B. Some people listen to music or talk with their friends.  
  
Steven traveled in silence.

  
He's thought about listening in to his own footsteps, the echoes in hallways and the hums of engines as the music of his life. Volleyball didn't talk much, other than having the embedded Pearl instinct to remain vigilant unless spoken to. They're, by design, passive by nature if not ordered otherwise. Some of it got repetitive and most days Steven preferred the comforts of the simpler expressions of everyday life.  
  
Some days, there was this desire to maybe use an mp3 player or have Volleyball sing to him. The former, not professional and the latter, well, maybe if he was younger.  
So he resigned to be content within the structure meant for a businessman like himself. As appropriate as it should be.

But then came the times where the absolute zero volume had him think he was hearing things. Such as looking up at the clean but dull pink ceiling for hours on end.  
His mind told him stories that made no sense, no meaning. Just short bursts of stuff he's heard just as much as the silence does. It's always the same.  
  
How could one love and hate the quiet at the same time? Those minor beats, those pauses in his life that should have his ears ever hardly honing in to anything at all.  
A brain with years of words yelled and sworn and shouted and cried and lied to kept a tight grip of voices he should never hear.

Like the ghost holograms that liked to linger and hang out downstairs, the voices were numerous. The voices were loud.  
Some nights, it was akin to a party in his head and everyone was invited.  
In the end, he found no pleasure in music where music was generally a guidance into helping one feel a certain way, express certain emotions and so forth. The fun, discarded, not needed for his journey ahead.

Within the weeks, months that followed...it was a lot of talking. A lot of negotiating. A lot of travelling to other worlds. Signing forms. Writing forms. Talking shop. The every day rhythm that was meant to bring the stable structure Steven had been wanting to cultivate, to improve, to help while desperately trying to ignore the one voice that nagged him constantly. The only voice left behind.  
His own.

Returning on his own one time had him stand on one of the huge white stone bridges, empty, vast and spacious enough for the Diamonds to walk through when they wanted to but for Steven, the vacuum left more to be desired in how inadequate it made him feel. The stars were the same and the air of the night was like any other. Calm...but with the spice of tension that preferred to eat away at him like a tiny, untraceable parasite. Resigning himself to the view that was supposed to the grandest to any of Gem kind, Steve took to looking over the numerous towers and structures that spread across only a tiny part of the planet. He rested his arms on the railing and attempt to summarize his own condition, comparing it to the mixture of the geometric, the crystalline, the spiraled etc. It took to him realizing that Homeworld, was by design, as static as the Gems who lived there. Steven had thought of requesting Gardens to be placed on old abandoned places, but Gardens...  
He'd come to hate them.  
Why and how and when. A matter slipping into his internal shelf full of complicated deliberations.

_Because you've changed...whether you like it or not._

Steven's eyes widened as he gasped in surprise, hearing an unknown voice behind him as he spun around to find its origin, only to find no one there. After months of his heart trickling in contrite where and when it wanted, Steven had begun to hear one person in particular he could not for the life of him even begin to understand. It wasn't the Hologram Ghosts of the Crystal Gems, his dad or whom ever had names that Steven could list on the top of his head but this one...his memories failed him, holding a flickering, fading symbol of youth and that was it. Nothing more...but it had more impact on his already twisted chest than any other voice so far and had made numerous attempts to wrestle in on the matter. And he was failing... _miserably_.

Ignorance of his own voice calling out to him, had birthed an entity unbeknownst to him where it had since manifested in another, oddly enough, cracked critic on its own. It was only natural for Steven to disengage with any internal, hellish calling within and to continue to be the powerhouse known to help others, only listening to the people that mattered. People that existed and people that were tangible, real and who smiled and laughed...he had to make a single statement to himself to anchor in a reality he had needed to place, wanting to make the nail on the coffin of a problem that had been growing...no, festering for years.

Steven Diamond was _not_ losing his mind.

He'd since returned to his office, looking at a gift that Spinel had given him a few months back on the left hand side. Seven petals, originally, though was down to five. A single rose in a round glass case with a circular, gold base with flower patterns etched on top. She said she wanted to thank him and that the rose was actually fake so he wouldn't have to water it at all, so it was probably some cheap thing anyway. It sat next to the golden frames that held photos of his friends on Earth. He imagined their tones. Concerned, worried...but oddly enough the voice he heard...wasn't necessarily that of either. He took to thinking, in a quick, premature fashion that their tones would be the same as ever. Same as they had for the years they looked after him. He'd aborted that thought and spoke to himself that looking at the efforts that they had worked on bore fruit. The most of anyone. Let alone Steven himself.

He did change. There was no lie. But this, voice...of youth held the words in a way that it was actually bad to change. He'd been listening in too much to the Diamonds, especially White, during their meetings, talking about the good old days. Good old days meaning before Era 3. Steven, again, his naivety served to make him seem too much in denial to think that some people, especially the Diamonds in question, not fall back into old habits and routines. He'll continue to try and he'll continue to develop each of them in a way that will serve to improve upon themselves as individuals.

Nurturing others to find the better mindset was something that Steven had always done.

Those days would pass in a blink of an eye...as Volleyball would return to Earth to talk to Pearl (Which Steven didn't at all mind; encouraging her to do what she wants) and now here he was.

Alone. With himself. 

And his thoughts.

The office, the palace, an empty, tantalizing void when Steven wasn't scheduled for anything heavy. A clock was considered and discarded. What is time on Homeworld? What is time to Gems?

A thousand years could pass that one could be perceive as a single one.

Steven wouldn't be able to tell.

His eyes moved about as the swirl, the influx of the internal charge of tension run through him, his imagination created vivid, short cut bursts of everything that had come before. Images of his mother and father, images of Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, Connie...talking to him. 

The Hologram Ghosts appeared in the room, lifeless as they were. Steven's eyes were still fixated aimlessly at the desk, not acknowledging their presence.

They stood to attention in a row, arms, legs straightened like soldiers awaiting their orders. His eyes went to the small, glass of water...still water.

No drift, no movement, no sound, no aim. Eternity, frozen without the cold. Flowing without the wind. Seconds and minutes no longer had meaning.

How long had it been? Really?

His eyes lingered on the glass, out of a sudden need for something to happen to it. He wasn't sure why. It would be exciting if it did act on its own. He'd get the Pebbles but...

What was missing? The glass cup didn't have a huge amount of detail. Circular at the top of and four sided at the bottom with a flat base. It was simple, it was good quality without the type of intricacies he was used to seeing most of the palace in the design. His fingers gripped the edge of the desk and tapped. 

Tap... Tap... Tap...

Noise. Noise he found both annoying and comforting. In what way would the paradox of movement and immobility be considered the same?

Change...something HAD to move. Something HAD to change and something HAD to stay the same.

Why the contradictions?

_Purpose for the sake of purpose._

That voice again that snapped Steven to attention, as the Hologram Ghosts disappeared in a flash. Paranoia grew as a wash of heat yielded the inevitable chill, leaving Steven in a cold sweat. He felt his forehead, then looked at the sweat in his hand.

Pearl's Hologram stood in front of the desk.

_Steven, is there something you'd like to talk about?_

Before Steven could grasp himself properly, anger took hold as his experienced Puppetmaster, burning his Pink State through his skin as a hand instinctively took the glass....

"NO!"

He threw it at the hologram, only for it to shoot through and break on the office door, spreading water and shards everywhere. Ten seconds after the loud, distinct shattering, took the ignorant numbminded Steven in a state of shock, throwing both of his hands in front of his mouth in complete dismay as to his own actions.

Her tone, sincere...only for Steven's instinct to reject her help.

Words he needed to do hear. But he didn't want to.

Too many times, that he lost control.

Too many times, did he listen to that messy, garbled, scrambled opinion in his head to let it go, the reception gone bad.

As the voice of common sense was _always_ late to call in. Too late. Too many times.

Steven's elbows dug into the desk as he held his head into his hands. Multiple holograms appeared...duplicates of Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl, repeating the same words over and over.

 _Tell us Steven_...said Garnet

 _Tell us dude_...Said Amethyst.

 _Tell us, please_...urged Pearl.

Over and over and over. The noise he needed. The noise he didn't want...boiling up inside of him, the fuel to the wildfire as Steven began to sob, his shoulders shaking to the abstract rhythm of his sniffs, the gritting of teeth. The room itself started to play a hum from the collective of projections, almost deafening him.

The back of his neck started to get itchy, presumably from all the stress breathing down it...but right now...he'd preferred not to feel anything at all.

"Steven?"

The wedge between his perceptions was widened as he heard Volleyballs muffled voice behind the door. Steven again, looked at the empty, tranquil room and the damage he'd done. He couldn't let Volleyball see this evidence of his...breaking apart at the seams.

"Uh give me a minute." He said.

Steven quickly cleaned up his mess and went outside to see Volleyball standing to the side, hands behind her back with the same smile plastered on her face. He could see it in her eyes that she was worried too. 

"Did you have fun on Earth?" He asked her, trying so hard to emulate interest and not at all using the remaining steam from his frustrated manner.

Volleyball nodded.

"Indeed I did. They asked how you were and I was like yeah he's doing well. In fact they asked me that when you're available, if you wanted to come over for dinner." She replied.

It'd been months since he'd touched the soft sands of Earth, the hard wooden floorboards of the Beach House. It was supposed to be home. Except it wasn't. It hadn't been for a while now. Steven knew that, but...he no longer felt it, to be a stranger in a familiar place.

No...he wasn't ready.

"I'll check my schedule but they're free to come here for dinner. You know, big family dinner..." He said as he scratched the back of his neck, his voice waning and towards the end.

With the Diamonds.

"With the _Diamonds_..."

Did he really just say that? Volleyball was jubilant to hear it, despite Steven feeling the anxiety thunder in the down pour of his fuzzy numbness.

"That sounds exciting! Once we figure out a perfect time, I'll work on the invites straight away." She said, taking out the notepad. 

What did he just get himself into?

* * *

Out of sight and into the quiet glass case on his desk, another petal slowly falls off of the flower.


	6. The Dinner Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven finally catches up with friends and family from Earth by holding a dinner party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did the dumb of not saving and accidentally exiting and deleting because I am a doofus and had to write this twice.  
> Save me from my stupidity plz.  
> Also that leak though.  
> I didn't realize how long this chapter was either after part of it was deleted, so im splitting it into two parts (also its early morning in Australia as I'm writing this). Oh well...enjoy!

A dinner. Connecting to others with a shared interest in food. In this case, getting those who'd never thought to try food before because, well, they never had to eat before, was to be a challenge into itself. If Pearl could shapeshift after thousands of years of trauma had previously denied her, surely other gems could try something new. That was the thing though, Steven had tried that and it was disastrous. He had to learn that when others are ready to make that first step, they will. 

A moment Steven attempted to grasp, that forcing others out of their comfort zone wasn't necessarily always the best thing to do for people. So the nugget in his mind had been chipped away, ignoring advice (again) and throwing everyone into the deep end without realizing it.

To him...all he desired for was to have two completely different families come together, to understand. Uncle Andy eventually came around so...why not the Diamonds? They were...honestly closer kin like his father and it was only right to attempt to...hypothetically fuse them together to get to know the two contrasting sides. Yes the Diamonds weren't hostile, but they could learn a lot from their allies as they have learned from him. Steven could share what he himself has been going through, tapping into the Diamonds mindsets for their positive traits; Whites newfound leadership and wisdom, Yellow's commanding styles and Blue's diplomatical skills. Everyone had some part of themselves to share. 

So it took Steven several months to even begin to prepare for this, barely sleeping in between it all. Syncing in schedules and even teaching the Diamonds how to act at the dinner table like children, introducing them to food thanks to a lot of the new worlds being able to grow food. And thanks to the Wi-Fi to Earths Internet (which had been completed by the tech savvy Berryites) Steven also taught Gems how to cook; including Spinel who wanted to give it try...and fire safety skills; The most important part of all (as burning down buildings wouldn't be exactly be beneficial to anyone...)

Steven loved planning it all. He was alongside Volleyball and the Yellow and Blue Pearls, throwing ideas around and so forth. Everything from the invites to the menus...both holding their own theme of faint pink backgrounds with golden text, borders...to give it that extravagance alongside rose-like decal and small Diamond Authority symbols on both. In the same venue of thought, Steven put into the invitations for formal dress. He wanted people to look their best. He wanted people to _be_ their best. 

Steven's perceptions for a perfect evening were that it needed to go as smoothly as it could so the two families could finally become one. He wasn't blind to the fact of possible hostilities and tensions but he was going to make a hundred percent sure people were going to behave themselves and maybe even appreciate small things they like about each other.

Now, he knew certain people weren't going to eat, hence the menu idea coming to mind. Amethyst would be the least fussy obviously but it was good to have a sense of class and style by allowing for a variety of dishes, from entrees, to mains to the desserts, even the drinks. Days and weeks went into finding out the fanciest dishes that he could teach the cooks; a bunch of Pink Apatites who'd come into his service, previously from his mother's court, who were more than enthused to learn alongside Spinel. Steven made sure to taste test to make sure they got the recipes right. No lie; they started off pretty badly to begin with, with messing up ingredients here and there and Steven had to, on more than occasion, run off to cough or even vomit on how terrible they were. Perseverance and patience went a long way and eventually they got better with ample amounts of practice. Or else Steven's stomach could begin to corrupt on its own, rebelling against any kind of food.

Although Steven was supposed to be excited, he was more nervous than not, a gut wrenching feeling that refused to go away no matter how hard that he went. He was keen to get into the most meticulous of details that he so desperately want to get right. He had to get it right. He must get it right. He must get it done efficiently. He must get it _perfect_. He must...

The time finally arrived as Steven directed the Pearls on decorating the Throne room. For the details on his own clothes, he wore a tux with a pink bow tie and on the pocket side of the jacket was the Diamond Authority Symbol, as the Pearls themselves looked entirely adorable with their tuxedos too. Spinel was originally supposed to wear one, but as soon as she saw a picture of a maid that happened to be on the same search page, she pleaded to Steven to allow her to wear that. A mixture of anxiousness and mild annoyance plagued him, but eventually decided she could if she wanted to, provided she don't go overboard, teaching her that restraint was key.

In the middle of the room was the long, wooden table with enough seats on each side, equal and symmetrical, with one end by the thrones themselves and the other directed towards the entrance; Steven did ask if the Diamonds were willing to shrink for the occasion. Blue was willing though Steven suspected that was purely her version of humoring him. Yellow relented at Blue's begging...and White, well did take some persuading. That's not to say they weren't going to shrink heavily due to the size of their Gems...only enough to not intimidate family. White did mention whether or they should shape shift into bigger gems, only for Blue to remind White that regular (read: weaker) gems weren't able to sustain those sizes for the whole night and that per Stevens request, that they do their part to make sure they adhere to Steven's simple rule for the evening: Be nice...or be civil. 

Still, they had the Pebbles make semi-large chairs for them by the throne end of the table for the occasion. So far, so good. 

The rest of the throne room needed more of a proper dining experience to it, as long red suede curtains were put up, giving off an illusion of a proper dining room, complete with candles for the romantic touch. A warm environment with enough sophistication and class.

Volleyball would bring in the guests by the group, so the first group to arrive were of course, the Crystal Gems. Steven would meet and greet each other, before directing them to find their chairs, where he must have spent a week trying to figure out where to sit everyone.

Steven couldn't help but beam at the sight; Pearl in a Sky blue dress, Garnet in a blue and red skirt underneath a black cardigan with her usual shoulder pads. And Amethyst wore the same outfit she wore to Ruby and Sapphires wedding, complete with her hair up in that bun that Steven never mentioned that he really liked. It was definitely a good look for her.

As soon as their eyes met, they came dashing through to rope Steven into the tightest hug that he could barely breath. Nostalgia hit his chest like warm milk, a homely feeling that he hadn't felt in such a long time. Now that he thought about it, he'd always had to ask Volleyball every so often how long it was since he'd left Earth. Steven would swear it'd only be like a month...earlier that morning, she said it had been six months.

Wow.

"Oh Steven!" Pearl cried, then the group eventually let him go as he adjusted his suit.

"Oh It's been too long! You look so handsome!"

Good ol' Pearl.

"Heya Ste-man you look great! Did you grow a few inches again?" Amethyst wondered.

Steven never really thought about it. The Pebbles did insist on measuring him every month or so...they must have seen something he didn't.

"Maybe...probably." He said as he scratched the back of his neck. That had been really itchy as of late.

Garnet was the normal silent one, as to be expected. His comments about her being high and mighty...poured the guilt back in his chest, replacing the warm milk with pure burning lava.

"I'm glad you're doing well Steven." Garnet finally noted, crack her best smile; her slight of slightest, curved lips.

"Thank you." He replied.

"So good to see you all again. It's been forever. Go on, all of you find your seats. We'll have much to catch up on over dinner."'

* * *

Next up was Greg and Connie. His father was in his own tux but Connie...Connie looked...

"Heya Schtu-ball!" Greg shouted with a wave. He sprinted towards Steven, picked him and swung him around. It seemed like he was still small enough for his Dad to pick him up at least. Steven returned the hug, before Greg put him down. The two, without much prompting, immediately diverted the remaining conversation with matching finger guns. Because Dads and their sons could always count on finger guns, winks and their EYYYYYYYs to set the stance that the others okay. It was a kind of communication exclusive to them, to remind the other they hadn't changed much.

Or at least, that's how Steven saw it.

"I'm happy you're here Dad. We have a big night and we'll catch up later. Go find your seat!"

Greg grinned and nodded.

"Glad to be here..." He said, then his face fell, as his eyes went to the empty thrones.

"But where are..."

His Dad made it abundantly clear that meeting the Diamonds was one thing, but having a conversation with them without bringing up Rose was something he'd been hoping to avoid. Steven related to that and wanted to make sure the Diamonds didn't dig in too deep.

"They're on their way." Steven told him.

"If you're not feeling it Dad, you don't have to stick around."

Greg threw him a reassuring smile.

"Don't worry about me." He said.

"Your old man knows how to weasel himself out of a bad conversation but....I know you'll take care of things otherwise."

Good to know what his Dad still faith in him to fix matters where need be. Greg gave Steven a thumbs up, before going away to find his seat.

Behind him was Connie, who was standing there, originally looking at the ground, looking quite disconnected, though with her hands folded together in front of her. 

"Connie! You're here! So glad you could come!" Steven told her.

She looked absolutely beautiful, wearing a one sleeved burgundy dress with a silver necklace. Her hair was nice done up and she was even wearing a hint of make up. Not too much, but enough to accentuate her already gorgeous features.

"You look... _.great_...."

Why did that happen to creak with nerve with that last word?

Connie looked up at Steven, who could feel his own cheeks heating up as he grabbed her hands. It'd been too long since he'd felt them, which sent charges through his nerves.

"Thank you Steven." Connie replied, trying her darnest to speak with enthusiasm, though her words kinda fell flat in a way that told Steven something was wrong.

"What's the matter, you look sad." He told her. He did not want her night to be ruined what so ever, so he was willing to do what ever he could do make sure she had the time of her life.

Though Connie appeared as if she didn't realize how downtrodden she was expressing herself, shaking her head and attempting to wear a stronger smile.

"Oh no. I'm fine Steven." She said.

"It's just...that I'm sorry I haven't been around as much I have previously. I wish I could have spent more time with you if I wasn't so busy."

That wasn't her fault. While Steven wanted her there, she had her own important matters to attend to. She wasn't a Gem so it wouldn't matter.

"Connie, Connie, Connie..." He said to her, with half-lidded eyes as he, for what ever reason compelled him to, kissed the back of her hand, which had her blushing like mad, but also mildly concerned with this type of behavior he was currently demonstrating all of a sudden.

"You're a human and you have human stuff to be more worried about. I'd be more mad if you weren't paying attention to your studies."

Connie rose an eyebrow.

"More mad?" She queried, perplexed by his choice of words.

Oh no what was he saying?

"I...I mean..." He stuttered. No no that's not what he meant.

"You're free to do what you have to. After all, we're not kids anymore. We all have our own dreams to pursue and I would never take yours away from you."

Connie still wasn't convinced. She knew something was up but couldn't put her finger on it.

"We'll have all night to catch up. So go ahead find your seat." He told her, followed by a toothy grin.

* * *

The next batch to come were Bismuth, Peridot and Lapis. Bismuth wore her armor, that which she had once called the nicest thing she owned, which was fine, as long as she kept the spikes away. He trusted her, however, despite her misgivings to the upper crust, Steven could count on her behaving herself. It was Peridot and Lapis he was more worried about.

Peridot's own formal aspect was the single red bow tie. It'd have to do and he'll accept that at least. As for Lapis?

"I didn't really have anything." Lapis told him.

Peridot then nudged Lapis with her elbow.

"I told her she should have just put on a jacket or even a dress!" Peridot pointed out.

Lapis rolled her eyes.

"I'd rather not." She commented, rubbing her arm.

He didn't like them on the brink of a huge argument. Which is why he decided to sit them apart from one another.

"It's okay Lapis I'm not gonna go nuts because you couldn't find anything to wear." He said. Steven expected Lapis to do her own thing anyway...she wasn't as out of control as Peridot could be. Which is why he decided to sit Peridot closer to the Diamonds...he'd hoped she be able to connect with previous superior that way. While Lapis was on the opposite end. While she mostly kept to herself, Steven didn't want to scare the poor Gem.

Besides, Lapis looked fine.

Next up was Baseball.

"Ah heya Baseball, thanks for coming." He said. Introducing his Court would do wonders for the Crystal Gems worries; letting them know he was being taking care of by the finest Gems Homeworld could provide him.

"Think this will be a good night?"

Baseball looked down briefly, her hands in front of her, then looked up at Steven and smiled.

"I predict a fun filled evening, though one of you, will not be having fun."

One of them? Well Steven had to change that now didn't he? Though as he saw Jasper in the background, he could that coming from a mile away.

"Ah don't you worry. I'll take care of that. Thanks Baseball, I trust that you know where your seat is." He said with a wink as she walked off.

Suddenly the air in the room went deathly still as Jasper approached Steven. She had an apathetic expression, but she was doing okay. Her new uniform looked good, with the Pink Diamond symbol on her chest and her wearing her cloak, to which Volleyball had then took off of her. Her hair was up as well, which was a surprise. Though it was generally because that if Jasper was interested in eating, that he recommend her tying it up so it didn't get into her food. So her taking that kind of advice was astonishing.

"Jasper! What had you changing your mind about coming?" He asked.

Jasper grumbled. She flip flopped...well, she more of a less was more ambiguous in terms of her RSVP. Steven would come to expect her indecisiveness and respected it. 

"Well, if the Diamonds were gonna be here, it wouldn't look good on me as your General not to attend." She said.

That made sense. Steven did have her name on the table for a good reason. He went starry eyed again, putting his hands together, grateful for Jaspers presence.

"You're doing a bang up job from what the reports say. You've earned this." He said.

"Your seat is next to Amethyst. Though if you don't want to sit next to her, I can accommodate for a chair switch to someone elses."

He noticed Jasper had her gaze on the smaller, purple gem. The two never really got along after what had happened years prior. But hopefully after tonight, they won't hate each other as much. She made sure she was far from Lapis too, knowing their...past experiences with one another. She locked eyes with her too briefly before breaking it off.

"No it'll be fine." She said with her hand raised.

"If she starts annoying me, I'm big enough to leave if I want to. She's not worth the effort."

Yikes. But he was proud of Jasper to reach that far.

"That's fine with me. Just remember to behave yourself." Steven warned her.

Jasper walked off, muttering something as she walked off along the lines of...yeah yeah...

So far so good. The alignments were working as well as he'd expected them to be. From where Steven stood from the entrance end, on the left hand side there was Pearl, Bismuth, Amethyst, Jasper and Connie. On the right hand side was Lapis, Garnet, Baseball, Pearl and Greg. 

Volleyball had run up to Steven to let him know that the other Diamonds had arrived.

Pearls Blue and Yellow lifted up the veils. They didn't have to but Steven insisted on at least giving them some medium of respect, given they were still leaders after all. All three of them came in at the same time, seemingly...smaller, to the shock of the others.

White was still the tallest and still pretended to be like she was. Steven could tell she was faking it, but the fact that she was trying was all that mattered. She wore a simple spaghetti string dress that went to her ankles with a slit forming from near the top of her right leg. with a faux fur scarf. Yellow Diamond made a strong statement; wearing a jacket with some strong shoulder pads on top of a skirt and high heels. While Blue Diamond wore a beautiful sari with sandals. They glistened under the soft lights, as Steven gasped. It was, of course he who showed them old fashion magazines and allowed them to pick what they wanted to wear. Steven approached them, incredibly pleased with their efforts, while everyone was either nervous, shocked or both.

"Oh you guys look absolutely marvelous!" He said with pride.

Blue Diamond was the only one whom smiled with sincerity.

"Thank you Steven!" She responded.

Yellow lifted her head, but Steven had an inkling that she was enjoying this too, relaxing on one leg as she had a hand on her waist.

"Yes thank you Steven. I say though this isn't half bad." She commented.

Steven couldn't grin any wider as he rubbed his hands together. Attention then went to White Diamond.

"So....White, how are you feeling?" He asked her.

White pursed her lips, trying her absolute hardest here. It was one night and White could handle a few hours of being here to celebrate good times with family. Or at least to mimic like she was going to have a fun time.

"I...I am good Steven. Thank you for asking me." She replied, her stable tone forced.

Steven nodded.

"Great, I love the enthusiasm. Now, please take your seats. Feel free to browse through the menu, we're having entrees first. Just call any of the Pearls when you find something you've liked. I made sure there was something for everybody!"

* * *

Once everyone was seated, as the Diamonds took to seating themselves on the thrones end on their specially constructed seats and raised table for them to sit at. Blue Diamond, funnily enough, Steven had sit next to his Dad. Only reason being is that they had so much in common and if they wanted to talk about his mom, he could. Mean while White sat the head and Yellow next to Connie. Steven stood on the entrance end, looking around at the Pearls as they stood nearby, with their hands behind their backs.

So far, so good.

It was a bit quiet to start off with, as people chatted among themselves. He kept his eyes mostly on the Diamonds, as Blue, funnily enough started to chat with Greg, asking him what certain foods were and whether or not they were good. Whether or not Blue remembered she'd previously kidnapped him did not seem to cross her mind, as his Dad ended up helping her in a shaky manner.

Looking towards Connie, Yellow was doing the same. Good old Connie kept her confidence up, happily talking to Yellow about the different dishes.

Steven was overly humbled on how well this was going so far, until he saw Amethyst looking at him, telling him to come over with a simple gesture of her finger. He walked over, smiling all the while.

"Everything okay Amethyst?" He asked. He half-expected it to be about Jasper, but it wasn't.

"Where's the pizza? There's no Pizza here!"

Oh no. Well, it wasn't like he forgot. It just wasn't considered as a fancy food.

"Uhh...well, um..." Steven stuttered, scratching his itchy neck again.

"Bah just joshing you dude." Amethyst chuckled.

Steven sighed. Her ribbing him was once a normal gag. He was not prepared for that...not tonight anyway.

"Oh of course...heh...well, I was going to...well."

It was then she slapped him on the back to his surprise.

"Don't sweat it Steven...relax..." She assured him.

He was trying not to....no, he was _trying_ not to sweat it and he was _trying_ to relax.

"I'm just making sure everyone is comfortable." Steven responded.

Amethyst blinked.

"No, I mean, you're sweating big time, you feeling okay?" She asked in open candor.

 _You...feeling okay?_ No not this again. Not this...

"I'm totally okay." Steven replied.

"Tonight isn't about me. It's about all of us."

It was then he could see something in the distance on the other side of the room. Something small, something red. It was blurry, but Steven couldn't quite make it out.

_This is all about you. And what you want._

Steven rubbed his eyes, unsure of what he was seeing...but the voice from the bridge returned. The figure had promptly disappeared, leaving Steven curious, then cut off by a pair of arms wrapping around themselves. That had to be one Gem with a particular heart shaped one at that.

"Steven!" A chirpy voice called out.

"Oh Spinel, what did I tell you?" Steven warned.

Spinel slid her herself out. Her maid outfit was...questionable. Like something he'd seen with cosplays on Earth. Over the top, but Steven allowed it.

"Oh sorry, I uh... I forgot." She said, scratching her head.

"Um...do I get to eat too? All the stuff is ready to go when ready sir!" She said with a salute.

It didn't exactly work like that, but she's gotten this far.

"Well, you wanted to be a maid. Just...wait until we're done okay?"

Spinel nodded.

"Okay! I'm going back to the kitchen now."

He then heard Amethyst snicker as Spinel ran back to the kitchen. It took every inch of Steven's willpower not to glare at her.

"Wow...she's kind of like her old annoying self. How did THAT happen?" Amethyst wondered.

Steven sighed. Spinel was an Entertainer by design after all. It wasn't long until she'd gotten back in routine with being their entertainer. He knew what she was really like when no one else was around; a bit lost like him but otherwise content with her serving the Diamonds again. For some reason ever since Steven started to live at Homeworld, she looked forward to some of the things he'd asked her to do, like entertain other groups of Gems to help their morale on certain planets. 

"She's, as you say 'real' when appropriate." Steven commented, his eyes going towards the Diamonds.

"For now, she's glad she can tap into her old self when required. To them, anything she does is funny. To me? Well, she doesn't come to me all that often, but my door is always open when she wants to talk."

Amethyst grew suspicious, looking up and down at Steven in the notification of irony at its finest.

" _Really?_ This is coming from the guy who didn't want to admit he had a problem."

Steven froze in place, as his pupils shrunk to pinpricks. He was one wrong sentence from going into his Pink State. He wanted to say something, but was trying so hard not to break character.

"Amethyst." He said, his voice coldly monotone.

"Would you do me the honor of not bringing that up tonight? Please and thank you!"

* * *

He'd walked away for the moment, stepping outside to get some fresh air, standing on the balcony, overlooking another static view.

Spinel was...oddly similar to him in some respects. Namely, she found herself getting frustrated at times by the Diamonds like he did. It wasn't as if she wasn't entirely happy with her role, it was just her experiences with Pink Diamond had stained her outlook on Diamonds overall as her own line of thought got muddled constantly.

Steven could relate. He just didn't want to talk about it.

He took a deep breath, held it for the moment and released it, trying to psyche himself up, rapidly, but softly tapping his own cheeks to get it together.

"Come _on_ Steven...you can do this...." He whined.

He should have known this wasn't going to be easy. But the night was still young and could still be a pleasant time for all.

Once he was back in, people had decided on their entrees, with the Pearls happily taking orders. The CG Pearl just ordered a juice for herself. Steven got juice for that very reason, although he did hope she would branch out a little. No matter, he knew what she liked anyway. Spinel thoroughly enjoyed serving people, using her long, stretchy arms to put plates in front of people, though to Steven's dismay, she got some of them wrong, forcing him to rapidly switch plates while she wasn't looking. He was giving her enough benefit of the doubt...but it was pulling his patience in the wrong direction, spreading it far too thinly.

With entrees finished, done and dusted, it was time for the main meals to come out. There were some surprisingly normal conversations floating about, not that Steven was interested in any. Subconsciously, he anticipated far more hostility than what he was seeing. Jasper and Amethyst were actually speaking on amicable terms, though not completely, as her expressions were most still grumpy ones. Though when he heard laughter at the head of the table, his eyes turned to see that it was the Diamonds talking with his Dad. To which that had Steven entrenched with embedded disbelief.

Peridot and Connie were holding a discussion between themselves, probably being all smart like. Steven did want to listen in, but felt like he was intruding enough as he was so he decided to stand by the curtain that lead to the kitchen, watching everyone and everything unfold...so normally...so casually.

This was what he wanted right? It was... _perfect_. Perfectly _normal_. 

So why, all of a sudden was this tightness in his chest starting to cause him pain? He put his hand on it, like all the air had just been sucked out of him. Conversations flowed with laughter and gasps (that weren't entirely concerning, but his ears honed in on them anyway.) but his hearing turned them into blending murmurs as his vision went blurry for a split second, before Volleyball tapped onto his shoulder, zoning him back into reality.

"Steven, almost everyone is finished up with the mains. Should we start distributing the desserts now?" She asked.

What was wrong? _Nothing_ was wrong. Was he really anticipating the worst to happen?

"Uhh...not just yet Volleyball, give it another five minutes." He told her, before he swallowed.

This shouldn't be so hard. It wasn't necessary.

"Of course Steven. I'll have Spinel collect the remaining plates." Volleyball continued as she walked off.

The night was far from over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A thing to note, that with Prickly Pair, Steven has this mindset that some of the Gems hadn't changed all that much. Especially when he say he's worried that Pearl will fall apart and he'll have to pick up all the pieces.
> 
> Berryites also come from Whispers of the Unheard, basically being tech gems.  
> Apatite Cooks....only because Apatite sounds like (or if I'm wrong on the pronunciation, looks like ) Appetite


	7. The Dinner Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night continues, as new ideas pour into Steven's head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bad ideas.

Desserts. The sweet taste to cleanse the previous palate. Steven changed his diet a long while back so he hadn't really had much pleasure of eating sweets. Though his taste buds seemed to interpret the more savoury stuff's minor aspects of the sugar content. It was a conversation he had with Connie a few years ago they he didn't take seriously until now.

Family felt the same. Take away those tastes for a while and you'll get to reap the benefits of seeing the other side you never saw before. Though the Diamonds didn't change all that much, but their communication with his Dad was indeed going much better than anyone else would have predicted (though he could have asked Baseball if he was really unsure). So why did he still not like it? It didn't matter.

Baseballs predictions were wrong, for the most part; everyone was actually doing what Steven originally wanted. Having fun, being civil, laughing... he looked over everyone at the tables, showing off these desired traits, with Bismuth even talking to Jasper of all Gems...so he decided to chat with Lapis, who appeared quiet on her end. She didn't normally attend huge group events unless it was really important. Maybe she was the one Baseball was talking about.

"Hey Lapis!" Steven said with a wave.

"Hows it going?"

Lapis donned her sweet, delicate smile reserved to those she cared about. 

"Pretty good actually. I was worried that this was going to end badly but I can't believe I'm saying this but I'm actually having fun."

What?

"F-fun? Really? You've barely said a word!" He commented. Steven had spent too long away that he forgot Lapis was kind of a introvert. 

Lapis' soft chuckle told him volumes alone.

"I don't need to." She said.

"Pearls been doing much of the talking. She can be a real chatterbox."

And now she was busy talking with Bismuth....and _Jasper_....

"What about you, you've been barely talking yourself with anyone all night."

Steven was the host, dedicated and hard working. He had little time to talk.

"I spoke to Amethyst." Steven responded, offended.

Lapis wasn't impressed.

"That was what..like an hour and a half ago." She pointed out.

Wait, how did she know?

"Have you been watching me this entire time?" Steven asked, his voice cracking with anxiety.

He hadn't noticed that Lapis had grown into an observer either. Okay when did _that_ happen?

"Well, kinda." She answered with a waggling so-so hand.

"Someone has to."

Now Steven was incredibly confused. She was the last one he'd expected to be keeping an eye on him. Besides the fact she used the Moon Base to spy on them that one time but that was normally on Peridot and not him. 

Something wasn't right. He immediately adjusted his tie and tried to play it cool. He'd grown curious if the CGs told them what happened with the Cactus incident. Curiosity turned into incredulous perceptions. The nerve...

"Lapis Lazuli..." He said with his own smug smirk and half-lidded eyes on top of his apparent arrogance, leaning his arm on the back of her chair.

"There is absolutely _nothing_ you need to worry about. Dessert will be served soon...then after dessert, I can take you all on a tour around the palace."

Lapis blinked, staring at Steven with a blank face.

"We've been here before Steven." She pointed out.

"There's nothing here that interests me at all."

Somehow that hit Steven harder than he expected it to, hitting him like one of Garnets gauntlets hitting him square in the chest, though by a newborn habit, he scratched his neck again.

_That damn itch is beginning to piss me off._

"Well...Dad hasn't been. It's his first time here..." He said, unable to venture far from the awkwardness he created.

"I'll just....go check and see how desserts doing."

* * *

Steven had to tell himself that Lapis could be blunt and possessed a lack of tact at times. Absolutely nothing new to him. He'd gone to the kitchen area, seeing the Pink Apatites bring things plate by plate, as Spinel helped them out. He swallowed. This was the last part.

So far, so good.

Distribution was swift and Spinel actually got the orders right this time. He nodded, as she looked him with her iconic smile, reaching out to each individual who ordered. Steven sighed with relief, closing his eyes for a moment, before hearing his name called out again, setting him straight. He looked around for the voice. It was Yellow Diamond.

"Coming!" He called out.

Oh no, oh no, oh no...

"Yes Yellow? Is there something I can help you with?" He asked, sounding a bit too eager as he rubbed his hands together, pretending to smile.

"Your...father and I were talking about Pink and fusions." She started.

"You fused with this...Connie and you've fused with him. Said you put on quite the performance together."

They were talking about Stevonnie and Steg. Oh geez.

"Yes...yes we did..." Steven squeezed out, desperate to not let his current anxious mindset take hold of him.

"You honestly haven't tried fusion before?" Greg asked her.

Yellow then looked at White and Blue.

"Of course not, well, policies were in place to forbid cross gem fusions. I guess it never really came to our minds." White pointed out.

"Especially given the first incident, I suppose we were thrown into a panic...oh stars what an over reaction that was." Said Blue, who then laughed, obviously pointing out Garnets situation.

Steven took a quick glimpse at Garnet, who was staring right back him, her face devoid of any emotion, except for her shaking head.

"Uhh...well, progress is progress right?" Steven questioned.

In a way that would not necessarily satisfy everyone but enough to keep the peace.

"Indeed." White said with a sunlit expression, homely enough for her mothering nature come through.

"We've learned a great deal over the last years alone. All thanks to Steven."

Attention turned to him suddenly felt like the worst feeling in existence right now. The fact his Dad was handling this better than himself was an issue Steven buried deep enough in the attempt to ignore his growing anxiety like some kind of pimple.

"He gets it from his old man." Greg commented.

Oh geez, why did he have to make it worse? Steven forced out a fake laugh which sounded more cumbrous.

"Uh yeah, I do actually." Steven croaked.

Make an excuse to leave, make an excuse to leave...

"I'll be right back....don't go anywhere."

* * *

In actuality, Steven had to just...leave the room entirely, going out to the balcony for the second time. What was going on? Steven wanted this. He wanted this so much and yet. His hands gripped onto the railing. The sound of the chatter once again, muffled by the curtains. If he could just get control of his feelings just for the next hour, then he should be fine. He had to be fine. As long as everything continued to go on as is for now as nothing had actually gone wrong by this point.

Maybe he was being overly paranoid, telling himself that they're only doing what he asked them to. Though, in actuality, his expectations of it going pear-shaped had boiled down to everything breaking down after the entrees and that his perception of events would have him trying to calm down individuals, namely Jasper.

Though once Steven looked back over the last few months, Jaspers behaviour improved with her new found purpose and by her having a proper outlet, increased her efficiencies by what Volleyball described by around thirty three percent. Hearing positive increases told in percentages was actually a new satisfaction Steven took pride in, especially when it came to hearing about the growth other colonies had been going through. He was far from finished with his work but it was all in the good news he relished in.

Perfection attained through small slices of success through a lot of communication, education and persistence as well as guidance and seizing opportunities to move forward in the face of chaos, where Gems would come to him, needing his attention on some kind of development they were working on, sharing ideas and executing those he deemed appropriate to action on. This was what being an adult meant. It was being a leader meant.

But seeing what was parts of his old life, laughing it up, communing among themselves. He suddenly understood what Lars felt when he found out Sadie moved on. It made sense. Steven wanted to be there among them, but...they were doing just fine without him. And it only proved to strengthen his beliefs that they no longer required him there to fix up any problems and that the decision to leave was the best decision he'd ever made. Not just for himself, but for them too.

" _You honestly think that you're useful now?_ "

His attention to the figure next to him and realized who was talking to him. The voice of youth. The salmon pink shirt with the star, the smaller jeans and sandals...but the face of anger he could scarcely recognize.

Steven was literally talking to his younger self.

" _Who's to say the Diamonds won't need you anymore? Only using you to fix up their mistakes?_ "

Was it wrong to talk to his...echo of his past? He skipped the absurd expectation, feeling the need to argue more so than anything, to gain that sweet piece of cathartic pleasure.

"That's not true." Steven told himself. The Diamonds were on their own journeys that required to be nourished, to thrive on changes as they came to find them on their own.

"They're just...trying to figure out what to do with themselves...just like me."

He'd since vanished, but the damage was done, having sown the seeds of a fresh, new plot of doubt, watered by trickling thoughts.

Steven was _not_ being used, for that he was certain. Someone had to go around to make sure jobs were being done. There's use in being a leader and a figurehead.   
But in those thoughts was the troubling trail that kept telling him that he was destined for a future of loneliness. The Gems, his Dad, Connie leading their own lives with their own dreams and the Diamonds eventually, to his only creation of paranoia with elements taken from some of their discussions to travel the universe themselves, leaving Steven behind to take care of the things.

The one Diamond left behind to run everything.

However...part of that didn't seem so bad. More responsibilities meant that he was then needed in other areas. Hm...he'd have to have a discussion about that. If the Diamonds wanted some time to figure out what they wanted to do and who they wanted to be, then Steven would gladly look after everything while they were away. He had this Diamond schedule business down pat and on par with their hectic life styles. What's the harm of adding more onto it?

That could be the new norm. Everyone else was doing it.

With his mind on this new frontier of self-discoveries, he'd gone inside, prepared for a long conversation with the Diamonds and psyching himself with new found confidence.

Only to see a horrific sight before him.

There was laughter, snorts and there were grunts cries of pain and cream, cake and other foods just being thrown from different ends of the table, creating a huge mess everywhere, dotting the room in blobs of brown and white with the odd literal cherry on top. Even the Diamonds weren't immune to it and Jasper herself took this game seriously, telling Peridot she was going down and asking Amethyst to reload her by plopping more pudding onto her hand. Pearl was taking advantage of Lapis control over water on her juice to shot blobs at Garnet and Spinel had teamed up with White Diamond to play around with Garnet. Steven had only _just_ stepped out of the room briefly to get some air and only to come back to see.. _this_.

A nerve snapped within Steven, one of many that on been thinned out throughout the evening and one last one that kept his entire patience in order. His eyes were widened, his facial expression desperate on maintaining an ordinance of neutrality, then he went pacing towards the table...he tried hard to pin down his final barrier which consisted more of a spiraling internal battle of words with his temper that he was on the verge of losing.  
It's okay, it's _okay_ ...they're having _fun_ Steven, just a _bit_ out of control. It was fine, it was _totally_ fine, the Diamonds are in on it too so they're not mad, so _why_ should Steven be mad? No no no no no, he _wasn't_ mad. Of course he wasn't. Annoyed but _not_ mad. Not one _inch_ of madness within his steadily boiling cranium. He was _not_ going to ruin their game like they ruined their food. _Ohhhhh_ no...no Steven Diamond was _just_ going to go to the kitchen, ready to ask the Apatites to get the mops out...it's not like he hadn't spent _months_ on this...he was totally in control...until...

_SPLAT._

The room went silent, as gaping eyes became fixated on him and half his face covered in Ice Cream. He couldn't tell who it was who did it, nor did he care. Nope...though the lid to the kettle holding his temper was clanking and moving as Steven heard the whistles and dripping chocolate sauce pouring on to the floor.

"That was Yellow." Amethyst called out.

"Me? I believe that was Blue who threw that." Yellow, offended by the accusations.

"I saw everything. It was the Peridot." Blue said, straight laced and off the bat, immediately throwing the blame too quickly on someone else.

He didn't care. He let out of small choked out laugh because he honestly didn't know how else to respond other than seething, unearthed rage and a twitching eyelid to top it off.

"Me? I was aiming for Jasper! That was revenge for the pudding!" Peridot roared in protest.

Steven couldn't see anything, especially Connie and Greg who were looking on in worry, or Baseball who had her eyes locked onto the table. Volleyball then walked up to him with a face washer.

"Sorry Steven, Baseball warned them not to do it." She informed him.

He took the facewasher from Volleyball, but didn't budge his entire body, which had since then turned to its Pink State without warning, which had Volleyball jumping in surprise and everyone else confused and on edge. Even White.

"That...is _fine_ Volleyball." He said, his tone incredibly calm with a false cheeriness, on top of undertones of his pressure seeming through like tiny geysers of steam.

"Just...get the Apatites. I will clean...myself up. And everyone can go home. This dinner is over."

* * *

Everyone watched on as Steven made a creepy forced grin and walked out of the room. As the doors to the palace were slammed shut, guilt poured over the group, unsure of what they should say or do in this situation.

"Do you think we should apologize?" Pearl wondered, turning to Garnet who had pudding sliding off her visor. 

"Hey it was just meant to be a bit of fun, there's no need to be stuffy about it." Amethyst said as she plonked a piece of cake to the floor, pretending to not care about it.

"Amethyst we talked about this." Garnet said, cleaning herself.

"What? He rejected our help previously, I thought we were trying to lighten him up."

If only it did. Amethyst then pointed fingers to the Diamonds. It was their fault...they were supposed to take care of Steven as one of their own.

"What have you three been doing to him?" She dared to ask in her own pit of anger.

The Diamonds were actually more surprised at her accusations if anything else.

"Nothing!" Yellow responded.

"Steven's just been working so hard lately." Said Blue, obviously going to her fellow Diamonds defense.

"Indeed he has. We're proud of our littlest Diamond...he never stops." White said with pride and a soft, smile of fondness.

That had both Greg and Connie worried on the way she meant with that statement.

"Actually or figuratively?" Greg asked.

White chuckled as she booped Spinel on the head with index finger, whom had still been sitting on her shoulder.

"I only speak of the truth." She replied.

Connie furrowed her brows, a bit annoyed by this.

"Have you told him to do this?" She queried, trying to figure out what was doing on.

Yellow shook her head.

"No, he's doing this on his own accord. We can't deny his help. He's the only who can do what we can't." She commented.

Blue then intervened.

"Well yes but no. Yellow's partially correct." She said.

"We asked if it was something he wanted to do and he took it up. He could have said no."

White nodded in agreement.

"It was a a proposition we had all agreed upon that only Steven would be able to do properly. To our shame, we do not have a great deal of positive influence with organic life so he was the perfect one for the job." She noted.

Steven would eat that up in an instant on the premise it would help people. It's who he was. Connie then looked at the core Crystal Gems, who were down themselves. They had to know what was going on there, especially when Steven took on that odd pinkish hue she's never seen before.

Something didn't feel right. There was something abnormal at play and Connie aimed to figure that out. The Diamonds weren't deliberately placing every single burden, big or small on Steven. He was doing that to himself...and that was self-destructive behavior if Connie ever saw it.

"Do you at least know where he could have gone?" Greg wondered.

The answer was about to escape White until the ground around them started to shake...once, twice...a sequence that repeated every few seconds or so. Nothing too heavy, but the vibrations were enough to shake the table and clink the glasses and cutlery.

"Ah he's gone to his uh...venting room." White replied.

Venting room?

"A commission he requested a few months back." Said Volleyball.

"He goes in there every so often. Said he needed it for...managing himself."

Connie swallowed. Every implication sequestered in her head of what that meant, going by how insanely serene he was...signs of intense repression.

"He's going at it real hard then." Greg said with his eyes widened.

A cool chill went down her back. Probably not what Connie was thinking of though. 

Her focus was mainly on how bizarre he'd been acting. Yes it had been a few months but...she wanted to figure out what was actually going on. The Diamonds might not have been intentionally deceiving Steven in doing all their work for them or they were not seeing strange signs that warned them of any potential problem. They were, for the most part, mostly harmless by this stage. She barely got to talk to him at all despite the fact he'd been meaning to talk to people all night. But through all the chatter, Connie noticed that no one really spoke about Steven at the table at all, at least not in his current state. She was listening in to Greg talking about Steven as they grew up and how he got to know Pink Diamond. When it came to talking about creating Steven...was when Greg started to stammer hard and had Connie going red faced and desiring to leave until they brought up the topic of fusion.

Nevertheless, it was going fine until the food fight premiered. Connie wasn't aware of who started it, only that when Steven came back inside and he got hit, was that she could start to see the cracks in his demeanor, starting with his quaking hand. The way he spoke, was only a tone that she's only ever heard from her mother and it was not pretty.

"Should we be worried?" Connie queried, trying to suss out a way to help Steven through this.

"No he'll be fine. He only spends ten, twenty sometimes thirty minutes in there. The walls are built with a powerful metal alloy that fixes itself in due time, no matter how hard they get damaged." Yellow explained.

That wasn't what Connie was asking.

"Right...and no bothered to check in on _why_ he was doing that?" Bismuth put in, no longer remaining silent. Thank goodness someone else had the courage to question it that wasn't a human.

"Who cares? It's a great outlet. You should know that builder." Jasper noted.

Oh brother...this was going to take a while. Bismuth's grievances started to rise up out of Jaspers words alone, standing up and pointing her fingers at the large Quartz.

"Oh I know that very well." Bismuth told her.

"But if you learned a single thing from Steven at all, is that we need to check on each other and no ones done that? Has no one, in their right mind, ever really checked on him this entire time?"

Eyes went to the Diamonds as silence became of the ocean filled with awkward rising tensions, as Amethyst and Lapis slowly rose their hands but didn't say anything. The very fragments of what Steven became so worried about might have been inflamed on this night. They couldn't follow a simple rule he set.

"He's been here for a long time and someone needs to do it. He's half human too...some of you have seemed to forget that fact."

What surprised Connie more was that this was coming from Bismuth of all Gems. None of the other Gems had tried to defend themselves...even the core Crystal Gems.

"We tried to reach out to him on Earth." Garnet said, her voice low.

"It was his decision to come here..."

Indeed it was. But was it the right call to make? Connie hardly understood much and part of her regretted not being there for him from when ever this drama started.

"We were on the fence about it at first, thinking of all the horrible things that could go wrong but we had to put our trust in him. We'd come to that conclusion that him moving to Homeworld would actually do him some good but..." Pearl said, her words drifting away in the end.

A veil of gloom overcame the room in that instant, caused by their own realizations and regret but freezing everyone in place. Connie had thought about it though. It wasn't really one singular cause. But many other bits and pieces that piled up over time and that, Connie has seen that and it had been a topic that had crossed her mind on fleeting moments but never had the time or space to action it. But now? Connie pulled on those thoughts and those traumatic events. She looked at Blue Diamond who attacked everyone at Garnets wedding. She looked at Yellow who literally had tried to kill Steven and almost succeeded. Then looked at White Diamond whom had pulled Steven's Gem out leaving him at deaths doorstep yet again.

It was beginning to add up. Connie kicked herself for not addressing this a long time ago, but then realized she was being too hard on herself. She hated the fact that Steven himself did have a part to play in the blame game in the end, even if it was for a part of it. She knew him well enough to shovel away any hurt to himself, burying them too deep only for it to come up again when he'd least expected it.

It was indeed a confusing situation...and playing said blame game was not going to resolve this.

"And by coming here, we messed that up further." Said Lapis.

"How so? He wanted us to come here?" Peridot asked.

"And now he wants you to leave so leave." Said Jasper, sitting back, folding her arms and crossing her legs like she had seen this all before.

No. They couldn't. And the shakes had yet to stop. Connie shot up from her chair and approached Volleyball. This had to stop. They had to stop arguing and had to figure out a way to help Steven...properly. Each of the Gems took it too harshly to immediately action upon it. This had to be done. For his sake and for theirs. They could worry about everything else later. 

"Volleyball, do you mind taking me to the Venting Room?" Connie requested.

She heard Greg gasp.

"Connie you can't! It might be dangerous!" He warned her.

She had to try. He can't do this to himself anymore. She then asked him a question she'd never thought she had to.

"Mr. Universe...are you afraid of what your son might do?" 

Greg blinked, surprised...then looked down at himself in shame. Connie was in a sliver of shock herself for even daring to put such an assumption through her filters.

"No...I...I'm worried about him like the rest of you are. But I'm not gonna let you, him or anyone else get hurt because of an issue we barely understand ourselves. Let me talk to him."

Another quake, another shake.

"Let us talk to him." White pleaded, resting her hand on chest.

"We can handle him and we're more durable."

The Diamonds? Fat chance. If they hadn't done anything by this point, there was nothing they could do now. Not like how matters had transpired earlier. No. Connie had to do this alone.

"No. Just me." Connie stated with confidence. It wasn't meant to be a threat of any sort, but a warning. She knew what Steven could be like and knew how to handle him. Not out of arrogant human nature like superiority but she's seen this sign of him before. It was just worse. A lot worse.

"What...what if something happens?" Pearl put forth, with her mind on both of her beloved knights.

Well, there was one option.

"I doubt it will get to that point but...." Connie said with a sigh, almost falling over with the latest vibration.

"I'll get Volleyball to call for you...understood?"

It was a very strange situation that had Connie holding the same vestige of power like some of the strongest Gems in the room. Maybe not out of fear, but respect. Greg knew, the Gems knew. The Diamonds? Well, Connie didn't care on what they thought. No one said anything as Connie walked out of the room with Volleyball, determined to get to the bottom of this.

* * *

The hallways were long...empty tall structures with the sounds of their footsteps on the floors the only sounds that echoed around them. Connie tried to imagine Steven walking down them every day and hearing the same thing over and over, like clockwork. This wasn't meant for any normal human to see, to feel. The skies never really indicating day or night so Steven's internal clock must have gone whacky at some point. Connie had been here before but now...she could see the emptiness behind it. The loneliness. Volleyball was amicable and Connie wanted to question what she had seen while in his service. 

It was then a hushed set of footsteps rushed behind them. It was Pearl.

"WAIT!"

Pearl had run down the hallway, despite what Connie had told any of them not to do.

"Pearl...you don't trust me?" Connie wondered, disheartened.

It was then Pearl bent down on one knee and placed her hands in Connie's, much to her astonishment.

"It's nothing to do with that Connie." She said, her other hand fidgety on her own chest, struggling to keep eye contact with Connie.

"I...we...we tried before. We knew something was wrong and Steven didn't want to say anything. I sincerely hope you have better luck than we did. So it's not the matter of trusting you."

It was then Pearl stood back up and went back a step, closing her eyes and summoning a sword out of her Pearl. Connie's Sword and then handed it over to the perplexed Connie.

"I know you wanted to be prepared and handed this to me on the way over in case the circumstances changed. I was honestly more worried about the Diamonds but...the way Steven's been...acting..."

Pearl then noticed Volleyballs frown. She must have known too. What ever happened, both Pearls were very wary of Steven's behavior. It had Connie feel extremely conflicted, troubled even. If this was what Pearl was feeling, that it kinda annoyed Connie with the idea it was Steven Pearl didn't trust. Connie looked at the sword for a long time, her inner turmoil running through all her nerves.

"Pearl...what's going on? I don't understand any of this. I don't know what's going on. No one's told me anything..."

Steven's never bothered to contact anyone at all from Earth from the last few months. Even when he was still on Earth, his phone calls turned into texts and the frequency between texts were few and far in between. In her mind she had to have an inkling something was up. Or Steven was under the impression she was way too into her studies. Then came to going away party which had her amping up her own theories but wasn't able to make any solid conclusion.

"Truthfully? I don't know either." Pearl said, almost biting her own fingernails.

"None of us know. Steven didn't want to tell us." 

He closed off to all of them...and left without addressing the issue further.

Oh he was going to get a stern talking to. Connie took a deep breath, and attached the sword onto her back.

"And I can't tell you what to expect. He might shut you off entirely too....or he's done that already."

A horrible feeling wrenched her gut. She wasn't going to anticipate the worst outcome...she had no right to do so. Not when it came to Steven. She'll need to make that assumption when she gets to speak to him personally.

And she will make him speak, whether he liked it or not.

"Just promise me you'll be careful...okay?"

Connie smiled and nodded, saluting her mentor.

"I will Pearl. I promise I'll get to the bottom of this." Connie assured her.

And Connie knew that much.


	8. The Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie attempts to talk to Steven.

Connie couldn't lie to herself. She was scared. Scared and confused in the outbreak of what ever the living goodness was going on.

The lack of contact was hard enough, his changes happening in huge blackouts of time that could only be explained by him 'not wanting to disturb her studies'. Within what had him act like this, it now appeared like Steven simply tried to avoid everyone all together in all of this growing, disturbing set of bizarre behaviors. The Gems themselves tried to sort through it with them but..from what Amethyst had explained, he knocked all attempts back for them to help him once before and beyond this degradation of his sanity, had Connie rightfully worried.

This newfound determination to set him straight kicked in on instinct, for someone to take a stand against impossible odds. It wasn't supposed to be Connie's responsibility to pick up the pieces but in the fact that people had either tried or straight up ignored his spirally sense of reality, means they're just not sure on how to handle a difficult situation like this. Neither did Connie, but she too had to try. She's seen his tears, his fears...within Stevonnie, within the premise that there had been a lot that he had gone through that he certainly couldn't handle on his own. Connie assessed facts known to her that she had witnessed both seen by others and parts only seen by her. Steven did _not_ like to hurt other people. He did _not_ want to resort to violence when they could talk things out. That was certain. The outcomes of decisions Steven claimed that he 'had no choice' weighed heavily upon him and was evidence enough that he did _not_ like talking about it. So what could be troubling him so badly that it affected this outlook? What horrible chain of mental evolution was chosen for him to act this way?

Again, it was and wasn't on her that she barely spent time with him recently, in order for Connie to figure out the real long term psychological culprit so she could get to discover it. It was written in his eyes in lit up matches; a searing rage, pent up so deeply that the only other time she really saw the explosion was from his Gem that let it out from a hellish scream. A theory formed into her, forming their own evolutionary paths along the way. 

Eventually Volleyball took Connie down an elevator, listening to the hums of the powered up hexagonal platform and feeling the descent on the way. Her heart was heavy with inscrutable burdens but she scraped on by.

They went down further enough that Volleyball took her down another long, tall hallway, with ten meter high white set of doors. The quakes had yet to stop, forcing Connie to hold on to the wall to prevent herself from falling over and looked at the slightly shaken Volleyball. Connie had to ask to the distressed Pearl, much to her dismay.

"Volleyball..." Connie said.

"Why...why is he doing this?"

The Pearl looked down, with sadness written all over her face as she held her hands in front of her.

"Steven..." She started, unable to figure out what she should tell the human. 

Connie sensed her hesitation...how long was this going on for that his actions had raised _fear_ in others, as opposed to adoration.

"You can trust me. I am his friend. I only want to help." Connie assured her, wincing as another quake shook.

Conflict riddled the poor hapless Pearl.

"I don't know a lot about humans. I'm sorry." Volleyball stated.

"Besides, he sends me away any time he's like this, like he doesn't want me to see it."

Sends her away? So Steven knows enough to try and protect her from his volatile actions. Which means he knows more than he's letting on. Connie took a deep breath. Another question that crossed her mind she didn't think she'd ask.

"That's okay." Connie said.

"Sorry if this pains you but...has he...hurt you before?"

Volleyball looked up, as tears formed around her eyes.

"No no...Steven hasn't hurt me. I swear. In fact, he helped me heal my eye in a complicated set of circumstances...though, I did witness his rampage at the Reef. He reminded me so much of...oh no I wasn't supposed to mention that."

Rampage?

Volleyballs knees went inwards, though the quaking at stopped briefly, with Connie hearing her whimper. What was she so afraid of?

"Come on, let me get you back through the Galaxy Warp. I'm certain everyone is waiting-"

They stopped as they heard the doors slide open with the slight hiss of the hydraulics and Steven's heavy breathing beyond it. His head was lowered as his body moved in sync to his inhales and exhales, with a slight grunt with each breathe he took. He had a his black jacket over his shoulder, as he moved the sleeves of his white shirt back of his forearms, but not before Connie saw all the sweat rolling off his face. Volleyball gulped he shuffled forward, while Connie narrowed her focus on him, trying to discern on what he was just doing. He lifted his head, his expression of mild anger there for a brief micro second before he noticed Connie standing with his Pearl, forcing him to smile all the while. He couldn't fool her though, even if he tried.

"Oh, Volleyball, Connie, is there something you needed from me?" He asked, his sincerity broken by his exhaustion.

No. Connie had to do this.

"Steven what in the world is going on? Why are you like this?" She demanded to know.

Her words had Volleyball cowering behind her, though Steven looked utterly confused at his friend.

"Like what Connie?" He said. Steven was deliberately playing dumb, as he scratched the back of his neck. While he was smiling, his eyes went immediately to Volleyball.

"Hey can I have a towel please?"

Volleyball moved from behind Connie and pulled out a pink towel from her gem, which he used to wipe all the sweat off of his face, before throwing it back to her.

"Thanks Volley." He told her, as she put the towel back.

This frustrated Connie to no end, though next up was his eyes trailing towards her weapon.

"Connie, why did you bring your sword?"

Out of instinct she briefly looked at her blade, then back to Steven. Connie immediately felt the panic wash through her as a cleansing, cool shock, trying to find an answer to his question without angering him. Something about his tone, his stance and that unsettling grin and widened set of eyes that pierced into her in ways she could _never_ have imagined coming from him. How her own friend could instill her of all people with a terror so unbecoming, that his smile was once a genuine heart warming thing; now more twisted and deranged that it made her heart race. Not in the way she wanted him to make it race however.

"Oh well, you know me...I like to be prepared...remember?" Connie told him, her voice uneven with uncertainty and nerve. She was hoping he would recall their times together in order for him to buy the not-so-much-as-a-lie-as-its-true kinda vibe.

Steven laughed. It was so...unnatural...almost forced.

"Silly Steven...yes I remember. Knight Maheswaran is an absolutely dashing Swordswoman." He complimented as he put his jacket back on.

He was now creeping her out. A lot.

"Sorry Connie that I don't have a lot of time to talk. I have a lot of meetings to attend to. A lot of new proposals and paperwork to file. Unfortunately that is my job these days but that's the life of a Diamond. I hope you make an appointment soon...if you have time."

This grated Connie to no end, to which Steven started to walk away. She was not done with him yet.

"Well, maybe you should make time yourself." She told him, words ever so daring. Out of courage, hope or stupidity...any of them held their own fated fork in the road.

"When you have time, make an appointment with _us._ "

Her own anger threatened to take a hold her. Connie had to be better than that. But it worked...it gave Steven pause as colour rushed away from his face, but he appeared contemplative shortly after, humming and rubbing his chin, taking in the introspective thoughts he was busy accumulating.

"But Connie..." He pointed out.

"I don't need to be on Earth. Why would I want to go there?"

_Wh-_

**WHY?**

"Because your friends and your family are there!" Connie called out on the frontier of her own frustrations.

"Like you can hang out with the Gems...they miss you. I miss you."

Steven blinked, flabbergasted by her words.

"Hang out? Connie, you misunderstand me. I am not in demand on Earth you see. Everyone there is okay so they don't actually need me. They are going on their day to day basis as required. Gotta keep the world turning. You of all people should realize that."

Needed? He _isn't_ needed? Steven was missing the point completely. As Bismuth explained, he was half-human. Surely he had human things that _needed_ tending to. That surely required his attention. Like, his problem for instance. The Pink State for example...what ever this was had the Crystal Gems terrified for Steven's livelihood. Connie was not willing to follow down this path Steven had begun to dig for himself but...she cared too much for him to allow him to do this. Everyone else was too afraid to stand up to what was clearly the worst thing he could be doing right now:

Denying there was a problem to begin with.

"You honestly believe that? To think you're not needed on Earth on the basis of 'everyone's okay'?" She dared to ask again, moving her words around on a verbal chess board.

Steven then heaved a sigh...but signs of his agitation started to emerge from his eyes and huge bags underneath them.

"There's nothing left for me to fix up." He admitted, bluntly.

"People have changed....for the better I might add. They're allowed to do that. You're allowed to do that. Unless you have some huge monster terrorizing the planet or-or another rebellion that threatens the Earth that needs the Diamonds touch, then I'm all hands on deck for that. For now, the Earth is at peace. And as a Diamond, I have obligations for the recovery efforts to where peace is a work in progress. I'm sure you understand that."

She did...but the way he said it in a condescending way offended her a little bit. He was paying way too much attention to his Gem side than his human side right now. The more she looked at him, the more she could see that he was deteriorating; Connie could almost see his cheekbones and within close proximity that he was awfully cold and his skin colour was more pale. What ever Steven was doing to himself made it look like he was withering away to nothing. Had Steven been eating properly? Connie noticed that he didn't eat a single thing at the dinner. Was he sleeping properly? Upon closer inspection of his somewhat soulless eyes, they were on the the fringes of being bloodshot, with the faint veins they were demonstrating. Steven was denying his own, actual required to live needs.

"But you're a human too!" Connie cried out.

"You have a heart and a brain with neuroplasticity! Your body and mind are always subject to changes and on this planet it isn't good for you to ignore your biological needs to function."

Steven raised an eyebrow as Volleyball handed him his tablet, his eyes more focused on the text in front of him than the girl next to him.

"Connie...you're a good person and I once appreciated you always looking out for me. But now...it's no longer necessary. Go home. Don't waste your time on something that's never gonna change..." He told her.

Never... _never_ going to change?

That infuriated Connie to no end that she just wanted to cry. Out of anguish, longing for the person Steven Universe used to be. Instead, she released the pent up pressure and pushed him against a nearby pillar, using what strength she had to force him against it and holding him there with her hands on his chest. Steven didn't resist, oddly enough. Volleyball stood there, absolutely stunned and immovable, only being able to watch the argument get more physical than the situation demanded it to be.

Connie didn't want to do this either. This was not helping her or him, but she wanted him to look at her straight in the eyes and say that he didn't want to do anything different to the absolutely self-destructive attitudes that he held to himself right now. And in doing so, she saw more than she wanted to see.

"I know you Steven. I know the Gems wanted to find out if there was something wrong and now I know there is something terribly wrong." She said with powerful glare, her voice almost a whisper.

What she saw surprised her however, the longer she examined him:..within those big, wide eyes was...unreadable. For the first time, even if this eyes hadn't seen a bed in a week or even a month, they held the gaze of absolutely zero emotion: no smile or frown or sign of his fury. Blank as a messily cleaned white board, as Steven's focus kept going back and forth between her eyes and watching her every move. Nerves call on Connie to fall as well as her mind showing her old reminders, that she had sworn she had seen this kind of stare before. And Connie held all the fury in the galaxy under her palms, which was pretty strong for a normal human. It was propelling to her, that a part of her was surprised that she used much of her power to force what was considered to be a demi-god to remain silent in her grasp, beyond the concentrated breathing that had minor whistles of leveling patience to it while everything else was as still as the pillar itself.

Darkness lingered in the air around him and his psyche. Steven definitely knew there _was_ a problem.

And continued to ignore it completely.

Was he a lost cause? He's done this before but...not to this extreme.

"But you know what? You're right. I should go home. Because you're clearly not getting it into your thick skull..." She berated, sneering at him. 

Her own words were harming her too. Connie couldn't believe what was coming out of her own mouth. She didn't like talking to him like this, not after everything they've been through. But he had to hear from someone and it might as well be her.

"I can no longer stand to watch you destroy yourself like this. So unless you want to take a long hard look at yourself...consider me gone. Vanished. You've made your priorities quite clear Steven Universe."

Steven opened his mouth briefly, then snapped it shut, closing his eyes and squinting. The darkness shifted, the air becoming weighted with an unknown aura. Suddenly he found himself straining and shaking underneath him. From what she could feel, he began to heat up considerably.

" _Connie_..." He said, choking under his own pressure.

"Go... _please_..."

What just happened? What was this sudden change in the wind and forecast? Were her words too harsh? His sounded...desperate. More sweat rolled down his cheek as he clutched his shirt near his gem, his breathing becoming much heavier, forcing him to kneel down on one knee and gasp for air. Oh no...she went too far...

Ugh...why did she let herself go off like that? She went one knee, to try to figure out what was happening. Steven then turned to a very concerned Volleyball.

"I....Volley, please take her...run...I...I don't think I can escape to the room in this state...go..."

Volleyball swallowed and nodded and took Connie's hand.

"Wait! Steven what's going on? Let me help!" Connie pleaded, reaching out for him, only for him to swat it away,

Steven shook his head. It was then she could see his cheeks turning pink that had her puzzled and terrified.

"No...no...no... _no_...go-go....I can't... _stop_.. _ **.it**_...."

The glow started to envelop him quickly as Steven tried so hard to fight against his own...pink state. This had to be what the Gems were talking about.

Connie was hesitant, but discarded her pride as a new goal came to mind. She let Volleyball take her and run as fast as far as she could to get a distance from him. Up elevators and towards a Galaxy Warp, puffing, panting and the hard to suppress to desire to bawl her eyes out. How could anyone let this happen? How could this to the point where Steven was barely functioning and playing pretend towards everything he worked hard towards. There was something so dark that festered within his heart now that took control, like there were thorny vines that encased it and oozed out all the anger that grew within, being poked and prodded at constantly. Guilt began to override Connie, anxiety drowning her in its blackened seas. 

She would hurt for now, but...there was something that was still redeemable within him, like a part of his old spirit stretching to break through...or at the very least, clinging on to the worst parts and dragging them down so he could at least demonstrate the smallest bits of his compassion. He could be saved. It was the matter of how. Connie could not do this on her own.

As she stood on the pad, her back towards everything, a huge, straight beam of bright pink light stretched into the sky, to where she could have sworn to have heard a scream that was cut off as Volleyball activated the warp.

Good thing too...because she wouldn't have been able to hear the massive explosion that succeeded it.

Or the sight of the next petal of the fake rose falling off too.


	9. The Clock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven installs a clock into the Palace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand Steven's paranoia gets worse here.

_Tick, tock, tick, tock._

It'd been a week since the dinner. Steven had to reassure the Diamonds that the accident he had was only minor and he would have the bridge fixed up in no time flat.

_Tick, tock, tick, tock._

He discussed the terms of their adventures, planning to head off to the first holiday although White was concerned about his current state. White, worried about him? That's a first.

_Tick, tock, tick, tock._

They went away in the Diamond Mecha (obviously without his legs), but not before telling Steven of all the duties he had to attend to. To which he agreed with the softest smile he could conjure.

_Tick, tock, tick, tock._

Goodness knows, the more distractions, the better. They were convinced by his generousness and his sweet demeanor, well into the pride he felt in calling him a true Diamond was immense.

_Tick, tock, tick tock._

Steven had plans. Big plans. Lots of plans. Plans little, plans big. Plans far, plans wide. Great plans, fantastic plans.

_Tick, tock, tick tock._

As they waved goodbye, the first thing Steven did was turn to head back to the throne room.

_Tick, tock, tick, tock._

He commissioned the first Homeworld clock. Earth by design. So gigantic that it would float below the ceiling in front of him. No Diamonds meant total silence and no Diamond chime. Well, at least not for their chimes.

His chime.

His alone.

Alone.

Some days he preferred to be alone. 

Some days the loneliness became too much to bare. As Volleyball herself was allowed to take her own breaks from time to time as was encouraged by Steven previously. Today was another one of those days, with Steven being the only living thing in a room so vast and so grand, shiny and regal. All to himself in this big, desolate space he was in.

The clock itself was the loudest noise that echoed in the room. His eyes, looked down, then looked up, fixated on the seconds hand as it moved around, his subconscious hoping for it to slow down. But it was meant to be consistent, repetitive, moving around in the circle was meant for. No escape or abnormality, Strict, controlled.

What wasn't controlled as much as he'd liked it to be was his argument with Connie. Connie yelling at him didn't help much. Her fury against his actions notwithstanding. She did not like him doing this...and yet, he did it anyway. Steven denied any wrongdoing, but still felt culpable anyway because he preferred not to argue with her.

Why though?

He was the one to keep the gears grinding after all. The clock a simple reminder of the eternal cycle of his life he had handed to himself now. 

"You bury yourself into this more and more and even you won't be able to dig yourself out of the hole you made." 

His younger self, the only one to give harsh critique other than Connie. Who was he? Who was this 14 year old Steven compared the 17 year old slumping over on his throne?

Weak? Pitiful?

Jasper was right. She knew weak when she saw it.

"At least...it's my hole..." Steven said, his voice awfully low.

"No one else has to get hurt..."

His younger self simply glared at him. Truth spoken in he way he did not want anyone around him when the bolts became loose.

"But you." Younger Steven commented.

"You know Connie is right. You just don't want to admit it."

Connie was not right. Steven was _okay_ with this. Okay with the stagnation, the responsibilities, the burden...

Who was Steven Diamond _without_ his burdens?

"You push others away who only want to help you." Younger Steven continued.

"You think they won't be able to handle your problems. You think that they will fall apart with your issues, and to come to the conclusion that they will think of you as useless..."

 _Tick, tock, tick, tock_.

"Garnet...her wisdom grinds you."

_Tick, tock, tick, tock._

"Amethyst, her maturity fake..."

_Tick, tock, tick, tock..._

"Pearl, will break..."

He loved the Gems, he really did. But they could go on with their lives as they wanted to without the fear of others out to get them. No. That target was Steven himself, daring others to even come close. He'd rather be somewhere that would both need him and be in the position to defend and act without worrying about collateral.

Yeah that's it.

"Connie...she's a strong one. While she says she needs you, it's an excuse to get you to bend so you'll talk."

Bend?

As in, give up?

"You honestly think that?" Steven Diamond questioned, his voice higher pitched than normal.

He would never...

" _You_ think that." Younger Steven pushed.

"You know Connie is dealing with more important matters than your own pathetic self. She isn't like the Gems. But you do not believe you are worth her time and effort."

Steven showed off his teeth, his anger beginning to boil as he made a small growl of frustration.

"Because she doesn't _need_ **_this!_** " Steven claimed, tears forming.

"She doesn't need to look after me. That is _not_ her responsibility!"

Younger Steven then had his hands behind his back, then looked downwards.

"You're right. It's not." He said, before disappearing completely.

The sound of the clock's ticking remained as the only other noise in the room. Steven buried his head in his hands. What was he doing talking to a hallucination who thought he knew better? A Diamond hard barrier locked his mind inside and continued to whack its fists on it, begging to escape...but was constantly ignored.

Instead, Steven sucked it all end, raising his chest in defiance of all that dared to push him backwards, to carry on with his work.

* * *

He walked down the vacant and pastel walkways and pathways on Homeworld to scout out and triage his ideas. What took priority? News of a little rebellion had been scarce but Steven had rallied many gems to wait on in anticipation of anything new on the horizon. Which made him go find Baseball. To his surprise he found her looking over the railings of the bridge he was on, overlooking all below them.

"Hey Baseball." Said Steven.

"Much on the horizon?"

Baseball looked up and smiled.

"The monster I told you about is coming up soon." She said.

The one on the sunny planet? 

"Oh okay. Well, good thing we're prepared right?" He asked her with the hint of uncertainty.

Baseball remained eerily still.

"Only if you are."

Of course Steven was ready. Rebellion or monster, they were gonna regret messing with him.

"A hundred percent." Steven said, coming off more arrogant than confident.

Baseball's grin widened.

"Good. Which means you've aware of the rash on the back of your neck then."

A rash?

"A r-rash?" Steven stammered, trying to appear more confused than nervous.

The Sapphire's smile faded.

"Then you are only 99% ready. Do not be worried though. 99% is still pretty good." 

Not enough. But...

He excused himself to head back to his palace, bolting all the while, subtly freaking out over how not just Baseball knew, but why no one else bothered to tell him about the rash to begin with. This was getting stranger by the moment. Once he was back, he'd fled to the bathroom and slammed the door shut. He fumbled as he took of his jacket and put it on the towel rack, before hastily unbuttoning his shirt. It was a struggle as he slipped his shirt back far down enough and had his back to the mirror, straining as he turned his head to try and look at the rash itself.

Dread filled Steven's chest as his eyes widened as he examined and became fixated with the dark magenta blob that spread from the bottom of his neck to the top of his back like it was a giant bruise. He had been scratching there every so often but only now identified why he had been scratching there in the last few weeks. His thoughts were all over the place with a mixture of desperate quick questions to longer queries, spiraling and buzzing around him like an annoying mosquito. 

How? Why? How long? What did this mean? Was it going to get worse? Was it going to spread further? Was there a cure?

No one really would be able to answer.

He lightly touched it with his index finger and hissed under the burnt feeling. It never had been burning before and now it suddenly began to hurt?

Steven couldn't afford to feel scared or worried like Baseball said. 99% was still good. His functions were fine.

Panic fled into his bloodstream, pumping the ends of his nerves with twitching fear. No. He could handle this. It was nothing. Time would certainly heal it?

This had to be an ordinary, run of the mill rash surely. Do Gems get rashes? Humans do. But...he couldn't afford to be human. He'd eat, he'd sleep but that was to help him function. He could not afford to get sick. He was fine. Despite the blood shot eyes, despite the vestiges of his sanity being thrown at him by ghosts that weren't real. A mind, fallen deeper and deeper into the hole. The hologram of his younger self didn't know what he was talking about. It wasn't a hole he made for himself. 

It was being made for him by something else he couldn't define.

Hard work by working too hard, but what else could he do? Relaxing became impossible, his mind given too much to breath with the little air it could savor. He didn't want to think like this. He didn't want to feel like this.

Putting his clothes back on he went on with his schedule, his focus needing to be reattuned to the hundreds...thousands of tasks that needed his attention.

No he wasn't sick. He wasn't sick at all. Who was accusing him for being ill? No one. No one but the unforgiving paranoia festering. It _was_ paranoia creating that hole, wasn't it? Why was Steven paranoid? There wasn't anything to be paranoid about when he had tonnes of stuff to do that needed doing. That is fact. Solid, at its finest. Denial of such unwanted emotions could only be properly suppressed by working even harder. Hunger had to disappear...so did sleep. But the curse of humanity rendered him to die if he ignored those completely so under obvious obligations he did so.

Under the burning, the regrowth and reburning chaos that went on in upstairs department, it was clear that his mind went on autopilot, because everything ran like clock work now. The ticks repeating themselves in his brain like the clock followed him all over the place.

_Tick, tock, tick, tock._

He still ate small portions because the autopilot told him to. He still slept in small portions because the autopilot told him to.

_Tick, tock, tick, tock._

It wasn't so bad. So what if the patch on the back of his neck grew larger? He knew it was there but it wasn't bothering him as much as he expected it to. He couldn't see it most of the time. Out of sight, out of mind.

_Tick, tock, tick, tock._

So long as it didn't interfere with his work onworld, offworld what ever; He could still function.

_Tick, tock, tick, tock._

Everything was going to be normal now.

The main focus turned to the rebellions and monsters that needed his attention. He wanted them to get it over and done with so he could put his focus on elsewhere. If only his damn internal ticking would stop. The clock became more of an annoyance, a lasting echo more than anything. But he needed that. Steven's scheduling was second to none as long he knew time well enough. 15 minute focus sessions with gems. Half an hour to an hour long meetings. Checking on progress on recovery efforts from planet to planet. Everything clicked into place as it needed it to so that really was the only part that mattered to him. Everything else was secondary. 

On the plus side, Steven hadn't had another explosion in those days and weeks that followed, which he traced as a positive. But there was no sign of the monster or the rebellion either. So was Baseball telling the truth? 

Steven's next inclination was Garnets future vision. Hers wasn't always accurate either so. Maybe all this preparation was simply delaying the inevitable? If that was the case, the sound for war and destruction would be horrible at first, but the unwanted anticipation was making Steven anxious for it to come so he could put a stop to it, then continue on the work he should be doing instead. He hated the distraction but he understood that, while there was no such thing as a good war, he wanted matters to be taken care of immediately. A few stragglers that would act of line. Why couldn't they just leave everything alone? Instead of this waiting game they liked to play so much...it just made Steven more on edge.

He'd spoken with Jasper about it, down with all of the the Quartzes she had been training up. Those who had come from other colonies just itching for a fight, in this orange toned arena of muscle and dirt and maybe a crack or two or twenty on the nearby walls and roof (just fits with the toughness aesthetic according to Jasper). Steven left it to her and her lackeys to communicate on the gem vine, seeing how things were on Gem colonies as well as some of the comms from Earth too. 

"I don't honestly see any signs of the rebellion." Steven told her.

They stood side by side on the steps near the arena, watching a Citrine go against a Snow Quartz. Jasper had her eyes on the warriors, heckling them and berating them, which mostly serves to push the Gems to their limits.

"Well if they dared to come to Homeworld they wouldn't stand a chance." Jasper said.

"I'd say they'd most likely go to Earth since you're not there anymore. I'd say let them try."

That split Steven entirely on two sides of an argument. 

"Are you sure?" He put forth, looking up at her in worry.

Jasper rolled her eyes.

"I dunno...but if I wanted to hit you hard and hated you with every inch of my gem, that's where I'd go. Don't tell me you're still sentimental on that place...."

Steven gulped. He still cared about the Earth...but....Jasper just groaned and rolled her eyes.

"You said they don't need you....so..ugh. I can't believe I'm saying this but...they can defend themselves, remember?"

He did...he did...he knew it...the Crystal Gems were more than capable of defending the Earth. That was what they were for...the Earth needed them; the dedicated Guardians who had already been there for thousands of years. Steven scratched the back of his neck for the umpteenth time, the stress getting to him more than he was letting on.

"Or they could just choose a random colony. You know, the ones you've been helping non-stop."

There was that too. Just thinking about all his hard work being undone like that would have him furious. All the sacrifices he'd had to make made worthless in an instant. Out of that batch of info, emerged a single twitch from Steven's lip. His eyes became focused on the tussling gems before him.

"We need to up the security detail on those planets then." He suggested.

"I need teams on every world we're working on."

Jasper then laughed at the futility of his request.

"Really? I doubt we'll have enough willing gems due to your new rules." She commented with a smirk.

He'd almost forgotten about them. He couldn't just let them do that...he couldn't.

"Any Gems willing to...I dunno...investigate it at least? Narrow down the list of suspects...find out where they're hiding?"

Stuff he learned from all those old detective cop shows. Wouldn't there be a Gem equivalent?

"Hmm... let's see." Jasper hummed, squinting as she tried to think.

"Yellow Diamond used to have Aragonites and Blue used to have Vivianites...White had Angelites...Pink had....I don't actually know....I never really got be around Pinks Court when I was serving under Yellow."

No matter. Those Gems were perfect if that was how they worked. 

"That's enough for me to go on, thanks." Steven told her.

"I'll need to organize appointments with any who are happy to assist."

* * *

It took him a few days gathering up those who were more than willing to help him out with this important task. The last thing he wanted to was to have these threats hampering progress and while he was worried about Earth, he trusted the Gems to take care of their own problems. For now, he had his hands full.

In his office, Steven sat behind his desk, with his elbows leaning against it and folded his hands together, hiding the bottom half of his face behind his hands. He had at least one of each Gem that Jasper described, standing before him in a neat row with their hands behind their backs and blank faces. One Aragonite with her gem on her chest, who looked rough on the edges with her spiky hair and long jacket, akin to one of those hard-boiled detectives you'd seen in the shows. A Vivianite, tall but curvy blue gem with a short dress but looked like if you tried to mess with her you'd get the ultimate beat down, with her gem on her left shoulder and Angelite, who looked more...what Steven could describe was like an official with the white collar suits you'd seen high ranking managers wear, complete with the short hair in a bun and gem under her neck.

He told them about the dilemma, about how Gems were willing to sow discord and disturb the peace they had worked intensively towards. Steven wouldn't want to shatter them, but just to bring them in to interrogate them and worst comes to worst, subdue them, poof them and bubble them.

"You're free to make your own call if they turn out to be hostile." Steven explained.

"I'd rather you get what evidence you can collect about these rogue Gems. Talk to them but don't make any risks to your Gems. I don't want people getting hurt if we can help it."

Steven depended on time, using it to allow his paranoia to be satiated in order for the Gems do their jobs. The stake outs, the rummaging through bins...maybe he did watch too many cop shows when he was younger. But these Gems will find a way and will allow Steven to get the upper hand against whom ever dared to cross a Diamond.

He dismissed them shortly after. As they left and the room turned to silence once more, the ticking returned. He then noticed his younger self standing where they stood with shallow anger on his face.

"What are you looking at?" Steven asked him, displeased with the ghosts presence.

Younger Steven said nothing, then looked at the Rose glass case.

Two petals remained.

_Tick, tock, tick, tock..._


	10. The Half Hour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven has a spare 30 minutes to burn between meetings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh look another chapter so soon because I was listening to dramatic ambient music from Mass Effect.

The time on the clock was 11:30

Steven reflected on what had occurred so far. Another week had passed and no news from the the investigative Gems on the line to find answers. Steven didn't want to anticipate anything huge but there had to be something out there that allowed him to be ahead of the rebelling Gems in question. So much to do, so much to prepare for. Getting the Gems he could still trust up to scratch with their skills. He could hold on to merit with any Gem dedicated enough to fight for his cause. For continued peace and beyond.

Again, in the throne room in his lonesome, his mind, filled on topics. Filled to the brim of old, unrequested memories, large and small. Whispers of those he trusted, those he loved. His name, repeated to him over and over and over again.

They wouldn't shut up, no matter how much he wanted them to. Holograms filled an empty court with wide, soulless eyes of white light and blank faces, their hands behind them as if they awaited orders. Steven didn't say a word, his eyes fixated on the clock, oblivious to his surroundings.

He was supposed to be at a meeting in half an hour...using the only extremely rare patch in time where had nothing on to allow an open forum for any gem to come to ask questions or to make requests. These sorts of small slices of time were rare so he used it to freely do what he wanted. To allow people to have a voice to speak up. So far...no one had. He kinda wished they did so he could separate the holograms for the real.

Steven hungered for silence, only for his mind to create noise in its place. It was frustrating to endure when all he could hear was...Connie screaming at him. Garnet yelling at him. Amethyst berating him. Pearl crying at him.

Over and over and over again. In sync to the songs of the clock which was more akin to its own metronome. They were the only ones asking questions.

Questions he had to ignore.

Because they weren't ones he could truthfully answer.

And Steven wanted to give truth. Steven wanted truth in return. Truth to the insanity without the truth in the admission that he knew what was wrong. Avoiding the potholes when he'd fallen through several already. Avoiding the quicksand when he was already neck deep in it. Excuses, equitable to zany paradoxes to dodge a problem that he harbored. 

If he could not admit there was a problem, then there wouldn't a problem.

Nonsense like that.

Holding on to the Diamond Hard Denial like he depended on it.

Not weak, not useless, always needed. Needed somewhere in the vast universe.

Facts to him that no one would be able to change. Only to change for reasons out of his control.

Forums he's held in the past would address that. But by this point, no one bothered to attend. Only those who felt it would right to interrupt and make up issues. He'd come to detest the holograms for their pointlessness like they were in a rebellion of their own. One Steven had to fight.

Over and _over_ and _**over**_ again.

Lead by the tiny, irritating ghost of his youth who stood to the right Steven like he was nothing but a humble servant, like a pre-Era 3 Pearl.

"You're ignoring them." Said the Ghost.

Suddenly the lifeless holograms glitched up, then suddenly became rowdy, shouting and crying, their faces holding pure anger and disdain towards their Diamond. 

"Because they're not real." Steven said, his voice colder than it ever was.

"They're only here because you made them up."

It was hard to deny attacks on his own psyche. His imagination far more vast than it was when he was a child. Now older, his powers created these replicas. Hostile, angry...just like the way Pearl made them. It was because of Pearl and her inspirational spirit that lead his mind to conjure these monsters that asked too many questions he didn't like to answer.

" _You_ made them up." The younger Steven continued.

"You have a bad habit of blaming people other than yourself for your own circumstances. You cannot admit this is all your own doing."

Because it wasn't. It just wasn't.

Steven made it a fist and slammed it on the armchair of his throne, sending cracks through it. Wouldn't be the first time.

"It's not my fault. It's hers." Steven said, his eyes widened.

It was her. It was always hers. _**She**_ did this.

~~_Over and over and over again._ ~~

"I did this?"

Steven looked to his left to see the sad expression of his mother. The image of her she wanted herself to be, saddened by her sons accusations.

"What are you doing here?" Steven questioned angrily.

"Maybe you should ask yourself that question."

In front of him was Pink Diamond. The truest form, angry with him. The nerve, the gaul of the one person he never wanted to see, even if they weren't real...but what the reality in front of him portrayed, she was incredibly pissed. Steven did not fear her. He...lo-...loath....he couldn't admit it. So he immediately shut that line of thought down when it was going to get him no where...like he did with most hopeless thoughts that forced him to contemplate in stupid circles.

_~~Over and over and over again.~~ _

"Why are _all_ of you here?" Steven asked, his eyes piercing through each of them with the wrath of a thousand burning suns.

It made his head spin. How was this getting worse? He was doing all of he could to be the best Diamond he could be. He was Steven Diamond; herald of a legacy meant to help and sustain a revolution of ideas...not to suffer with indignation of all this absolute piece of stardust he never wanted to deal with. He _wanted_ people to talk to him...ask him... _beg_ him for help...

Now he was dealing with...this absolute travesty of a mess that his mind forced him to create. Steven suddenly felt locked in; a subconscious refusal to flee as it summoned a bubble around all of them that got smaller and smaller.

"Your conscience...your _denial._.." Said the Younger Steven.

"Your regrets... _your sadness_..." Said Rose.

"Your hatred... _your anger_..." Said Pink Diamond.

His hate? Didn't his Dad not want him to use that word?

Raising her hand, Pink Diamond held the power to stop the holograms screeching and forcing the bubble to disappear, all the while staring at Steven himself with astonishing disapproval. There was more eeriness to the way she commanded them to be quiet. Just like he wanted, but not the way he wanted it happen. 

"I am _not_ denying, regretting or hating anything." Steven claimed, his patience heavily tested. 

"There is no **REASON** for _any_ of you to be here...."

...

"Steven?"

Everything cut out as Steven was jolted out his hallucination. The Throne room, empty save for the pouring light, the clock and Volleyball standing afar with her hands in front of her, her face looking on in worry.

Steven blinked, rubbing his eye with the palm of his hand, before shifting upwards to entangle his fingers into his hair. What an absolute mess. Couldn't everyone else just leave him well enough alone? He wasn't going to fail, he wasn't going to back down no matter how much this pained him so. There was a rebellion. There was a monster...there was the trail of the broken empire that needed to followed and repaired as thus. A Diamond to the people. People who could be taught to know better. To be better. He was there for them and them alone.

"Yes Volleyball? How can I help?" He said with a shifted smile.

Volleyball appeared incredibly uncomfortable, her folded hands raising from her stomach to in front of her chest. Her mouth said little but her eyes told Steven much that it actually made him a tinge bit sad at the display, frowning as she stood there, looking so withdrawn into herself.

"Why are you afraid of me? You can come closer you know."

Volleyball held onto her position a second longer than he anticipated, before she shuffled closer. It was now clearer she held something in her hand.

"Sorry I thought you were talking to someone just now. I didn't want to intrude." She said, her voice jittered with nerve.

He was...but he wasn't. Steven just hoped that no one had noticed. Volleyball...sweet, kind, beautiful Volleyball. The smallest, most fragile one in the room, holding up all the strength and poise in her stance, her head held high, not knowing she was actually the bravest Gem right now. Steven didn't know it either but that was the truth of the atmosphere.

Steven's desire did not want instill fear in others. He wanted them to feel safe, secure...happy. An environment forged where those necessary qualities were allowed be protected for others to grow and be who they wanted to be. 

"You didn't. In fact, I want _you_ here." He told her, maybe a bit too eager on those words.

"Now please answer my question."

Volleyball pursed her lips as her eyes traveled everywhere but on Steven's, unable to make proper contact.

"I...I'm not..." She replied.

He didn't believe it. Steven knew he should but he didn't. He knows fear when he sees it...and all the guilt in the world...had Rose Quartz standing right behind her, with tears in her eyes.

" _Good_..." He answered, suddenly finding himself having a bit of trouble breathing, while glaring at the image of his mother. His throat began to tighten, burn under a shaky tense influence of anxiety, affecting the way he spoke in short, shaken and cracked then softened bursts of words.

"Because the last feeling I want you to have...is for you...to be afraid."

Rose blinked, her tears dropping rapidly. He couldn't hear her sobs.

Only the subtle ones coming from Volleyball. Steven then felt something wet drip on to him. He slowly looked down at his quaking hands, his new focus on the single, sparkling, crystalline shard that fell from his face.

It took a moment for him to realize what was going on, forcing him to wipe his eyes with his sleeves. No. He should _not_ be feeling this way....but...what _was_ he feeling, anyway? Steven swallowed as he struggled to make composure, shuffling himself in the pink throne as he forced himself upright.

He was a Diamond. He had to be straight forward, he had to be controlled and resolute and strong. This was not the Diamond he wanted to be. Steven took a long, drawn inhale through his nose, lifting his chin and channeling in his hardened focus, before he could look at Volleyball again. He could still do this, no matter the cost.

Rose had since disappeared, leaving Volleyball to stand there on her own again. Good. Great. He didn't like her looking at him in pity. Steven tried to find comfort with the only real person in the room being the Pearl his mother had hurt all those years ago, leaving her to lose thousands of years because Pink couldn't control herself. He was adamant in not wanting to make the same mistake she did, unaware his own attitude towards her was almost the same. He just couldn't see it.

Instead, he projected the sense of normalcy, the denial leading to the pretension, the illusion of stability as a leader, unable to see past the cycle, the rinse and repeat of his actions.

"So..." He spoke, his voice a bit louder and more stable.

"What have you got for me?"

It took the Pearl a split second to realize what he said before she ran up to him, giving him a folded note.

"What's this?" He asked.

Volleyball stood back.

"A message from Earth." She answered.

From Earth? What? They could have messaged digitally, so what was so important that had them writing a note...a poem perhaps? A message from Pearl or from Amethyst or one of the other Uncorrupted Gems. A sweet gesture, a kind gesture, strange but not unwelcomed. Maybe an invite? Maybe a reminder of something, somewhere that needed his attention with the use of a tiny scrap.

He unfolded it slowly, confused, perplexed...it wasn't until he saw the purple blood splatters that he felt shock through to his core. And in writing...

~~Look in the mirror Steven~~

He looked up....suddenly everything around him went black. Volleyball was no where to be found. He was standing up in this wretched void, this silent abyss, as panic went around in circles to his heart.

"Volley? Volleyball?" He cried; vocal age decreased to 14 briefly.

Where was he? How was this possible? Was a Gem after him? Such words felt threatening but they weren't supposed to be. What was he supposed to see the in the total darkness? Nothing? A reflection of nothingness? Was this supposed to be some huge dumb metaphor? A performance of sorts? A surprise? Because if it was a surprise he didn't find it funny or amusing. Not in the way in made his heart palpitate, the way it made him sweat that came with a huge headache that swarmed into him out of nowhere.

This kind of predicament came often.

It happened once more.

Once too often.

Over and _over_ and **_over_** again.

Whispers echoed around him as he felt the cold sweat, spinning around until he found trees...black trees...black sky. Dark sky...clouded sky. Colored clouds of black, red and magenta. Black trees of hot pink flame. Buildings. Beach City. Burning. Screaming. The Temple, broken...the beach house, burning. 

Hot...cold....

The sea...black. Laughing. Cackling.

A roar. Eyes. Bright eyes. Dark eyes. Spikes.

A fog. A dark fog. Consuming everything in his sight. The fog faded....a shadow, a silhouette...hard to make out but it was big...really big and long. Gargantuan. _Monstrous_.

Burning...his throat was burning. His heart threatened to escape his chest, as his throat continued to burn and bubble.

His eyes shot open, looking at the pink roof...a familiar, still roof. Stable, sensible....But the need to heave his guts out remained. How cruel of a reality, dislodging the illogicalities of a dream way too lucid than it needed it to be,

Jumping out of bed, he ran down to the bathroom in great haste as the acidic build up was too much to bare. Stumbling inside, he ended up violently vomiting the contents into the sink as gripped the edges of the sink itself to keep himself stable, fearful about falling over. He coughed and spat what he could, squinting and tightening his eyes shut, trying to kick out the pain like the bile had completely destroyed his throat.

Once he opened his eyes, all he could see was pink ooze splattered across the entire faucet. Steven felt the headache worsen, his eyes widening at the sight as he suddenly felt cold. Part of him felt afraid to look up. But had to. He was compelled to but the urge to keep his head down tried to suppress him, leaving him to fight off impossible nerve to even move a tiny bit.

_~~Look into the mirror Steven.~~ _

He shivered under the chill, slowly, agonizingly, tilting his head up, to look at himself in the face. To see his mother Pink looking right back in restrictive terror. No...it wasn't her. It was him. His head, his face, his hair....

But his eyes...his pink eyes..

But those weren't his eyes. Was the mirror lying to him now? Was that it was coming to? Inanimate objects being unable to tell the truth now?

"You're sick."

His younger self stood before him, disgusted with Steven's display. Steven wheezed and shivered, trying to clean up his own mess.

"But you're...you're fine. You think it's fine to just... _vomit_? And not question why?"

Maybe. Maybe it was something he ate. 

He walked out of the bathroom once he'd washed up, completely ignoring his younger self. He'd gone to his desk and checked one of the drawers for one of his smaller mirrors. Looking closely as he used his fingers to stretch out his eye lids...this mirror as well, for some reason was also giving him Pink Diamond eyes.

He slammed the mirror onto the ground. It too, was telling lies.

"Oh wow...that's gotta give some bad luck. I hope you weren't planning to visit any Sunny planets today...because that would be one war you won't win."

Steven grabbed the duster and pan to sweep up the mess in here too, pouring it all into the nearby bin. Once done, he put everything else back into order, checking the time on the clock on his desk.

It was 11:55.

He had five minutes to prepare for the next meeting, quickly exchanging his suit for a fresh clean one. No time think about what just happened, he had another world to visit that required his aid, running around over and over, completely ignoring the fact he had one single petal left on the rose.

And that Volleyball had been standing by the door the entire time, watching the whole ordeal unfold in front of, too terrified to do anything.

She had to get help now, whether Steven wanted it, or not.


	11. The Care Package

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie prepares a special delivery to give to Steven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's take a brief break from Steven's downward spiral and catch up with Connie and Amethyst for a bit!  
> And it's a long chapter. Enjoy!

It'd been a month since the dinner.

But no matter how much Connie tried, she couldn't get Steven off her mind. He needed help. He would push back, predictably but somewhere deep within his troubled spirit was crying for help.

Planning a way to help him wasn't going to be easy. To get him to talk would probably the hardest part. Stevonnie saw how hard it was for him to express anything, let alone what he had been harboring for so long.  
What caused this, anyway? None of the Gems could reach out to him the way they wanted it to. EVERYONE was worried, but had absolutely no clue how to help the boy who didn't want it. 

On the surface level, going from what Connie had researched and sussed out so far was that in order to help Steven was that he would want to acknowledge there was a problem, then seek out help. Him denying it so much would have most people giving up there and then.

Connie was not like most people.

She could be there for him and continue to be that support when he needed it. Much deliberation and the odd spare amount of time, fragment of day free to her had Connie automatically fall into this state she felt obligated to do something...so research fell into that empty space, diagrams, charts of every moment, every documentation of a legible pattern she could follow like she was some kind of psychological detective. (Though she knew she had to treat this with utmost care and diligence. Getting it wrong could spell a horrible horizon.)

Of out such mapping of her own records, was a care package.

The idea came across when she brought up the memory of when they first delivered a care package to Lars. A fantastic premise that no one had begun to think of before, maybe because Lars had already left for space by that time. So not even he was around to help. Though such an influence could be used to facilitate a similar context.

It dawned on Connie on whether or not anyone had any clue of what to do. The Crystal Gems had pushed to the point where, well, they became the first ones to just outright do nothing. She hadn't spoken to them since the dinner and while Connie was wrapped up in her studies, there was this nagging remnant of her conscience telling her to act on her instincts. (A point she wrote down for herself, just to make sure she didn't get too carried away with it all.)

When she had that spare spot of time, she called a meeting of her own, sitting on the couch in the lounge. The plan was to be a project of creating and delivering the care package for him, to remind of him of who he was and how far he's come. Pearl thought it was a wonderful idea, though Garnet voiced her thoughts on whether it would actually help. It wouldn't matter, no one else had anything they could contribute that would aid them in this tricky endeavor. To Connie's surprise, it was Amethyst who put her hand up and started helping Connie, only to talk to her out of earshot of the other two while they were preparing his stuff.

They'd gone up into his room to figure out what to take, as Connie looked at the photos of herself left behind, remembering the fun times with a heartwarming fondness.

"I tried as well." Amethyst admitted.

"I told him I was there but...the only thing he could tell me was that he was unsure of what to do with himself and was more worried that he was losing his touch...then he starts acting weirder over a period of time then bang, all this Homeworld stuff happens...I just... _.ughhhh Stevennnnnn!!!_."

Amethyst was akin to a sister to Steven and she'd always been there for him. But to voice that type of worry was probably the best anyone could get out of him.

"He tries too...and I get that. It's just he tries too _hard_ ya know."

Connie understood that much. She appreciated Amethyst to be the one who had gotten even remotely get a hold of something tangible to use. Uncertainty, losing his ''funky flow'' a term he used and as she remembered to be associated with him.

"I don't get why he bottles it up so much though. We already know there is a problem so getting him to...mention anything at all and he's like no _oooo_ everything's fine and dandy when its clear its not."

The Gems did know so they weren't ignorant. 

"I miss the times when he could come to us for help. I don't understand the sudden shift in attitude."

Connie lifted her head as she stood by the drawers. There was a lot Connie had known through what little research she had done on her own. The unfortunate side effects of being human.

"He's a teenager." Connie told her.

"You know what teenagers are like..."

Amethyst smirked; humans had their...phases...

"Teens...yeah...all the act of looking cool and stuff...getting older and experimenting on different things. I totally get that part don't you worry. But...I dunno...something somewhere along the line has triggered this entire reversal of trust."

Trust...Connie thought about that word. Steven trusted them to take care of him and while it was far from a conventional childhood, it was probably the best thing to do at that time, where matters would get incredibly complicated could be handled by the best people...

More often than not.

"How do we get him back though Connie? Garnet and Pearl have no clue...he just doesn't _want_ us to help."

A question Connie herself had been asking for...well, years if anything. For Amethyst to plead to Connie for that kind of assistance should have sent signals flaring. A complete loss of how to handle an incredibly complex situation. Connie could only use what she had known for some time and even so never expected to actually use her knowledge and her take on the whole issue of Steven Quartz Universe.

"It sounds like him. From what I've seen and could guess is that... Steven struggles against who he is and who he supposed to be." Connie explained, utilizing her collected resources.

"Like anyone he thinks his actions speak louder than words and on some fronts yeah, that's true. Actions both out of his control and action's only put into place, and his own words....he had no choice."

Amethyst grumbled, jumping and laying on his bed with her arms crossed, a scowl plastered on her face.

"Bah...none of this is his fault though." The purple gem pointed out.

"None of anything Rose or Pink did at least...and yeah, he said he wasn't Rose. He knows that."

And yet...

"It took me a long time to recognize Steven as his own individual being other than Rose. Maybe even longer for Garnet and Pearl but...we're Gems...there's so much we do and don't know about Steven because of what Rose did. I hate that she disappeared to make him but...we love him anyway. As much as Steven would not want me to say this but...after everything that's happened...I want him here more than I want her back. Heh...isn't that horrible?"

Connie could see why she would not want Steven to know that. He'd go berserk.

"Now he doesn't need us. Runs off to play King of the Gems for no other reason than he found a reason not to hang around with us anymore."

That worried Connie more so. Was Amethyst beginning to resent Steven without realizing it? No...that couldn't be it. She couldn't imagine Steven even thinking that but...going from what she told him beforehand.

"Steven said that...well, no one here needs him. That's what he told me." Connie said, voice weakened by trepidation and cut up sorrow.

Amethyst looked over to the dejected Connie, who ended up sitting by the drawers, legs out as she looked at the ends of her feet.

"Yeah...I know." She murmured.

"I just want to be angry but..."

Connie didn't want to blame the Gems. They tried. They tried to get him to open up.

"You still love him, don't you?"

Her head snapped up to meet up with the Gem, who had since shifted onto her stomach, leaning over and kicking her feet as she looked down at the flummoxed Connie. 

"I....I..." Connie stammered, her face deep red and unable to make a solid sentence.

Amethyst couldn't help but chuckle.

"It's k, dude. We know. We all know. No sense keeping it a secret if we all are aware about it." She assured the young Maheswaran.

She did. Connie wouldn't deny that it was a factor in why she kept on going the way she did because the person she fell in love with had to still be there. The boy who became her first, closest friend. Connie just sighed, pressing her hand against her chest and aching heart. Maybe it was what was motivating her to do this in the first place.

"But more importantly, does he know?"

No. He didn't. It wasn't something she'd planned to bring up any time soon, so to speak. So much had gone on in her own life to prepare for her own future and it wouldn't be fair to herself or Steven to use that as an anchor. Love was meant to be treasured and respected, not to be used as a selfish tool to get someone to remain put or use as a bargaining chip, no matter how strong that love was.

Amethyst nodded, in the lack of Connie's verbal response.

"I'll take that as a no. Why didn't you tell him?"

Because...

"Steven and I have an understanding Amethyst." Connie said, trying to get her point across, though not by much. Her own internal feelings had little else to do and some of the stuff her Mom has told her over the years held a general expectation for young girls like Connie would experience and was blunt on saying that this isn't always going to turn out the way you wanted it to. She was kind of right, it did hurt. But...the nagging kept coming back repeatedly, planting seeds and cultivating the strangest of excuses as to...she wasn't sure what. A want turned into a need somehow.

"There's so much going on in this time of our lives that I don't think either of us have time to...well, act on those feelings. Maybe in a few years I don't know. Or maybe he'll grow out of me and fall in love with someone else. Or I'll get over him and fall in love with someone else. It happens and I've seen it happen with friends already. It's for the best in our interests to not indulge in something that may end up damaging our existing friendship."

Amethyst rolled her eyes and rolled onto her back, letting her hair fall down the side of the bed.

"Now you're the one making excuses." She pointed out.

"You've never even tried. You know, the one time you guys had a fight, Steven was so down and completely out of it. So much that we went away as a way to cheer him up and all he could do was wait for your text...and he just...once we did enough pushing, burst into tears because he was so worried that you weren't ever going to talk to him again. It worried him more than the obviously dangerous and life-threatening moment he was kidnapped. Even he could admit to us back then that he messed up. He cares for you deeply Connie that simply not being able to talk to you hurts him more than anything."

More weight on his already troubled mind than was demanded. Connie herself struggled through messy feelings of it all, trying to define how she really felt. Steven just needed to understand what the consequences of his actions had really done...maybe Connie was selfish in her way of thinking without completely understand how Steven was feeling.

Part of her wanted to apologize for some of that being on her end too.

Maybe they both shared the blame.

She honestly did not want to think about that part again, even if she had tried to get over it herself.

"Maybe you should take him with you to College."

What?

"Excuse me?" Connie questioned.

Amethyst grinned. She had the funniest suggestions sometimes...

"Well you're going away for a while and you're gonna need some back up support. If Steven feels he needs to run away and be away from Beach City to get some real life human exposure...he should spend time with more humans. New humans."

That was...completely unexpected, coming from Amethyst.

"I've been speaking to Greg about it...and while it does hurt us, we think it might be the best thing for him."

To be human.

"His Dad worries that Steven is completely ignoring his human side and the more that I personally think about it, he has a point. He's a Gem...and he's a human."

Something that Connie argued for back at the Dinner but that fell flat.

"Amethyst...you've been trying to find different ways to help him just like me...haven't you?" Connie wondered. She was kind of glad there was someone else out there that hadn't given up and she was happy it was at least one of the Gems.

Amethyst flipped over and eventually sat up right on the bed, then gave Connie her hand.

"Well duh...but we're forgetting we need humans so we can find out what we really want in our lives. Pearl told us that Rose once said that we owe it to humans to change our perspective. From Steven's help, we've all got a bit of human in us now. Now it's time get Steven to remember he's literally half that."

Connie had underestimated her completely and was thoroughly impressed as she took Amethyst's hand, who then forced her to sit next to her on the bed.

"I don't think he doesn't know." Connie admitted with sadness.

"I think he's just ignoring that aspect."

Amethyst nodded in understanding.

"Yeah he is isn't he?" She said.

It was then Connie looked at the photo of the group on top of the drawers. He looked so happy. People needed him once upon a time...family...friends. Whether they needed it or not, Steven has indeed tried to assist others in some way shape or form.

"I wonder if anyone really thanked him...like...I dunno..." Connie murmured as she ran her hand through her hair. Ideas started to fly on by, as Connie looked at all the trinkets Steven had collected over the years. While most of his other stuff was with him on Homeworld, there were the small things. His mug, that statue of the Moon Goddess...all those sorts of small, but nice little reminders of times gone by. Ideas were ideas, smart or dumb...it was the visuals that trigger that which had not been necessarily lost, but merely forgotten.

The box wasn't massive but...they just needed enough to send through. But what they had found...like the Moon Goddess, had Amethyst mentioning that it would be a good idea, if it didn't prompt him to remember the test he had, where he'd completely forgotten to bring the statue entirely. The way that Amethyst told the story to Connie, however...it gave her a deeper comprehension to make her realize that this was going on for much, much longer.

A test to make sure he was worthy to be a Crystal Gem.

His age old fears over wanting to have healing powers were suddenly more justified than they were before. If he didn't exhibit some kind of worth to them, then he couldn't hang out with them anymore. Was that his own doing? Or something that had been plugged into his head by the Gems at one point or another. His need to be needed coming from his own Guardians. Just what had been going on behind closed doors when Connie wasn't around? She had vague fragments that stood out to her, but the point being was the original message that had been plugged in so deep within his subconscious, that it emerged as some kind of plant that was wasn't watered enough when it was younger, then became stubborn to the stage where it pretended it didn't need it all anymore, like it was some kind of cactus.

Steven better still be keeping his fluids up over there...

"All I know about Steven's ambitions back then was that all he wanted to do, was to hang out with you when he was younger." Connie told her, as she examined the statue more closely. It was indeed some kind of ancient, rare artifact of sorts.

Amethyst was busy fiddling around with one of his other mugs.

"I had no problem with it...it was usually Pearl who would get all antsy...she was...too overprotective." She commented.

Maybe. Maybe not.

"Garnet should have intervened more. I mean some of the stuff we did and still do is dangerous but fun still."

When you take into account that they were full gems and less susceptible to permanent damage.

"Why didn't you?" Connie put forth.

Amethyst put the cup down and just cannon balled onto the bed.

"Ugh...Because no one _listened_ to me." She said, exasperated as she laid herself out on the mattress and face-palmed.

"I wasn't...the most mature Crystal Gem at the time."

And Connie wondered how that growth started.

"And now that you are?" Connie dared to question, after putting the statue back and laying herself out the mattress as well, her head by Amethyst's feet.

The Purple gem couldn't help but laugh, in an deliberately awkward way.

"Honestly? Dunno." She said.

"But I keep putting myself out there thinkin', there's a problem in front of us... _we_ should be the ones to fix it...."

Connie noted how frustrated Amethyst sounded with that sentence. 

"Something that isn't really...Gemmish related at all. It's...one of our own that needs the support and it had to be one that's given nothing but support."

Connie closed her eyes, suddenly reflecting on most of the stuff Steven did in the past. She didn't like the fact he had indeed put those burdens on himself all the time, for matters that were out of his control and actions he had to do, whether it was in self-defense or out common sense. It never should have been his responsibility. And that just made her feel worse. 

No. Now wasn't the time for self-pity. There had to be something they could do to just get him to open up a little more. Just enough that let him open his own dam and let old demons begin to rest.

The Gems loved him, Connie loved him, to a different respect. 

"Now we can't do anything but give him this package. The only way he won't go all pink on us like he did at the dinner."

Or at her afterwards. Something about that didn't sit right with Connie. The way he tried so, so hard to maintain a sense of stability, of normalcy and a thin line of calmness on top of a boiling teapot.

This was like throwing bacon on to a frying pan and hoping the cooking oil doesn't spit on you. The bacon begins to smell good but trying to flip it over...

People liked bacon nevertheless though. People liked Steven. Not just the Gems either. Though Steven didn't spit oil, as far as she aware regarding his current power suite.

Connie had an idea, trailing her memories back to Lars again. Back to the fact of love again; a subject Steven once absolutely adored.

"Hey, Amethyst...maybe we should ask people what they'd like to give to Steven. To say thank you and we love you... _really_ corny I know but it could work."

Amethyst sat up, narrowing her eyes at Connie and rubbed her chin as she contemplated, then smiled and nodded.

"Hey, that's not bad. Yeah super duper corny, but let's give it a shot. I think I know who to ask too."

The pair made plans to write a list of people to visit. But Connie felt that if everyone could choose something to give to him and maybe write their own letters as well, it would satiate his curiosity as to how people really felt about him. Didn't have to be about anything specific. Just...how their lives were doing or how Steven affected their lives and while he may think people might not need him, they would still treasure his friendship and his help and on total agreement that she would assume to be true; just want the best for him and to see him healthy and happy.

There had been the ample amount of doubt required...and the general consensus was that everyone was completely convinced that Steven leaving Earth was perhaps, _not_ the greatest thing. Just going to Homeworld for that matter, might _not_ be what he really needed. He needed a break. He needed a stern talking to. Alone with one or two or three people max and not in Beach City. Somewhere, on the Earth he was born on. He was raised on. A part, he'd never had seen. Away from the chaos of daily life. A real holiday. A breath of the freshest air, a drink of the freshest waters...to pull the spark of life that resided within him back out of the darkness it was lost in. 

Asking Steven that now would be absolutely impossible but it might have been if someone had the courage to step up where it mattered. It was too late. Amethyst and Connie were already making the rounds, seeing and speaking to those who were more than enthused, (though more confused) to help Steven anyway they could.

It took them a few days but at the end of it, as they walked through the door to the Beach House, with a beige box full of stuff that was full to bursting, if not for Amethyst wrapping a pink ribbon around it. Amethyst slammed it on the coffee table before Connie chastised her for not being careful.

"Soz...I'm sure there was nothing breakable...I think." Amethyst said as she jumped on the couch.

Connie sighed. But it was done. Finished. Pearl and Garnet came in shortly after, looking at the box on the table in question.

"Oh you got it all together... Great work." Pearl said ecstatic and taking the box in question.

"I'll get in contact with Volleyball and have her pick it up right away. I sincerely hope this helps him....goodness this is chunky, how much did you put in there anyway?"

Amethyst laid back, putting her hands behind her head.

"I think Bismuth or Peridot put somethin' in there for him. Couldn't remember which one though. Blame them." She answered as she took a nap.

Connie looked at Garnet as Pearl went upstairs, stumbling up to the Diamond Base. If anyone knew or knew better, it was Garnet. Connie wasn't silly to believe it was going to solve all their problems but it was a start.

"How do you think he'll take it Garnet?" Connie asked her.

The fusion pursed her lips, then looked down at Cat Steven and picked her up to pat.

"It's difficult to say. He'll...either ignore it or he'll love it. But as unpredictable as he is right now, I'm not sure if either of those will be accurate." She answered.

* * *

**ONE WEEK LATER**

Connie kept looking at her phone. Ten, twenty, maybe thirty...okay, fourty times an hour just waiting on a text from Amethyst or any of the other Gems in anticipation of any kind of word from Steven. Her mind was so focused at that point, that she wasn't aware that it was edging on ten thirty at night when she was trying to do some late night studies, in comforting baby blue night gown for a warm evening, that instead she ended up doodling Steven instead of writing notes on her pad under the desk lamp. The scent of lavender wafted in the air from her plant by the open window, a pleasant breeze generating a steady coolness.

What was wrong with her? She just couldn't stop thinking about it. She nervous, she was anxious, she was anticipating something...good or bad. The waiting was the hardest. But what if Steven never responded? He was so busy with his new life style that he couldn't put anything through (or just didn't want to bother.) Two words like thank you would placate her to an extent.

The drawing of Steven was him in his new Diamond Suit. He did look handsome in it, Connie had to admit; his hands in his pockets, his signature smile and wink. Only a monocle, a top hat and a pocketwatch away from having the look of a pure businessman. Not how she imagined him to turn out but she wasn't one to complain on the aesthetics. But the way he looked the last time she physically saw him...those eyes and his overall thinness that if he got any worse she wouldn't be able to recognize him.

All that talk with Amethyst about her attraction to him basically anchored itself yet again. She too wanted to ignore her own feelings for her own sanity and to help her studies and well, what his current state was had her sequester what she could, but the fact it held a purpose, a reason for her actions had her feel selfish. She wanted to do this for his sake. 

It was fairly maddening to contemplate that her own messed up motivation and search for answers had her getting herself tired from overthinking it, falling asleep as soon as her head had hit the desk.

Then snapping up when she heard an unfamiliar horn like roar that echoed in the distance. Didn't sound human, didn't sound like any kind of animal she knew of. Maybe some monster from a movie she watched maybe? She had been watching a lot of science fiction lately.

The room had taken a deep purple hue, dust filtering in the air like she had gone asleep for what could have been a split second, but was actually a year. Or ten. Connie only wished for a cryostasis pod of sorts.

Science fantasy aside, everything else was eerily still...the piercing, but slightly distorted roar got louder with the noise of some kind of high tech laser (science fantasy dream is a go then) charging up. Connie looked out the window, puzzled, then her eyes went wide as a long beam of pink light struck across the sky from right to left in the distance, nearly blinding Connie with its brilliance as she raised her arm to shield her eyes, hearing a giant explosion on the other end of it. Once that ceased, sirens had started going off, heightening ever so slightly in volume as pinkish embers flew into the air, the wind picking up considerably. The sky was the darkest it had ever been...clouds of dark magenta and burgundy and accompanying thunderstorms and lightening.

The ground started to shake as well. The shaking...somewhat familiar to her. Except...

The roars got louder...as well as screams of panic and shouts of people telling people to run alongside smaller explosions like there was some kind of war going on. Connie looked down, seeing grass beneath her feet, blades between her toes as more embers fluttered past. Her head went up, surprised as how she was somehow on top of a hill, overlooking Beach City, in a similar state of destruction from when Spinel attacked. Except, there was a lot more fire...passionate burning pink flames that scorched the skies and heralded heavy growls and breathing. The fires got closer as Connie rested her hand on her chest as her heart began to run faster.

Connie turned around, furrowing her brows at the odd sight before her. A small assortment of goods she had inserted into the Care Package. On the left side, the biggest being thing was the stuffed toy version of Steven gifted by Onion. Okay then. But then the two other things she found were a glass case of sorts on the right hand side, holding some kind of dying Rose with a single petal within it. 

In the middle was a single note. Connie took a few deep bated breaths, not saying anything as she slowly reached towards it. The sounds of heavy footsteps crept ever closer, continuing to quake every few second or so. Another great beam of pink light zoomed behind her, causing a wince and a sharp breath as another explosion went off somewhere far to her right, but still close enough to her to almost cause her to fall backwards. She shook her head and attempted to reach towards the note again.

As soon as she grabbed it, all noise around her lowered, removed bass and was greatly muffled. Connie licked the sweat off her lips, fighting beyond fear and apprehension of the unknown.

Connie ended up very twitchy and shaky and after what felt like an eternity, picked up the note and unfolded it and on there in black text...

**I can't.**

She got her two words alright.

Heat encompassed her, drenching her in more sweat and dirt and she was out of breath, like she had been running around all this time without realizing. She recognized that handwriting. The word then began to repeat itself and overlap itself over and over again on the paper with the black turning pink as the note began to burn up. She looked at the stuffed toy Steven, which had somehow began to ooze a pink liquid out of its..stitched mouth. The buttons on its eyes were jet black, save for the small white pinpricks. The fabric rapidly changed colour to magenta, before melting into the grass. The only thing left was the glass case and to what Connie could hardly explain was the why she had by instinct grabbed it and took it against her chest like her life depended on it.

An elongated, mighty roared echoed behind her, getting closer but the second. The shakes...the footsteps...the screams got louder. The sirens....got quieter, surrounding to the cries of some kind of terrifying monster behind the sky high flames of hot pink.

Connie herself, shivering hardcore as she found herself standing on the edge of a cliff, still with the glass case to her chest. She'd look into the waters of the sea, with spiked rocks below. She turned and fell to her knees and started to whimper and hugged the glass case. The fire climbed up and got closer, hearing the low-bass intimidating growls behind them. There was a huge figure stuck within it, shadowed somewhat in the veil of impossible things. It was absolutely massive but then...it got smaller...and smaller and the growls warping, changing and heightening in pitch like someone was messing a vocoder. Connie either had the choice to jump to her watery grave or risk being burning alive by this...monstrosity. She looked down at the glass case, the last petal on the verge of snapping off.

Looking back up and the flames were only a few feet in front of her. What could she do? She was going to die irregardless

The shadow shrunk down by a huge margin however, forming some kind of humanoid behind them with large horns and whitened eyes.

"Who...who are you and what do you want?" Connie cried out.

The shadow stayed behind the flames but it raised an arm towards her.

"S-stay there. Who are you?"

She then saw a familiar, puffy hair style form into place. Her heart dropped as her eyes widened, standing up she walked forward.

"Steven....Steven is that you?"

His hand retracted as he started to walk backwards...and so did the flames. He said nothing and continued to stare at her.

"I-I don't know what's going on right now....." She told him, voice quivering, still holding the case.

A single piece of paper flew about as it burst from the flames that Connie snatched it up as it went past. Another note? Looking up, she noticed that the shadow disappeared. Connie unraveled the second note. Two more words.

**I'm sorry.**

Looking up and in that split second, a gaping, roaring maw opened up before her, swallowing her hole and forcing her into instant darkness.

* * *

Connie gasped as the sudden feel and noise of sequenced vibrations forcing her head up and check her surroundings to settle down her heart rate. She used a nearby towel to wipe the sweat off her forehead. She looked over to her phone with its light flashing every so often. It was Pearl. Connie took a moment to compose herself, trying to break through the illusion of that nightmare that held in tighter than she had anticipated it to be. She squeezed her eyes tight and shook her head, then took her red drink bottle on the left side of her desk and took a huge gulp of water. Risking dehydration to think about a nightmare like that was a big no no.

After a moment of recollection and stability in this definite reality, Connie finally took her phone and opened the message.

"Connie, it's an emergency. I've sent Lion. Get to the beach house now."

So much for stability. Connie summoned the remainder of her willpower into herself, jumped off the chair, got changed, grabbed her bag and sword and left the house, telling her parents she's gonna be a while...

Deep down, she knew it had just gotten worse. Nightmare or no nightmare. He had to be saved. She'd gotten out the front to see Lion had just arrived. Good. They needed all the time they could get.  
Because they were running out of it. Fast.


	12. 12 Hours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven gets busy on sandy planet.

Steven remembered to bring a drink bottle, a blue metallic one, with him this time. Only because this planet had been quite hot overall and one would dehydrate easily. Lots of sand, a vast open sea.

It was a place that once made Opals. Colorful gems, graceful gems. Reminded him of the fusion very much so, though some had their variants. They were awfully quiet, except for one Black Opal who followed him around constantly. All she had was a notepad and was telling him of the new plans they had for this planet. A library of sorts, for Gems who would like to seek knowledge and to read in the comfort of the sea breeze.

It reminded Steven too much of Beach City that it kind of made him uncomfortable being there, but he persevered. This was more...peaceful. The waters glistened under the sunlight, the hues more green than blue. Black Opal continued to talk as she did, but Steven kind of zoned out. Both of them were talking shop on the pier that was built about five hundred meters from the shore, his ears more honed on in the waves, which even, for some unidentifiable reason, crashed and roiled differently compared to Beach City. How he determined that would be only for ones who'd lived on beaches their entire lives.

Even the smell, more a less not too salty. No seagulls though; this planet didn't have much in terms of wild life, much of it lost to colonization. Black Opal did borrow some Lazulis to import water from another planet that apparently had way too much to begin with, so they could begin the process of bringing life back to this one. They needed Steven's assistance on some of the plant life they were growing here, struggling to keep it alive.

And he thought the synthetic Rose he had was bad enough.

Still, he was eager to assist where he could, showing the Opals how to take care of plants properly. He didn't want another Cactus Steven situation so he didn't want to bother touching a lot of the plants himself. Though for what reason, grew fearful of anything with thorns or thistles or spikes. Jumped his anxiety any time he even looked at plants like those.

He'd signed off on what ever Black Opal droned on about, and resided to stay on the concrete pier for a while, trying to suss out his own complex feelings. He sat on the edge and looked out on the horizon. So many odd feelings flowed through him, as he pulled off of his shoes and pulled up his pants to allow the feeling of the spray to hit his feet and to allow the wind to curve around his skin.

The feelings of nostalgia came from obvious origins but...it was perhaps, the sound of the waves that actually felt more calming for some reason. It had been the most...zen experience he'd had in months by this point. Most planets already had their cities and basic signs of new growth but this planet held the opposite, only holding new beginnings for entirely similar but varying purposes.

He looked into the water, almost jolting at the sight of his new glowing Diamond eyes in his reflection. It was...bound to happen at one point or another...Gem puberty? As he got older, maybe it was the sign of his body showing his gem side a little bit more. He wasn't worried about it, though he believed he could handled his initial reaction a bit better. But now he kept forgetting he had them. It would be a while until he was use to seeing something so...alien.

"You want to go back now, don't you?" Younger Steven said as he sat next to current Steven. He too had his jeans pulled up and sandals off, almost mimicking the seventeen year in their body language and slightly kicking feet; eyes out on the scopes between the sea and sky.

"I don't know." Steven said, his tone so defeated.

The warmth of the sun on his skin was perhaps the only part that felt the same as it was on Earth. The same skin that didn't want to be checked out by any kind of medical professional, as the rash spread across his back.

"I thought this was what I wanted. But...I vomited pink goo, my eyes have..mutated and there's this growth on my back I can't explain and....I just...refuse to do anything about it. I don't want to do anything about it...and sitting here...trying to figure out why I just don't care anymore."

Apathy was a dangerous mindset for him to have and deep down he knew and it was only now he could admit...if only to a hallucination.

"A lot of my actions, reactions...I shouldn't be this way and yet, I'm doing it."

Younger Steven shuffled closer to him, putting his hand on Steven's lap.

"You just don't know any better." He commented.

"Connie would word it best like she would be reading it from a book. 'The soaring crash of the waves; like voices calling your name from afar. You look around...there isn't anyone there but the world feels so busy and full of life."

It's was if being here, in this replica of his world, his Beach City, was trying to talk to him. Like the Gems weren't even here and they were nagging him from light years away.

Noise. So much noise. Frantic but unusually soft and tender. Waves do what they do, without purpose, within reason. No harm done.(unless you're a sandcastle made too close to the water.)

"The waves are more like static than voices." Current Steven said, if he could make proper comparisons.

Younger Steven smirked.

"It just means there's a message they're trying to send through but it's not coming through the right channel." He said.

Like when Lapis was trying to warn them...the same thing.

"Or the receiving end doesn't have to proper hardware." Current Steven pointed out.

Did he really just say that?

His ignorance of the severity of the situation was at the point that he'd hoped through the denial that would clear matters up for him that he automatically forget his problems to begin with. He was a Diamond. A growing one at that. This is what was expected of him and any issues of his own would just cement clear weakness for a Diamond like himself.

Though it generally wasn't all about being weak. He honed on responsibility, trying to use his position to be the most effective and efficient...to the point of his health's deficiencies manifesting in ways he could only interpret...as something normal. Annoying maybe but that was par the course for his role no matter how much he actually hated it.

No pain, no gain as the old saying goes.

"You know they want to help you. You know you need the help. But you do not _want_ it." Younger Steven as he stood up next to his current self.

"Now you're making excuses.' It's normal because I'm growing up'. It's normal because it just is...you want to suffer...."

No. He didn't.

"I am not suffering." Steven said, anger returning to his nerves like someone just lit them on fire.

"You want others to suffer, for what you lost." Pink Diamond said as she replaced Steven, sitting the right side of her child.

Steven murmured, hunching over as he dug his elbows into his legs.

"I lost nothing." He claimed, becoming more grumpy. He rolled his shoulders, hunching them as he furrowed his brows, crossing his arms and leaning more towards his left, not wanting to be even near her right.

"You haven't even looked into the package they sent you."

His eyes popped to the right briefly, seeing Rose sitting there now. Volleyball told him about the package, but he didn't want to look at into it at first. Only at the first generic, boring and expected note left behind on top of the box itself, written in Pearl's fancy cursive writing.

_We miss you._

"They care about you deeply Steven. You miss them too...don't waste this chance to set things right again...before it's too late."

Steven growled. All he wanted from this place was to feel for the briefest of moments, some kind of semblance of peace and internal ideal and realization and comfort in the idea that what he had been doing was the very best he could do. To make up for their mistakes, her mistakes...his mistakes. He'd had enough.

"Grrr....how can you say that?" He said, standing back up and pointing fingers towards his mother. She may have dwarfed him physically, but his intentions were to make her feel very small.

"You glossed over the bad stuff you did...I can't _believe_ we're having this conversation again. But you just left a trail of hurt and pain everywhere you went...I don't trust anything you say anymore."'

Rose herself appeared very heartbroken over his accusations, putting her hand to her chest, her eyes wide as she was about to cry.

" **YOU WASTED YOUR CHANCE**...you wasted....your chance to set things straight." Steven first shouted, then spoke with stressed squeaks as the air began to thin. He took mini quick breaths in between and kept squeezing his eyes tight in the attempt to shut the tears away. His pent up anger and sadness, relentless fuel kept in his chest and spent it on she who deserved it.

"...I did...what you couldn't. But now...I'm still making up for what you _FAILED TO DO AS A **DIAMOND!"**_

Falling into his Pink State, Steven stomped the pier out of sheer frustration and disillusionment, creating cracks in the concrete as he technically was yelling at nothing. Rose had since disappeared as he stood there. He breathed heavily, unaware of his own canines sharpening, both his fists opening and closing.

"Dad said it was a dirty word. But...I think I know how I really feel." He said, his voice sounding much more aggressive and gravely and yet, he's said it in such a creepy serene way.

"Majority say I should love you. But they don't hold your gem. Do they? Unless you hold this Gem or have been its victim, you hardly ever see the amount of destruction you leave behind, the real amount. You hurt Volleyball. You hurt Blue Diamond. You hurt Yellow Diamond. You hurt Pearl. You hurt Garnet. You hurt Amethyst and you hurt Dad...and not once...did I ever hear them say...that you said you were sorry..."

His chest tightened immensely as thunder bellowed in the distance. What was once clear skies, becoming dark clouds in a near instant...like how some of the magenta shaded rash had spread to his legs, to his showing calves.

"Steven. I am sorry." Rose said, as she stood behind him with her hands folded together in front of her.

He laughed. He just...laughed.

"Oh no no...don't...you're only saying that now because you're feeling guilty for not saying it in the first place." Steven continued.

"I am sorry." She repeated.

Steven's lip twitched, ignoring the growing pain his head like his skull was about to explode.

"But that's...that's fine. Say it after the damage has been done. Because you needed me for one thing and one thing only."

Rose just kept repeating the same words over and over again. The wind suddenly picked up as well.

"Because I know the real truth. You didn't want to make me for the mistakes you did as Rose but as Pink. Being a Diamond is both a blessing and a curse."

More Rose Quartzes appeared around her...as holograms. Actual Rose Quartzes that were once bubbled in the zoo.

"So you passed it on to me. This which should have been a blessing...but I took everything you had and then some...you didn't want that anymore."

He tried to crack his sore neck as he sat down to put his shoes back on.

"You know I'll stop beating around the bush....I can talk about this for hours but I have other important matters to attend so I'll go right ahead and say it."

He turned to face her as she stood in the distance, fearful. Steven knew it was an illusion but he was getting the same amount of satisfaction as he did in that special chamber of his and in the most subtle, chilling ways he could speak it, the following words escaped from once innocent lips tainted by pure poison, inflections like his very inhuman now.

"I hate you Mom. I _despise_ you."

Words he'd never thought he'd ever say. To his own mother. It was...cathartic...a wave of it crashing down on him and uplifting one of his many singular burdens he'd been wanting to deal with for a long time...the Pink State disappeared in an instant. He stood back up, eyes half lidded and small white spikes that poked out of his hair ever so slightly. He dusted himself down, trying to look professional. Sound professional and almost aloof.

"While we're on that topic, I don't blame Aquamarine or Eyeball for hating me. I should have seen things from their perspective. They were once needed too. But then cast aside when I foolishly and with naivety inherited from you, and I too failed to see the exact consequences for my own actions. Since I like making metaphors and using old sayings; gifts from good ol' Dad, I don't want history to repeat itself. I will continue to right your wrongs as I see fit. I am me. I am who I choose to be and I choose to be the Diamond people can depend on. Unlike _you_."

Steven wasn't aware of it, but sheer willpower was the only thing keeping him together and had been the only thing keeping him together until recently. Suppression did him more harm than good, as his physical state had gotten a lot worse, like a volcano being on the verge of erupting, evidence of lava leaking through the cracks. He rubbed his wrists and adjusted his jacket. He'd almost forgotten he'd left the drink bottle nearby. After all that, he was incredibly thirsty, his mouth drying up like no tomorrow. Picking it up, he took a swig and allow the blend to sooth his heated coarse throat as he walked back towards the shore in a casual fashion, with one hand on one pocket and the other with the drink bottle in it.

"Smooth." Said Younger Steven who decided to walk beside him.

Current Steven shrugged.

"Well, she deserved it." He pointed out, in a rather nonchalant manner.

Younger Steven raised an eyebrow.

"You don't really hate her." He said.

Oh he did. It took him a while to come to that conclusion. People may have loved her but he knows the real Pink Diamond...and a lot of the stuff White said turned out to be right.

"Think about what Dad would say..."

Dad loved a small portion of Rose without knowing the whole story. If he'd known...if he really knew...

"If Dad wasn't around...I wouldn't be around."

Younger Steven just looked at him and rolled his eyes.

"That's true but that's not what I meant..." He said.

"Dad said he loved who Mom became, not who she was. Do you really have to keep looking back to look forward?"

To her actions. To his actions.

"I have to. Or else I'll forget how to change." Steven explained.

"I wanted my happily ever after. Look where that got me."

For some reason, it may have been better that Spinel in a twisted way, had him cut that silly belief away or matters would have turned out much worse than they had been.

"Hating Mom even more. Opening your eyes to the fact that people can do some pretty mean stuff unintentionally. Mom apologizing did not satisfy the need of forgiveness." Y! Steven continued.

How could it? None of it was real anyway.

"I don't need it and I don't need her. I'm not the one she has to apologize to anyway. But she can't. I...took that away."

Steven stopped in his tracks. His own existence..if Rose waited, was more patient, she could have continued to search for her need to become better. To be the bigger Gem, she would need to make those amends herself...not Steven.

"No you didn't...now you're talking nonsense, more so than usual." Y! Steven said out of frustration.

Thoughts mutated, festered, consumed and bled around him like an ugly parasite and spread through him like a disease.

"The only person you need to apologize to is yourself...and maybe everyone for abandoning them again but that's not as important as your own forgiveness."

How did his conscience get so wordy and annoying like this anyway?

"I wasn't...I wasn't running away." Steven claimed, his tone slightly panicky.

"I told them where I was going. I had to be somewhere...I have to be someone..."

Steven ended up trying to shake off those unkempt ideas, as he indeed did have more work to do and had been delaying for no real reason. He ended up going back to Homeworld in preparation of his next appointment. He wanted to feel better by venting but ended up feeling just a horrible as a result. Did he really hate his Mom? Or was it something else he felt? The storm then got worse as Steven felt the raindrops before he hit the Galaxy Warp. He cradled his hand to catch a few for himself, and washed them into his hair and somehow heard one of the Opals saying that it had been the first time it had rained on this world for eons.

See? Progress was going strong.

"12,000 years since the last real storm." Said Black Opal.

"This is fantastic."

Steven smiled in genuine hope, knowing his work actually meant something. Then saw Y! Steven beside him, which instantly soured his mood.

"And another in 12 hours if you're not careful." He said in the vaguest way.

Until what? The hallucination then vanished, as current Steven ignored him and headed back to Homeworld, in great haste to the following bureaucratic adventure that awaited him.

Meanwhile, the last petal held on by a tiny thread.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Black Opal is a reference to WOTU because I am shameless.


	13. The Traitor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie responds to Pearl's text.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to make a quick note of people asking questions just shy of me putting in more hints and potential answers.  
> Coincidence I swear! I plan a lot of these chapters in advance!

Dread filled her. Anxiety filled her. Fear filled her. Heavy-handed emotions triggered by so few words. A sentence, striking her down into the flurry of panic, mixed up to tighten her throat, to make her sweat.

Indeed they were running out of time.

Connie was adamant to fix the situation but the person who needed fixing held a lot of unknowns in his chest. All the stuff within his form held down by the loose nail of declination. His blood shot eyes; the cracks showing. The thinning body; the frames weakening. The signs there holding the fire of something far worse than perceived. Her dreams...evidence of a crisis or a metaphor, her perception of what she ultimately was frightened off; the worse was yet to come.

Riding Lion to the Beach House held the fraction of time to reflect. Her talk with Amethyst, her beliefs not entirely scoffed. Truth unsullied by his insistent to stem out the concerns. Struggles that were very much the water starting to boil, the bubbles rising to the surface.

She'd arrived at the Beach House, opening the door to see a sad sight. Volleyball on the couch, leaning over and crying into her hands as Pearl sat next to her, her hand on her fellow Pearls back, trying to comfort her. Amethyst and Garnet stood by, as the latter acknowledged Connie's presence.

"Thank you for coming, you're just in time." Garnet said with a nod. How much time was a glitching question.

Connie had been not so much as being prepared for the worst but...she was as ready as he can be. Volleyball, sitting there balling her eyes out was an indicator that something had definitely hit the fan on Homeworld, a churn in her gut beginning from anticipation.

Pearl spoke for her.

"Steven...is acting incredibly strange." She explained.

That part she already knew.

"Volleyball said she saw him....regurgitating..."

Volleyball nodded in agreement and continued to fight through the sobs. Pearl handed her a tissue to blow her nose, before she could dare to open her mouth against her own distress.

"He wanted to take a nap and told.....told me to wake him up in half an hour. He then...ran past me...going to the bathroom...and I heard him choking so I went to go check if he was alright...and it was everywhere...this...pink goo."

Pink Goo? Connie was incredibly unsure about this.

"He then ran into the office. I hid behind the door frame because I was so terrified. He'd taken out a mirror...then slammed it....stormed out and cleaned himself up before leaving."

Connie and Pearl exchanged glances. There was a lot take in. 

"Volleyball you're very brave to come here." Garnet stated.

"Garnet's right. You did the right thing." Pearl said.

Volleyball was the one to see the most of what was going on with him. She was the best witness they had into this window of madness they once called friend. Steven, not madness obviously.

But now was the just time to do something. What that something was, was the debate they had for months. Steven _needed_ help. He just didn't _want_ it. So how could they do begin to do this, anyway? If Connie could describe his current circumstance, going from what she knew and what she was told, was that he'd been practically throwing himself to the work the Diamonds were doing. They did talk about the Diamonds but they were on vacation so getting their help specifically was out of the question.

The main crux was that Steven was trying _not_ to hurt others. Volleyball wasn't here because Steven hurt her. She was here because she was frightful about him hurting himself. That's from what Connie could take from the poor Pearls reaction and current emotional state. Though one day, if Steven lost control...he would still hurt others even if he didn't mean to. Connie had evidence of that. Stuff that didn't come out of her dream.

* * *

It was then Pearl did something odd. She'd asked Garnet and Amethyst to look after Volleyball while she took Connie upstairs to talk in Steven's room. Still filled with the junk he'd left behind. They sat on the bed, as Connie was perplexed as to what Pearl wanted to say out of earshot of the others. If she didn't want them to hear it, then it was doubly serious.

"Look, I know the situation seems bad and because it is bad. But...I know there's something off. I asked Volleyball to send me Steven's schedule. Apparently he reacts badly to doing something out of his usual roster." She said.

Pearl showed Connie the extensive list that went on for months, if not years. Where he was going, what he was doing and what time. Even Connie's own planner wasn't as excessive as this. Pink boxes meant Homeworld. Green boxes meant other worlds. Blue boxes meant rest. Rest being small slivers of time of an hour or two. Nothing more.

That definitely was not healthy. How in the world could he function like that? Even as a Gem surely he'd have to give in to his human needs. It explained though her earlier consternation at seeing his worn eyes after the dinner. 

"He's not sleeping properly. That's bound to cause a whole host of medical issues." Connie pointed out.

"What about his diet?"

Throwing up pink goo meant he was having serious repercussions about his lifestyle. His diet surely wasn't that all healthy either, clearly.

"Most of the stuff consists of protein bars and shakes. Despite all the apparent gardening he's doing on other worlds, he doesn't see any of it. Unless that fuels into his current food. I can't say, I'm not there. But what ever he's had, it had to trigger that kind of regurgitation, surely." Pearl said.

But Volleyball was. She was there. She saw it.

"She's seen a lot more than we ever have. She's said Steven doesn't like seeing others when he's about to...well...explode." Connie told her.

The only thing he was really trying to control is his temper. Were there no kinds of gems that went designed to be at least therapeutic to other gems?

This had Pearl furrow her brows.

"And Volleyball did say Pink Diamond had a scream that could crack the walls...her temper, is now manifesting in him...and we have no idea what to do."

A scream that could crack the walls.....

Pink Steven.

White's ship.

"Ugh....of course." Connie whined, slapping her hands on her thighs.

"Did Steven tell you about the...well, time his Gem was separated from his body?"

Pearl froze in place, then turned to Connie.

"No?"

What? Connie was puzzled. Out of all the good that came out of that venture, he didn't tell them the worst part?

"He...I thought he would have told you..." Connie stammered.

It was then Pearl started to freak out, grabbing Connie's shoulders and holding her in place, almost frightening the poor girl.

" **When? WHEN AND HOW?** " Pearl cried.

Going from Pearl's hyper reaction, Steven never told them. Connie was so sure he would have told them about this particular incident. But the more she thought about it, given his previous proven actions, for him to not mention that shouldn't have surprised Connie all that much. Connie explained everything, from when White picked him up, plucked it out, the way the gem reformed, it screamed and cracked the floor and platform and the way it effortlessly shielded itself from White's beams...to the point where Connie handed human Steven to his gems arms, where they had eventually embraced each other and fused back together.

To say Pearl was even more shocked was an underestimated expression.

"I'm....why did he never mention this? Oh Steven..." Pearl fretted, her fingers splayed across her face and head.

Connie knew exactly why. It wouldn't be the first time and it certainly wouldn't be the last.

He didn't want them to worry.

Denial fed by the primary motives of not being needed and wanting to be needed elsewhere. Proven desires of self-destruction, self-harm without intending to. To push and push to the point of collapse...then to recover and do it all again.

He was betraying himself.

For all the love and care he would tirelessly give to others, he would not give an inch to himself, bring him closer the spikes as he was tied down on a rope from above as he hung there, either unaware or just didn't care.

Running around in such ideas forced pain to spring in Connie's chest, her once covered idea booming into the open inside her head, not wanting to believe it so she pushed it aside until she had more credibility to a festering theory.

"I should have known something was wrong from his behaviour at the Reef. It fits. It makes sense. It makes sense more than ever."

The Reef?

"What happened?" Connie queried.

Pearl explained how Steven, in order to help Volleyball with the cracked eye, took her and Pearl to the Reef; the original birthplace of Pearls that also serves as a restoration center. In the attempt to help her, a series of misunderstandings lead to Steven outright losing it, screaming that how he didn't want to hear about his mother or the horrible things she did, which lead to an outburst of incredible power that destroyed parts of the Reef.

Why was Connie only hearing about this now? Same reason.

Again, again another horrible situation where these sorts of terrible events would occur and he just did not want to talk about it. At all. Again and again this stupid habit would have had Connie infuriated if not for the fact that she needed to see things from Steven's perspective. The once collated concept of his position, his stance. All for forming someone people could rely on without breaking down. He put himself on that damn pedestal and any attempt to get off of it would have that rope snap entirely, leaving him in a position to summon a bubble and hope the spikes don't burst it.

"What about the Care Package we sent? Did Volleyball tell you if he'd looked at it?" Connie wondered, bringing that back into the matter.

Pearl shook her head.

"According to her he hasn't 'had the time'" She said with the respective finger quote gesture.

Time...time....it was always about time, its motion, its fragments to spend on what ever you wanted to. What ever you needed to.

The argument about the lack of it from his end, either from his refusal or complete ignorance that they too were busy people. Steven was a leader and in Connie's head leaders would make time to go elsewhere. They had power. They had control so his schedule was another form of an excuse not to see people. Or maybe Connie was looking too into it.

"Though....his food. If I click into this link here it tells me what the protein bars contain. According to Volleyball Steven made it mandatory to have the ingredients listed."

An amusing addition. A human addition. There's a reason for that. Though it did prompt Connie's interest.

"Yeah it's a health thing. Human allergies have made it so any kind of processed food needs to have a list of ingredients and nutritional values on the packaging. Helps weed out the stuff that doesn't actually kill you."

It told her to stop where she was, her interest moving inwards by her own words.

"Pearl, any ingredient stand out to you on his food? Anything that doesn't look normal?"

Pearl took a few minutes to filter through it all. If there was anything, it had to be in what he had been eating. Well, maybe not the entire issue was from his diet but logically, vomiting more often than not, usually came from eating the wrong kinds of food, especially the expired kind.

"I might not eat, but as I have cooked food in the past I am well educated in the things that go into making food." She said with pride.

Her eyes narrowed, going through every bit of detail she could possibly go through. But soon gave up, sighing that she couldn't find anything unusual. Though Connie took the phone, and looked at them herself.

Everything looked normal...except...

"What is BYW-3?" Connie questioned, furrowing her brows.

Pearl blinked.

"Oh that, that's a..."

She blinked again.

"That's a..."

Pearl took the phone, honing in on an ingredient common in the bars and the shakes. Pearl scratched her head, becoming distracted by it, then disturbed at the same rate. What it ever it was, it wasn't normal.

"I think we need Peridot. I think I know what it is but I can't quite put my finger on it. All I know is that it's of Gem origin but not sure what its used for. I didn't notice it because I've seen it before plenty of times...just not on human things. Sorry I didn't see that sooner."

Connie wasn't angry. She wanted to get to the bottom of this.

"Alright let's get Peridot then!"

* * *

Peridot arrived within the hour. If anyone knew anything at all about gem composition, it had to her. They were back in the lounge sitting at the couch as Peridot pondered on their most recent discovery.

"So Peri what's this weird as thing...you don't have to stand there and answer it in your head." Amethyst pointed out.

Peridot snapped out of her weird trance and back in reality.

"Sorry...so....BYW-3. Why would anyone put that into food? That's generally something that was made for the colonization process."

So she was trying to figure out the reason for its use. It's purpose. Garnet was against the nearby wall, with her arms cross. She didn't look too happy about that comment on its own.

"Volleyball, did you or Steven ever happen to look over any of the food processing plants?" Connie questioned.

It became more like an interrogation, but all they really wanted was an answer to help Steven.

"Yes we did." Volleyball replied. She was less teary and her body language was enough to warrant Connie's trust....she just wanted to assist any way she possibly could. Which was necessary, given that her insight was one of the most valuable at the moment.

"Factories were made and there as a lot of consultation with different groups of Gems that were going to be involved with the production."

Gems that Steven would have either reached out to, or offered an opportunity to have work for this particular project. His human approach would have done everything from examples for what things would look like and how. The internet connection he mentioned made so much more sense now. He'd be able to look thing up...wrappers, packaging....down to every little bit of detail.

"But it's not used for production of everything." Peridot said.

"I know BYW-1 and BYW-2 are two different sets of chemicals that normally are meant to encourage gem growth, like your Earth fertilizers. BYW-3...I don't know...it sounds like another variant."

A fertilizer would make sense for growing plants. Perhaps they got the chemicals mixed up as Steven would have explained the purpose of fertilizers in general.

"Of course, that would be why I had a hard time wrapping my head around it." Pearl commented.

Volleyball nodded.

"Yes, shipments would be taken to colonies constantly, the qualities were usually in high demand." She said.

"BYW-3 though. That reminds me. Gems come to Steven or if he's really busy, he lets me sign off on several files that require his approval. So he doesn't get overloaded with the more mundane requests, he trusts me to make the right decision...maybe...I made the wrong one."

Potentially, but that would be more on Steven's end, not hers. 

"You remember the Gem who had you approve the use of an unknown ingredient." Garnet said.

Volleyballs knees went inwards, her face turning to that of shame as she placed her hands on her cheeks.

"Oh he's going to get so mad! I didn't read the fine print!"

What was the most jarring and with all heads looking at each other with deeper concerns than before, the fact Volleyball repeatedly mentioned that she was frightened of Steven's temper was out of character for him. Pearl sat back down next to her, trying to reassure the poor gem. Connie hasn't known the brunt of his anger like Volleyball.

"Focus." Garnet told her.

"The Gem. You must remember."

Volleyball started to shake under the sheer pressure of their current demand. She didn't deserve this.

"I....I don't know. There were gems everywhere and I didn't focus..." She cried.

They had to reroute their steps. This wasn't helping.

"Maybe you can find approval logs on the database." Peridot suggested.

"Should narrow the list of suspects down to the cut. I can help with that."

That wasn't a bad idea actually. Brilliant event.

"But we'd have to go to Homeworld and invade his office." Pearl worded.

"And if....if Steven is bad as Volleyball says he is.... then he's not going to be thrilled to see us there, looking through his stuff."

Connie had to think of a way to do this. There had to be a way, to fit all the information they had right now. Their priority was known...but the motive...

"If this BYW-3 really was the reason, then why would Gems use it against him?" Connie questioned.

This really had their noodles in a tinker.

"Poison?" Peridot stated.

"BYW overall has certain compound qualities carefully refined and filtered, usually catered to enhance the already existing qualities to nurture Gems during their incubation. But it's...not needed again after a Gem has popped out. But...if it's being feed to Steven, partially organic, then it might have negative side effects."

Unsuspecting ingredient gets added, made off as a normal addition without so much as an eyelid being battered and constantly put into food not meant for human consumption...and Steven really getting a bad reaction to it, worsening his already fragile state.

"Do you think...they're trying to kill him like Spinel tried to?" Amethyst said.

Always someone around to take advantage of his human half, his main physical weakness. What ever the case, Pearl didn't like that possibly one bit.

"They better not be! Or else they're gonna get it!" She threatened, becoming infuriated.

"Spinel's with the Diamonds though." Said Volleyball.

"So it's not her."

Hmm...Connie stood there with her thinking cap on tighter than before. 

"There is talk of another rebellion however."

Another rebellion?

"Steven tightened security not long ago on Homeworld and on other planets on word alone."

The Gems looked at one another again.

"Sorry, should have mentioned that sooner..."

A rebellion...

"Bluebird maybe?" Pearl pointed out.

"The Ruby and Aquamarine fusion?"

She explained how Bluebird Azurite came to Earth under the guise of wanting to learn at Little Homeschool, but was pulling pranks on Steven constantly. It ended with them fighting them off but declaring that they hated Steven. If the Aquamarine was the one Connie was thinking off...

"Could it really be anyone else?" Connie wondered.

Garnet shrugged.

"Maybe." She said.

"But we might still need to prove that. We should go to Homeworld, find out who Volleyball dealt with and we need a plan that will need us to avoid Steven finding out about it."

This was so messed up. People Steven loved, going through his stuff without his knowledge to figure out a mystery that was meant to save his life.

"We don't have time for that Garnet!" Pearl roared.

"Steven's.... _dying..._ "

Words Connie never wanted to hear, words that imbued her with subconscious anguish. The dream itself preferred to linger. It didn't speak about death. It spoke about destruction, it spoke about all the chaos and the mess that was created as a result. Her heart twisted with either result...but preferred the scenario to where he lived.

"But I see no other way. He needs us!"

One hundred percent.

"So what if there's gems out there who don't like the new rules..." Amethyst said as she kicked the floor and summoned her whip.

"You mess with our Steven, you better be pleading...for mercy...."

And so, they would spend the next few hours under heavy discussion, plotting, planning and working alongside Volleyball who declared that she was going to help out as much as she could, giving them intel in Steven's routine and schedule. After they figure out who was doing this to him, they would bring the wrath of the Crystal Gems upon themselves for ever daring to mess with him.

As for finding a way to save Steven?

They would have to figure that out along the way...


	14. The Tour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven takes Lapis around Homeworld.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get ready....

He was surprised to see her name on the list of todays tasks while drying himself from having a quick shower.  
Lapis Lazuli. Half an hour tour.  
Interesting.  
Steven asked Volleyball how that came about, whilst getting ready for the unending hours of meetings and appointments. She said that there was a change of plans with one of the other planets, saying they weren't ready for him to see them. He'd offered to head there anyway to help but Volleyball urged him that they'll reschedule where appropriate. But shortly after she received a message from Lapis; wanting to spend time with her 'Beach Summer Fun Buddy'.  
Heh...simpler times.

  
Steven shrugged as he put on his suit and tie, brushed his teeth and moved his hair around to cover the white spikes, using bits of gel. One of the things that surprised Volleyball ever since she got back from Earth was that he did eventually go into the Care Package that was sent, with most of the items scattered all over the coffee table in the lounge area. Connie had provided eye drops, given that it's likely so dry on Homeworld that they could come in handy.

He checked out those round, big white and red veiny spheres, containing those bright, pink eyes iris's with the jet black Diamond pupils. Volleyball wasn't sure what to say when she first saw them, reminding her of his mother. So she kept that opinion to herself, for her own sake. It took Steven a while to accept and own those eyes. They were his. Not hers. No one else's. Connie used to talk about genetic traits inherited from parents so this was just a natural science. Nothing more.  
Somehow Volleyball found herself watching this strange ritual, where he used his thumb and his index finger to spread each eye and squeeze a single drop into both of them, one at a time. His eyes were indeed sore, whether or not that was due to the lack of sleep or his Diamond eyes went ignored and forgotten. From what Volleyball could gather, Steven was under the core belief of trying to maintain some kind of health routines necessary to sustain his human half. Food and drink with enough nutrients, skin care routines, plenty of water to drink. He told Volleyball that he did not once think about taking care of his constantly scrying eyes, peering over document over document and never realized his eyes were still so important too, praising Connie's brilliance to think ahead.

It was then he went eerily quiet, holding both his hands on the edge of the faucet and looking down at the sink with a somber expression. Volleyball blinked, sensing the small break within the silence of his fortitude. The others...the Crystal Gems saw this more so and Volleyball now understood. There was a knowing, deep within his subconscious that just had to be trying so desperately to break through the bullet proof glass in his mind, telling him to put everything to a halt. And now with the revelation that he was doomed to get worse, there was the extra fight to keep things stable.

Standing right behind him, She wanted to put a hand on his shoulder, twitching her hand as she moved her arm forward, her fingers splayed, hand shaking as it went further in. It took months of her processing it internally but now, Volleyball knew exactly how he felt. She's been down that road, holding that fake saccharine parade, that party of false bravado posing as a hundred guests preventing the host of despair square in the middle from leaving. There was so much in the walls constructed over time that they were just too tall, too impossible to climb and risking the fall to be hurt further just wasn't worth the effort on most days.

The other Pearl had seen that and knew that. Still hurting from the actions of Pink...and here, her son, in the same position not like Pink, but like any other Gem unintentionally hurt in the wildfire of a blazing Diamond. He was the last to spawn from her tours of actions and creations before she vanished from existence...so he was only able to visit the aftermath of her destruction. Volleyball might not have been there but...everything she's been told, everything she missed while under White's control, evidence of her doings still lingered on in different forms. Steven's told her of ghosts...those spirits who have ascended their corporeal form to haunt others, so Volley compared her to one. Semblances of herself, that still existed to cause the mixed spectrum of emotions that 'haunted' them. Happiness, sadness, anger... _.agony._...

There was definitely trapped agony behind those tired eyes and tears just begging to come out...whether or not Pink was the true source was hard to define, but Volleyball could make her own judgments on observation alone. It could be only the smallest part of the problem...that not even the Crystal Gems could ever hope to dig out. No one wonder they dependent on her for answers. But she was having just as much luck as them, as Steven kept her at a distance. Something that Volleyball, out of habit to her original Diamond, could never adhere to. Volley wanted to be close to Steven, but had no idea how to deal with him in his current state. So, like how a Pearl should perform, she allowed the distance to be static. That was normal, right?

Volleyball froze, her eyes noticing his organic form shivering slightly. Was he cold?

All Volley wanted to do...was the one thing the other Pearl did for her. Steven never really did, preferring to keep the relationship a relatively casual but still professional one. She wanted to offer him a hug, but had no clue as to how to approach it for him, in fear of his retaliation. It made her feel better though and she's seen how he's hugged his friends before so...why was this any different?

That onset defect called cowardice, that's why.

Instead, she snapped herself back, holding herself and her hands right in front of her as she cleared her throat.

"Steven, are you ready to go?" She asked him, her voice calm and monotone.

His head lifted as he hastily adjusted himself before he turned around.

"Yes I am." He said, as if holding back as much as he could. Volley couldn't help but examine the redness around his eyelids. She's seen that on small, more...intense moments of ambivalence.

"Let's go get Lapis."

* * *

He'd dipped into the kitchen quickly before they left snapped up a bar and snacked it down, unaware that Volleyball's reaction to the endeavour was one of a faint veil of panic given the bars contents, but she was too slow to react to stop him from consuming it and now it was all that was left. Steven wasn't at all phased by the sudden shift, as long as the schedule allowed for the room, he was kind of glad the Gems could take advantage of those time frames to spend some time with him. It'd been such a long time since he'd felt that way; holding the honor of a singular guest who wanted to spend time with him. He spoke so positively of Lapis, saying how proud he was of her progress and that he could empathize with her pain.

Though he didn't continue on with that conversation, shutting out of it completely.

  
And from slices of time where she'd seen him get dressed, whether or not Steven was busy buttoning up his shirt, Volleyball saw patches of his skin turning purple. If Volleyball were to question it, Steven would never answer truthfully, deflecting it as his Gem puberty coming through at last. Which Volleyball could not vouch to be true but if the reactions of the Gems after she'd told them about what was going explained much, it meant that what was going on with his body was not good. She could only do so much to stave Steven from opposing any type of assistance to his...mutation...

Volleyball had grown a great deal because of Pearl; being taught to make her own call and her own reason to serve Steven was because she hoped he was nothing like his mother. He wasn't. But his mother did change so...Volleyball was allowed to as well because of what Pink left behind in her place. She was allowed to question right or wrong decisions, able to make summations, suggestions, insertions, additions and judgments and not meant to feel fear.

Steven didn't want to scare her but he did. It wouldn't matter if it was intentional or not. He was, at the end of the day, a Diamond. And if the theories the Crystal Gems made were correct...

A corrupting one...

Volleyball felt so foolish as to make a stupid mistake like that. As soon as Steven was out of ear shot, she would head to the factories to immediately halt their food production lines and remove the BYW-3. She just hoped that in that half hour Steven was with Lapis, the Gems could get what they needed.

* * *

Lapis arrived not long after, going to the throne room as Steven sat there on his, tapping away at his notepad. He might have looked small on his pink chair, but he definitely felt...imposing. Threatening almost that reflected in Lapis' nerves. She shouldn't feel this and definitely not around Steven. Her eyes went up to the ticking clock...the newest addition to the room at his request.

The walk towards him, the shuffle of her hands in front of her as the clocks ticking sounded so loud, echoing in the chambers in sync with her footsteps. She was so small in such a place. And she felt smaller.

Steven never normally made her feel that way.

As Lapis stood in front of him, body language straight and narrow with her hands behind her back, he seemed more attune to what ever was going on that notepad of his than anything else, his face in an odd scowl for some reason.

"Steven?" She called out.

In that split second after, she got his attention, his eyes instantly on her. His face instantly changed to a smile as he put his notepad on the armrest and leaped off the chair to greet her. They warned her to keep some questions at bay, but she wasn't really prepared to how bright pink his eyes were on her right now.

"Oh apologies Lapis, I got carried away." He said. He gave out his hand, but instead, Lapis went in for the kill...

By that, it meant wrapping her arms around him and pulling him into a hug, much to his wide-eyed surprise.

"You silly, friends hug, not shake!" She joked.

Steven hesitated, but eventually returned the hug after realizing Lapis wasn't going to let go until he relented. But there was a hollowness to his usual direction with this. They were right. He definitely had changed. They parted soon after.

"Oh yeah...it's a force of habit." Steven told her.

"So, let me show you around....by the way, what changed your mind? I thought you said you knew Homeworld."

Oh...Lapis almost forgot, blushing all the while as she tried to muster a lie. A conversation she had with him at the dinner that was misplaced.

"Oh well.....I mean much has changed." She said.

"Besides, I was never really allowed where the Diamonds were able to. I figure, you would know all the best spots."

Steven nodded, believing her.

"Hmmm...never thought about that." He acknowledged.

"I suppose I can show you all the new places."

* * *

Hallways. Lots and lots of hallways.

Lapis was so used to flying. But stalling for time was important, so Lapis, out of her comfort zone, asked questions and let Steven just talk about his work. It was boring as anything but Steven seemed enthused to chat about all the efforts he's been doing on Homeworld and the hundreds of other planets that needed his attention. He's been dealing with all gems he's never met before and some familiar ones too. 

Part of Lapis could still see the darkness in his eyes however. He couldn't fool her. The way he spoke about some of the gardens he knew would be necessary eventually, he didn't like going to them all that much, reminding Steven too much of the incident with Spinel, but he wasn't going to stop other gems from doing so if it so meant they would enjoy them. Who he was to deny Gems things they needed, what they wanted. He shouldn't stand in the way of progress after all. He was there for them, not they for him. Though those would voice other wise, falling into older era 2 mindsets on automation, which made it hard for Steven especially, who fought for their freedoms and not to be afraid to do what they really wanted to do.

And Lapis had spoken to so many of the uncorrupted Gems. She might not have been part of Crystal Gems in the past, but she could really see how passionate they were about the lives that they had so desired to lead on Earth, figuring that despite what she had once believed, that Earth was a planet worth fighting for.

So to see...Steven leave brought back so many old memories of just wanting to leave and go home. This wasn't his home. It never was. While Steven could change and mold Homeworld to his liking, he....he just didn't belong here in this place. Lapis didn't want him here. She wanted him back where he should be.

Though seeing his form now, and the way that he spoke, he held himself was so radically different. Lifeless, tedious...zero fun at all.

Steven attempted to make it seem like what he was doing was the best thing in the world but it just wasn't....him. The boy who just wanted to have fun...and Lapis could tell...could tell because she herself having experienced it...that he was miserable and was doing a terrible job of trying to hide it. (From what Lapis could see, anyway)

So out of either stupidity, or courage, Lapis did a proactive move for a change. She'd picked him up, to his surprise and carried him on her back as he was midway talking about some world that was being terraformed (for the better). It took Steven a moment to realize what was going on as Lapis flew off the bridge they were on and carried him above the vast, eternal cities of Homeworld.

"Isn't the view better from up here Steven?" She asked him.

Steven went silent, furrowing his brows, unsure of what to say.

"Remember when we did this back on Earth? You were showing me all the nature, all the beauty...and I get to show other Gems this too."

If he could remember...

"Lapis..." Steven said finally, voice low.

"I...well...as long as we're back in time for my next meeting, I don't mind a bit of flying on the exclusive Lazuli Airlines."

She looked at him with a smile, as he returned a small one back to her. It was genuine too.

Lapis could tell between fake and real. He wasn't as far gone as they all assumed.

Steven continued to talk and point fingers towards many of the other buildings, going up and down and around and seemingly enjoying himself. They began to speak equally as Steven began to listen to her and the shenanigans going on Earth with many of her students. Like how Nice Lapis, aka Freckles has really gotten into dancing classes. Snowflake tried to get into it, but ended up breaking through the floor through a specific mishap that may or may not have involved Freckles throwing up and not catching her.

His laugh sounded more like a laugh of relief rather than joy, as Lapis caught a glimpse of tears running down his cheeks. It made Lapis glad that she could make him chuckle a tiny bit...to make him feel good. Not all this running ones self into the ground in self-loathing like Lapis had once, falling into that dark trap over and over again and being a massive jerk. She owed that to him for helping her see the light...and in the days where the darkest traps were laid down in front of her, she could use what she had learned to either avoid or escape from.

Steven was surrounded in so many different colours now. Different hues, light greens, blues, pinks and yellows alongside blacks and whites. So many different textures, unnatural textures. Could be why she came to loath Homeworld. It was so...artificial. Fake. Only meant for those who could adapt to the ever changing construct of gem realities. Era 1 to Era 2 was such a vast contrast and now in Era three...anyone could be anything.

And yet, Steven chose to be this...what he decided he needed to be. Lapis struggled with the idea of him being this...wouldn't be a dictator but someone who forced to choke their own desires for the betterment of an entire race. Didn't he used to balance that a lot better? She couldn't figure it out. It brought to mind the discussion she had with Connie before they left Earth. Something about the human mind being a weird thing but it does accept warmth from positive nostalgia trips.

Hence why Lapis was doing this in the first place.

She didn't notice that Steven was dead quiet for the last few minutes, eventually turning to see his head had lowered downwards. She took him to a nearby roof that overlooked a wide range of Homeworlds structures. It was one of the prettiest views he'd seen, somewhere he'd normally never go...on top of a tall green tower, with square patches of several gardens. He got off of Lapis and walked towards the edge, his hands in fists.

"Thanks Lapis." He said, his voice cracking from restraint.

"I appreciate you trying to do this for me."

Lapis put her hands on her chest, trying to think of what else she could say in response to that, but feeling all the too familiar burning pain within what humans call, a heart.

"You can go home now. Maybe we can do this again someday."

Lapis would like that...

"Maybe we can do it again on Earth." She said.

"I can show you all that has changed since you left."

She heard him chuckle under his breath. Yeah....not a great deal had changed in the last few months but the over arching feeling that was beheld by most of the Gems held much to explains to their concerns for Steven alone.

"Changes without me. That's the proof I need to know I'm not required Lapis."

Oh...oh no...

"Wha-what?" Lapis stammered. She ran up the edge to stand next to him and tried to look him in the eyes, only for him to turn his head away from her.

"I never said that!"

Steven shook his head, his breath heavy as Lapis swore she could hear him begin to sob.

"You don't have to." He said.

"I made this conclusion a long time ago. To hear you say that is.....refreshing...to hear. _Honesty_. Instead of all this talk of..."

The cracks in his voice began to worsen.

"Steven we need you back on Earth..." He mocked.

"Pfff you honestly don't. I am...done with Earth. This is...my home now."

It wasn't. Lapis was so certain about it.

"Steven you would never stop telling me how great the Earth was." Lapis pointed out, as she walked to the other side in the attempt to get him to look at her straight in the eyes, again, he turned, crossing his arms and sniffing.

"I never said the Earth wasn't." He said.

"Its great enough without me. I did what I had to...."

She noticed him beginning to shake, his hands falling to his sides and turned into fists.

"Is that why you came? To be like everyone else to tell me to...I thought I knew you better than that Lapis. Did the other Gems get into your head? They did didn't they...ooo of course they did."

Lapis rolled her eyes, pulling Steven away from the edge and forced him to face her, to which his head was still lowered and surprisingly, there was a lack of resistance on his end as he was weightless to bring around. She felt her own tears beginning to form as well.

"I came here because like everyone else, I care about you." She roared, daring to throw her feelings into the mix, despite the supposed unpredictable predictable outcome.

"This _isn't_ you..."

It was then Steven looked up at her, baring his teeth, his sharp teeth and his eyes holding their own inflamed passions as he glared at her, his pink state erupting, stomping his foot enough to send vibrations and cracks through the ground.

" **WHAT IS ME?** " He roared.

" **WHO AM I LAPIS? YOU CANNOT TELL ME WHO I AM. NOT YOU...NOT CONNIE AND CERTAINLY NOT THE GEMS!** "

Lapis stood back, unaware of how incredibly violent he had become. She was warned of this prior, but she didn't want to believe it, being left at a loss for words. She took a deep breath and stood forward, trying so hard to fight through her own fears.

"No...I can't." She said.

"We're not telling you who to be. We're telling who you should avoid being."

That just made Steven start laughing, putting his hand on his head as his pink state disappeared. Should Lapis be worried?

"What....like my _mom_?" He said, his tone so..dark...so cold...

"You're not the first to say that Lapis Lazuli. I'm nothing like that...monster."

Definitely misinterpreting on where she was going and Lapis was not even thinking about her. Steven was the only seeing that for himself.

"I never said that Steven. Stop putting words in my mouth." She pointed out. If Steven wanted honesty, he was going to get it.

"The Gems say you're sick. We know you're not normally like this."

His eyes narrowed, judging on every single word.

"S-sick? SICK?" Steven balked. His voice then became rapid, low and almost to a whisper that Lapis could barely understand.

"Haha...sick, yeah. I am _sick._..aren't I? Who _needs_ a sick Steven Diamond running things huh? Stuff that could jeopardize everything, every _little_ thing I've worked so hard for."

What in the universe was he going on about? He was definitely out of his mind. Just like what Connie told her. Steven kept muttering for a long while, his pitch rising and fall as he paced around waving his arms as the volume increased and decreased erratically but he was speaking so fast all that came out was literal gibberish (aside from talking about how useless the Diamonds were and Spinel really needed to find a better quality rose for him to yell at), while Lapis just stood there, dumbfounded and having no idea on what to do but to watch his zany display of pure madness...and then, Steven suddenly stopped for the moment like something snapped. His eyes widened as he froze, then shook his head and growled, slapping his forehead twice for what ever reason, baring his teeth again. He pinched the bridge of his nose, and twitched. He then pursed his lips and squeezed his eyes shut...was he in pain?

"Steven what's wrong?" Lapis queried in urgency.

Steven stood there, unmoving, then looked back at Lapis. The air had shifted somewhat, the flow of everything going on from the most intense argument, to some kind of civil conversation on the flip of a switch. Lapis didn't like this one bit. Something had gone horribly wrong and she had no idea what it was, sending her anxiety through the roof. But she could manage...she had to push through for him, no matter how far he had gone.

"Lapis...you've given me a lot to think about." He said, his voice holding odd inflections on a dull tone.

"I'm sorry I accused you and yelled at you. You're the last person who needs this right now."

Her eyes traveled the white crystalline, curved horns that popped out about his head that she swore weren't there a moment ago. Narrowing her focus towards his neck she saw magenta splotches growing from his neck from his cheeks.

"Steven, I don't need anything." She said, her eyes unable to detach from the white growth in the middle of the top of his forehead.

This wasn't good...Steven then smiled...then....

"Heh....great...hehe....hahaha.....HAHAHAHA...." He laughed again. It sounded so forced and unnatural.

Lapis didn't like this other bit either.

"No...you don't. But then again...who am I to judge on who needs what, right?" He stated as a matter of fact.

The back of his hand began to have that same growth. She needed to do something. All this started to freak her out.

"Steven, I want you to come with me. We'll go see the Gems. We'll figure something out."

He began to laugh again...fall back and almost snorting. It began to infuriate Lapis more so as she got annoyed by his aloof behavior to it all. He'd completely lost it, rolling around and just being an all out clownish weirdo, fallen into the detriment of his own...stupidity? Insanity?

"Now you sound just like a Crystal Gem! That's the _funniest_ thing." He joked.

This wasn't funny. She wandered over and pulled him up to his feet and again, he didn't resist, just...kept laughing. Definitely crazy for sure. The relaxed smile on his face was more fearful that his own version of tranquil anger.

"I am a Crystal Gem, funny guy." Lapis chastised.

" _You're_ a Crystal Gem too, now come on, stop being stubborn and come with me now!"

It was..almost effortless on how Lapis managed to get Steven to, not necessarily agree but to somewhat come to an arrangement. And by arrangement she used her water abilities to chain him on to her back while he kept on giggling and making up nonsense. 

This...was everything they feared and then some. It had been about forty five minutes so surely the Crystal Gems had plenty of time to get what they needed. For now, she had somewhat, somehow subdued him (or he did this himself Lapis wasn't sure.) and was preparing to take him back to Earth. Whether he liked it or not.

Both of them were unaware that the last rose petal fell off above five minutes beforehand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah well he's lost it....thanks for the ride folks!  
> Nah I'm kidding a few more chapters to go!


	15. The Stories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fact or fiction; take your pick.

Pearl wasn't expecting this. She was expecting the worst but not...this...standing in the lounge room, her hands folded together, in front of her mouth as her eyes watered. It was supposed to be a simple task...and this.. _.this_ happens.

She tried to think of what went wrong, instead peering back into what went on Homeworld;

* * *

The first part of the plan involved Volleyball shuffling Steven's schedule about. Luckily for them they had the perfect loophole. Volleyball was generally in charge of reminding Steven which and what appointments he had so she would have everything prepared for every single day. She talked about something about how he had talked being on autopilot, to which confusion was had as to what that actually meant. Connie had to describe it as a mind and body knowing what to do without giving it much thought. If Volleyball wasn't there and in case he forgot, he'd have his notepad with him that Volleyball could update in case anything changed down the track.

They decided to involve Lapis in this as well. Calling the aquatic gem over, she would be Steven's Guest, an appointment slotted in to show her around Homeworld and that other Lapis were interested in working for Steven's Court. It would be half an hour which would be plenty of time for Garnet, Pearl and Peridot to go to Steven's office to find the approval logs.

Amethyst had followed them around and had tried to be subtle and almost lost them a few times.

It was going fine for a while. Peridot brought up the approval logs, as Pearl and Garnet searched the Palace.

Despite his state, the palace was in good condition. Clean with a hint of a fruity scent in the air, otherwise the place would be rather stale. The Care Package had been opened, with most of what was put in there all scattered on the coffee table in the lounge. Pearl noted the eye drop bottle was missing. She'd dipped into the bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet, noting that it was in there.

Pearl remembered Connie tell her all about his tired eyes. Eyes from a general lack of sleep. Red, puffy...those that had seen much to witness in his short life. She'd gone into his bedroom which had his scent. His bed was neatly made as she sat on the edge of it, looking out the window. Pearl wondered how many nights he would stand on the balcony, deep and alone in his thoughts. Thoughts that needed looking into. Much to what Pearl wanted to dive into his troubles, his perceptions and made her damn herself for not noticing the signs sooner. The time in the Reef taught her so little, but so much about Pink...a mess passed down to her beautiful, loving son...who now held worlds in his hands. The complete opposite of Pink's original position No..he was...more like White. Pearl couldn't decide if that was worse.

She didn't want to admit it, but...Volleyball being here may have helped him...or it only helped delay the inevitable. Pearl had this dark feeling that his episodes were going to get worse....and his anger and potential for destruction had her chest tightened, fearful of where this was eventually going to lead him and the fact of some gem out there out to possibly kill him without his knowledge aimed to project Pearl's apprehension even further. 

The room was kept dark, a similar sensation and expression from that one night in the penthouse in Empire City. Subconsciously, she went out to the balcony, looking out at the vastness of a place she too once called home. Alongside all the other hard working Gems for that matter. Pearl would wonder, if Steven aimed to allow each of them...to change them for the better. She wanted the best to come out of Steven so he could bring the best out of Gems. That's all he wanted to do. Within herself, Pearl's guilt only continued to grow, fanning her desire to save him all the more so. 

Peridot was busy in the office, using her tablet to hack into the local network and downloading all the files off the Diamond Intranet. Most of the stuff that had been either logged by Steven, Volleyball or anyone else high up enough in the ranks. Pearl had stepped in briefly. While Peridot sat on the nearby chair in the corner of the room, Pearl ran her fingers over the furniture, then over the desk and looked over on where he would usually sit. A certain brief warm feeling ran through her as her eyes met up with photos of them all, though, she was confused at the glass case with the faux Rose with the single petal. Pearl picked it up and examined, seeing all the other petals on the bottom base.

Everything here seemed normal. Lived in. Nothing out of order except for the rose. Garnet soon entered, her stare fixated on the case as well, then met up with Pearl's perplexed look as she continued to glance at it, unable to fathom what she was looking at.

Both of them understood how wrong it was to do this. To risk Steven's trust to save him. Pearl's mind couldn't let the worries disappear, not while he was like this. Not while he was suffering. Meanwhile once they found out who the culprit was, they would indeed be sought after and dealt with. 

"Aha...okay. I found it." Peridot announced.

Finally. Now...who was this Gem and where were they located? How dare they try to harm Steven?

"Okay let's see...this is...wait...what? A Sapphire?" Peridot said with confusion.

Pearl and Garnet exchanged glances. That can't be right. Pearl wandered over and took the pad from Peridot to get a better look. It had the profile picture of a familiar Sapphire. A Pink Sapphire.

"So it was Baseball who asked Volleyball to add BYW-3 to the list of ingredients? Why?" Pearl said, astonished by the act of a, well, now obvious sinister Sapphire.

"How should I know?" Peridot retorted.

Garnet then looked very disturbed.

"She was part of Pink Diamonds Court back in the day. I don't know if she's doing this alone however." She said.

Pearl from her knowledge, barely knew the Pink Sapphire. Pink didn't seem to hang around her all that much either. Now more than ever, some other kind of idea rigged her mind and wouldn't let go. It would continue to bother until she could seek out the answer for it. Pearl looked at the Rose...then noticed the last petal falling off, as a chill ran up her spine.

"We better hurry up, Steven should be back soon. We know who's doing this, but right now we better head back to Earth and figure out our next move." Garnet warned.

It was then Amethyst stumbled, somehow still out of breath.

"Wooahhhh duuuude. Uhh...I hope you're all done." Amethyst panted.

"They're on their way back?" Pearl queried.

Amethyst bit her lip as she recomposed herself.

"Sort of.....uhh its kind of messed up but we need to head back NOW!"

Words like that alone tripped the nerves within Pearls form.

Amethyst noting some kind of urgency was general one to be aware and when it was especially coming from Amethyst herself. They'd gone back to the Galaxy Warp and headed back into the house and down into the lounge as Peridot continued to scribe through her notes about Baseball, rendezvousing with Connie all the while who had been with Bismuth a few moments before, on their ''contingency'' plan.

Pearl's attention was on the constantly, unusually pacing Amethyst who had her arms crossed, impatiently waiting for something. The roles were reversed for the moment which made Pearl feel worse than she already did.

They heard the Galaxy Warp go off after a good fifteen minutes. It had to be Lapis.

And...Steven strapped to her back.

She flew him above the floor and dropped him to the ground. Pearl gasped, seeing him there as he struggled to get back up. Pain struck her chest in seeing his...unusual horns and as he panted, noting his sharpened canines. It was definitely what they were fearing; it was happening.

Lapis, however, shackled him with chains of water, holding him up as he limped about, breathing heavily as he looked to the floor. He looked so...weak and...to words used by others; quite pathetic. One of the Gems best rulers; left straining and whimpering like a wounded pup. 

And here they were now, looking on in horror and astonished and being unable to open her mouth, until she forced her self to ask the needed question....

"Steven what _happened_?" Pearl cried.

Peridot and Connie soon joined in on the circle that surrounded him. Connie ran through and checked up on him. He was drenched in sweat (not from Lapis holding him down). Connie felt his forehead with the back of her hand. He was boiling.

"Some kind of fever? Speak to us Steven." Connie asked.

His eyes remained fixed to the floor. Had he gone deaf? No..he just...smiled. A smile that was for all intents and purposes...all wrong. Devious, dark...a slight giggle escaping his lips.

"Oh...she said that it was going to _fine_ in the morning...I just _needed_ to make sure that those supports were in properly...it's an unstable planet after all.." He murmured.

Connie furrowed her brows then looked at Lapis who sighed.

"He's been like this for a while now. He's not making any kind of sense." She noted.

Oh...well...that definitely wasn't good. Connie clicked her fingers in front of his face to grab his attention but...no answer. Not even a blink or two.

"It's what you get when the soil is _too _soft...it wouldn't have broke if you had just _tested_ it before hand. I'll let the matter slide, but I'll approve the extra materials required..." Steven croaked, too lost in his own little world. He needed some sleep....big time. 

Pearl raced for answers and concluded his sleeping pattern was not like the one he'd established beforehand. So little in between that his delirious nature had multiple causes with that just being one of many. How _could_ they fix this? How could they begin to when he was unresponsive, unmoving...uncaring and muttering like a fool. And not the good kind of fool either.

They took him up to his bed and let him lie down on it, but other than that, he didn't budge. He didn't even close his eyes or stop moving his mouth, whispering to himself constantly. Connie and Lapis offered to keep an eye on him and alert the others while they were debating what to do down stairs. Pearl just kept blaming herself, but prayed Connie might be able to bring him out. Somehow.

* * *

Connie sat on one side of the bed while Lapis leaned against his old drawers, her arms crossed and looking away from the sorry mess that was on the bed, as he laid down on his back and arms drooped unevenly. Outside was cloudy so the room was dimly let, save for the bed side lamp having been turned on. The temperature mild, but the air was thick with tension as the entree and pity, sadness and agony were in the main course for the day, with the side order of confusion. Connie had to know.

"What happened?" She asked.

Lapis withdrew herself and frowned, unable to even look at either of them by this point.

"He... _broke_...." Lapis said, feeling ashamed.

Words brief, simple and all that was required to hit harder than that very word normally would.

Connie shuffled her chair closer, grabbing his right hand and desperate to get him to talk to her. If only he was only to voice credible words for them to help and understand and not all this...efficiency test quotas and talks with architects that he kept telling were making one part of something too small. It broke her heart to see him not only in this state but...to see that his...dare she say the word...corruption was indeed getting much, _much_ worse. Even his hand held evidence of his changing form. While warm to the touch, his hand's new texture was rough than his normal human skin. What little he had left, anyway. While Connie didn't want to lose him, a few horns and a mutating outlook did not dissuade her from trying to help where she could.

Peridot had told her that it was the Pink Sapphire, Baseball that apparently approved for the BYW-3 to be distributed in the foods he consumed. Downstairs were debating as to how and why and how they were going to interrogate her. Steven surely would have known something wasn't right. Then again, he does hold everything to himself. But they had to try. They had to see if he'll finally wake up to the fact that he needed their help.

"I tried to get through to him...and he just got...worse. Yelling...turning pink, then...this...I don't understand."

No one did. It was a difficult battle on its own. Steven deflected, changed the subject, moved it all around all for the sake, for the pretense that he had everything under control when it was clearer, more than ever, that he absolutely did _not_.

"It's not your fault." Connie told her, rubbing her thumb on the back of his hand to comfort him in the smallest of ways.

"I'm pretty sure everyone's tried to get through to him....as harsh as it is to say....Steven did this to himself."

_Zircons might be tough in the court room, but they just need tougher decorators in their decorum. I don't like the aesthetics. Well, if they do...then that's fine._

"But what about the chemical used to turn him this way?" Lapis queried.

Connie would leave that for the gems to decipher through. For now, they only needed to make sure Steven was placated. He might not be lucid but as long as he wasn't doing anything that would make him more of a risk than he already was, this would have to do for now.

"I don't know." Connie replied.

"I don't understand it all either."

It was like Spinel except it had more damaging consequences. Paying for what his mother did or at least, that's how things were with Steven. Taking up this load of work and being blind to the people around him...being around people he shouldn't really be trusting. But it wouldn't be Steven if he didn't trust to begin with, his entire mindset once that to get others to stop fighting and be able to settle matters amicably. What had changed so much between back then and now...it was staggering to say the least.

Lapis eventually left Connie (to which Connie suspected to be due to either being unable to look at him anymore, guilt or both) and while Connie herself didn't plan to stay for as long as she did, she didn't want to leave him. Who knows what Greg would say about his son in this state? Who knows what the Gems had to do in order to find some kind of cure or antidote or something to help reverse this. A Gem out there, took advantage of his good will and sent him down the slippery spiral to a point of possible no return.

No he had to come back.

_That Snow Quartz I spoke to earlier says Eira still holds potential to be promising resort. If you like snowboarding maybe. I like ice skating more personally._

He was bound to come back.

First thing Connie had to do was to help him sleep. The way he was sweating, continuing to babble incoherently had to be his mind running around in circles, misplacing logic he'd been probably using on Homeworld as a front. If Connie could help him cope a bit better, then sleep was the best way to go. Though how to...hmmm...

She saw his guitar in the far corner of the room, which prompted flashbacks to when Greg was able to play a lullaby to help him rest and connect with the cluster. While they didn't need to do that, it could help. Steven desperately needed to rest, with his body and his limbs twitching and popping at irregular intervals. She got up, went over, took the guitar and sat back down. She was more of a master of the violin but acoustic guitars were more often than not a good starting point when one was being taught how to use stringed instruments. Connie had to try.

Her eyes glanced over to Steven who had rested on his side in that brief moment, having turned towards her direction. As she tuned the guitar and made a single strum on the chords, she heard a shifting noise as Steven moved his hand. Looking back at him, his eyes suddenly focused on her, causing Connie to almost jump and her heart to skip a beat.

Music that stopped his rambling, his goofy smile fading into an expression Connie couldn't begin to describe. 

"Steven?" She said, wondering if she finally got his attention.

It was like he wanted to tell her something so bad as his lips quivered. She went back to the guitar and played another chord. Checking back, he was still watching.

"Th-there was a Pink Ag-agate who wanted to sing. I... taught her how. She was very nervous but with time and multiple sessions, she learned how to hold a tune very well."

That was sweet of him. All these gems he wanted to help on Homeworld. Steven may have burnt himself out, but they couldn't forget that some of the tasks he could do was help people achieve their dreams. Constantly looking on the negative, instead honing in on the positive.

"Did you ever get see her perform?" Connie asked softly, deciding to humor him.

Steven, however frowned...his eyes dipping downwards.

"No." He replied, somber. 

"Her performance clashed with an off-world appointment. I kinda wish I'd seen it."

The subject kept changing on a whim as random mentions of other gems and the stuff he'd done popped up, as Connie tried as she did to get a certain level of understanding with his general insanity. Whether or not anything of what he was saying made sense or what was even true. It mattered little. It was a conversation to a certain respect but even so...he did indeed do a lot of good for the Homeworld Gems and those who had made their own homes on former colonies. All the sacrifice and pain brought up on himself. Steven could have handled it a lot better than he did, if he had just listened. But now wasn't really the time to let blame anger them. It wasn't worth the energy to argue about it.

Even some of the stuff he talked about made Connie laugh, with some Gems wanting to be comedians and Steven having to teach them jokes. Stories he could tell in a few short sentences with no real punchline but it was almost as if he wanted to talk like hadn't been able to for a long while. Like they used to when they were younger...adventures of a more aged experience. He was there. Not a hundred percent but he was there. Connie had to stop him at some point...eventually playing a small melody of simple notes...until he mentioned one last story.

"I met a young human girl." He started off saying, his voice growing softer as he grew tired.

"I know it's weird talking about humans but...she was one of the most beautiful I'd ever seen..."

Connie blinked, perplexed as to what he was jabbering on about now, this one in particular the most jarring, being a contrast to the other tales since it wasn't about a gems or a group of gems for once. He must been extremely fatigued now but let him to talk himself to sleep as she continued to play.

"This was...a while back I think. A few years ago...she reminds me of you in a way..."

He yawned as he stretched out, putting both hands underneath his head as he smiled warmly.

"Where did you meet her?" Connie questioned.

Probably some random human girl he made up in all honesty but Connie would continue to feign interest for his sake.

"I saw her once...never saw her again until I found her sitting down on the beach, reading a book."

Wait...this... _wasn't_.

"We...funny story actually. I saved her from being crushed from a rock."

This _was._..

"Oh...I think I've heard this story before." Connie told him, her eyes wide with surprise.

Steven chuckled.

"Oh really?" He said, before yawning again.

"You must know her then."

Connie could swear she hear something shattering inside her chest. Painful, raw...

"What was your name....?"

It was the last sentence Connie heard before the snoring started. She found herself being unable to move, unsure of how to feel or to react to his words. He was...not gone but what ever this was tore her up inside, sending wildfires up her throat as she accidentally dropped the guitar out of shock.

He looked so peaceful, with his grin in tow, while Connie struggled to hold her tears back. She'd fallen into this twisting trance so hard, that she wasn't even aware that Pearl had come upstairs to check up on them, instead it wasn't until the Gem stood right beside her that Connie stood up and took Pearl into a hug and bawled her eyes out into her shoulder, while Pearl returned the embrace, surprised by the humans sudden snap of expression.

One thing was for sure; at least he wasn't in pain right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The plot thickens and the depression worsens.


	16. The Insight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When nothing is as it seems, motivations to come to light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Chapter with the focus on both Volleyball and Jasper

How this could have happened, would have been in a number of ways.

In any case, Volleyball had successfully stopped production and put any kind of BYW production on hold for now. As far was what the Diamonds told her, a lot of the original BYW and most materials and weapons forbidden in Era 3 were either seized, destroyed or both. 

Once successful she had plans to return back to the Palace, presumably to get back in contact with the Gems to tell them she was done and ready for anything they had planned next.

She'd gone back to the office, though no one was there. Going back to Steven's living area, no one where was there either. Not even Steven. She'd nodded and checked her notepad, holding the belief that he was simply at another appointment by this point.

"Hello Volleyball."

Baseball had rocked up at the most unexpected of moments. The Pearl didn't really know the Pink Sapphire all that well, even when Pink was around. Come to think of it, she scarcely saw the Sapphire at all back in Era 1. But there she stood with a smile on her face and her hands neatly in front of her, but for something that could only be accounted to instinct riddled her mind, that had her wary of the the Gem of foresight.

"Oh hello Baseball. Steven isn't here." She replied.

What else would she talk about, anyway?

"I know he isn't." Baseball told her.

"I'm here to talk to you."

Words that had Volleyball almost shiver. Baseball had this...odd calm air about her, but it still rubbed Volley the wrong way. Serene with a twisted purpose. Not doing anything visually wrong but with shroud of mystery. To anyone else it would seem honest. To Volley, it was the unseen sinister tone that dirtied her voice if you knew how to spot the grain.

"Oh okay. Is there something I can help you with?" She offered, like any good Pearl would. No. Like Steven would. Volleyball was happy to play as go to when Steven was gone. She could handle the workload more so than he and only wished he'd slow down on occasion. After everything the Crystal Gems had told her, it made her feel awful for not doing anything sooner. Steven did not want Volleyball to fear him and she trusted him to not hurt but...there was more and more evidence of his mother showing from his outlook day in and day out. While Volley loved Pink, within the crux of her Gem, Volley was also afraid of her. So it became difficult for her to separate Steven the more he did, his behavior emerging as partially similar to that of his mothers.

Although she did respect that he tried to not let her see his darker side. There was no denying that it existed, but he could see his own issues on that count and begged Volley to leave when he began to act out of control.

She trusted him enough to that point where she would immediate listen to him at first, but...part of her grew fonder of the hybrid, wanting to help in a weird way despite his protests, ordering her to run while he let himself go....or would run away to his ''Coping Room"

"No. I'm here to help you." She said.

"Now that Steven is no longer here. We can talk. Let us sit in the lounge."

Volleyball couldn't pinpoint the increasingly odd feeling within her; it's origin as to how she truly felt about Baseball personally. But, they ended up going to the lounge as Volleyball made Baseball some tea and sat down on the opposite couch. It'd been a while since Volleyball had this type of conversation inside a rather elegant set up with a higher class gem. Formalities Pink had once obliged to but honestly secretly hated. Steven preferred simple with the odd pot plant which Volley had grown to like. The scent was a lot calmer for one. Essence of strawberries was said to have him relax. Too bad he was hardly around in here to soak in the fragrances he placed here himself. Or else...

"Did...you see what was happening with Steven?" Volley questioned outright, whether or not she had plans to let their Diamond know what was going on with him.

Baseball smiled wider as she took the the white cup.

"Yes." She said bluntly.

"However this turn of events is necessary."

Necessary? Volley furrowed her brows, confused as to where Baseball was getting at.

"Him....corrupting? I'm sorry, I was told that was a bad thing." She pointed out.

Baseball shook her head, putting her cup back on the saucer.

"I needed him away from you. Don't you remember what our Diamond did?"

Of course Volley did, how could she forget? Other than the 8,000 years under White's control, there were always those moments that never hooked off of her mind, forever entwined with the horrible memories entrenched into her core.

"I'm sorry, but Steven is not Pink Diamond." Volley corrected.

"Steven is her son."

Baseball raised her hand into a fist and placed it by her mouth as she cleared her throat.

"Pink was always fascinated with organics." She said.

"Never with her own Court. She abandoned us. Her loyal, loving subjects."

Partially true and untrue. Volleyball knew that much.

"And she ignored my warnings. She hurt you. And I knew that was going to happen. And I did nothing about it."

What? 

"But this has nothing to do with Steven!" Volley called out.

All this stuff in the past she had tried to ignore for most of the time since she'd emerged from White's control, coming back to haunt her in ways she didn't expect. It appeared that Baseball harbored a grudge on Pink. Like Spinel did. But with his heart, he persisted until Spinel eventually was defeated; her hate towards Steven was, anyway. It made Volley think twice. If both Spinel and Baseball grew to hate Pink as opposed to loving her, how many other Gems in her Court felt the same way? Considering Era 3 is a message of freedom and pursuit of happiness and dreams never sought before, were there others in the same bracket? Such betrayals Volley couldn't handle. Now Steven would suffer in her place. It just wasn't right. Volleyball knew Pink wanted to change, but through Pink's second Pearl and through Mega Pearl, there was much more clearer distinction between Pink and Steven; and how his formation truly changed the face of the Empire as they knew it.

"I wanted to make Pink Diamond aware of the consequences of seeing White Diamond, but she brushed me off. I was supposed to love my Diamond but how can I love her...if she hurts others...and I see this hurt happening and anytime I wanted to make her aware of it, I couldn't. So I was always shafted." Baseball continued.

Again this had nothing to do with Steven himself. The only thing he was guilty of was pushing himself too far. While Volleyball wasn't entirely in the know how, of the extent of the human weakness, she learned that they eat, they sleep and grow and eventually die. That's it.

"So...getting you to agree to using the BYW-3 was my vengeance against her, hurting her harmful decisions in such an indirect way. Steven is our focal point for such grievances because we know that holding the Pink Diamond overall is nothing but holding what the humans would say, the short end of the stick."

Volley's eyes widened...so it was _her_. Volley gritted her teeth as a sense of unease drifted over her like a fog on the mind, unable to see past such reasoning as logical.

"Steven is _not_ like her!" Volley yelled, then covered her mouth and gasped as she realized she'd done so out of boiled frustrations emerging for the first time.

Baseball took another sip of her tea, unfazed by Volley's sudden outburst.

"They say Pearls take after their owners. Both Pink and Steven have had a bad influence on you." She commented.

"Showing our true selves is what Steven taught us. We do what we want. And I simply want Steven dead."

DEAD?

Volleyball began to panic, frantically trying to comprehend Baseballs motives and how calm, how at peace she was with this entire ordeal. The absurdity of a Mothers sins passed onto her on own son. And Volleyball had been wanting to learn the concepts of family, bridging the gaps between Gems and resonating with her fellow Pearls. 

"Surely, y-you can't be serious?" Volley queried.

Baseball gave single, simple nod.

"Without him, we could have continued to live our lives in peace. Eternity in the way we were supposed to be made. Then we're made to turn around and force ourselves in a direction that was never going to go anywhere. The system in place. It worked. We had true purpose. Now we have none."

We?

"You still work for the Court! You still have purpose!" Volley claimed.

"I'm thankful for Steven for letting me serve! It was the only position that felt right for me!"

Baseball lowered her head.

"And we inherit the wisdom of our Diamonds." Baseball stated.

"The Pink Diamond of virulent emotions. We are forever cursed to form bonds...to care. And maybe it was a mistake...to see those who can open my eye to the truth."

Volley swallowed. What in the world was Baseball going on about? And what could a Pearl like Volley do against a shady Sapphire like her? She had to put her foot down, standing up and expressing her satisfaction with anger on her face. A feeling she didn't get to express all that often.

"Well, I've corrected my mistake." Volley said.

"Steven is somewhere safe. From you."

Baseball made a soft chuckle.

"I doubt that." She claimed, not raising her voice at all.

"In fact it shouldn't be me that he should be afraid of."

The Rebellion. The only thing Volley could think of. Volley fell into a panic, shaking her head, ruffling her mind as to what she had to do. Steven was still in danger.

"I....I gotta go." She said.

Baseball took another sip.

"I know you do. But it's too late to stop what's coming."

* * *

Volley ran to the Battle Arena as fast as she could. How could she have been so stupid, so ignorant. This was her fault. Steven trusted her to be able to make compentent decisions and the one mistake she had to make was one of the most dire. She had to run to the next person she was only able to trust.

Steven himself needed her...he needed his friends, his family and he was supposed to be in the best place right now. But from what Baseball was saying, even that was being put into doubt. She wasn't equipped for dangerous situations like these and could only put faith towards those capable of appropriate action.

Stepping into the Arena, She could see Jasper sitting down on the nearby steps, watching an Amethyst and a Yellow Agate pummel each other as she leaned over, legs spread and her elbows on her knees, interlacing her fingers as she would observe and critique their techniques.

"Jasper!" Volley called.

"Jasper I need your help quick!"

* * *

Jasper found it strange that Volley was coming to her for help. The two barely spoke but for any time they did it was purely about business and proxy contact with Steven. Going from Volley's desperate tones she knew to take it seriously. Hearing that Baseball, that a Sapphire of all things were aiming to kill Steven was especially alarming and surprising. Jasper didn't know the Sapphire had it in her to dare to be able to make such drastic decisions like that.

Once upon a time Jasper would have preferred him dead. But her conflicting feelings about Pink and Rose and with the dawn of Era 3 putting all of that to a stand still, holding herself to her lonesome and preparing herself for the worst. She saw a Rebellion coming light years away, being about the only one who was capable of understanding that despite all of Steven's desires and attempt for peace, that not everyone, even herself, were willing to go alongside what could be seen as a cunning, manipulative attempt to have the entire Empire agree to a ceasefire with all organics. Generally discarding everything Jasper had previously fought for.

As Steven himself began to change from Jaspers perspective, it was alarming to say the least that he wanted to fight her. She agreed, believing that it was a chance to breath purpose once again even if it was for but a fleeting moment in time. She was made for combat and till the day of her shattering, it was the one part of her life she would solely commit to. She would never even see herself doing anything else.

And she was thoroughly impressed with his skills (his irritable habit to apologize notwithstanding.) so the day he asked her to lead his armies was kind of surprising in a way weird. She had expected him to preach out words of peace but allow her a fleet for the purposes of possible war was kind of jarring but she couldn't pass up the opportunity to be able to flaunt what she as generally made for and that be handed out such respect by underlings was especially alluring. So the past few months had been nothing but a dream come true for her, training up all sorts of Gems were like her; itching for a fight and chance to both what they too were made for and to be more than what they were made for. Jasper wouldn't dissuade lesser stones (and only taking in fusions if they could prove themselves to her separately first.)

So for Volley to plead for assistance to save Steven (who by this point was in the middle of corrupting) was again, something Jasper did not see coming. She was supposed to be used to surprises by this time, underestimating him once far too often.

It took Jasper a while to think of what she could do. She asked Volley where Baseball was, and Volleyball in return said she was in the Palace Lounge on her own. Ugh. Jasper groaned, annoyed but what could she expect from a Pearl, anyway? 

The Rebellion was too close to them now as Baseball would be deemed their enemy. No ifs or buts. She was the first to order a few hardy soldiers to hunt down the Sapphire but warned them for her to expect them to hunt them down and not expect her to be found so easily and that their first priority was to subdue her, then...destablize her. Traitors like did not earn the right to hold a form and only deserved to be bubbled and judged on.

Jaspers duties did include having scouts on different worlds make reports on anything they deemed suss and even more so on Homeworld. She would take in what others would give and make a call if anything was indeed worth following up on. Volleyball helped her out by informing her about the BYW-3 Incident and potential other individuals noted on the front of rebels. Namely, a Ruby and an Aquamarine were said to be against Steven's Agenda, even before he decided to move to Homeworld.

Thrusting herself with responsibilities that were technically hers anyway, once she decided to make a move to take this rebellion more seriously, she stuck with it, calling on who she could to amp up the heat on their antagonistic force. Jasper wanted images, cut and make and their previous roles in Era's 1 and 2. Jasper knew she wouldn't be the only one who held a huge grudge against Earth over all so there were bound to more individuals but all she could use, were these two Gems specifically to be found, brought in and interrogated.

She met up with Volleyball one of the overlooking hallway bridges a few hours later, who had been frantically running tasks on her notepad, communicating with Earth all the while. Jasper wasn't curious by default, but she had to know the situation on Earth for the sake of her current mission.

"I've been talking with the Pearl on Earth." Volley told her. 

"She says Steven is currently resting up, though he's not entirely...there."

Not there?

"What has he been shattered or something?" Jasper wondered.

Volleyball paused, then shook her head.

"No-no...well, he's incapacitated but he's kind of...crazy?"

Jasper could have told her that a long time ago. But she wasn't dumb. It meant he got crazier.

"Figures. He's still weak." Jasper chastised.

"Still needs his friends to help him."

Part of Jasper refused to accept him as her official Diamond. The official announcement could have been brushed off as a stupid dream of sorts brought on by lingering threads of her original corruption. Still, she could remember how it felt. Horrible, twisted. She was for all counts, a monster. So Steven falling into that mindset too...for what reasons were known to those who had been corrupted before, she hated to admit that she could empathize with it.

She couldn't imagine someone as powerful as a Diamond to corrupt, but...if what Volley told her about BYW-3 was true, then it was due to that stupid organic half that was to blame.

"He's not entirely gone. Pearl believes his organic side is slowing down the process but for how long they don't know. We need to buy them time so they can figure out how to cure him." Volley continued to explain.

Or maybe it wasn't. Jasper crossed her arms. She hated to think but this investigation required a great deal of it. To her knowledge, the cure required the Diamonds; all four of them to do so. But if one of the Diamonds was corrupt, would it be enough to save him? She sighed, the only sensible answer lying within the greater ones.

"We need the Diamonds." Jasper told her, straight to the point with no hesitation or doubt.

Volleyball was a bit pedantic about that.

"Call them off from their holiday?" Volleyball said.

They might not like it, but it had to be done. Jasper had no other idea other than what was done to her as personal experience. The Diamonds had to know what to do.

"If you have another idea Pearl then I'd like to hear it." Jasper berated.

Volleyball gulped. Why were Pearls so timid anyway?

"I mean, we could try-"

It was then Jasper picked up Volley by her neck and slammed her against a nearby pillar, causing the Pearl to shake with terror.

"Listen to me..." Jasper whispered, narrowing her eyes as she leered at the the fragile Gem.

"You, presumably one of the most unfortunate or lucky, I haven't decided which, have been granted the power to make decisions for yourself. The one thing you were told to do and you failed. Miserably, putting us all into potential danger. You did not restrain the Sapphire when you knew she was guilty. Another task you so surely failed. At least the Crystal Gems Pearl had more fight in her."

Tears formed as Volleyball fought against Jaspers tight grip. The pain written in her eyes...she's seen it before. This was once the Pearl who served Pink's Pearl, from what Steven had once explained (that Jasper really care all that much). So she knew Pink. She too loved Pink and for what reasons Steven failed to mention, stopped serving her. She had to make a different approach to this Gem in particular, identifying that pain as something of loss. Knowing the Diamond they both knew was long gone, replaced with an entirely different person who held markers of her creation...and her love.

While the whirlwind in her head never stopped spinning, Jasper could see the one in Volleyball's head as well, lost in that vast open space of emptiness created on Pinks cessation. The tears, the sorrow seeding behind, protected by walls. Only difference between Jaspers and Volley's was the type of emotional front. Anger...and false joy respectively. Jasper, after much deliberation, relented in forcing herself to take a separate approach.

"Stop second guessing yourself. If you care about your Diamond then you make that call. Now...or else."

Volleyball nodded frantically. Jasper then released her grasp as the Pearl fell to the ground, taking her note pad as she ran off. Jasper decided to go into another direction, going towards the Pink Palace for any clues.

* * *

Jasper made it no secret that she hated the calm before the storm. Her stomps echoing alongside the open halls. Leads heralding from the most sacred place of places. The home of a Diamond.

Her service to Yellow was more humble but strict. Her service to Pink, more free but stern. Her service to Steven...respected and acknowledged. He was pushy at first and the ambivalence, the tension on the edge of a knife. His attempts to appeal to her evidence to further manipulations on his end to recognize him as her superior when everything that had happened in the past had her mind already set on her opinions of the half-breed. All hate superseded the acceptance of anything but more lies and complete disregard of the entire Rose Quartz was Pink Diamond ordeal and now Rose was Steven? It did her head in and her logic wouldn't allow for it.

The only thing she really feared was the other Diamonds so she wouldn't dare provoke lest she risk her own life on it. So all she could really do was wait and prepare for the future. What ever that was destined to be.

She ended up in his quarters. Why? Investigation into what the Sapphire could have done while Steven wasn't around. Jasper didn't want to be here but anything that would help with progress and...a solution would be preferable. She looked in his room, his lounge and his office. She half-expected to find nothing and just wanted to prove that it was not worth coming back here. Until she found the Care Package.

It was originally in the lounge as per Volley's detailed description of the room but some reason it was moved into the office desk, the box filled with items and pieces of paper had been shuffled onto the desk in a neat order, as Jasper presumed that was Volleys doing as Jasper ordered her to do a sweep of the place for clues. The papers contained letters and testimonials from Gems and humans on Earth. She recognized some of the names. Little Larimar. Snowflake Obsidian...to the Crystal Gems themselves...and organics like Connie and Greg...people she kind of knew but didn't know much about and didn't care to know personally.

Jasper had little time to read them all, but from what she skimmed through, the contents contained thanks and updates to how their own lives were doing, some missed him dearly and hoped he was visit. It was the same thing over and over. Some even said...sorry.

Pearl's letter stood out to her the most. Mentions of his mother and how she was so proud of him and that he had done more than his own mother ever achieved...and that he should be proud of himself and that he shouldn't be afraid to write. Or from the journal that she gave Steven before he left, Pearl hoped he was using it so he could write his own thoughts. Hmm...

Jaspers own...stubborn tendencies remained her lingering wall and that wall was crumbling quickly. She shuffled the papers away, then scoped through his drawers for anything else...only to find a black book. Picking it up, she opened it up to the first page, with the title being "Steven's Thought Book." So Steven took her advice.

Flicking through the page it started off neat and tidy, but the last few pages appeared messier. It had to be the corruption slowly taking over, rotting his mind from the inside out.

"After years I made up my mind. I hate her. I hate mom." 

That...was enough both startle and surprise Jasper. Suddenly the craziness that Volleyball mentioned made more sense.

"She's the cause of all this pain...she hurt so many Gems...and I'll hold the burden of their hate if it means that they'll stop hurting. But they never have. Pearl still hurts. Volleyball hurts. She hurt Garnet...Amethyst, Dad...Bismuth...even Jasper."

And yet, they still followed her.

"She gave everything to make me. But...I keep thinking she has done some good things, do they outweigh the bad? No. Of course not. Mom wanted to forget. When what she should have done was seek others to forgive."

Shattering a Diamond would never be something Jasper would forgive her for. Even if it didn't happen, ''Rose'' would have been shattered if someone got their hands on her. Jasper aimed to be that figure would have her conquered and hold the honor of stamping out the leader of the rebellion. Heh...sometimes Jasper wished it would have been that simple, if not for that scrawny boy she met that day. Now that scrawny brat had grown powerful. And for Jasper to compliment that was definitely telling of her growing respect.

"Every time I was yelled at, I feel like it was more aimed at Mom than it was to me. I thought me being me was already proven, but I hold Moms scars more so than ever. So I figure, I'll work hard to make up for the work that Mom could never do as a Diamond. Not to be her, but to be better than her."

Explains why he was working so hard. Jasper could never truly admit to herself that within those sad, telling words, that deep down within, she could relate. She didn't want to, but she did and she hated it. Jasper didn't _need_ to sympathize but she did and it was so disgustingly weak on her part that she was _ashamed_ of it. Smudges on the paper indicated that Steven was crying when he wrote this. She flipped over the page and written over and over again in bold red text, had Jasper had more disturbed than shocked.

"I DON'T WANT TO BE A BURDEN, I DON'T WANT TO BE A BURDEN, I DON'T WANT TO BE A BURDEN."

A powerful heavy emotion hit Jasper incredibly hard, unsure of its meaning. Her preconceived notions about him being mad were already there but not to this extent. More text in blue was among the red in different words, smaller but more frequent.

"I CAN'T."

Jasper tried to peer through his mind. He was a creation of Rose and it was the idea of a different Peridot who joined her forces that put the idea in Jaspers head that Steven was just a gem incubated in a different method. Jasper was a creation of Pink Diamond and maybe in a way, they weren't entirely wrong. Jasper struggled with the perception for the longest time and just decided to ignore it for her own sanity. To prove his worth as a Gem. Was he designed to succeed Pink? Or was he designed for something else entirely?

The final page was a scribbled picture. It looked to be a bad drawn picture of what Jasper could tell was Steven kneeling over in a field of long, pink grass, his head in his hands, encompassed by the rising sun in the rose colored sky. Three figures were in front of him. Pink Diamond on the left hand side, Rose Quartz on the right and the smaller Steven in the middle, all looking down on him, as if judging him, like they held the power of authority.

On top of it all, were two words.

"I'M SORRY."

Sorry for what, exactly?

Jasper slammed the journal shut, trying to make up her own damn mind. Again, she wasn't created to think that hard on certain topics to make a definite call. She was, at first confused by it. She didn't like being confused so she settled for Steven simply going rampant due to the influence of the BYW-3 chemical. That was what she could accept by this point. But it made for more perplexing thoughts. How as he even managing all of his duties if he was insane? Mind in corrosion and still somehow working through it all. He had to have been a lot of pain and he wanted that pain. Jasper took a deep breath through her nose, closing her eyes.

Maybe being a Quartz was something she took for granted. Another point, inadmissible, but...he was actually much stronger than she originally believed.

But now wasn't the time to ponder on such pointless thoughts. Her Diamond was in danger. She was his General. Jasper would be wise to heed the call if her superior needed her.

So she begun to collect her forces, and prepared to head back to Earth.


	17. The Waters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie agrees with the Gems to try Rose's Fountain to help Steven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prepare yourselves emotionally for this long, heavy chapter...

It was an idea put forth by Garnet, to take him to the Fountain to try and see if it would help him out. 

Connie was prepared to help him get there, carrying him to his destination if need be.

He laid there so...peaceful on his bed though, his body moving to his soft, tender breaths as what ever dreams he had, whisked him off to a better place for the time being. After getting out all of her tears with Pearl, who she was thankful for being there to help her, she was able bodied and able minded enough to take the next step.  
She regretted the fact that she was about to disturb him but...they were running out of time so she sat on the edge of his bed and attempted to wake him up as she subtly shook him by the shoulder. Steven furrowed his brows, moaning about something about a conference being three hours away.

Connie shook him harder.

"Hey Sleepy-head, wake up." She said softly.

He shifted and turned his back her, wrestling to keep himself in his slumber.

" _mmmaaahhh_.... tell the Beryls I'll be there in five minutessssss.."

Connie rolled her eyes. She didn't want to humor him this time....but...

"Steven the conference is in five minutes. You need to get dressed!" She called out.

Steven's eyes shot up, before he shot up himself shortly after.

"Oh no! Not again! I told Volleyball to wake me ten minutes before, not five! Oh geez, I'm going to be late an-"

He stopped, locked in place as he glanced around the room, then saw Connie sitting there with a worried look on her face.

"Oh it's....you...the human girl..." He said.

Connie was glad he kind of remembered. In the oddest fashion but Connie was willing to take any version of lucidity; incomplete or not.

"Y-yeah..." She replied, unenthusiastically.

Steven furrowed his brows, then looked into the corner of the room for about ten seconds, prompting confusion on Connie's end as to what he was actually staring at.

"Where am I?" He asked, breaking the brief silence.

Connie sighed. He tested her patience but she had to keep a hold on herself to keep a hold on him.

"Your home on Earth..." She replied.

Steven then scratched his head, puzzled.

"Earth?" He questioned.

"I uhhh.... _uhhh_...."

Him losing his mind and his memories hurt more than it was supposed to. To Connie she wanted to be angry but she couldn't. She could be angry at him all she wanted when this was all over. Because she could see the clouds of confusion run circles around his head, digging into what would akin to static an attempt to bring out anything he found tangible enough to be warranted as an excuse to the way he was feeling.

He remembered Volleyball so...maybe all he could recall was his time spent on Homeworld. How much he did know into the scope of things was really chalked up to the parts he'd lost and kept to himself. The human mind was indeed a strange thing, synapses between neurons aside, with the formulated logic based, logic could only form on already agreed conclusions. What ever had was the only parts he could really use.

As far as Connie understood it be, if anything.

"Why is it so-so _cold_?" Steven asked, wrapping himself with his arm as he shivered.

Connie leaned over and felt his forehead with the back of her hand again. His fever hadn't been deterred but this wasn't really a good sign to begin with.

"You're not well." Connie replied.

What had Connie oddly curious was how he'd lasted this long with this consistently inconsistent lifestyle of the lack of sleep and downtime that didn't get him sick straight away. Connie herself found it difficult to maintain her own workload balance but she made sure to take breaks every so often as to not let everything get so out of hand.

She got up and got his old pink jacket and wrapped it around him. Truthfully, Steven looked more exhausted now then he did before he went to sleep. Connie wouldn't argue if they decided to let him sleep a little while longer before the headed to the Fountain but they couldn't let it get worse by this point, with no single party in agreement as to how to counteract the effects of the compound he'd been forced to consume without his knowledge.

The bags under his eyes were darker, and more sweat on his cheeks. Magenta splotches started to cover his temples as the white growth on his head was a tiny bit more pronounced, with two more on growing from both the lower sides of his face, above his jaw.

"I s-still didn't get your name." He asked.

She donned a feigned smile despite what little comfort it could give.

"Connie." She replied.

He smiled weakly in return.

"C-Connie...th-thank you. So...uh...I don't know if I'm in any condition to go to the conference. Can you message Volleyball to reschedule?"

The matter was serious but...Steven treating this like any kind of sickness that he could sleep off was better than him pushing himself beyond his limits. Knowing his attitudes prior, this was a small step forward. The reality was he had no choice but to accept, since he had little to no strength to give other than leaving himself hanging by a very thin thread of energy to communicate.

"We've made the arrangements already." Connie said, semi-lying.

"We've...also planned for you...to uhh go get some help for your illness. So I can help you get dressed and escort you to where you need to be treated."

Steven tried to sit up, shaking with great difficulty just to sit up right. He swallowed hard, furrowing his brows in pain as managed to get up after about a moment in trying.

"Oh...okay....uhh...wow....did...did you know Morganites love to run? Like, I told them about field running and it turns out they're quite crafty on their feet."

Connie ended up having to help him shuffle off of the bed and potentially needing to carry him downstairs. He continued to chat, while Connie got off the bed and waited until he sat on the edge himself, rambling about the Morganites. Baby steps but he was doing it. Now she felt more like her mother than anything.

Until he froze in place, his hand going to his gut.

"Oh...C-Connie...I don't feel so good..."

It was then his eyes rolled into the back of his head, with the following slumping back on the pillow. Connie panicked, as he started to seize, with foam pouring out of his mouth as he convulsed.

Oh no _no no **no**_ not _now_!

She called for the Gems to help out as they ran up not a moment too soon. Her mothers dealt with seizures before but this was something else quite entirely, his garbles and choking much more disturbing than anything she would have heard from seeing it on tv either.

Garnet and Pearl assessed the situation as Garnet called for a bucket. Pearl quickly summoned one of out of her gem as Connie stood out of the way. She watched Garnet pick Steven up and moved him towards the bucket, right before he started to hack up vomit. Connie grimaced, the sounds being too much to bare as she walked back. He heaved for a good fifteen seconds, coughing and spitting in aftermath, hearing the moans and drones of pain, following by the heavy breathing.

"It's...pink...just like what Volleyball said." Pearl stated.

"He's getting worse, we need to get him to the fountain now!"

Connie couldn't help but stare and feel locked in place, not even hearing Garnet call her name the first two times which prompted Garnet to yell louder.

" ** _Connie listen,_** go get Steven a drink _now_! We'll clean him up."

Connie nodded, finally getting the message as she ran downstairs. Despite her earlier beliefs, she had gone from determined to having herself fallen still in a type of bizarre world, where her own emotions were just as messed up as Stevens was; lost confused and uncertain of how she should be feeling. A glass like numbness shielded her as she ran through her task, grabbing a glass and filling it up at the sink in great haste before she went back upstairs.

She could hear Garnet and Pearl muttering to each other, with the latter cleaning Steven's face with a face washer. Connie slowly approached them, with a specific version of fear she's never experienced before. Or she has and she couldn't place the last time she had. Whether or not Connie could place her own apprehension aside, she simply did not want to think about the darkest outcome her mind so wanted to present to her, leaving it to bubble and fester in her forethoughts while she focused on what she could do now.

Pearl took the glass from Connie without a second thought and helped Steven drink it slowly, with Pearl praising him in soft, assuring whispers for him taking it. Connie didn't want to be a burden to them but seeing this was more hard on her than she even desired it to be. Once finished, Pearl put the glass aside, running her fingers in his hair as she continued to talk to him.

"There we go. Good. Are you able to get up on your own?" Pearl queried.

Steven said nothing, his fingers digging into his shirt, his face scrunching as he moved forward an inch.

"He's in a lot of pain." Said Garnet.

Clearly. His shaking, his reluctance to move coming from both fatigue and aching muscles. What ever this BYW-3 was really doing, was really destroying him physically too. A true poison.

"A...Pearl...and a fusion...what...sectors did you come from...originally?" He asked through the strain.

Garnet and Pearl exchanged worrying looks to each other, Pearl more so. He didn't remember them either. Connie knew what to do...even if she didn't like it.

"They're from...Blue's Court." Connie said, forging some made up story.

"They're here to help."

* * *

Garnet was the one who carried him there, as the group warped to Rose's Fountain. His eyes struggled to stay open, staying shut by default as Garnet told him that it was going to be alright. Connie had never been here before, knowing it was a sacred place to the Crystal Gems. Connie told Pearl that Steven had no idea who she was either, which suggested he'd forgotten who the Crystal Gems were and that she had been just making up stuff to make him feel more at ease. Pearl didn't like lying to him and Connie didn't either but they both had high hopes that he'd get his memory back eventually.

The place was gorgeous. Connie would be more amazed at the architecture, if the they were under better circumstances. She didn't have to come, since her reaction to Steven's feeble demonstration caused concern on their end but Connie was determined to see through, wanting to do what she can to help. If she could help him reunite with his Gem, she could help fix this. She might not know how, but she was adamant to be there if and when he needed her. Garnet praised her spirit, but warned her not to push herself too hard...and end up like Steven.

That's what it came down to, in the end. Connie had her own life to lead and she wanted to better herself for her own future. But she didn't see her future without Steven so her darker thoughts kept creeping back from time to time, causing distress. She knew to manage it with caution based on self-recognizing her own limitations.

Steven was different. He couldn't let those limits weigh him down. She couldn't forget the day he expressed his fear that everyone expected him to be like his mom. At this rate, he was like no one. Not even himself and it was miserable to witness. 

Garnet cradled him towards the fountain with Pearl and Amethyst waiting on anxiously as she took him towards the edge of it. Pearl herself came forward, bringing in the other Diamonds essences and put in a few drops from each. Meanwhile Connie couldn't stop staring at the statue of Rose, sitting there. Connie only knew so much of the whole drama but this was the person Steven was so worried he would never measure up to. She's seen the painting hundreds of times but seeing the visage was somewhat more alarming.

No one noticed that one of Steven's eyes opened just as Garnet was about to dip him, his eye catching the short glimpse of the statue as well. He started to freak out, hyperventilating all the while as he thrashed in Garnets arms.

"No...no don't put me anywhere _near_ her!" He cried out.

"Steven, just calm down!" Garnet told him.

Just the amount of sheer terror in his voice saddened Connie greatly. Amethyst came around to help out by wrapping her whip around his body as Steven worked feebly to worm his way out of Garnets grasp.

Connie didn't want to watch as Pearl put her hand on the girls shoulder, feeling powerless as Garnet and Amethyst forced him under, his screams muffled by the water and the constantly splashing. Her own throat tightened but Connie had to remind herself of her own internal promise.

"Is it working?" Amethyst questioned.

Garnet brought him out as he panted. No apparent change.

"No. He needs to be there a bit longer." She said, but Connie could swear she could hear the price of doubt on her lips.

Garnet tried again, brought him out. No change. Literal rinse and repeat for several more times.

"Garnet it's not working we need to stop!" Amethyst called out.

She did it again, causing Steven to scream.

"GARNET STOP!"

Pearl ran up to the fusion, pulled her and Steven away from the Fountain as Connie just stood there, watching the Gems argue with each other about how best to help him. It had Connie realize that they too, were working out their own desperation and they weren't immune to the fallacies of their own loved one slowly diminishing before them. 

Looking at Rose once more, she had thinking lines make their own trail. Rose was the one who sacrificed herself to create Steven, though she was the one who previously lead the gems and by all intents, from what she learned from Pearl and her own feelings on the matter, it dawned on Connie as to why this felt much, much more worse than it was and it brought back that darkened void within her chest that sucked in all the happiness Connie could no longer provide for herself, leaving despair in its wake. The threshold was being breached further, as the volume of their frantic arguments increased. Connie could no longer stand to see his guardians fight among themselves. It was Lapis and Peridot all over again, so Connie, once more, had to take her own stand in such tricky waters.

"HEY!" Connie roared.

All three of them stopped, turning around with surprised expressions as they looked at the young woman who put all her of her anger into one simple, nerve destroying stare. Her eyes instantly went to the gasping Steven, who was busy muttering something to himself again.

"No please no, I don't wanna be _here_...I don't wanna be _here_...." He cried, his cracking pitch quite high under his duress.

This was causing him absolute agony and by all that Connie could logically state was that no, the Fountain did not work and that being here was detrimental to his own health. No matter how hard they tried they refused to think it was impossible to fix it all here. They all decided to head back to the Temple, the tension thicker than ever.

* * *

Tensions indeed ran high, as some of the Gems refused to talk to each other. Out of shame, out of regret and guilt. Garnet left Steven's room after she put him back to bed and vanished. Pearl paced around in the lounge while Amethyst had fled to her room. Connie was the only one willing to keep Steven company, while the others were left in complete deliberation of their actions.

But Connie could now understand. The dark feeling she felt, they felt too. It wasn't hopelessness despite how hopeless everything had become. It wasn't despair despite how they were despairing the outcome.

It was briefly touched upon but now...it was more prominent than before; It was the rebirth of old made new grief.

Connie never took true, long lasting grief into account, falling into the depths of the ocean deep of the sadness that came with loss. The reasons Connie did not want to acknowledge her own darkness was on her version of grief, the very denial that they were on the very verge of losing Steven to this sickness and the only solution they knew to do was thrown out the window. It was the way that solved their problems and their normal problem solver was not available right now. The only person who could save Steven was Steven himself. Everyone else had...practically given up without even needing to say it...only saying that they were trying to think of something but not actually trying to.

The topic of using the Diamonds did come up but no one really wanted or even dared to make the effort to contact them. All three of them were trapped in the wells of their own making, unable to make the step in getting contact with them. How could they really communicate with them if they couldn't do so among themselves? Within that conceptual line of trust, Connie had no right to make any real call; She was only a human and despite to what Steven would say to the contrary, would the Diamonds really listen to her?

His once shining optimism was something Connie could never hope to really mimic. She could only do so much with what little she had to provide. She was useless to help Steven back then so what could she do now?

The only thing a human like her can do:

Try.

She sat with him as he was tucked back into his bed, the sun rising on the horizon as its glow entered into the window. Connie herself was exhausted but not wanting to give up just yet. She'd put herself in Steven's shoes...would he want her to give up? His voice, in her head...to keep trying.

He'd laid on his back, still breathing heavily, as Connie leaned to feel his cheek. His eyes had since devolved slowly, turning his sclera black with Pink Diamond iris's. The look he gave her, struck Connie to her core as she attempted to smile through her own internalized anguish. She wanted to gauge into more positive conversations around him...if she could get him on a better outlook.

"Steven, tell me another story about a group of Gems you've worked with. Ones that you were really happy to meet." She asked.

He was shivering still, quaking and twitching but...he persevered as he opened his mouth.

"I met...a group of Aventurines...the other week." Steven spoke, his voice constantly cracking and wavering.

"Real go-getters. Inspiring...they travel from world to world, collecting materials...checking their quality."

Some people would find a reason to try. For Connie, she figured, that if Steven kept trying, then so would she. Him talking gave precedent...gave the strength of hope. She couldn't give up.

"They kept talking about the water on a planet that had been half-c-colonized. Waters that were the most pure they had ever seen. One...one sip of it and all y-your worries would _wash_ away..."

If only Connie could drink that water herself. It was obviously a metaphor but a pleasant one.

"I w-wish... I could have taken everyone there...those g-gems...."

The Crystal Gems...

"They worry about me....Connie, they n-need help..."

Connie tried so hard to not cry herself, forcing herself not to, though she felt his hand in hers with an electric charge flowing in such great capacity that it took her a moment to process, his focus entirely on his grip.

"You need help Steven..." Connie croaked, unable to tell more lies as she looked away from him.

"You're..."

No she shouldn't be crying, she shouldn't be...Steven had since shifted closer to her and through what tiny amount of will-power he could use, he pulled on her chin to force him to look at her. Would she did see, even if the eyes were no longer the ones she understood, there were fragments of his old self determined to get through. 

"O-only with my schedules....b-but that's what Volleyball is for." He told her, a tiny grin demonstrating his pointy teeth.

"Y-you know...it reminds me-me...maybe I could...I could fit in an appointment with Earth in the near future....I feel bad for arguing with the girl...she was right...I n-need to make time...."

Connie no longer cared about that. It was a near heart-shattering moment but now wasn't the time to feel awful about the past. Connie just wanted him to _feel_ good, just this once and for as long as they could possibly could make it. Hours spent were dwindling into extending the few moments they had remaining. It _was_ going to happen...Connie wasn't going to force herself to not believe that this was going to go extremely south at some stage. She knows corruption. She knows what it looks like. She wasn't going to spend it on regrets and while there wasn't an answer, she wasn't going to spend what little time they had left on stupid questions either nor was wanting to press the truth of her nightmare on him either.

He put a finger to her eyes to wipe away her growing, escaping tears. She took the opportunity to take his hand to have him feel her cheek. The topic of the nightmare itself...it was impossible to shake off the fear.

But what fears were worth putting aside for his sake? For her own? What was the one fear above all others she dared not to tread? It wasn't as bad as the anxiousness of her own years-forged internal revelations. Spiraling towards their inevitable end, would it be...selfish of her to dive right into the deep end and cultivate a way to swim towards the other type of painful conclusion. She shook her head. If he could find out now, then it would make him, possibly feel better or worse. Either or. Delay or accelerate.

Sink or swim.

The differences in the end...were simply the pockets worth of time gained or sacrificed.

Connie took a deep breath, preparing to make her own story for a change. Truth, suited for Steven's purpose..and her own. It was dumb, silly but what wasn't in this charged horde of fervor?

"You know...I know the girl right?" She put forth.

Steven nodded. Connie swallowed, facing the hardest words she's ever had to project.

"She used to talk about you. A lot." Connie explained.

"And she said...she's always...always wanted to tell you something...something _super_ important, something she's held _super_ close to her chest for years."

Steven blinked, furrowing his brows in confusion.

"Oh? Well...I...I might see her again soon....I'll put in an appointment I s-swear..." He croaked.

The idea bemused Connie. She honestly wanted to believe that too. She cracked a minor smile on that count out of instinct.

"No she said it was okay...because if he promised to come back out on the other end...then they could talk about it properly. So she figures if you know now...."

She was really going through with this. The amount of courage she had was minor compared to the entire front she had to put up for him over all, appealing to what she could. Part of her felt horrible for doing it this way but...she's got the power of choice and the power to see the tiny part of him that must know, that must feel and must push and push again, swimming up to the surface to draw breath but end up being weighed straight down the bottom....then trying again, refusing to give up while there was that desire to fight through.

The desire to understand that there was something horrible wrong underneath the sheer delusion, the powerful bubble of denial with only the smallest of windows to see through.

"Well...if you say so...I trust her...I _should_ have trusted her." Steven cried out.

Connie nodded, knowing that he did...but she was trying not to focus on what he could have done better...not now anyway. She moved Stevens hand to her knee and put her other hand on it as well, taking another deep breath. Her stomach, filled with butterflies and her chest burning with fiery trepidation...and despite that, it was a better feeling than to give into the darker, stronger one. Okay...here goes. She nodded.

"She...wanted me to tell you...that she loves you." Connie admitted.

Steven blinked twice, his face slowly forming into shock.

"She...she said she's loved you for a long time but didn't want to say anything...out of fear your friendship and everything else that had stood between them."

Did Connie need to say more? Not really, so she allowed Steven the time he needed to run it all in his broken head. His eyes were the most active, dancing around like crazy, his mouth moving but no words emerging from his lips.

"She...she _loves_ me...." Steven croaked, sniffing after as his own tears started to form. He shuffled back and leaned on his back, removing his hands and placing them on his chest. His breathing increased, though it didn't sound labored, his chest rising and falling at quickened intervals told Connie that story. He then tried to get up again.

"I have to see her...I need to see her _please_ help me find her...."

Connie was stunned by this sudden burst of energy he demonstrated. Maybe this was a bad idea after all. Maybe Connie was just being selfish and was taking advantage of a horrible situation. But she knew this ahead of time that this was either going to make it better or worse. So she had to own that and in the aftermath, was willing to deal with the consequences if need be. For now, all that mattered was making sure he was comfortable enough at least. Instinct told her to elongate. Illogicality dictated that they should get this over and done with so he could...for the worst possible thought to cross her mind, was to get it over and done with and that just made Connie feel more awful than she already did. Uncontrollable emotions were the cause of most mishaps and Connie was not above making silly decisions like anyone else.

She could only manage it with what she knew. Damage control...but it would be like putting a band aid on a broken leg; good intentions don't necessarily heal all wounds.

"She's not going anywhere Steven." She said.

"Just...relax...if you can...she's willing to wait if she has to."

He stopped for the moment, before laying back down. He shifted to his side, looking at Connie with those...just pleading, begging eyes of sorrow and scrambled thoughts.

"You're right...you're _absolutely_ right." Steven said.

"I should...I should be glad. I'm needed...aren't I?"

_I'm needed._

Connie nodded. Logics forming, twisting into solid forms from within. The ideas that called him away from Earth to begin with began to form new links and those links told Steven much more than he needed to know...no...it was enough for him to forge new ideas...new thoughts...all of them only now beginning to dawn on him for one of the most powerful of reasons for him to exist.

"Absolutely." She said.

"You've always been needed. Not always for the same reasons...but..."

Steven looked down for the longest time, drawing circles into the mattress with his fingers, returning to silence so he could ponder. Connie refrained from speaking further, afraid she'd done enough damage. Despite her mentioning it, it didn't get it all off of her chest as partially intended. She noticed his contemplative look, his focus elsewhere. Another moment until he opened his mouth again to sigh, rubbing his eye briefly, as if his internal voices were yelling at him. Connie knew those signs well enough...fighting against hers all the time. 

"Connie." He said first and somehow, hearing him say her name like he did felt like an arrow had struck her chest.

"I'm.. _.tired_..."

The pure amount of dread spoken never felt so unnerving....so... _final_...

"If...if you speak to her again...tell her...tell her...I love her too."

The arrowhead in her chest burst into flames like fireworks.

"And tell her...she was right...she was always...right...it's my fault...it's my _fault_..."

He began to tear up again, as he brought his knees to his chest, with one arm wrapped around and his other hand between his head and the pillow, his eyes entirely unfocused on either, glistening with with shining pink tears. He kept repeating those last few words, his pitch increasing, his volume decreasing and sobs evolving into this babbling, uncontrollable mess.

Connie put her fist to her heart. She was supposed to feel something from that and she did. But it was overshadowed by all the other things she had felt, finding them far to empowering to even experience joy and relief right now. She had no right to after the stunt she had just pulled.

"I'm...sorry....I'm so _sorry._...I can't...I _can't_..."

Throwing her fist into her lap, she was done with constantly surrendering herself to fear. She got up from the chair and slid herself onto the bed. Steven was too weak to protest as Connie leaned against the back wall and dragged him to allow him to rest his weary head on her shoulder, minding his horns and allowing her arm around his own, dragging him closer to her letting him sob. She took his hand again, placing it back into her lap.

"Shhh...it'll be okay...." She assured him. How true that actually was irrelevant.

"Just...go back to sleep...okay...we'll find a way...I know we will."

She felt Steven nod.

"....I....know....I trust you...I'm just... _scared_..."

In a way, he must have...known what was going on. His mind wouldn't tell him but he couldn't deny what he was feeling and how it was really hurting him was just way too confusing for him to be able to understand. Only now it was becoming more apparent like signal after signal was going off in his brain about everything, maybe even slowly remembering it all at a snails pace and trying to find order in the chaos. Going on from the last time from she helped him rest, she wouldn't be able to play anything but she could definitely sing something to him. She hoped it would be enough to ease him into slumber again.

" _You feel it now...._ " She sung, ever so softly. Her eyes went into the beam of light pouring down through the window, her voice the serene peace for the only ears she aimed to have listen beyond the silence, beyond the clash of noises that his broken mind had to be screaming into him.

" _Your heart is aching...but there is no mistaking...._ "

How songs were ways he would communicate to others...it was in his nature.

" _How long its taking, when dawn is breaking..._ "

To connect to others, so it would be a way to connect to him.

" _You'll see the sun again...._ "

Steven stopped sobbing eventually, focusing on Connie's pleasant voice...

" _Your doubt is growing, your fear is showing..._ "

Connie didn't want to give up. There had to be a way.

" _Now your heart is knowing, when the light is glowing..._ "

There just had to be...the stubbornness of what was in his heart, would shine to others.

" _You'll see the sun again..._ "

Stubbornness or hope. The human mind was a strange thing.

" _There is no stopping, there is no looking back, because if anything, you're right on track_."

It finds its way back...most of the time.

" _Remember to breath...remember you're driven...because all is due time you'll be forgiven._ "

Then there are times while you don't want the help...you do actually need it.

" _For the sun is merely gone for a while, but then...you will see it....again.._."

By this time, Steven had fallen back asleep, his heated breath against her neck indicating her lullaby worked and by that time his other arm had somehow reached over her stomach to meet with her waist in his missed attempt to snuggle into her, causing her to blush slightly. Far from over, Connie would continue to work hard to sustain this brief sense of calm before the storm for as long and hard as she could. She took in the minor scrape of relief...her mind tripping on her own problematic concepts but for now she would be temporarily content to see him not in any pain and shortly, fell asleep herself, her own tired head falling back against the back wall.

* * *

Because as soon as those eyes shut, a legion of Gems had just arrived on the outskirts of Earths atmosphere in their ships...with the biggest, meanest, red and bluest handship was being lead by a familiar, small blue and red fusion with their Pink gem spy next to them as the overlooked the the planet before them.

"All would be undone...in one hour... as predicted." The Pink Gem informed her.

The fusion donned a devilish grin.

"Good. I hope they're all ready for a fun party once we disperse the chemical one last time. That's when the fun really begins..." She said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steeb can never have his beauty sleep can he?


	18. The Bunker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the invasion begins, Connie takes Steven somewhere safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for sticking around! Kudos and comments mean a lot! Now get ready for more feels!

Dreams that one would never believe to come to true. The mind, making its own fairy tales based on a whole lot ones internal experiences, thoughts, beliefs. Core memories stuck in ones hippocampus, projected and mixed up by the subconscious; the part of the self that perceives truth better than your normal consciousness and yet it creates its own set of fantasies of the untrue. 

Connies own studies into dreams held psychology and philosophy under its wake. One can deny the truth but its existence can only really be ever proven physically, but verbally is on the recount of what and how one originally would see it. Actual magic replaying old memories can be simply be one version of a truth never quite claimed otherwise. Painful, pleasant...how they come up could be a factor of visual cues or some other weird, unforeseen magic. In any case, Connie never had powers like that in the truthful, meta-physical sense unless she was fused with Steven. Otherwise, everything preferred to stay safe, secure in the darkest corners of ones mind. Unless triggered...usually by storms of unkempt thoughts.

So it was, with the familiar sirens that forced Connie to open her eyes. Steven was still asleep, so she gently moved him off of her and back on the bed as she went out to the balcony to see the most horrifying sight. Hundreds of Gem ships scattered in the morning sky, their descent upon Earth a harrowing one.

Connie ran on auto-pilot, skipping moments, only really recalling that Pearl had come up and ordered Connie to take Steven to the safety of Little Homeworld. There was little time for him to change out of his buttoned up pink top and black pants, only sliding on his sandals at the last moment, as the world became muffled in those moments, slowing down as the sudden blasts from the ships came without warning. Time slowed down, only hearing the basic jist of what Pearl was telling her. Blurs, sirens and fuzzy noises and speech. Connie struggled mostly with carrying Steven towards the Warp Pad, completely ignoring the huge beaming blast that struck cleanly through the roof. Connie couldn't tell that Pearl was behind her, covering her and in front was Amethyst pointing towards the pad.

For a sequence so slow in motion, everything else felt way too fast.

* * *

Amethyst used the pad to get them there and the next thing they knew, they caught up with Bismuth who was trying to get an idea of the situation herself. She took one look at Connie with Steven, then looked up into the skies towards Beach City, seeing the horizon dotted with a variety of ships, with one blast completely blowing up a building in the distance. Bismuth helped Connie out, carrying the weary Steven in her arms and taking her to the tall building.

Once inside, Bismuth took them to the elevator and took them down to the deepest underground level. Connie was so spaced out that she didn't notice Bismuths worried stare.

"Geez that really came out of nowhere." Bismuth commented, breaking the silence of the long decline.

This was part of their contingency plan, something Bismuth had whipped up some months ago, refitted to their needs. She'd gotten to talk with other Bismuth, getting a hold of certain materials inspired by certain events that had previously unfolded on Homeworld.

Returning to reality on the gems word, the human nodded in agreement.

"Could they have really decided to hit us at the worst time? I honestly just don't understand it."

No one did. Connie's eyes went to Steven. These were fellow Gems attacking so...surely he knew what was going on. Or he would, if not for his current state.

"I...I'm _sorry_..." Steven croaked.

Never mind, he did to an extent.

"Just relax Steven, we'll get you somewhere safe..." Bismuth assured him.

He kept fighting the need to sleep, his eyelids drooping up and down infrequently. Connie felt the lethargy radiating from him. She too was tired and shocked, but still determined to protect her jam bud no matter the cost.

Once they were down, they walked down a long hallway towards a set of metal doors. Bismuth input the keycode as the hydraulics kicked in, sliding the doors open upwards. Once inside, the room was quite humble and was akin to an underground bunker of sorts. It didn't hurt to be prepared just in case. It had all the comforts of home and looked like a larger, wider spread replica of the old version of the beach house by design. Except it was more metallic and sturdy and the roof was extremely tall and held shiny metallic aesthetics with subtle pink ones. Not the most flashiest of places but it was enough for now.

The flooring was a lot wider, sturdy with enduring metals with a subtle diamond line pattern, with the bedroom on the left hand side above a set of stairs, with a beige leather couch beneath that and the other lounge on the right. Smack in the middle was another Warp Pad, however only used for emergency escapes. Bismuth handed Connie the Warp Whistle and told her only to use if somehow this room was compromised.

Bismuth continued to explain to Connie about different parts of the bunker, saying the walls were built with the sturdy, reforming metals like the one the 'Venting Room' had on Homeworld. It had a few pot plants here and there and ventilation and air conditioning to keep the place cool and mild. Numerous pot plants were dotted around the room and the faint scent of strawberries attempted to put a thin veil of calmness as its mood. She put Steven down, who wobbled for a bit in his attempt to stand on his own two feet as Connie put her arm around him again to hold him upright. His face held the unholy trifecta of sadness, tiredness and looking like he was going to puke again as he held his stomach.

She was about to open her mouth again until an earthquake shook the bunker, which seemed to stun Bismuth, going from her surprised reaction.

"Geez they're really going all out!" She commented.

"Something with that heavy reaching tremor that deeply mus-...oh no...I need to get back up to the surface to regroup everyone else. The Warp Pad does have a comm sequence which Peridot's left instructions on how to use in case you need to contact us."

Connie nodded.

"Understood Bismuth. You all gonna be alright out there?" She queried, clearly worried.

Bismuth crossed her arms.

"We should be, I'll need to find the other gems to figure out a plan. Who ever is doing this is really mad. We'll come back down as soon as its safe...or if not...I'd say give it twenty four hours at best until something major comes up. Take care of him and yourself. I'm not sure how long this is gonna last. In the meantime, I'll try and find Greg too and get him down here or get someone to escort him here. I'd get the other humans but this place was only built for well, you know."

* * *

Bismuth ended up locking down the elevator, using special metal plates that went into place every few meters or so, to stop intruders from going from that direction. The Warp Pad itself was one way only as she described and only to be used if they were compromised.

Otherwise, the only thing Connie could do was make sure Steven was comfortable enough for the time being. While Connie wanted to fight, she had to hold on until someone could reach out to Steven's dad. The more support he had the better and Connie couldn't think of anyone better than Greg to help them out.

It made Connie feel horrible; Greg hadn't seen Steven like this. Though she would trust him more so to be more than willing to aid Steven where necessary. For that, Connie held zero doubts. She'd dragged Steven onto the bed. Not the most softest thing in the world but it wasn't meant to be anything for the long term anyway.

Could she have imagined life to turn out like this though? Stuck underground, caring for her sick, ailing friend and threatened with destruction and gut-wrenching fear for their lives? She imagined adventures, traveling across the world and maybe other planets. Steven did that on a regular basis but not for fun. It was all about business.

She could see him helping as part of his nature, but pushing his limits too far had taken their toll; his punishment to leaving him to corrupt slowly and painfully. Why should he be punished for doing what so dearly wanted to do? His hard work, rewarded with agony and bile.

To be worth something to the world was Connie's ambition. But seeing ambition taken to its extreme laid right before her, quivering, struggling to breath and make connections that he once held on quite easily, to now be left to pick up the scattering pieces of the puzzle and having no clue how to fit them all together again.

A mind taken to the brink, broken and the facade left behind only really a facsimile until the original could function on its own again. Insanity, in a nutshell. Functionality may never been restored if the damage was too severe. A car written off as unable to drive due to how bad the crash was. 

She sat on the edge of the bed and caressed his cheek with the back of her index and middle fingers, wondering if he had the strength to talk to her.

"How's...the pain?" She asked.

The fever had gotten worse...the horns a little longer and the skin's coloring around the face had gotten worse. There was a Steven underneath all of that, trapped and afraid.

"It's...it's like my nerves are on f-ire." Steven said, his voice coarse and crackling.

"I don't g-get it...I feel cold, then hot....then cold again."

Typical signs of an illness. More of a less flu like symptoms. At least he wasn't sneezing.

"I'll get you some water. I don't want you dehydrating." Connie told him.

She'd gone to the kitchen to get a red cup, quickly filling it up and running back. But how long until he was gone...was Connie's worry.

Steven at his weakest couldn't fight against anyone helping him. She's seen this before.

Running back, she moved the cup to his lips and had him drink the whole thing down, before she put to the cup on the table. It wouldn't do much, but nice cool water down a scratchy throat always felt nice to Connie.

"C-Connie..." He breathed.

"I should have told...told you about the rebellion. That's...that's why those Gems are here."

A rebellion?

"I...I was warned...and...I guess I didn't do enough...this-this Diamond really is hopeless...now everyone is gonna _die_ because of me."

It kind of proved her suspicions correct. Knowledge of a force ready to take him down would have thrown him off-balance. He would try as he might to advocate for peace. The first time he tried had him almost die too. This was history repeating itself on the worst kind of scale. All sorts of reminders were thrown to Connie's previous experiences with Steven. All falling under the pretense of his own beliefs that he continued to take the burden of what his mother had brought, brought under the shelter of his own excruciatingly stringent habits.

Steven would do as much as he could though he wasn't one to prepare for War on the grandest of scales. Negotiations would always be on the table, but an outright fight like this for reasons unfounded would definitely throw him off-balance. And being unable to fight back would indeed weigh him with the largest stones of regret.

"Why...w-why can't I do anything right? I tried so _hard_ Connie...I don't...don't want to hurt anyone..."

But then it would be naive to think that everyone would agree to such warrants of peace. Not everyone was willing to change.

"There's only so much one person can do on their own." Connie explained.

"I'm sure you did everything you could, but now it's time to let others take care of things. I know that's not what you want, but you gotta believe in them, like they believe in you."

There was a huge contrast in what Steven wanted and what Steven needed. To loathe being the most powerless when there was already so much had given to others, for they were to be made ready to use them at a moment's notice.

"I....I do...I just..." 

It was then the elevator doors opened again, revealing Freckles the Lazuli and Greg, with the latter running towards them with a face full of tears, coming to Steven and pulling him into a tight hug.

"Oh kiddo, I am so...sorry I would have come sooner!" Greg cried. He let go to examine his son, with Steven's face perplexed, not recognizing the man before him. He stayed quiet, only looking to Connie for answers. It was just as she feared.

"Uhhh...is he..." Greg muttered, holding on to Steven's shoulders.

Connie ended up taking Greg aside, explaining that Steven doesn't recall who anyone is, having lost his...well, mind on Homeworld and generally on his last threads as they speak.

To say Greg was distraught was an understatement. He didn't mind his experience but the fact that Steven's own state of mind had been twisted entirely. Greg fought on, turning and using what courage he had to talk to him. Connie stood aside, as Greg sat with him and did what he could as he spoke to him. Watching from afar, Steven was at first entirely mute with his Dad, with the former having sat up to chat to him properly. His expressions went between stale confusion, in between his heavy breaths to try and understand this human that was talking to him. Eventually Connie stopped observing, leaving the two to deal with one another in peace as she went into the kitchen area to garner her own thoughts.

She could be up there now, fighting and helping. But...she felt bad for leaving those two behind. They needed her more than they needed her up there. That was fact.

Connie wandered back over after a while to check up on things, only to realize Steven had fallen back asleep. Good. He needed his rest. Two interruptions and not a third. Greg and herself eventually spoke to one another about their current situation, sitting on the couches below the elevated bed.

"How are you feeling Connie?" Greg asked her.

What could she really answer?

"Scared. Stressed...a little disorientated." She admitted.

"Otherwise functional. What about you?"

Greg sighed. It wasn't much on his end that he'd anticipate to be anything but entirely negative.

"I'm alright. I will be, anyway. I just wish...I honestly just wish I intervened back the Dinner..."

I think that in itself was agreed by all, if not there was something that always held them back from opening their mouths, but never really being able to know what that something was; the metaphorical, unseen mouth stuffing unknown.

"There's only so much we can do for him." Connie said.

Greg nodded in agreement. He was a parent after all.

"Yeah, it's...awful but we know he'll pull through somehow. The Gems will find a way and he'll be back to normal...I hope."

Connie appreciated Greg's optimism but...this Connie suspected this would get worse before it could get better.

"I just wish he'd opened up a bit more ya know..."

It would come to the idea of the blame game again. Who was really at fault? Steven for denying the chance for others to aid him or those who just didn't know how to? How far was too far? People were just afraid to push and the Pink State was a recent elephant in the room; not many people had been talking about that enraged transformation built of...what Connie could wager was Steven being pushed too far in the wrong direction.

Their chatter was interrupted when the Elevator doors opened up again. Must have been Bismuth or any of the other Gems to update them on the current situation. Or not as a huge water tendril burst forth and wrapped itself around Greg's throat. Connie's attention snapped towards its origin, only to meet with one around her neck too. She struggled, shaking and trying to pull herself out but the grip was too slippery to get out of. She looked towards four individuals. Two tall and blue, one blue and red and the other Pink. 

Freckles? And Mean Lapis? 

" _You!_ " Greg growled. 

"You're the fusion who tried to kill me before!"

They bowed towards Greg.

"Bluebird Azurite at your service! Alongside these darling Lapis and my associate Pink Sapphire."

Baseball. The so called traitor with a walk so elegant and foppish and grin so sweet but evil that Connie wanted to smack it right off her stupid face.

"Lazuli's just hang on to them while Sapphire and I are going to have chat with our best mate Steven."

Connie and Greg continued to struggle against it all, but she could see the sad expression on Freckles face as she and her sister Lapis with the threatening scowl on her face. They continued to hold her and Greg in place, rising them above the bed area as the other two climbed the stairs. And it looked like Baseball had some kind of large pink box in her hands. What in the...

There was definite guilt on Freckles face however, suggesting that she didn't really want to do this. Connie wanted to be like Steven and appeal to their nature, but desperation had her clawing for every breath and anger spewing out like a geyser.

"Hey let us go!" Connie cried out.

No dice, obviously.

She looked over to see Bluebird flying up to and sitting next to Steven's side while Baseball put the box on the chair next to the bed. Opening the box was some kind of...only what Connie could describe was a miniature version of an injector. Connie couldn't do anything, to her horror as Baseball handed the device to Bluebird whom unbuttoned Steven's shirt to allow themselves to his patchy, magenta stained neck. Connie fell into a panic, extremely frantic about what they were going to do to him.

"Hey get your hands off my son!" Greg roared.

Bluebird just giggled. Connie came to really hate her face too.

"Oh it looks like the tales twisted yet again!" She said, her tone holding the right amount of villainy that Connie would come to detest with every fiber of her being. Eyes locked on to the pink object, where the prongs dug themselves into his neck, causing his body to pop in response. Connie couldn't tell if he was still sleeping but...even with his current state...Connie could only try.

"STEVEN _WAKE UP_ PLEASE!" She cried.

"YOU'VE GOTTA FIGHT BAMFMFMFM."

A slimy swath of water across her mouth halted her cries for him to be able to move. But there was little strength he could use now, at his wits end and at the mercy of those who had come to claim their hatred. Connie felt the panic run through her veins, hot, cold, hot cold like she herself had a fever. She checked on Greg who had since passed out; so much and too much for him to take in and he did not deserve any of it. Despair became the controlller within her own heart, her eyes becoming fixated on the device as Baseball activated it.

"We just need to do this one itty bitty thing and we'll leave Earth alone. We'll go back to Homeworld and you all go can go on with your lives..for the mean time." Bluebird explained.

No matter how hard Connie tried, the energy she spent in her battles against the Lazuli's that held her was being spent wastefully. She felt heated, hopeless, too human...to try meant nothing if she was in the weakest in positions...and she froze in the moment the device's needle popped out of the center and aiming towards his neck. Connie's throat tightened further out of pure stress and all she could ask her self was the same word, repeating in her head over and over again, like a ticking clock or her own heart beat; synchronized with purpose.

_Why._

Why were they really doing this?

Again with the lack of answers to the million of questions hunkered down in the basement, locked away for no one else to see, casualties only because they weren't aware. Connie looked at Freckles, who was lost in her own lack of knowing, the apprehension strong within her frowning form. She didn't want to do this, clearly. From what Connie was told by the CG Lapis, was that there were two of these Gems Steven and herself had met on another planet, terraforming without permission. It was through their joint efforts they got them to stop, but only one Lapis was willing to see things their way and Lapis liked the way this one was more relaxed. So indeed it was jarring to see this one betray them all like she did, though her sorrowful looks indicated there was much to be desired in her grand scheme of things; not enjoying the fact that she was actually forced to hurt people again and the other Lapis, well, enjoyed it. Connie then pulled out a card of courage from within, swallowing the water that surrounded her mouth and using that brief moment to reach out to the blue gem.

"Hey we can stop this! Please help!" Connie cried, before Mean Lapis tried covering her mouth again.

The needle was almost at his throat. Again, time slowed, heartbeats slower that rang in her head.

And then...

Freckles threw Connie towards Baseball and Bluebird, knocking both of them to the nearby wall. The former was upside down, facing towards the wall as her light pink hair fell to the bed, revealing her gem behind her head. Bluebird herself with her tongue out, utterly flabbergasted. Freckles ended up attacking Mean Lapis, whom was forced to drop the unconscious Greg, as Connie got her bearings an and shuffled about, trying to pull the injector off of Steven, but it was still on him. She ended up being surprised by Bluebird whom had wrapped all four legs around Connie to pull her away from Steven.

"You...will...give...me...my VICTORY!" Bluebird shouted.

The two ended up in quite the scuffle as Bluebird pulled out her ice cutlass from her eye gem. Connie rolled back off of the bed and pulled out her own. Connie had to pull out all of the moves on this one as she fought to keep the fusion away from them. Bluebird was skilled and fast with her swings as she forced Connie down the stairs, who was purely on the defense and trying to find the perfect moment to strike.

The hitting of steel and ice was the constant metronome, and the room their stage for their performance. Connie had to work smarter, not harder like she always did, rolling and weaving, dodging where simply blocking the strike would not suffice. It was then Bluebird summoned more swords in the air and threw them down towards Connie. She needed to be faster, but...one of the blades cut her arm causing her to grimace as she started to bleed. 

It mattered little, the fight went on as Connie continued to push back as much as she possibly could. She was human and she was still prepared to give as good as she could possibly get, fencing around the room and back up the stairs again as Baseball regained her composure. Damn it. She could risk Bluebird striking her as Baseball went back to work on the halted mini injector or blocking Bluebird but letting Baseball finish the job.

Only one logical answer to that. 

Connie jumped on the bed and without hesitation swiped Baseball, who, for that split moment, looked up at Connie with creepy grin on her face and muttered a single sentence.

"Time is _up._ "

Connie struck her, dissipating her form instantly. However, the split moment after that had Connie gasp as something cold hit her back with impunity. Shock rode her first, feeling the blood on her face first and foremost, looking down and seeing the end of the ice cutless poking out of her stomach. Then next thing she saw was Steven opening his eyes, his vision blurry at first, then taking the moment to understand what he was seeing, before Bluebird pulled the cutlass out and causing Connie to fall on the bed.

* * *

For what was then supposed to be dormant, Steven didn't feel the prongs on the device at first, looking at Bluebird Azurite who had since unsummoned her cutlass. She was only observing Steven with off-hand disinterest. but that wasn't what he was feeling. He his head tilted to his right, to where Connie had fallen on the other side, smiling at Steven like she could see something rise within him that he didn't feel straight away, but...dormant no longer. Steven sat up, glaring at Bluebird with such an intensity that it instantly wiped the smirk off of her face.

"Oh well, s-she got in my way and-oh bother, I must go...come on Sapphire, Lapis we're out of here!" She said, snatching the Pink Sapphire before fleeing the scene. Mean Lapis ended up dragging Freckles away with her as they escaped out through the elevator.

Steven closed his eyes briefly, taking a deep breath before turning back to Connie. Where he had gotten his sudden strength from he had no idea. His mind was clouded but his focus was one thing. Anger on auto-pilot and thoughts were absolutely nothing but an eternal fog of rage, only contained by a sphere of a singular goal. He was not going to lose Connie. He was not going to lose Connie. He was _not_ going to lose Connie....

Instinct ran by him, guiding him to lick his hand with saliva (and not that nasty acidic stuff either) and slap his hand on her bleeding stomach and held it there. Powerful surges of incredibly emotions ran through him as he looked at her face, beginning to remember certain sequences of his life, fragment by fragment...Steven swallowed, his eyes bouncing between her face and her stomach, uncontrollable as the tormenting whirlwind kept messing with his head.

The wound soon healed, but Connie had since passed out herself. Running on all but primal word, his scaly hand, which had since grown claws, felt her face. She was still warm and putting his ear to her mouth, he could her soft breathing. Steven should have felt relief but.

He noted the mini injector on the side of his neck and tried to rip it out himself, then stopped as he could see the younger Steven at the end of the bed, standing there, looking on as his now monstrous self.

"Get away from here. Get away as far as you can." Younger Steven said.

Steven tried to open his mouth, but only got garbles and growls. Feeling his face, his teeth had since gotten larger.

"The injector's needle. It didn't take long for the chemicals to filter in once the device was injected briefly into your neck."

It was then the hologram ghosts returned to the room...of everyone he knew and loved...but they flickered and glitched...as did the young Steven. Steven himself ripped out the device and threw it away, he then winced in pain, pulling open his buttoned shirt and seeing his own gem doing the same thing. Experiencing slight discomfort, a hand made its way at his lower back, reaching towards it and pulling out...a long, spiky tail. He swallowed, seeing the Young Steven fading in and out in pink fuzz. Such a response made Steven whine, as he started to cry, looking on at both Connie and his...Dad as pink tears streamed down his face. Terror and confusion ruled his mental realm from then on, for reality began to break around him.

"They will be fine. The other Gems will find them and take care of them from. You saved Connie and Dad. That's all that matters." Younger Steven continued.

"You on the other hand...you need to leave. Now."

He didn't want to. His first idea was to make sure Connie was comfortable first...but she was fine as she was, laying out on the bed as if she was just taking at nap. He then jumped down and checked up on his Dad, using his newfound strength to put him on the couch and laid him out there too. Once content with the situation, Steven went towards the emergency warp pad but couldn't figure out how to use it. His mind would normally make sense and he's used the console by the galaxy warp hundreds of times. Maybe it was because he was corrupted that he couldn't use it. Frustration had him slamming the console, causing it to shake. 

The elevator was only one way as well so there was no way they could go up that way, nor could Steven even begin to understand that type of function. This type of stress had him breathing hard and running around the room on all fours, pacing to figure out a way to get out. He eventually sat down and wailed, his cry akin to a monstrous howl mixed with a demonic, fragmented and echoing roar of despair.

Another noise went off to his left. He sniffed the air, looking towards the bedroom area and seeing Lion. Urges would tell Steven to get him to back off but remaining human logic stayed his hand. He approached the pink creature, going into a staring contest briefly as Lion looked at him with great caution. Steven of course, could somehow understand why. But he was grateful for Lion for being here at the least. Not all hope was lost.

"If you can't get the Warp Pad to function, then get Lion to take them out and you can stay here. It's just like the Venting Room on Homeworld. They designed it for you." Younger Steven commented.

Of course!

With little time to lose, Steven helped get Connie and Greg to Lion, placing them on his back and standing afar. If Steven could speak, he'd thank Lion for his assistance...but the speech came out as series of growls and grumbles...to which Lion, must have understood with a nod and picked up Connie's sword in between his teeth. He then roared out a portal and jumped through it, disappearing completely.

And leaving Steven on his lonesome, locked in his cage. Sorrow tried to filter through his muddied brain, which could only now simplify between sadness, anger and happiness...and maybe extreme anger. Memories came and went that Steven could no longer access, almost to the point where he was just about as a gone with everything else turned to ashes. He ended up jumping back on to his bed and huddling in on himself, his tail curled around and his arms around his knees.

"You did everything you could, but I can't carry you any further than this..." Younger Steven said.

"You won't believe it now, but its better this way. You're on your own."

It was then he disappeared, leaving Steven in the truest form of loneliness he'd ever felt, reaching out in feeble desperation as he cried out distorted, almost garbled electronic growls as his body warped on its on accord, with abstract pains due to his bones rearranging. Every part of his body held its own agonizing inferno, breaking, snapping, bending and stretching that his tears ended up staining the bed around him. He'd fallen to his side in the break in the chain to what he'd just to come to understand. Now he laid there, withdrawn into himself in anticipation for the final frames. Quivering, quaking, sobbing, _shaking_...

Steven forced more single worded concepts which were the written code to the last parts of his humanity, riding out the storm. Abandonment, lost, hatred, fear, resolve, pain, _love_ , pleasant, warm, cold, regret, fault, forgiveness, acceptance....need, need, need, _need._..

Hurt, hurt, hurt, _hurt_....

Until words had no meaning anymore, his mind finding peace in the purple and black static. But within that static...was the often repetition of the same word, the only word left remembering through it...the only word that could be salvaged and the last piece of his humanity protected by everything else.

_Sorry..._

And no sooner than later, the skies that held skies of pure, clear blue began to turn to amber first, then red...then purple as clouds began to roll in from nearby at a quickened rate, more so than usual as thunder echoed and as time passed, violent earthquakes emerged from Little Homeworld. The Sirens were still going off but whom ever remained, rebels or gems, remained confused at the sudden change of weather but it was apparent.

The storm had arrived.


	19. The Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One can only delay the inevitable for so long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all waited for this moment. And here it comes...

The energy of the atmosphere felt charged with tensions, vexations and anguish as they brewed with electricity, as light turned to dark and hopelessness heavily weighing on peoples hearts. Its intensity brought on by surprise, panic and the struggle to survive. The unfortunate symptoms of war.

The storm clouds rolled in quicker than anyone would have anticipated. A blend of the darkest pinks, purples, reds and magentas that painted the image of violence and impurities with its curly and rapid strokes of vivid colors. Heavy thunder and bright lightning of supernatural proportions shifted their way in, with the breeze picking up quite considerably. The smell of smoke wafted past as the winds played with ashes on the air currents brought on by the rebellion's relentless attacks, with nearly the entirety of Beach City in multi-colored, neon like flames and scattered shots and bursts of other smaller bits of smog. It was dawn smacked down into the end of the twilight in the matter of moments and the worst with opaque clarity.

Wailing sirens and blasting explosions filled the void of the muffled, crackling silence. One would hope that most of Beach City would have been evacuated by this point, but that generally wasn't the way Connie Maheswaran was currently thinking. It should have been, but it wasn't. Much more damning, confusing, relenting noises and images trickled in constantly, unable to have escape the tormenting patterns of her cyclonic visions.

Whispers of past conversations filtered by in Connie's mind. Other voices...Steven's one in particular stood out the most.

_Unless you have some huge monster terrorizing the planet or-or another rebellion that threatens the Earth that needs the Diamonds touch, then I'm all hands on deck for that._

Her subconscious held on to images of older, fonder times that flashed by. Smiles, hugs...Steven wearing suits or disguises or costumes. Brighter, positive colors on calmer days that would have played the most pleasant ambiance that she had taken for granted.

_Laughter._

_Songs._

All that would bring warmth to the hearts of others, now only left in the safety of the pigeonholes of her memories. She would have preferred to stay in seclusion, but the way that Steven stood in the doorway told her otherwise. The Classic Steven, who evolved into older Steven...who then evolved into Diamond King Steven. The darkest Steven. His eyes warped from white to black, his skin from pale to dark magenta that flickered away into the fiery, pink flames that Connie held the desire to reach out to him, to call out to him to come back to her. Her hand stretched towards his form as he turned away, preferring to be consumed by the inferno, which burned through the last thing Connie remembered beforehand. It was the steely look on his face, while the sharp pain had previously struck through her gut had her looking downwards at the pointy end of Bluebirds Cutlass... but his eyes...those dark, dark eyes had become the black hole that swallowed all the warmth Connie had, that lay splintered around her.

She'd shot up, gasping for air as she looked down at her torn shirt, lifting it up to see her clean stomach. Her focus was so narrow, that Connie didn't recognize her surroundings at first.

Looking around, she looked at the area she was in. Broken brick walls, no roof which had Connie noticing it as the abandoned warehouse. She looked next to her, seeing Greg as he was also awake, although stuck in his own trance of fragile despair, his eyes fixated on the floor with a massive frown. Taking in more of her surroundings, she could see the Gems speaking to each other about the situation.

Jasper had arrived, talking with the Crystal Gems about her plans. Connie couldn't hear her, instead, she looked down at her shaking hand, brought on by shock and trauma. 

Connie couldn't believe she was feeling this way. She couldn't be...she _shouldn't_ be. But the amount of terror that ran down her veins, the amount of horror that squeezed on her lungs and the amount of distress that froze her in place was nothing she should have been experiencing. She was a warrior, a knight but now she was even failing that. Like she failed Steven.

She wanted to cry as the burning sensation behind her eyes had tears running down her cheeks uncontrollably. Connie didn't notice Greg looking at her and shuffling himself closer, putting his arm around her which had Connie throwing herself into his arms and weeping into his chest. If more than anyone, Greg would have had to feel much worse than she or at that point, feel the same exact way as the only one human being in existence who could ever hope to understand how devastating this really was. 

Lion was behind them and he himself crawled closer, nudging his snout against Connie's head to comfort her. He too, while he was an animal, had always been rather empathetic in nature and could always sense how people felt.

* * *

Arriving on Earth was the last thing Jasper expected to do. But by the time she had arrived with her forces, she was already too late. Most of the damage to Beach City had been done and her priority was to stamp out the resisting forces and clamp down on the leaders. She wanted to get her fingers around the Sapphires neck and tear her to shreds but her other priority was to make sure her Diamond was okay. For the most part.

She wasn't really into it at first. Steven was, unique. Probably the best compliment she could give about him. She wasn't fooled by Rose's facade, only puzzled. And her confusion was amplified on revelations built on deception but when it came down to it, he did have certain strengths about him that did separate him from Rose. Jaspers own stubbornness refused to let her see otherwise, only picking up smaller details on the way he continued to deal with matters and finding that his own actual strength impressed her.

He wasn't her...original Diamond. Far from it. However, Jasper had to admit he did indeed work hard and wanted Jasper for her strength and strength alone...and for the time she had on Homeworld, doing what she was made to do felt great (not that she would tell anyone that.) He wanted her to have purpose like she always wanted for herself. Only for her to dictate that choice for herself and not for any fake Diamond.

He did come in occasion, observing and throwing in a few punches himself but Jasper could see Steven held himself back. He didn't fight like that day in the woods and Jasper wanted to push for that ferocity. Steven had that raw power within him but he refused to use it.

Looking up the stormy skies, it was apparent that what Volleyball had been so worried about was coming true. And with the Rebellion hitting hard and fast, it had Jasper thinking that it had been too long since there was any decent enemies and at one stage looked forward to pummeling down some rogue gems a peg or two, but the way she commanded her own armies to push back some of the forces had a true power on its own. Her soldiers had their strengths and weaknesses and made sure that they were covered as to not let the enemy take advantage of them. Different parties, different Gems...it was all about using the right tactics like those she had used to win battles in the last rebellion.

Certain calls about the smaller victories came through via her other contacts, coming back and forth to the warehouse where they had made it their little base. Meeting up with the Crystal Gems was inevitable, so she had to suck it up and deal with it as they came. They know how to fight. Kind of but they were willing so that's the only part Jasper could really use. Only to buy them time until the Diamonds arrived.

The Bismuth explained how they'd taken Steven to the bunker; something they built to contain him in case it went sour really quickly. Jasper grew intrigued; that they had dared to build a cage for someone they trusted. But it would make sense, considering all the talk about how Steven was generally bonkers. Not that anyone had to tell Jasper that he was. Only that he was only better in the presence of his so called friends.

But that in itself would only stall the inevitable. The human, Greg said that the bunker was attacked by Bluebird Azurite, Baseball and two Lapis'. The CG Lapis was beside herself, angry at herself for even teaching one of them. Anger was fuel to Lapis...Jasper's experienced that power before.

The past aside, while Jasper could deal with the generic bland forces that surrounded them, it was the easiest part. The hardest part was that there was a definite power in the air, which grew thick with a trickling energy that she could sense. It was heavy, like the storm was generating some of sort of miasma like humidity. Too much power spread in a small area; it was a toxic influence, especially to the organic life.

The Pearl guessed it could have been a result of tonnes of magical explosions going off at multiple points in time, which was a valid point. The last rebellion did change landscapes through the hundreds of intense battles that were scattered across the Earth and the organic life had suffered underneath the constant battles that were held just about anywhere they could be found.

The Peridot had a a complex computer rig set up, looking on multiple screens and examining the situation herself, trying to find the source. Everyone else stood behind her, watching on as she processed the results.

"Seems like the miasma's source is coming from Little Homeworld." Peridot announced.

Looking at the blueprint on one of the monitors, Jasper had a feeling where this was coming from. As did everyone else.

"Isn't that where Steven is?" Amethyst asked, off put by that concerning bit of detail.

"It is." Said the Fusion.

"His corruption....his power is out of control."

Corruption...a word Jasper came to absolutely hate. Looking at the other Gems, they were distraught over the fact that the sheer force of this was beginning to affect everything around him. There was little she could do against a monstrosity like that.

"Even with the bunker?" Lapis questioned.

Bismuth shook her head.

"It would be okay if Steven was himself. But right now, who knows what his corruption is really doing...I wouldn't be surprised if he was unaware that he was doing it." She said.

A corrupted gem held little to no value of its own surroundings. Only to fight and survive. Conventionally a gem like that could simply be poofed but...this had indeed grown a lot more complicated.

"Do we know how long the bunker will hold for?" Jasper questioned the Builder Gem.

She shrugged.

"I'm not sure. The alloy itself is durable for smaller, spaced assaults but will give into heat and possibly melt under the right circumstances, only normally used for ships when shields are down. Steven might right out of steam if we're lucky enough but we just don't know. An hour? Two hours maybe? Longer?"

They just needed to wait until the Diamonds arrived. Their power would be enough to deal with Steven for sure. For now, all they could really aim for was to make sure the parts of the rebellion were stamped out.

"Hmm...Peridot, I need you go to Little Homeworld and continue to monitor the Miasma." Jasper ordered.

The smaller Gem looked offended, pointing fingers towards the tall orange Quartz. Jasper didn't like her and she didn't have to, but she needed someone like her could just maintain order over there until any notable changes called for more help. To which Peridot could glide over to alert everyone.

"Who says I should take orders from the likes of _you_?" Peridot iterated.

Jasper narrowed her eyes and made a light grunt, putting her hands to her waist, while Pearl pinched her nose and scrunched her eyes out of frustration.

"Just do it Peridot. We need someone who can at least keep an eye on everything down there." Pearl told her.

Finally, the only thing Jasper could agree with her on. 

"Fine, fine...Bismuth, Lapis let's go." Peridot moaned.

As the group prepared to migrate to Homeworld, Jasper looked at the two humans with the animal before them, huddling around each other in fear. Ugh. Civilians. Weak, small and yet they were supposed to protect something that Jasper could squash under her hands. 

"Those two need to be taken somewhere safer." Garnet suggested.

"Most of the other humans of Beach City have been taken out of town."

The total evacuation to the next town over was the original plan, since the Rebellion was only really fixed on Beach City alone. It wasn't until the female one got up from where she was, sliding her sword into her sheath and approached them.

"No...I can fight." She pleaded.

She looked withered and tired. They didn't need either of those. A combination of stress and the storms miasma would affect her just as much.

"You and Greg need to get out of Beach City." Garnet told her.

Jasper appreciated the enthusiasm but she wouldn't last in a battle like this. Not with that feeble, fleshy form of hers. Garnet knelt down before her, placing her hands on the girls shoulders.

"Connie, I have no doubt of your bravery." Garnet continued.

"But this is much more dangerous than what we're used to fighting."

Or they were trying to protect her from a horrible sight. She was young. Able maybe.

"We need all the help we can get." Jasper told her.

Words coming out of her mouth that Jasper herself never expected to say. It left the other gems just as shocked.

"As I said, we need to delay this as much as we can until the Diamonds arrive. So until they we do, we keep pushing the rebellion back out of Beach City."

She looked down at the young human who nodded, her stance changing from feeble to strengthened with cause. After all, there were some pretty agile and clever humans during the original war. Jasper looked forward to seeing her potential. Or she was killed....it mattered little to her what she decided to do. All Jasper really wanted was just people to follow her orders and root out this dilemma once and for all. But also get in a few throws herself. The chance to really shine like she did in combat was few and far in between.

"Jasper this could be dangerous for her! Connie's never had to fight this many gems!" Pearl cried out.

Of course others might not see it that way.

"No...Jaspers right." Garnet told her, adjusting her visor.

"Steven trusts Connie. We trust Steven. Connie can take care of herself."

Glad on they're on an agreement of sorts.

"You're ready for this Con?" Amethyst queried her.

Connie nodded.

"Definitely." She said, pulling out her sword.

* * *

The plan involved poofing as many as they could. It ended up with Lion taking Greg to safety elsewhere, while Connie was kept on her toes, fighting off gems, twice maybe three times her size. Her own plan was to head back to Little Homeworld, just to see how things were progressing but if she could help out where she could along the way, it would make everyone's lives a little easier.

The skies were still streaming with ships from both the rebellion and from Homeworld, the main differences were the Pink Diamond icons as opposed to the the ones slapped with the big red X's on the Diamond Authority symbols. Connie had to be careful not to be hit by any oncoming beams and shots and she did indeed have a few close calls alongside fighting off a few rogue quartzes and Rubies.

Some of the ships even landed on Earth, transforming themselves into crawling mobile units and keeping off a few Homeworld forces in huge beams of yellow light. Connie made sure to avoid those. The sounds were heavy and occasionally couldn't tell if a lot of the rumbling came from blasts, explosions or lightning or thunder from above. The miasma described by Peridot did hold a hefty weight in her chest, but that wasn't going to stop her.

Connie never personally saw herself fighting in a war as sudden and as terrifying as this, though she could not let fear be her controller. She took the job of being a Crystal Gem seriously and to have others put trust in her strengths was a great honor. But to be running down streets, fighting off imposing foe after imposing foe with the evil glints in their eyes; their intents merely to kill...she could see how much that would traumatize a regular person. Connie was anything but regular, but the human part of her would always carry a burden alongside her, replaying events in the future ahead.

No wonder Steven was scared. The fact of almost dying time and time again was a regular pattern. He tried so hard and most times was generally meant with hostility. All the horrible messes he's had to sort through came with tenacity on his end, combating nerve for a better resolution. Holding his dying body in her arms....what would have been going through his head at that point would have definitely taken its toll if Connie wasn't fast enough. Now she was worn and torn like he was but she couldn't give up.

And Connie herself could note that she could feel that fear trembling through her all the time. Going through the flames and the shots taken and to come out the other side was in equal parts exhilarating and horrifying that she too was always on deaths doorstep. Maybe through her own studying that she could fight through it but...

Lion returned shortly after, having taken Greg somewhere else for the time being, pulling around the corner and running as fast he could, as Connie took a hold of his mane and swung herself around to land on his back. The extra speed, bulk and agility helped immensely as Connie took down a few more rebels using a combination of Lions roar to push a few back, stun them and strike them down. 

Upon the new elevated clearing, she could see how much of Beach City was now unrecognizable, with some flames being taller than some of the original buildings. They would recover but...

They both went to Little Homeworld as planned. For what little it would help anyway. She noticed Peridot, Lapis and Bismuth examining from within. Connie could see cracks in the Earth and the slight tinge of burgundy fog in the air around her that along the smoke, had a more stronger muskier scent.

"Oh hey Connie." Said Lapis who fluttered down near her.

Connie swallowed and nodded. She noted how it was harder to breath here than it was before.

"It's a mess over there. I came to see how things were going here." Connie asked as she jumped off of Lion.

Peridot's rig was already set up here as she played around the keyboard, taking in all the readings which, going from how erratic the graphs were, were off the charts. Literally.

"This is definitely the source of the miasma. It's incredibly thick here." Peridot commented.

"It's definitely the cause of the storm and it doesn't look like its' gonna let up any time soon. Not to mention the increasing tremors going off every few seconds or so."

Connie looked up at the tallest building in Little Homeworld, which had been cracked up as well, the fog seeping out through several and ascending into the sky. She clenched her shirt near her chest.

"I've never seen corruption this bad before."

And all they could do was sit and wait for it. Connie wanted to stay but she also had to go back to the fighting at some point. As Jasper said, the Diamonds should be here soon and that they'll be able to take care of problems for here on in. Part of her just wanted to talk to Steven but corruption being as what she could understand, was just gems just acting on feral instincts and unleashing their hurt as a means of being unable to understanding why they were hurting themselves. It pained her own brain just thinking about how that could possibly feel. Even for a human-raised mind like Steven's.

The true storm of chaos, a torrential downpour on any kind of sensible thought pattern, a whirlwind of the mind bounced about, snapping out control of any kind, striking down with lightning with any attempts to try. 

There was little Connie could do while she was here other than wallow in sadness and pity, when she could be out there. She shook her head, readying herself to go back into the fray, until.

Boom....

....

Boom....

........

 **BOOOOOOM.**...

Earthquakes worsened the cracks around them, the ground shaking in short bursts which had Connie also fall through a widened one if not for Lions fast reflexes and catching her by the torso, holding it gently in his mouth. He threw her on his back as they maneuvered around nearby, which had the other three move about quickly to avoid their own demise.

"Oh _no..._ " Bismuth muttered with disbelief.

Boom....

....

Boom.....

.......

 _ **BOOOOOOM**_.....

Connie found herself breathing more heavily, but also noted how hot it sudden become, the humidity intensifying alongside it. More of the miasma crept through the cracks, rising up to fuel the raging storms above, as the clouds above them began to spiral. This was much, much worse than they anticipated. The wind picked up even more as ashes and embers curved around them, creating their own hell inducing artwork.

Boom...

....

Boom....

........

 _ **BOOOOOOOM.**_....

"We have to get out here!" Peridot panicked.

Lapis flew around to pick up Bismuth as Peridot got out her trash can lid and flew upwards. The tall tower itself began to crumble under the consistent fissures. Connie could have sworn to have heard a long, deep roar of sorts from underneath the surface. Her heart rate increased. She had to leave. Lion ended up taking her a considerable distance away, but not too far as to watch everything unfold before them.

She shouldn't show her own turmoil, not when she was needed. In what she way she could really provide when everything was like this. She just wanted the Diamonds to hurry up already.

The buildings within Little Homeworld began to fall inwards, as chasms started to form as debris tipped over to the center. The Warp Pad was the first to go, shattering with its glass like attributes. The heat intensified once more.

The roars got louder alongside it. As they could only watch the event unfold around them, the four stood by next to each other nearby. Lapis couldn't bare to watch, seeking refuge in Bismuth's comfort as she took to slamming her face in her chest, Bismuth wrapping one arm around her while Peridot held her spare. Connie stood next to Lion, who kept her close as his paw dragged inwards. He growled, knowing what was about to arrive.

The tremors stopped for the moment, as Little Homeworld had become nothing more but a massive pile of rubble and debris. Connie swallowed as it had gone quiet, seeing her own life and her times with Steven flash before her eyes. Her nerves were in constant shock, turning them into jelly almost.

A screech of the most inhuman reverberated, as bright pink flashes appeared to pour out from the spaces in the rubble like an aurora. The noise of energy charging up was followed by a near blinding blast, disintegrating all of the debris in a tower of light that streamed into the sky. The ground then shook like crazy as Connie shielded her eyes with her arm, walking backwards to avoid the quick spread of the debris from hitting them. 

As the light faded, the intense temperatures caused the surface and the edges around Little Homeworld to melt around the gigantic hole that was formed in it's place. Connie moved her arm away, although that resulted in her coughing from the ash and smoke, and causing her to squint as she could see the radiating heat distort the air from the newly formed chasm. Loud, foreboding footsteps proceeded it, as a dark, shadowy figure began to emerge from it, ever so slowly.

All Connie could really see where two massive, glowing neon pink eyes rise upwards and the amount of dread she felt upon meeting them was nothing she'd ever felt before.

" _Oh my stars..._ " Peridot muttered, shaking like nothing else.

The beast was massive in scope, as it crawled out in the direction of the place once known as Beach City and Connie could now examine it properly. It's skin and back plating the deepest magenta. White, curved crystalline spikes spread from it's head to its elongated neck, it's bulky body then to it's huge tail. Two sets of front arms (or legs) and a set of strong hind legs. It's size could only be described as being twice the size of the temple itself. Except it was a construct more forged in newborn fires of hate and fury than it was to the blending ancient warmths of love and respect.

It appeared withdrawn at first, coiled in on itself. Until it spread its tail out, sitting back on its back legs and going upright, stretching its neck and its head towards the skies as Connie's eyes went wide as they could, catching the glimpse of Steven's Gem on its gut and his broad chest. His large, gaping mouth opened up, demonstrating its sharp, pointy teeth and let itself tear into the cruel, burning world it found itself in, announcing itself with the the most visceral call it could muster.

" ** _RYOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH..._** "

It's incredibly, monstrous roar bellowed around them, more akin to a distorted horn mixed in with a dragons shout, sending shockwaves as they struggled not to be flung off by the sheer immense power of it. It commanded an Aura so powerful that it the air around it appeared to flicker in pink embers and crackles of lightning as the miasma it created had been the true cause of the odd weather phenomenon. 

It then noticed the group, its gaze upon them to where Connie could have sworn her heart stopped briefly out of pure terror. His eyes locked on to hers. There was so much written behind them and even his facial structure...Connie could tell it was him within that thing. More images flashed by in her mind but...the look he gave and despite his current state, Connie wondered if he was trying to recognize her. What ever it was, it told Connie that he was still fighting, somehow or parts of him trying so hard to understand what he was really looking at.

Connie didn't want to fear him. She couldn't. Subconsciously, she left the safety of the confines of Lion and ignored the cries of the others as she walked towards him, his eyes on her alone. For what could only be described as child like curiosity, he examined her as she got closer. Connie fought her growing heartbeat and sweated like mad, but if she could show him that she wasn't afraid of him, that she could show that there wasn't a monster in front of her, but a young boy who was just trying to make things right again.

To her own detriment she wanted to be there for him. She wanted to do it for him. That's why she was here. There was a part of her that told her to do this. Out of love; friendship...what ever the true cause of her determination, that this was a person behind all that who still deserved it all and more. For all of his sacrifices, to be rewarded this....to be cursed _this,_ was just extremely unfair and unjust.

"Hi-hi Steven...." She croaked.

"Do you recognize me?"

He tilted his head, lowering it down to her level. His head dwarfed her entire body, but she didn't care. He made a few growled murmurs like he was trying to talk in a weird way, but she accepted that nonetheless.

Trepidation be damned as she got closer, raising her hand to his cheek. She didn't want to hesitate, but after a few shaky attempts of her subtle jolt backs, her fingers met with his scaly skin, and gently caressed it. His head moved slightly into her hand, closing his eyes and making a slight grunt in response. Connie smiled. It was a start.

She wondered if there was any care given like this on Homeworld. That human-esque contact and touch. What the lack of it did to his mind, knowing how hands off Gems could really be. The lack of affection not entirely their fault. That's just who they were in general. Connie once again fell into the trap of placing blame. She shouldn't be doing it...and she warned him. She warned him about the human aspects of his life he really needed. Because by ignoring what made him, well, him was contact from both species to make him feel whole. By ignoring one or the other and leaning too far in one direction was simply too toxic. 

Or it was, to Connie's own admission on the subject that it wasn't that she saw this coming but, if her previous talks with Steven told her anything, there wasn't really anyone stopping him from making stupid decisions from time to time. He was a Diamond and no one really would question a Diamond.

But they would question a human.

And humans had their faults.

So did Gems and especially Diamonds.

General error was to blame really. The lack of foresight that really didn't have to be told by Garnet or any Sapphire. Faults not looked into properly and precautions not taken seriously enough.

And now...all the little things that had piled up over the last few months, or if even years spiraled into this moment, where Steven really wasn't in a good position and how to solve the real issues at hand became secondary to the obvious problems before them. A long, brewing tempest of events, evolving into this superstorm of potentially cataclysmic proportions.

But if Connie could comfort him anyway she could, then it would be the first, difficult step of many....and that's all it really took by this point. Is just...steps. Baby and...wyrm sized ones at that.

So for him to accept this was actually both steps over all. It looked small, but it gave so much in return.

It would have been, if not for the huge missile that burst into his side. Steven roared out his contorted electronic like screams, as the Gems called out Connie's name from a distance, but Connie was only really worried about one thing.

"NO!!!!" She shouted.

Steven's soft demeanor switched automatically. While the blast did little to damage him, he was instantly _pissed_ , glaring at the nearby ship for even daring to fire at him. He went on all six legs, positioning himself into place as his massive claws dug into the Earth, his spikes rising up higher. All Connie could really do was observe as Steven's mouth opened, charging power into a sphere of pink light, his eyes focused on his target. Connie could hear the channeling with a deep, chest thumping, warped bass as it got higher in shuffled pitches, before all went silent in that split moment, letting off a massive beam of tightened light strike the offending ship down, which sent it crashing near the other Gems, who then high tailed out of there in that instant where the trees nearby went up in in a flurry of flames.

But the damage was done, the corrupted wyrm unleashed in all of its anger, its pain and all of its sorrow, charging forward as more ships surrounded him. He roared once again, firing off smaller blasts whilst trying to defend himself from the armada in the wake of his justified rage.

"STOP! STOP ATTACKING HIM!" She cried, despite how futile her attempts were to get them to do so.

More debris flung in her direction and it weren't for the timely intervention of Lion grabbing her collar, she would have been flattened by a giant finger. He forced her on his back again as he ran off, following Bismuth, Peridot and Lapis as they tried to find distance as well as the other Gems and as far as they could get from the absolute havok Steven had wreaked towards his foes AND his surroundings was more than what anyone of them could bare, only Connie wanting to remain to get them all to stop. But eventually she saw the logic. She couldn't do this on her own, but knew that the key was to reach out to him as much as they could to get him to calm down. It was possible, but it would take a great amount of effort. A team effort, so she relented and stopped going against the grain, going forward. Best thing they could do now was to regroup and figure out what to do next. 

And hope the Diamonds could make it in time, before all was lost.


	20. The Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To try isn't just a Human thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm doing it again...unintentionally lengthening my fics. Woops.  
> Thanks for everyone for sticking around, I really appreciate your kudos, bookmarks and comments.

Where were they? The Diamonds? Why the delays? The skies, the lands and the seas burned under the influence of a stubborn, infuriated, corrupted Half-Diamond.

Connie, Bismuth, Peridot and Lapis went to find the other Crystal Gems to inform them of the situation if they weren't already aware of the newest, biggest problem they had going on right now. Eventually they found them having just finishing off fighting off some rebels, fused as Alexandrite.

However, upon hearing Steven's mighty draconic roar, they'd unfused in an instant in the midst of the terrifying, striking realization, that their young boy had warped into, well, the big monstrosity that had started attacking Gems left or right, indiscriminately. Among all the chaos, they were sent into devastation on such a violent, disturbing sight that went on in the distance.

More so than the hundreds of gems poofed, scattered and bubbled. They were, realistically, the easiest parts. But the fact the Wyrm was beyond any Gem they've had to fight caused a lot of discourse among the Crystal Gems. They were meant to wait for the Diamonds who were due any moment now, but for the time being, they had to somehow stop Steven's rampage, no matter how much it hurt to do so.

But his power was immense as this hellish creature. Its thorn like spikes protracted every time it fired off one of its blasts, leaving gigantic craters behind and little to no debris in their place. He could destroy the world they had so fought so hard to protect and now they were busy arguing among themselves on how to solve this mess.

Amethyst, being the most logical, surprisingly, came up with an idea to tie him down. Garnet said that given his gargantuan form that it would be next to impossible to hold him down for long. Pearl on the other hand was beside herself, having fallen to her knees and covering her mouth as she cried.

Bismuth took to looking after her, having getting her up on her feet, while Peridot and Lapis spoke with Amethyst and Garnet about what they could possibly do. The Bunker was only ever a place that gave them some time. Something they were running quickly out of. Less ships cluttered the skies, with the numbers dwindling every moment Steven raised his head and released his power against them. He was doing way more damage per second than anyone else was per minute.

Connie wasn't about to give up. She clenched her chest, closing her eyes and sensing the pain within. She had calmed him down for that brief moment so there was some order to the madness in that thick skull of his. His soul, his spirit trapped within that mutated form, desperate for release.

And she didn't want to wait for the Diamonds to arrive when the damage had already been done. So she had to do something. Seeing Alexandrites towered form, it might possibly be enough to subjugate him for a little while. They needed size...they needed to be bigger. And Connie could see the turmoil written on their worn, distraught faces, not wanting to hurt him. But they might have to. 

They might not have a choice. But they were having a more civil discussion now than before, spreading more ideas about in a stable fashion.

"Why don't you use Alexandrite?" Connie put forth.

"Use her size at least."

Garnet looked over, seeing Steven's tail absolutely thwack a three Ruby fusion several feet into the sky.

"We've thought about it." She said, her voice wavering on solid absolutes.

"It's uncertain if we can hold her together."

Connie understood fusion enough to get why.

"You have to." Said Bismuth.

"We have little options to contain Steven in this state. We can't trap him, hurt him..." Peridot continued.

"But we can talk to him." Said Lapis.

Amethyst looked away briefly, before her despair turned to anguish.

"We've tried!" She roared in retaliation, venting her frustrations.

"I kept asking him. We kept asking him. And he just kept pushing back."

And despite their persistence, it never worked in the end.

"But we can't give up trying." Said Garnet, putting her hand on Amethyst's shoulder.

"First thing we need to do, is try and get rid of the other Gems that he's fighting. Clear the surrounding area enough so he has enough space."

Sounded like a good plan. They could trust Garnet to have her head on straight at least.

"What if he tries to run off?" Pearl questioned, trying to clear away her own tears and to go against her own hard-hitting emotions.

"We follow him." Garnet answered with surefire certainty.

"And we will continue to follow him. He's bound to tire out at some point."

If that's what it took, then it was better than standing around, gawking and feeling sorry for themselves.

"We doing this then?" Amethyst questioned.

Garnet nodded, then looked at Pearl who nodded...then Lapis, then Peridot, then Bismuth, then finally Connie.

All were in agreement, charging off towards the biggest part of the battle...and of their lives.

* * *

Within the dark pink hued atmosphere, the group ran in sequence, with Garnet in the lead, with the others in tow. There was a newfound feeling of determination shared among the group. The plan wasn't exactly fool proof, but Connie could see the efforts worth all the while, the premise of just trying being the only concept they had faith in. If they were to give up now, they would have already lost.

The group worked in tandem and in synchronicity and in synergy. As they approached the huge force upon them, they worked on clearing both the ground forces and the forces in the sky first, all the while dodging Steven's blasts and swipes with his claws and tail. He didn't seem to acknowledge them at first, as Peridot and Lapis worked together to take down as many ships as they could. Those ships were durable, but those two Gems were more than capable with their cunning to find a way around that.

Connie used Lions dimensional jumping to make her way around the field, swiping Gems left and right and running around in circles, making sure not a single one touched Steven (and making sure she didn't get caught in his cross firing either.) Pearl and Amethyst ended up fusing into Opal, standing in the distance and firing arrows at the hapless rebels, while Garnet and Bismuth stood back to back, through punches, shapeshifting limbs into weapons respectively, cleaving and blocking their way to victory. The battles appeared endless.

The human felt a bit weakened due to how much energy Steven was emitting from this form alone, the miasma being the thickest within close proximity. It was a little hard to breath, but Connie would endure. The nearby infernos had her sweating like mad, but that was negligible for the moment. Lion was a bit on the dirty side, but he was strong-willed.

She would think, on the cusp of her own beliefs, that what Steven was feeling was a lot worse. His roars, his eyes...and his aggression...signs of deep-seated suffering ingrained...the eye of the storm...not as calm and still as you think it would be. Far more complex, far more twisted within the center...so everywhere he went, the storm would follow...as the remaining gems and ships were finally taken care of, general exhaustion was felt all around....even from Steven.

Beyond the thunder, lightning and the crackling flames, one could hear Steven panting; small grunts and puffs as he checked his surroundings. He'd noticed the Gems and attempted to swat them with his claws, but even so it appeared weak; almost limp in motion. His screams were even strained and desperate, coarse as he tried to tale swipe Garnet who jumped out of the way quite easily. But even she was left to the point of near exhaustion after hours of combat.

Opal defused not long after, as the Gems surrounded a very lethargic and puzzled Steven, trying to figure out what was going on with these non-hostile gems who weren't fighting back. Was he aware that they were trying to help him? It was hard to fathom from his expressions alone...only trying to figure what he wanted to do next.

"Steven!" Garnet called out as with a bit of labor in her step, walked in front of him. He snorted, his back spikes retracting slighting, as his eyes narrowed, focusing on Garnet with caution. Tensions rose, but none were fit to argue.

Ignorant of the fusions possible shortcomings, Connie felt an odd feeling flow through her. It wasn't to do with the smell of ash, the scent of dirt or sweat. It wasn't the way the wind breezed over her skin, causing a little bit of pain on her wounds of one too many close calls.

It wasn't her tired mind and body and It wasn't the taste of charcoal on her tongue. Maybe it _was_ the miasma affecting her, causing her to crave more oxygen, as the power tightened her lungs. 

"We're not here to hurt you. We just want to help you." Garnet said, as she slowly got closer to him.

Connie sensed the tiniest sliver of reluctance from him, stepping back a touch as Garnet attempted to connect.

"Careful Garnet!" Pearl cried.

It was then Steven's attention snapped to her, causing Pearl to jump and shiver. He shook his head, then lifted it up, his back spikes retracting further, like they were folding into his plates. He made a minor growl, though not of disapproval but rather, the only thing Connie could tap into was it sounded like he saying... _no._

"We know you're hurting and we'll do what it ever it takes to heal you." Garnet continued, putting her hand on her chest; forging her sign of declaration.

While his head was lifted high with the help of his long neck, his head looked down while his neck was still upright. His eyes widened, focused on all on the gems. There was...a thought process going on in there, Connie was sure. He then noticed Connie, her eyes not letting go as she wanted to demonstrate her own declaration. 

Though, she felt a major shift in the wind, glass breaking past her form as burgundy clouds surrounded her, hearing whispers all the while...

~~_You don't need this...you don't need me...._ ~~

Connie's chest tightened further, hearing his distorted words through this ghastly veil.

"Of course we need you Steven...." Connie called out, though unsure of what to call this new haze she found herself in. But she could talk to him here.

"Just let us help."

It was an odd feeling for sure. Too abstract to describe, the feeling of...his spirit surrounding her, like a fine mist of sorts. Her own heartbeat pulsed inside of her head, short vibrating bursts that warped her vision.

"I want you to tell me your adventures, everything I missed out on. I want to be there for you Steven. I am here for you."

_~~I promised you we'd always be a team, and... I let you down. I'm sorry.~~ _

Was he...remembering things now? She's heard him say that before, Connie could have sworn...she then began to cough, looking at her hand...she was petrified by the pink splatters across her palm. The Miasma...

She heard muffled calls of her name repeatedly, sounding like they were coming from Pearl. Connie had to snap out of that stupid trance and get back to her task.

"We...we are a team Steven." Connie told him, her breath labored.

"Just...tell us how we can help you and we'll do what we can."

She wanted to hope the Diamonds could help amend some of the damage caused but for now...

The haze ended, as Connie felt herself falling off of Lion, severely weakened by that bizarre mind trip of sorts. Steven tilted his head towards her, noticing her sliding off of Lion, watching Pearl as she ran towards the girl to catch her. He then snorted, examining the situation before him, while Peridot came to check up on her, seeing magenta veins appearing on her face.

"Her organic body can't handle the amount of toxic pollution here." Peridot clarified.

Connie looked up at Steven, who seemed to...somehow realize what he was doing. A frown donned on his face as he began to step back a few steps, his large thumps accompanied by slight whines. Feeble as it was, she lifted her arm at him, as she suspected that he was about to flee. Connie didn't care that it was affecting her. The haze she was in...she was connected to him somehow through it, hearing him voice his thoughts in the strangest of ways. It could have been purely a hallucination but it mattered little. The battle in his mind continued and she was going to help him win it, no matter the cost.

"Don't go Steven!" Connie cried.

"Don't run..."

It hurt her head and her entire body ached from the combination of the miasma and general exhaustion. The sound of glass breaking echoed again, her mind returning to the cloudy world once more. But it was her who tried to connect again this time.

"Speak to me... _please_..."

He was there. Connie held no stronger belief than just knowing his presence was before her...just not exactly in the most conventional of ways.

~~_I want....I want....I want...._ ~~

Steven's voice was akin to a broken record, repeating itself fruitlessly in attempting to get some kind of message across.

~~_The last feeling I want you to have...is for you...to be afraid._ ~~

No. She wasn't. She would never be. She couldn't be. The door with his name was before her and she knew exactly what lied behind it. She just needed to open it and to treasure the pieces inside so she could put them back together.

"Steven I'm not afraid..." She said.

"I'm...."

First a flash of light poured into her vision before she could get a grasp of what she was now seeing...then....

_BOOOOOOOMMM_

The sound of another explosion sounded before them, sending them gems flying and Connie in the massive gusts of wind pushed them far and knocking Connie out cold briefly.

* * *

The dredge of the quiet was eventually met to an end as Connie's hearing soon returned before her sight, hearing the fire burn around her. She felt weak and her entire body felt the stings of being singed. She had fallen on her side and with great strain got up once more. Once the blurs ceased, she gasped at the sight of the gemstones that were spread across the ground. What ever that explosion was, was strong enough to poof everyone. Looking around, she felt like she was in the dream...the vision that become the reality before her. 

Connie wanted to cry but she mustered the left over strength she had to collect the Gems...she counted them one by one...Pearl, Peridot..Bismuth, Lapis....Ruby, Sapphire...Amethyst...but where was Lion? Where was Steven?

Connie swallowed, with the fires that were the walls around her, trapping her within and with only the mute gems for company. 

This seemed to get more dire by the moment. Something out there did not want them to succeed, but Connie had to deny this force as well, what ever it was. It then she heard a pained whine nearby, her eyes snapping their attention to the source. The figure looming over the several meter tall flames, reached over and picked her up by the collar with its teeth. He threw her up as she held onto the gems ever so tightly, squeezing them against her chest as she fell onto his head.

It took her a moment to realize it was Steven that had taken her out of the blaze before it swallowed the ground entirely. Connie in a way weird way, felt more comfortable here as Steven turned his big lug around and ran off away from the burning Beach City.

And hopefully somewhere safer....


	21. The Secluded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie finds herself in a weird place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delays I'm actually in another country right now for family/holiday stuff so apologies if this seems a bit weak  
> Also that promo and new leak hit me like a truck no joke I've been kinda depressed and I'm like I'm not supposed to be depressed while I'm on holiday. Oh well.

Connie shifted in and out of consciousness infrequently, unsure of how much time had really passed in the interim.

The most of her most lucid moments came in the form of a heavy fog. A normal, white chilly fog. No wind; a peaceful stillness and comforting chill at that.

Water gushed and trickled nearby, but it was enough to relax her as it's own song to soothe her troubled mind. 

Breathing was still a bit hard to manage, but the air where she was was definitely cleaner and fresher. Her muscles ached and her gashes were still apparent as she sat up and tried to recollect her last steps before she passed out.

An explosion and...oh no...where were the gems? Where was Steven? Lion?

Every movement felt like agony, designated to cause her enough grief to force her to stay put. She hissed, seeing the gashes and cuts on her legs as she looked down.

Connie didn't want to regret the actions taken beforehand, but right now, she kind of started blaming herself for this. She was now hurt, with evidence of something going with her body that had some odd faint geometric lines on her legs and arms. At some point Connie gathered enough willpower to force herself to stand, and as she would have fallen over otherwise, if it weren't for the tall tree her hand had found behind her, allowing her to be upright.

It was quiet for a moment, before she heard heavy stomps heading in her direction. Connie swallowed, her heart beat racing again in the anxious approach of a large, shadowy figure who then came out of the fog. A familiar, wyrm like figure.

"Steven..." Connie muttered, trying to get her breath.

In an unusual manner, the towering six legged creature felt like a small, regular critter to Connie in the way that Steven approached her in the least threatening pose. His once burning eyes were more like they were concerned than they were intimidating and while his posture and walk spoke to Connie like any kind of normal, four legged fauna, it was relaxed. Connie looked up at those eyes, more of worry and didn't say anything further while he looked down at her. It was the weirdest staring contest Connie had for the first thirty seconds, until he moved away, closer to some kind of crevice behind her. Connie turned as Steven stood before what she could now understand the water noises to be from a creek. Steven looked down and lapped up the water, drinking it briefly...before he sat down. His head leaned in her direction, looking at her before he leaned back towards the creek.

Was...was he telling her to drink?

If that was his message....Connie soon got up and shuffled herself over to the creek, her tiny frame next to Steven's huge head. It appeared crystal clear, but she could see her face in the reflection, with similar faded lines on her cheeks. Steven's face was next to her, like he was watching her every bit of movement, curious more so. Connie could not deny how dry her mouth was, so she took in what she could, cradling the water in the palm of her hand before she sipped it. It was quite tasty...cool and crisp. She used the water to wash her face, feeling overly dirty from the ash and blood.

Steven tried to laid down next to her, akin to some kind of cat, its forelegs spreading outwards from the elbow joint and back legs peering out too. He had this almost tamed pet kind of expression that Connie couldn't really shake out of her head. It would be cute, if the situation wasn't serious.

And if that thing wasn't her best friend all messed up inside and out.

But she couldn't deny his...subtle advice to help her a bit. Making sure she wasn't dehydrated was...important. It was heartwarming; he didn't forget what she told him after all.

A positive thought like that had her smile too, as she got up and went up to him as his big head dropped down to the ground before her, which had Connie feel his cheek again. Without fear, without hesitation as her fingers and palm that ran against that tough, hard texture of the skin of his jaw...she could also feel _him_ underneath all of that. Steven's eyes closed slowly, as a small whined growl escaped him that Connie could identify as a sigh of content. He liked that, but then another escaped, that was more of a tone of sadness.

What ever was going on in there, must have had him skimming his shattered mind for some kind of answer to what he was experiencing. But the way the world around them was so...serene and beautiful made Connie curious as to where they were.

She heard the glass break again, although, within the fog, emerged the next thing she could see.

A smaller version of Steven stood nearby, the younger one, who replaced the monster version beside her. He didn't look too happy, his hands by his sides in fists. 

"Steven?" She muttered.

Upon closer inspection, his eyes were closed, and brows furrowed as if he was in deep commiseration with something.

"I'm sorry." Steven said, his tone forlorn.

He kept apologizing to her for reasons she did and didn't understand. His only way to truly communicate was in this abstract plane he put her into.

What could Connie really say? She wanted to help but wasn't really the best person to figure this out. Her voice but the only tool she could use against a being that was so massive in size and scope that he generally affected the air around him.

The sheer stillness surprised her too. So it could be his state of mind that holds the power to change the weather in different ways. Storms, fogs...

So what would a sunny day look like?

"We'll work this out. Like we always do." Connie assured him.

"I'm sorry too."

The younger Steven disappeared as reality gave her back big Steven, his head towards her and going by the pink water growing from his eyes, it was the start of the downpour. 

It came down heavy, which had Connie about to run to shelter, until Steven picked her up gently by his teeth, much to her dismay and put her under his long neck. She then realized it was all to try and keep her dry.

Closer to his chest, she was a bit fearful, but otherwise okay. It was meant to be a kind gesture; evidence of a sentience still clinging on a sense of morality. Her back was to his chest, where she felt it rise and fall as he breathed and his own heavy heartbeat. She wondered if his mind could know distinct emotions in it's current state, feeling the need to shield Connie herself from threats. So Steven's protectiveness was over amplified....

Or maybe Connie was overthinking it all again, as Steven raised his head and made a torn cry in the air, a weak screech of unsung sorrow. 

It was one born of pain. This pain he knew existed and couldn't process it any other way. His mind wouldn't let it as he really was someone who was no longer human; his wail evidence of the hurt and messy confusion, potentially about the current state of affairs.

Again the glass broke, with flashes of events of what appeared to be Steven's life flash before her eyes in short bursts. Upon closure inspection, each of them were occurrences in which Steven had been crying and had been put into dangerous situations. Arguments with Pearl, Amethyst and Garnet. His voice pleading to let him help them. Even the argument with Connie on Homeworld, which immediately had Connie's throat tighten and wring itself out of anxiety and guilt.

Steven's life wasn't as peachy as Connie thought it was but...she found that out a while ago. But it was clear that a lot of what he'd once gone through weighed heavily on him, so hard.

His habit of pushing everything down; being ignorant of his own feelings was a bad habit. One he couldn't quite shake off even with all the advice.

Events on Homeworld spread through too, of him and his work there. Talking with Volleyball, Baseball, Jasper and the Diamonds...and other gems he's ever dealt with and assisted....

To arguments with his younger self who had been chastising him, abhorring his decision making.

The worst part was him yelling at his mother; a being by all rights, should not exist right now.

"I hate you Mom. I _despise_ you."

No. That was worse. The last time she had heard him use the H word was back against Kevin. But the word despise somehow felt more impactful. Connie took a deep breath, akin to her mind somehow being underwater in a strange way. Beyond her understanding, it increased the amount of lines on her body with a mystical prowess flowing through her veins. Not intentional by any means, but if she could get into the root cause then somehow she _might_ be able to fix this.

Emphasis on _might_.

_~~Do you really have to keep looking back to look forward?~~ _

Younger Steven stood to the right of Connie and he was not happy, his furrowed brows and tight fists by his side apparent.

~~_I have to. Or else I'll forget how to change._ ~~

Current Steven stood to her left. His facial expression lost in the deep pensive state.

_~~The only person you need to apologize to is yourself...and maybe everyone for abandoning them again but that's not as important as your own forgiveness.~~ _

Connie wasn't that too deep in the basis of philosophy or psychology, but this had to have been the depths of his subconscious. In here, as Connie found herself lost in the mess of his memories and his mind, swimming around the words Steven's had with himself, forming his own opinions on what could be, what couldn't be....what was and what is...

He knows there is something wrong in the abyss. The tough tussle between what he wanted and what he needed.

Connie shook her head to disconnect, seeing the big head of the Corrupted Being underneath the pouring rain, his eyes glowing with something fierce and heartbreaking, his wails softened by the downpour. The surface level appeared chaotic to some, but within him, the parts that Connie had been connecting to...she wondered if he was trying to reach out to someone, anyone who would give him the answer he was looking for, in the seclusion of this mysterious, misty, wet, draining place that was the safest to him, where ever Steven had taken her...and Connie was the only one who could really hear him...answer him... _need_ him...

She leaned against his chest again and hugged what she could, knowing that what was there was real and solid, with a wounded heart beneath it.

"I wish I could help take the pain away." Connie cried, looking on with own internal thoughts racing away.

"I wish....I could help you find your way back...and get you to forgive yourself."

Suddenly she was whisked back into the mental realm again, finding it more frantic than it was before, then standing on a concrete pier before an angry Ocean and a Suited Steven on his knees by the edge, crying and calling out the same sentences over and over on broken whispers.

"I had to be somewhere. I have to be someone. I had to be somewhere, I have to be someone..."

_~~I used to be helpful, but the Gems don't need me anymore.~~ _

"I had to be somewhere. I have to be someone. I had to be somewhere, I have to be someone..."

~~_WHY DO I NEED TO BE NEEDED?_ ~~

"I had to be somewhere. I have to be someone. I had to be somewhere, I have to be someone..."

_~~STEVEN, PULL IT TOGETHER.~~ _

"I had to be somewhere, I have to be someone. I had to be somewhere, I have to be someone..."

_~~I'm so sorry to dump all of this on you.~~ _

Words, muddled, mixed up, confused, contorted with each other, a tangled web weaved by the biggest, yet flummoxed spider, trampled by the biggest elephant in the room...shown by images of tangled black string on faces and scores of Rose's hair pouring out of his mouth, times where he'd been attacked, picked up, stomped on...every bit of his life that almost killed him.

Steven held the human thing of trying. Trying to help. Trying to survive, trying to pretend everything was okay when it wasn't. 

The desire to be needed...and the desire to be wanted. The desire to break through with his identity intact where he was slammed back down with identities attached to his birthright.

To need purpose....no to _want_ purpose. Purpose to protect the need to guard his true feelings; Purpose; is but a distraction to trauma.

If Connie could sit next to him....but she was just on the shoreline, hesitant...because she did and didn't know what to do, going back to the start on this windy ride she'd found herself holding on to, the breeze playing with her hair as she walked down the path towards him.

_You honestly think that you're useful now?_

Connie felt the sting in her chest. Where ever she was, in this haze once more, felt more like she was losing her own mind in the process. In her own heart she was there, but everything else was breaking away without her knowledge. Why she was here, and not anyone else...like a Diamond or even the Gems is beyond anything Connie could ever hope to explain.

"You feel safe here Steven?" She asked him from afar.

His head lifted; mouth left agape and his black and pink eyes sparkled in the false sunlight.

" _Gotta_ keep the world turning, _Gotta_ keep the world turning...." He muttered; his voice still distorted.

"I had to be somewhere, I have to be someone. I had to be somewhere, I have to be someone..."

The ocean was violent as the thunder boomed in the horizon, though the sky itself looked like it was made of glass, though the lining looked like facets...

They had to be encased inside of a giant gem.

Metal plates shot up out of the ocean and around the pier, trapping them both within the mighty walls. Connie was not leaving anyway, standing firm as she heard the plates clink into places as the waves crashed against them. A circle was formed, locking all else inside. 

This hurt Connie just as much but with a stable front that could endure past all that to where she desperately tried to get closer to him, but oddly found a new gale that tried to push her away.

"WHAT IS ME." He cried.

"I had to be somewhere, I have to be someone. I had to be somewhere, I have to be someone."

Connie stomped a foot in place to try to get a hold if it, as more echoes reverberated from within the circle, images flashing into her mind of his pleading face.

_~~I AM SICK.~~ _

" _Gotta_ keep the world turning, _Gotta_ keep the world turning..."

No. He didn't. 

"Steven!" Connie shouted, shielding herself with her arm as she made another big step forward.

"You are...Steven. You are a Crystal Gem!" 

That storm again...the eye she had found herself in as everything began to feel claustrophobic. The wind, the rain...the lightning the thunder...it was different. Fresher, wilder but not poisonous as it was the first time. There was a purity to this, more so. Even Connie herself began to feel the oddest sensation of being cleansed by it.

_~~WHAT IS ME~~ _

~~_PURPOSE FOR THE SAKE OF PURPOSE._ ~~

No.

Purpose; for the sake of suppression of all else that would serve to undermine the form and function of Steven Quartz Universe...or whom ever he decides to be.

~~_I AM SICK._ ~~

The force of the wind was strong, but Connie continued to push through. She reached out to him, getting closer despite how much of an effort it was for Connie to hold on.

_~~GOTTA KEEP THE WORLD TURNING~~ _

Only a few inches until her hand reached his shoulder.

~~_I DID WHAT I HAD TO._ ~~

_~~I had to be somewhere, I have to be someone.~~ _

And as Connie grasped onto his shoulder, the world suddenly stopped and went calm and quiet. The entirety of the Diamond Gem's facets could still be seen despite how black it was outside it. Steven was still there, on his knees as his focus was still lost, with that frown and the score of pink tears running down his cheeks.

"No one needs me...I am sick; I did what I had to." He croaked through sobs.

"What is me...I am sick; I have to be someone..."

His words were splintered, incoherent. Connie could still understand him now that the comforting void allowing him to hear her and the way she grasped onto his shoulder held them both together. Connie walked forward a bit more.

"You are Steven." Connie repeated.

"You are a Crystal Gem."

More flashes, of better times, fun times with the Gems came past.

"You are a friend. You are my best friend."

Each of the facets above them lit up, one by one. Scenes of Steven and Connie, hanging around, laughing, talking. 

" _Connie._ " He muttered.

She stepped closer a little more, not without a chill up her spine beforehand.

"I am Connie." She said with a small smile, feeling like progress was being made as he called out her name.

"I am your friend. I am your best friend."

"Connie." He repeated.

A little less of an impact but still an improvement.

"Do you feel safe here?" She asked again.

His stare was still like he was off with the fairies, but the way his eyes lit up meant something somewhere had shifted, like gears moved around in a watch, not to mention that she could hear the sound of a clock ticking in the background, somewhere in all the speckles floating in the air like miniature stars.

"Connie." Steven said again.

Connie moved close enough that she ended up going down and wrapping her arms around him and holding him in tightly. He didn't move, or budge or attempt to flee, his fractured premise unable to make decisions on its own accord. Still, it didn't stop Connie turning him around and having a look at him. He was quite limp, his head rolling around without any input from Steven himself.

" _Gotta_ keep the world turning..."

Trapped in this place of shattered memories and splintered thoughts...the mind of a corrupted Gem was as bizarre as it could be.

"I did what I had to...Connie...what is me."

Connie couldn't help but cry into his shoulder, weeping as her own psyche was beginning to strain under the intense power of this unusual scenario she'd fallen under.

"I had to be somewhere...Need to be _needed_. Pull yourself _together._ "

He was trying _so_ hard...and with all he could use to string messages together was endearing in an interesting kind of way.

"Connie. Gotta keep the world turning. Pull yourself _together_."

That...almost made sense.

"I have to be someone. Connie. Steven. I am sorry."

He was someone. He knew he was someone. Someone before this. Someone who just wanted to be his own person and live his own life. Keep trying Steven...

"Connie...I used to be helpful. No one needs me."

Not true, definitely not true at all. She could feel his frustration, his plucking at short straws...she would rather feel him make the attempts rather than feeling the amount of tearing she was feeling right now.

"Connie. Gotta keep the world turning...need to be _needed_...."

There was hope, there was hope yet to be had and Connie just knew it. She then felt something rise up her back, causing her to gasp in surprise. It was weak in grip but it was there.

Steven's hand.

His hand had reached up in a feeble attempt to...comfort her? The thunder resided in her chest as Connie lifted her chin up slowly. Flashing out of the realm, she found a paw against her back. A large one. It was soft, tender...warm. Contrasting the cold downpour. Connie had closed her eyes and tuned her ears in. No more thunder, no more lightning. The rain had started to ease off as the tension lifted. Her ears were tuned into his slight purrs and the vibrations from his chest were soothing. 

Though she felt him jolt as the ground started to shake. It surprised Steven as he frantically looked around for the source. It made him very nervous as he tried to protect Connie, like his territory had been invaded. Connie would have hoped it was the Diamonds. But it had Steven freaking out, and Connie annoyed that she finally connected to him...but kept getting interrupted. She had to keep trying.

Although Connie would have, if she didn't happen to look down at a forming puddle beneath her...seeing her eyes glowing pink now, which had Connie pass out again in both shock and exhaustion. Now unaware that Steven picked her up again, running off to a place with better seclusion, as somewhere in the distance, the Diamonds Ship had finally arrived on Earth.

They were due to take care of matters from now on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steven's mind is still at its most broken. Connie's reach was simply to tame it, since he can only hold on to simple concepts, but he will learn to filter out the annoying voices that were causing him pain.


	22. The Bravest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Only matters like these really did require the Diamonds touch, only for Volleyball to put her own efforts within.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am back from holiday now! I had a huge swath of tiredness overcome me when I got back, since I had trouble sleeping most nights.  
> But here we are and thanks again for your patience, kudos, bookmarks and comments!

The day Steven announced his intention to live with them on Homeworld was a dream come true.

The Diamonds reactions were more a less beaming with excitement, running around, doing all the necessary preparations for his arrival and all the joy it would bring into their lives once more; just like his mother. Volleyball herself was surprised but happy to learn of the concept of having all four Diamonds around and Steven for the most part did indeed help gem kind evolve much in just a few years. Even talking with Spinel about the news surprised the stretchy gem, but was overall enthused to have him around just as much.

But as time went on, he was still quite distant. Distant like the Diamonds of old and he found himself alone once more. Bold, brave...but cold occasionally. Not without reason but over all he was the one with the best skin; hardened and strengthened over time. 

There was much Volley had learned while in his service. About life, about himself, about herself and about others. She felt like she owed Steven for all that he done. Freed her from White's grasp, and despite the mishap at the Reef, gained a deeper understanding about Pink overall, thanks to her second Pearl.

The unspoken acknowledge of his path however, began to creep closer and closer to that before the incident occurred. But this time Volley was better prepared and Steven himself was aware of his own misgivings, his powers greatness on the potential to the overarching tower of destruction that his mother once wielded. 

In a weird way, Volley felt the odd sense to guide Steven and while she taught him about different gem types, their functionalities and former occupations, it was Steven who was able to understand those premises quite clearly, utilizing the strengths of those Gems for a better purpose. And Volley admired him for that and the way he talked to others, treated others, _praised_ others. He never raised his voice while he was out and behind closed doors did vent his frustrations, those would be minor and he would always tell himself that it was never the Gems fault for acting like they did and going away on his own, out of earshot, if he felt like those episodes would cause collateral.

After all, convincing the Diamonds to change their ways was something he did beyond anything Pink ever could and it was a relished achievement and despite what some, specific Gems would say, it was for their own good and Volley took pride in being in his service more so, feeling the most elevated in her entire life.

Or she would, if not for the downward spiral of recent events.

Getting in contact with the Diamonds after Jaspers remark took great courage. So she managed to contact them while they were on the other side of the galaxy with a firm purpose in mind. It didn't take much convincing after she mentioned that Steven was in grave danger and they made their way back to Homeworld as fast as they could.

* * *

Once they got back, they had a meeting in the Throne Room as Volleyball had to tell them the severity of the situation; with Steven's corruption and how it was caused by the Pink Sapphire in his Court, as the Pearl stood in front of the Diamonds herself, worried about her superior. The room's mood was heated, but they had to make it civil so they could figure out what to do. They made sure all the doors were closed prior and that they had the Pearls clear the room for bugs...as Yellow took this talk of a second rebellion very seriously.

Upon such discoveries, each of the Diamonds reacted in their own way. Yellow gasped and Blue was horrified by it, feeling absolutely awful, meanwhile White tried to keep a level head, her eyes narrowing on the clock hanging off the roof, asking Volleyball about everything that had went on while they were away. She mentioned the BYW-3 sanctioned by Baseball, which had them confused by its existence.

"BYW-3? I thought we halted production a long time ago." Yellow commented.

"We did." Blue confirmed.

"We ordered Gems to dispose of it however."

Obviously not. From Volleyballs knowledge the disposal unit planet known as Eezo-5 was a volcanic world where most things needing to be destroyed in tandem were thrown into its many rivers of lava. Such production had to have been halted for a second time and any remnants would be destroyed the same way...except with more caution and eyes on the poison to make sure no traitors would steal it. Volley took those measures into her own hands on that count.

"Any contact from Earth?" White wondered.

Volleyball shook her head.

"The last thing I know was that a Lapis Lazuli had taken Steven back there, but I haven't heard much since."

And the very thought of not knowing filled Volley with ample amounts of anxiety. She watched as White closed her eyes, first of being very soft for the first minute, then she frowned, scrunching her face in a mess of pain and irritation. The Diamonds had this ability to communicate across great and small distances using their aura, so Volley knew exactly what White was trying to do. It brought back fuzzy memories of before, but Volley stood strong against those negative feelings.

"All I see is...is Steven's chaotic aura...its scrambled...impossible to get to." White revealed, filtering and fluttering her hands very slowly in the air, like she was trying to feel something within it.

"The worst has been feared to have already happened; Steven's corruption has taken its terrible course."

Blue raised her hands to her mouth in tiny prayer, but Volley could tell she was a bit distraught about it, as Yellow hunched over, legs wide as her elbows dug into her knees, her hands flat in front of her face; with eyes peering outward as she contemplated their choices.

"Curing corruption takes all four of us." Yellow commented, her tone low.

"We can't cure him if one of us is already corrupted."

And with that, Yellow sounded more annoyed and impatient. They had to think of something.

Volley had seen the beginnings of his slow to change formations. His skin, his eyes...the obvious signs that Volley had kicking herself that she didn't do anything sooner. She could only blame herself. If anyone had to be punished, it had to be her.

"This is my fault." Volley told them, trying to hold back her tears as she could barely look at the Diamonds faces.

"I should have done or said something sooner. I saw this happening and I did _nothing!_ I authorized the chemical because I was _careless_!"

The Diamonds looked at each other at the distressed Pearl; trying to filter through it all. Volley felt the need to be shattered for her inaction. It would be less painful than dealing with the horrible guilt she possessed. She was still a defective Gem in her own eyes, even after all Steven and Pearl did to help her previously.

"Be that as it may." White told her, without a hint of anger in her voice.

"We might have been on our own little retreat...but we have been practicing a thing or two while we were gone."

Oh?

Yellow was beside herself, stunned at the possibility of White was insinuating.

"White you don't mean..." Yellow muttered in disbelief as she sat up.

"Is that really an option?" Blue wondered, thinking on the same lines as Yellow.

White smiled warmly...her content stance and posture confirming their suspicions...and puzzling the poor Pearl.

"If it works on those we have healed; those whom we have mistakenly wronged in the past; then it must work on Steven. It has to work on him." White stated with pride.

Volleyball was definitely confused by White's unsaid idea, but she could only go on by their word.

"But White, he's half organic." Blue reminded her.

"Putting him back together isn't going to be the same like we did for those gems."

Putting him back together?

"Do we have any other options Blue?" Yellow pointed out, but even she sounded unconvinced.

"We're the only ones who can really do this. If Steven is that far gone then the only way to resolve this is...to try."

Then it was settled. They were finally going to Earth.

"Shall I make the preparations then?" Volleyball asked, as any loyal Pearl would.

White raised an eyebrow.

"You need to stay here and take care of things on Homeworld for now." She ordered.

What? After everything Volley had done, they would dare to leave her behind here? No. It wasn't right. Volley was fuming, being reminded of what Jasper had told her previously; egging her on to be the most daring she'd ever been. The fire in her chest was there, fueling her desires buried hidden beneath her, kept there after all these years and only ever seen through Mega Pearl.

_If you care about your Diamond then you make that call._

"But White, I _am_ Steven's Assistant. It's _my_ fault he's in this mess and I aim to correct _my_ mistakes. It's both my obligation and....I care about Steven too much and he trusted me...I _need_ to help please!"

The Diamonds looked at one another, perplexed at this Pearls sudden outburst. Volley was definitely tripping on nerve, shaking a little bit, but held herself as hard as a Diamond in terms of her own importance. If Steven told her anything, is that she was her own Gem and that she should be able to make her own decisions without fear of being shattered. They couldn't do this to her now and she was going to go to Earth with or without them otherwise.

"Very well." White said, exasperated.

"Your insight as his Assistant will be able to tell us more. Let's all get into the ships and discuss this on the way."

* * *

Volleyball was still left in the dark as to how putting him back together like they suggested was going to work. Nevertheless, she joined the Diamonds on their voyage towards the Earth, as the Diamonds asked her more about this rebellion. She only really got tidbits from Jasper but from what she knew, it was originally supposed to be scattered and disorganized but attacks on some former colonies had done some pretty heavy damage, warranting investigations into the conflicts themselves. More often it left Steven having to revisit Colonies to take care of matters were they were needed.

Steven did make the right call into upping the security but it had been too little, too late.

And upon their arrival on Earth, seeing the burning magenta clouds of smoke spiral around and beyond the tiny town of Beach City had Volley fretting over the situation as lightning flashed all over the place. It had been literally like the surface of Eezo-5 in comparison.

Volley didn't remember Beach City being nothing more than smoldering flames and ashes...scarcely recognizable from the last time she was here...and looking at the Temple and the Beach House...those too, had seen better days with boulders scattered everywhere and plants of wood still on fire as they were buried half deep in the sands. The smell of smoke and other harsh essences ran up her nose and caused her to grimace. Debris of broken down ships were everywhere in the multi-coloured battlefield.

Once the Diamonds put their feet down, they assessed on what they could see. Blue was the first to reach downwards to pick up a lone Gem...a small yellow one that sat right in front of her.

She channeled her power into the Gem, her hair flailing under her glowing aura, in order for the gem to reform under her influence, which revealed a Topaz with a gem on her stomach. The Topaz looked weary, a she stood on Blue's hand, before realizing who she was facing, snapping into the Diamond Salute instantaneously out of natural habit.

"Uh apologies Blue Diamond!" She said, shaken.

The Diamond symbol on her chest told Blue of her allegiance.

"I'm with General Jaspers Squad under Steven Diamonds Command."

The Topaz explained how that she'd been fighting the rebels non-stop, until a gigantic spiky monster appeared from the direction of Little Homeworld and fired off its huge pink blasts left and right, eliminating scores of Gems from both sides and had poofed her in the ensuing chaos.

Volleyball could only really imagine from both her own festering fears, her experience and from what she had seen, to be really, one person who could possibly fit that description.

"Where is the beast now?" Yellow questioned. While disturbed herself by such talk, she oozed authoritative confidence from her strong stance.

Topaz shrugged, still a bit nervous.

"I-I'm not sure Yellow Diamond. I was taken down before I could see where it fled off to. It could be anywhere."

This wasn't helping. But the Topaz did tell them a lot. While there weren't that many gems to be seen, they had to know.

"Have you seen General Jasper?" Volley questioned.

Topaz shook her head.

"No. Last thing I remember was that she had a command post at a nearby dilapidated warehouse. You could try there."

* * *

The Topaz was relieved of duty and ordered to gather up any Gems left behind in the battle. From what she had been telling them, it was an absolute mess of a battle. Volley hoped that all the humans that had been living here had at least been evacuated...which left her more worried about the Crystal Gems over all and where they could possibly be in all of this.

Once they'd arrived at the Warehouse, Jasper was busy talking to a few Gems herself, before they recognized the giant Diamonds behind them. Turning around and giving them the Diamond Salute. Jasper stepped forward first.

"My Diamonds, you're just in time." Jasper told them in the most professional manner.

Jasper updated them, stating the same thing the Topaz said; a big giant monster was seen on the loose but seemed hesitant to reveal its true identity, her once strong sturdy form now built and worn on shame. But the following words told them everything anyway.

"I'm sorry...we failed him."

Words Volley never expected to hear from Jasper. She looked worn and exhausted herself but still determined to fight no matter the cost.

"We are not concerned with such failures, General." Yellow commented, with commanding critique.

"All we need to know is if you've seen him anywhere."

Examining Jaspers form, she'd never seen her feel this weak or appear as weak, metaphorically shrinking in the presence of the Diamonds themselves, subconsciously fearing their wrath when really she shouldn't.

The Diamonds had changed a great deal and that was mostly on Steven himself. They were, more accepting, forgiving and optimistic but not without old faults and new ones pouring through. They tried and they had to understand the need to keep trying. Volley was thankful that they were being quite resolute and calm about this...the front that all gems looked up to. Literally and figuratively.

"A huge blast splintered a massive force to the west of here. It was riddled with smoke and flames which made it hard to see from a distance." Jasper replied. She then looked to her left, then back up at the Diamonds, in an odd bout of reluctance.

"What will you do when you find Steven if you do not mind me asking." 

What were they to do, but the plan they had that Volley scarcely understood? She'd hoped the Crystal Gems would have some kind of control...but...time was spent and lost to the whirlwind of flames and dirt, with nothing to show but attrition of the self, pressing on despite the light of the world disappearing under the clouds of darkness. No sun to see, no sounds but wind and the crackles of the fires nearby and the intensity of the trapped heat. 

"We will do what we must General." White replied.

"Even in Era 3, it is imperative that we Diamonds must continue to set an example and to learn and grow."

That much was certain.

"Steven's been much of an example; a teacher. It is only right that we aid him as he has aided us in the past." Yellow continued.

No doubt in that.

"And despite our previous transgressions, he has held patience, compassion and love for us. We _need_ to show the same for him." Blue explained, her hand against her gem.

And better than what they had for Pink. Volley's ignorance of their treatment of Pink in the past wasn't forgotten in the slightest, recalling their now known as abusive behavior as disgusting. She only wished that the courage she held on to so dearly, existed back then. Which caused Volley to recall something Pink had told her in the past.

Something Steven had told her in a similar way.

Not to be afraid.

Fear kept most Gems in line. It was...normal. Once was normal is now frowned upon and what is normal is as what Blue described. Patience. Compassion. Love. The Diamonds held their own twisted versions but in the new horizon of Era 3 those meanings had changed for the better.

* * *

They scouted the areas in and around of Beach City but there were no signs of any Gems...rebel, Crystal or Homeworld. The burnt lands and sky high fires were all Volley could really see. While the Diamonds searched for Steven's where abouts, Volleys focus was on trying to find the Crystal Gems. 

People Pink trusted in the later parts of her life. The Pearl she knew, but the Fusion...and the defective Amethyst...people she would have never been able to associate with in the past if not for her own desire to change. And Volley was glad...and sad that she'd never had the chance to say goodbye to her and even through all the things Pink had done, Volleyball wasn't angry with her. The last great decision that Volley could now say with confidence, was her desire to make life better won out in the end but not without cost.

And while Volleyball will continue to miss Pink dearly, she would use that strength given as a Diamond's Pearl to push on and that Steven became more than her superior.

He became her friend. And helped her gain new friends...just like what Pink always wanted.

It choked Volley deep within as she fought off impending tears of the bittersweet, she would continue because a little voice told her to. The same one that told her not to fear. While finding herself in a massive charred patch of burnt grass with dozens of gems and destroyed ships did cause her to _feel_ fear, she was able to move forward despite it, with her imagination projecting all the terrible fights that happened on the very spot she was standing on. 

Looking down, she could see huge foot prints in front of her. Loads of them. Everywhere with huge trenches and piles of dirt. Corruption, as far as what Volleyball was told, did turn Gems into beasts and monsters that barely resembled their original forms sans color. The sheer size and energy Volleyball felt from it just smelled of corruption and did not want to imagine what Steven had eventually become in this torturous series of events that lead them here. 

It was then Volleyball saw a light pink creature upon her search on the desolate lands covered in dirt and cuts. She ran up to it, recognizing it as Lion, whom had been knocked out on his side. Looking down, it looked like he was protecting something, seeing dragged lines towards his torso. 

With caution, Volley bent down to see the collection of gems underneath him and recognizing Pearls among them, which caused her to gasp in response. Her eyes went to Lions face, noticing that he'd shifted. The Pink Pearl swallowed, not wanting to anger the beast. She moved forward again, her hand shaking as it tried to reach for Pearls Gem...only to hear Lion growl.

His eyes batted open several times before opening completely, his head turned towards her as Volley moved back a little with a bit of space between them.

"It's....it's okay." She said. To herself? To him? To both?

"I'm...I'm a friend. I'm not going to hurt you."

Lion's eyes did not leave her for several moments, leaving Volleyball all churned up inside, her anxiety through the roof. This was a creature who was said to be a friend of Steven's as well. A loyal, protective thing. Volley swallowed again, her eyes going back to the Gems as Lion tried to shuffle them under his chest.

"I'm Steven's friend too." She said.

"I'm not going to hurt his friends either."

Organics were...no offense to them but, they were difficult to work with. Stubborn, refusing to work or leave depending on the scenario; even fight. 

"Please....I beg of you. I want to help Steven too."

There was a concept Volleyball learned from Steven. She reached out her hand to him and left it lingering there as she squatted down before him, leaning on her toes.

"My name is Volleyball. I've been told your name is Lion."

Lion licked his sore paw, which had blood on it. Volleyball looked it and winced, but then had an idea.

"Hang on, let me help you." She said.

She took a pink vial out of her Gem and took Lions paw. He snapped at her which caused her to pop back, but...she needed him to trust her.

"Uhh...sorry if that stung. Please I'm going to make it better. I promise."

After a moment, taking a deep breath and psyching herself, Volley tried again, reaching out and grabbing his wounded foot more gently, then poured a bit of the vial onto his hand.

The vial was taken from Pink herself, something Volleyball kept close to her at all times; her essence the only other thing she really treasured as a reminder and was meant to heal Gems and other critters. Lion looked down at his paw as it sparkled, the wound disappearing at a near instant. Volleyball smiled.

"There, do you feel better now?" Volley asked, ever so sweetly.

Lion grumbled, but then got up on all four legs, before moving away from the cluster of gems underneath. The others...the fusion...the Amethyst...as well as a Bismuth, Peridot and the Lapis Lazuli were there too. They had have been poofed in combat around here somewhere and Lion was just trying to defend them until they had reformed again. 

Volleyball weighed up her options. The Gems themselves could explain everything if need be and with any luck, would be needed to help the Diamonds find Steven too. She took each of the Gems and placed them into her own for safe keeping, before looking at the despondent Lion in front of her, whom had gotten closer to her for an unknown reason, reading his big eyes like they were trying to tell her something.

"If you...don't mind..." She said, rubbing the back of her neck due to her being nervous around him still. Not to mention his blatant invasion of personal space made her incredibly uncomfortable.

"Can you help me find where Steven is? He needs help. Bad." She said.

He looked over to the right of him, towards the nearby hills. It was then he nudged her several times, much to her dismay and despite her giggles due to his mane tickling her, she wanted him to be serious about this. He growled again, before Volleyball realized what he wanted, as he turned his back to her, but then looked behind himself.

He wanted her to come with him.

Volleyball raised her hand to her chest. She could do this. If Lion could place his faith in her, then Volley would place hers in him. As Steven had. And with that she jumped onto his back, to where she'd almost fallen off as he jumped and ran off without warning.

And hopefully then, they would find Steven in no time.


	23. The Mountain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A tall mountain; a metaphor and a reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seeing the new eps and a bit of the detail of "in Dreams" has me amused over Steven's ability to communicate his dreams through TV. Also reminds me of "The Message."  
> Anyway, have another fun chapter!

Heroes. Characters in stories who strive to achieve the best outcome, saving many lives as they possibly can, saving the world or just one person...protecting, guiding...icons of a brighter future.

Villains. Characters in stories who strive to achieve the best outcome for themselves, possibly disregarding lives, not caring about the world...sacrificing, destroying...icons of a darker future.

While one could said the rebels were villains, they were merely the heroes of their own accord with everything to them being the bad guys who took everything they had and then some...and wished to claim what was once theirs again, to make their own futures better.

Although, right now...as Connie woke up from a dreamless dream, all she could feel was the warm, grey blanket, being her savior in the cold place she found herself in. A massive cave formation as water dripped nearby. Looking around, the opening of the cave was nothing more than a fuzz of white light. 

Around her were small, damaged and unmatched cushions and soft toys. Her hand rested against her chest while in a fist, uncertain of how she should feel, how she should be...where she should be. Fog breath was noted, as she shivered. Connie ended up taking the blanket and wrapping it around herself as she wondered where she was.

Next to her little alcove, was a broken mirror leaning against a rock. Kneeling down beside it, she remembered the last thing that she saw was her glowing pink eyes. That definitely wasn't normal. She took her time in examining them, spreading her eyelids to get a closer look. The geometric veins were still there as well.

Retracing her steps, Connie recalled more explosions followed by herself falling unconscious again. And Steven...where was he?

She heard stomping noises nearby, which caused her to stand up and retract on instinct, uncertain of who was nearby, although from an unknown sense, she detected a familiar aura. As the noises got louder, a larger monsters shadow spread across the even ground. It got closer to Connie, whom once she stopped squinting to see who it was, she could see that was only Steven. Most people would be surprised or terrified but right now, Connie felt nothing like that. If anything, she felt relief that it was just him. He'd returned with a blue cushion with golden trimming and reached over to put onto where Connie had been sleeping.

Had he been collecting cushions and pillows all this time?

Connie couldn't help but smile at the fact that Steven was trying to look after her, filling her with much needed warmth inside. He then laid down in front of her, moving his head around her body to make sure she was okay.

"Thanks Steven. I'm fine." She told him, keeping her grin all the while.

At this rate, he even gave off his own little closed eye and dopey smile and made a happy murmur, glad to hear she was doing well.

It was hard to discern what his true aim was, other than protecting Connie. It was just like, only more primal and built on guard dog like instincts. Like this, Steven really just was a giant puppy of sorts, eager to guard its master even at a young age.

Looking behind her...it was all this...humble abode...it was his doing. His contribution to make sure Connie was as comfortable as can be. 

She walked forward, walked past him as she wanted to get a jist of where they actually were. Going to the cliffs edge, all she could see were rows of tall, snow covered mountains and a large lake down below. There was bit of a bone chilling breeze, which had her tugging on her blanket more tightly in response. All the colours of whites, greys, blues and greens blending in like beautiful serene paintings.

Like the last place, there was a silent peace to it. Skies were relatively clear as some of the lower clouds drifted by the lower parts of some of the mountains. Connie feeling a bit light headed was due to how thin the air was, which was also a good indicator of how high she actually was.

None of this was going to solve their problems however. Steven being how he was, the threat of the rebellion on the horizon...and waiting for the Diamonds or even if the Gems managed to find them in this desolate place in time.

Steven soon joined her, standing to her right with his front paws on the edge and peered out into the atmosphere. There was...safety here, reserved for them. How long that would actually last would be debatable. Her ears tuned into Stevens soft, guttural breathing, as his big, beady eyes stared more into eternity, fractured thoughts here and there possibly arguing back and forth. The air around him was lull, but the chaos ensued in to the darkest aspects of his subconscious.

"How are you feeling big guy?" She asked him.

He looked downwards, his focus drifting towards the valleys below. Connie could sense his ire as she felt the sudden booming shift in the winds.

 _What about how I feel?_ / _Who cares about what I feel?_

All he could really use was memories akin to scenes from old tapes being replayed. Cut and pasted to something that could only ever make sense to those who could really understand what they mean. Although that latter sentence wasn't even used in his voice. It was more feminine for one.

"I care about how you feel." Connie told him, resting her hand on the side of his front leg.

"You can be honest with me. You can always be honest with me."

His head turned to his right, uncomfortable with answering.

_I don't know/I don't know/I don't know._

Pieces of himself. Pieces of his past. Pieces of voices residing with what he could create for himself. Nothing solid or new or groundbreaking.

In a way weird way, Connie could relate. How could she see herself feel? Terrified? Angry? Upset? Perhaps, content with seeing a relatively stable version of a Corrupted being that was just trying his hardest to communicate with her, feeling the same messed up emotions and left wondering with the hows, the whys and the whats. To be able to make the next step was being able to figure out what that next step was.

Everything seemed like such a big leap to get towards and even then while the end goal could be seen the steps weren't. Too high, too far...too blurry to see. His head turned back, looking straight at Connie, she could feel the immense amount of pressure from within his expression, while not human, there was that pain coming from his eyes, seeking relief in any way shape or form.

Maybe this isolation in the middle of nowhere was away from the noise, away from the songs of war and everything that made Steven feel awful in the first place....had him hope that in might allow him to think more clearly.

Or so Connie could guess. She wasn't really sure.

And while the quiet would allow ones thoughts to wander, to fly around the mountain tops, stream through the clouds and to feel the wind cycle around you as much as water would when one was swimming, it would could allow both negative and positive thoughts to fester, to infect...to heal or to correlate with being able to find the missing fragments without being distracted.

What ever it was, it became Steven's new preference, with booming noises giving him the desire to flee as if the storm kept following him where ever he went. But he didn't realize that really, the storm was in his head.

And Connie knew that much because that's what was happening to her in that moment, trying to define her own emotions in all of this. The only thing she could state with credence, that Steven being there with her, despite how much he had changed, made her feel more at ease, in the sense that she needed him of all people, this big, towering draconic creature with the mentality of an animal, allowed her to hold on to the notion that things, no matter how dire they appeared, were not as bad as she thought it would be.

Whether or not Steven could comprehend those same facts for himself would take a bit of gentle nudging and patience, mattered little. He was there. He was...still _trying._ That's all that really mattered.

Though a warping noise soon disturbed their outlook and meditative states. Looking behind them, they could see Lion appeared with Volleyball on his back. Steven retracted as Connie walked towards her, with the former actually preferring to stay behind Connie, looking down in caution to the visitors. Connie however, was soon met with elation, running towards them as she hugged Lion, and Volleyball (who was confused at first) and thankful that they were here. Although, Steven growled, feeling threatened by Lions presence. Lion himself was holding himself back, taking heed with the standoff beginning before their eyes. 

Connie should be able to resolve this quickly.

"Steven you know Lion." She said, then looked at Lion herself.

"Lion isn't going to hurt you. Isn't that right?" 

She kept checking in between the pair as Steven lowered his head, moving about as he went level with Lion himself. Tensions were mild at first as Connie and Volleyball stood back to watch them, as Steven's head tilted left and right, his eyes narrowing as he tried to get a good idea about Lion, sniffing his scent all the while, with his gruff snorts pushing wind through Lions mane, much to Lions disgruntled attitude about it.

It went still for a moment...until Steven licked Lions face, drenching him in slobber.

Connie couldn't help but giggle, as while Lion looked displeased, he certainly wasn't hostile...with his own lick on Steven's cheek. A sense of relief washed over her, as Connie then spoke to Volleyball.

The Pearl herself had been Steven's Assistant on Homeworld and had full view over Steven's affairs there. So her to be here was in equal parts surprising and more than welcome, as familiar faces to him would have Steven feel more at ease.

"I came here with the Diamonds." She said.

 _Finally_ they had arrived but...

"I asked Lion to take me to Steven but...I didn't expect.. _.this_..."

It was then Steven moved on from Lion, now examining Volleyball herself who jumped, due to how Steven's massive head was several times larger than her entire body. Volleyball shivered, frightened beyond all measure, her fears of the monster before her justified. With all that had transpired so far, Connie should have expected that reaction.

Steven's head popped up, then his entire body shuffled back, worried about his form towards her and going by his depressed look, made a sad whine. Which was interesting to witness, given his general hostility to everyone else but Connie. Though even with his mind gone, Volleyball really was one of the few he really remembered. Connie put her hand on Volleyballs shoulder and looked at her with compassion, then pointed towards the hurt wyrm behind them.

Volleyball cautiously turned around, her eyes linking with Steven's. Connie felt the change as more whispers entered in her mind.

_The last feeling I want you to have...is for you...to be afraid._

Steven knows she _isn't_ a threat. Steven knew her the most over these tense last few months when everything began to spiral out of control as the only other voice he could trust beside his own. And Volleyball could trust him. Trust him to know how to act and how things were with her previous superior. With his actions, with his control and his temper. To ensure Volley herself was also taken care of. Her well-being, her freedoms...

"Let him know you're here. You're not afraid." Connie told her.

Volleyball knew that to be a lie, but...she'd gotten this far. And Steven had yet to hurt her...in the same way his mother had. He'd taken the huge amount of effort to avoid doing so. Every outburst was out of her sight. She knew they existed but it was like Steven himself...was fearful of causing her pain. It gave way to many an anxious moment but Steven held the control, held himself long enough to ensure that the physical side of things weren't going to affect anyone within range. Especially Volley.

She swallowed, standing up tall and with a curt nod from Connie, she began her careful stride towards him.

She's seen a lot while in his service. Seen the way he's giving Gems the room they need to voice their opinions, concerns, suggestions...and the way he could guide them, advise them, push them gently in the right direction, give constructive criticism. His voice stood the tallest; Diamond in size and human in heart. The care and the respective adoration from other gems...human in size and Diamond in Heart.

And then there was the hate. The discourse...the things she didn't let Steven witness behind closed doors. The forums, the anger and the futility of those against his forced changes. She's seen more of the backlash from other Gems, more than she wanted him to witness; because he didn't need to see the amount of negativity from the Gems whom had felt like they were being ousted out of their original positions and while some of Steven's actions towards prepping towards the rebellion did provide aid, it just wasn't enough to stem the tides when it mattered and now with everything laid to waste, it would be hard to pick up the pieces from here on, if Steven's state was like this.

He obviously couldn't lead but...Volleyball was in the perfect position to see matters go right again, the self-blame blistering in horrid ways of doubt and overall fear. That her own mistakes lead to this before her. The way she gave her own opinions to the other Diamonds had given growth to new expectations within herself, towering upwards to new heights. Now if only she could replicate such courage to the Diamond she had sworn to serve, if she could curb the damage any other way...

"I am here...Steven." She said, smiling through the cracks and putting her hands against her chest.

"I'm not afraid. I am here...as your friend."

Not truthful but still, even with all the trepidation running around her gem like mad, she had what she could use to remain vigilant in the face of her own turmoil.

Steven's head lowered once more as Volley went in further, her eyes going back between Connie's smiling face of reassurance.

"There's no other appointments today. Only the one between you and me...and it starts right now..."

Steven blinked, his head going back to zoom in on Volley. Her own emotional voyage threatened to dissipate her entirely, but all the while his focus looked up and down her form. Connie's senses fluctuated once more.

_I want you here/ To know you better_

Connie's smile went wider, knowing that his confidence within Volley was not unfounded.

"He wants you here. He wants to know you better." Connie repeated to her.

Know her better?

"Oh...well..." Volley stammered, then cleared her throat and gave him a curtsy.

"I'm glad to be here and of service."

Steven beamed, carefully nudging his nose against Volleyballs head who laughed as it rubbed on her, filling her with more positive energies within her gem. Connie herself felt it from where she was, glad that they had come to an understanding, giving room to a more relaxed atmosphere.

* * *

Out in the open once again, Connie and Volleyball sat on the cliffs edge and discussed it all between them. All the while Steven sat behind them, as Lion slept on his head, amusingly. All looked upon the glorious valleys once again, watching the clouds drift by and the sun as it beamed and caused the downward creeks and rivers to glisten under its influence.

"You never wanted him to leave Earth..." Volley stated.

"I never thought about it...if I knew better..."

That wasn't her fault however. General expectations nowadays were to allow Steven to do what he thought would have been the best for himself. The amount of times though that he had kicked himself with those kinds of beliefs had backfired with an increasing rate, causing worry but no one really had the power or right to really stop it, with their doubts only really clarified when it was much too late, when they were constantly ignored to begin with. Connie now knew better but...

"I learned not to place blame a long time ago." Connie told her.

"Steven's always been...eager. And while we saw signs, there wasn't really a lot any one could stop him from what he wanted to do in the end. Humans encourage each other to find their own paths in life. And in some cases, not all paths end up being successful."

Volleyball frowned. It weighed on her more so...with the way things had become from both of the Diamonds she served, felt more like a failing on her end more than anything else. Which made her feel much more horrible than she already felt about it all.

"What happens if one isn't successful then?" Volley questioned.

Connie took a deep breath. 

"We...try another way." She told her.

"It's...complicated. We are who we are and who we decide to become as individuals. I know Gems are made for a purpose but the way humans are made, we're not born for a set role in our lives. We...we generally need to find that out for ourselves."

Volleyball rubbed her chin. From her experiences with Pink, whom had always sought out to be more than just the Diamond the others set her out to be...to have her own colony especially. To feel like a Diamond. Was Steven experiencing the same thing?

"There are...hurdles...stuff that we need to jump over to get our goals and it's never really easy all of the time. But we persevere...eventually...we find what we want...not necessarily what we need however."

Sounded complicated when it shouldn't be. Maybe Volleyball had to find that out for herself too. For now, all she really wanted to do, was to make sure Steven was happy. Whether or not that was because of her own shortcomings with Pink or her guilt over Steven's current status, it was what she truly desired right now.

"Thank you...Connie." Volleyball told her, then looked up at the the pensive Steven.

"I just hope the idea that the Diamonds have is going to work to make it better."

Which had Connie instantly curious.

"Oh? So they already know how to fix this?" Connie wondered.

Volleyball sighed. She wasn't so sure but then again, the Diamonds would have to know something that could. Looking outward; her doubts were simply due to the incomplete, vagueness of the premise put forth. She wished she knew all of the details.

"I assume so." Volleyball said.

"They talked about putting pieces back together. In what way I cannot express. So I'm afraid that's all I know."

The Diamonds being these powerful, imposing beings being ever existent in gems lives would come across as all-knowing but...they too had their own flaws like anyone else. But Connie had to begrudgingly agree to that they really would be the only ones with any clue on such matters, being the over all oldest and...wisest of all of Gemkind. 

But then Volley couldn't help but notice the markings on Connie's face and her glowing pink eyes. Which had her more worried for the humans well being too.

"I'm sorry if this too personal but...Connie..are you...feeling okay?" Volley asked.

Connie blinked, surprised by the Pearls question. Confused would be the one that would be standing out the most right about now.

"I'll be okay." She said, though whether or not that was the truth requested more time to reflect upon if new revelations came to light.

Either way, Volley frowned. She's studied with Steven on how colonies had affected organic life in the past. Her markings and glowing eyes signs of some kind of mutation.

"Oh...well, sorry for asking. I couldn't help but notice...."

It was nice for Volley to be worried about her; with Connie smiling all the while. She wasn't in any immediate pain. Just tired. Hungry even...

They continued on to talk about past events all the while, as Connie described the incidents between Steven arriving on Earth, to his incarceration in the bunker, to his emergence as a Corrupted Being, the battles they fought and the way he could talk to her, which definitely had Volley weirded out by that prospect.

"How strange." She said.

"Steven can...talk to you through some kind of psychic transmission?"

Connie nodded. 

"Yeah. Don't ask me how...I mean, a lot of it is very....limited." She said.

Limited?

"A human having the same kind of aura connection as a Diamond is very...odd. Pink used to tell me about the connections she has with White, Yellow and Blue. Just..." The Pearl said, murmuring it out at she began to think about it more deeply.

Volley's eyes then widened. With that in mind, she could see how this human was important to her Diamond. All the Pearls knowledge about the intimate connections the Diamonds had came from Pink herself. While her destructive powers were well known, it was only through the other Pearl she came to understood how much Pink had changed through out the years. And now through Steven, the changes implemented now had began to manifest in ways unforeseen, although she would still be worried about Connie's overall exposure to Steven's...Miasma, as Connie had put it.

The power of the over all corruption affected the air and the organic life around it...more so reflecting in the physical changes seen in the young human. Volleyball swallowed, wanting to protect Connie more so, feeling that within her, held some kind of key to helping Steven. She wasn't sure how, but within Connies ability to link to Steven, maybe that she had begun to understand what the Diamonds meant by putting pieces together. Though she would need to see what they actually going to do before...well...she had her theories. Theories that make or break...theories born from all the research put in through her own travels with Steven with new knowledge formed from observations and chatter from scientific Gems.

"We should find the other Diamonds immediately." Volleyball suggested, standing up with her newfound confidence in her tone.

"They're currently scouring the planet now, trying to find him.-"

**"NOT SO FAST."**

A loud vibration shook the foundations of the earth, as a huge yellow Diamond shaped ship flew down in front of them. One Connie recognized and was not really expecting to see as she squinted at it.

"Isn't that...the Destiny Destroyer?" Connie questioned.

One owned by a particularly powerful Green Gem. The Diamond Symbol with the large red X on it only really meant one thing.

"Aha! I thought I saw the traces of energy in this direction!" The voice called out.

Steven stomped his front foot on the ground, glaring at the ship before them with piercing, glowing eyes of his primal fury.

"Emerald!" Connie called out, annoyed that this was the umpteenth time they were interrupted.

Emeralds were pretty high up the chain of command, from what Volleyball remembered. A lot of them were unhappy with the disbandment of their forces. 

But she couldn't have arrived at the worst time. And Steven looked pretty pissed, as the sky above them began to darken while his power charged up, which had that heavy feeling hit Connie's chest again. No. They couldn't let her do this. Not now. A green screen projection appeared in front of the ship, showing off Emeralds devilish profile in all its cocky glory.

"Oh he's here? That big brutish beast is the benevolent Steven Diamond? Imagine showing this to all of the Gems in their recovering colonies! They'd be _horrified!_ " Emerald taunted, before cackling.

Steven let off a loud roar, which echoed against the mountains surrounding them, magnifying its terrifying effects. His sneer, his glaring teeth and fuming expression would shake any normal being to their core. Not to Connie, not to Volleyball who now could really see the true person underneath the crystal spikes and magenta plating.

"I've read the reports from my other soldiers but I had never expected to see this. How hideous! It needs to die!"

Steven ended up using one of his paws to push Connie and Volleyball behind him, as Lion stood behind and growled.

"Emerald please cease this I'm begging you!" Volleyball pleaded.

"You don't want to do this!"

All they heard was her incessant laughter that would grind Connie the wrong way.

"Of course I do, why else would I go through all the trouble to organize this coup against the very Diamond who _ruined_ our lives!"

It was...her? Connie could hear the impending thunder churn into their location. This looked bad.

"I once had all the power I needed...and then when one little annoying brat comes in, deciding what he thinks is best for us, you know what happened? I had all the Gems who looked up to me come to _me_ to help. Not a Diamond, but me! Haha...you know you screw up royally when you have people coming to the best Imperial General in the fleet to ask that you dispose a Diamond? Hah I consider that both a great honor and a great challenge! And now you make it all the more fun when the brat becomes this, hideous, deformed creature....which makes it all the easier, don't you think?"

Connie then witnessed one of the most powerful glares from Volleyball that definitely had Connie a tad fearful of the angered Pearl, more so than the the CG Pearl, baring her teeth as Connie could see her fists shake in frustration.

More smaller ships then flew down to surround them. To Connie, they looked like copies of the Sun Incinerator. 

"The Pink Sapphire was one of the first to make suggestions. Given that one of my ships was refused to be returned to me, I had more commissioned. On the pretense they were to be escort ships. Really, Era 3 has allowed most gems to be so gullible they'll believe _anything!_ "

Which served to have Volleyball even more infuriated. Taking advantage of well-meaning gems at that.

"So, let's see I-"

Her rambling was offset by Steven firing his huge beam at the cluster of ships surrounding them, that Connie didn't even hear him charging up this time. However, some of the ships dodged, including the Destiny Destroyer. So few were decimated, which meant they were definitely more prepared than most of the Gem ships they had fought earlier.

"Oh my what a vile temper! You won't find us easy prey! If you're going to be that rude, then let's get this over and done with then, shall we? Ships! Prepare to take down the giant wyrm! He must be dealt with first!"

Connie took Volleyballs hand and urged her to jump onto Lion with her, as the former took the lead, Steven was again, set off on his rampage, growling as the weather changed more rapidly as his miasma had sparks fly off of his large body.

"Steven, come on! We need to find the Diamonds!" Connie urged.

He didn't even acknowledge her, preferring to swipe one of the ships that even dared to come close to him, with the ship itself dodging out of the way. 

"Steven!"

He was too consumed in his own rage to listen. There were too many ships surrounding them and even with Steven's gargantuan power, it wouldn't be enough to deal with the dozens of duplicate Sun Incinerators to deal with on his own. Their only hope was to flee and to find the Diamonds. He attempted to leap off of the cliff to fall onto the Destiny Destroyer, only for it move out of the way as Steven made the unfortunate heightened descent to the valleys below.

"NO!" Connie cried out. 

Lion instinctively ran down the mountain, using his dimensional roars to sprint down faster. The ships started firing at will as Steven made many attempts to fire, however he kept getting interrupted, falling faster every second, while his body was being riddled with laser blasts. Connie could hear his painful screams and roars, as his body twisted and turned as he was practically helpless while airborne.

There was little Connie could do as his body fell into the lake below, sending waves of water crashing to nearby shores as his body sank to the bottom. One last boom, one last connection hit Connie's thoughts in the mean time.

_I DON'T WANT TO FEEL THIS WAY/IT HURTS SO BAD_

They landed on the shore line while the water was still ripping about. It felt like his pain was her pain too, causing Connie to cry. She wanted to get off and dive in after him, if not for Volleyball pulling her back and preventing her from doing so.

"He's in agony, we've got to help him!" Connie cried.

Volleyball shook her head. No. There was little they could really do. The ships floated above the water, firing off their blasts. Though the simple hope of the water suppressing the blasts to lessen to pain did little to ease their worries. It reminded of what Pearl told her...about being hurt, badly. It was indescribable, but there was _really_ little she could do..as one Pearl among the giant Diamonds. It reminded her so much of their times and the time Volley had begin to forget everything due to White's power possessing her, forcing her to forget the last eight thousand years.

No. Volley _needed_ to see this from a logical perspective. The reason why things didn't work out as they did before was because she was foolish not to look at it from all angles. The logical angles instead of the more emotional ones. She's made stupid decisions like that before and she was not going to let Connie to do the same mistakes as she. To want, was different to what one needed.

There were hundreds of ships now and only three of them...with Steven stuck on the bottom of the lake. It wouldn't do them well either to sacrifice themselves for...what Volley didn't want to admit, was to be a lost cause. They were small, they couldn't poof Steven to take him to safety. The reality, as much as it would hurt, was this would have been a too tall an order to climb that would get them no where and would have a much more dire outcome.

"We need the Diamonds!" Volleyball pointed out.

"We have no chance against Emerald like this."

Connie sniffed, wiping away her tears. Looking on at the armada, continuing to fire away as they did. Volleyball was right. What she wanted to do was considered impossible and what was possible was a decision they had to make quickly or else.

She nodded, tapping on Lions back to tell him to run and flee...reeling from the hardest possible decision she's _ever_ had to make. Some heroes needed to make the sacrifice for themselves in order to not necessarily win, but to make the resolution the best they could get...so the villains own resolution would be more Pyrrhic than they desired it to be. A future, made of hard hitting but tactical decisions. Wars only won even if some battles were lost in the meanwhile...only necessary to retreat and be better prepared for next time.

It would be the only hope and internal request of both Connie Maheswaran and the Pink Pearl Volleyball, that Steven would be able to endure for just a little while longer, until more help arrived.

"We'll be back soon Steven, I promise..." Connie muttered under her breath.


	24. The Push

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie and Volleyball met up with the Diamonds, with the Diamonds suddenly taking an interest in Connie's unusual connection to Steven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might have been inspired by the recent 'in Dreams' episode with this part.

It _hurt_. There was no denying it. She would have been a fool to believe otherwise, that they way that it wrecked her heart in pulling away all that she worked so hard for, with who she loved so much.

The reality was, that there were a million choices to make but only one that mattered. Getting to the Diamonds as quickly as they could was absolutely crucial. Luckily for them, Lion was an excellent tracker, finding them not too far from the Beta Kindergarten as they portaled around. 

Connie stood by Volleyball, glad she was there with her, who explained everything as she could. Although it was all a little too fast, a little too much blabber but several words had to have to stood out to them somewhat. Namely, 'Emerald', 'captured' and 'Steven' were the main three that had their minds ticking away into decisive territory.

Yellow pointed out that there had been some Emeralds that had some issues adapting, but overall majority eventually were convinced to stand down (on the threat of being shattered, which Yellow claimed to be bluffing about).

White noted that they had no time to lose, urging her fellow Diamonds to follow Volleyball and Connie's lead, eventually finding their way back to the Mountains via the Diamondship.

Even when they returned, they had realized Emerald and her ships were gone...and with Blue Diamond taking a dip into the lake herself, she couldn't find Steven anywhere, going back up to the surface to give the bad news.

Figures, but Steven couldn't be dead yet. Where Emerald had taken him was beyond them. So they had to begin searching.

* * *

Going back into the Diamond's Ship, they debated on Emeralds where abouts. Hundreds of worlds that they could have gone to as Emeralds were usually ones not to dwell too long on certain planets. They were made to be cunning and shrewd with their tactics but at his rate, they were at a loss.

Hard decisions didn't always make things a hundred percent easier. It just made the worse decisions look even worse in comparison. But for now, Connie would need to count on the Diamonds and their knowledge into their own Gems to make it work. It _had_ to work. Connie sat there, trying to get a hold of herself to help but most of the stuff they talked about she barely understood...well, she had more trouble paying attention to how wrecked she felt and damning herself for not keeping it together like she had promised herself she would.

White explained that it was hard to track down Steven normally due his corruption giving her nothing but static, so pinpointing the exact place was impossible to discern. Connie's heartbeat increased with the terrible thoughts and memories on Emeralds words that she wanted him dead. Frowning and looking to the floor, not even Lion would be able to find him that far out. She felt useless and hopeless...two things she disliked feeling. She was a human. Only a human with no real powers but using her mind. She was useful for humans but not for Gems.

Still, she refused to give up in the face of such adversity but denying how horrible she really felt would only turn her into Steven...which made her feel even worse for comparing herself to him like that. Again, that mindset was just too toxic for Connie to possess and tried to claw at any kind of positive energy to flow into her, but even that was made to be a job and a half.

It was then Volleyball turned to Connie, expressing an idea.

"What about your psychic transmissions?" Volleyball put forth.

This had all three Diamonds attention, as Connie felt all eyes on her. Volleyball nodded, looking at the Diamonds to explain Connie's abilities.

"Connie has the power to talk to Steven through telepathy. I know she's not a Diamond but..."

White squinted, trying to think of how this was even possible.

"You're not a half-breed yourself are you?" White questioned.

As far as Connie understood she wasn't. Unless all the markings and the pink eyes were an indicator of something else...more akin to Lion and Lars perhaps she wasn't sure.

"No ma'am." Connie told her.

"I...a lot of the messages don't make sense but...I feel this sensation every time he talks, like I'm being transported elsewhere."

Blue Diamond ended up putting her hand on White's shoulder.

"It does sound like a Diamond Aura, White." Blue pointed out.

"And yet she's not like him." Yellow said.

Obviously. White then came to her own agreement.

"Human, while we cannot contact him the way we normally would, we would ask for your aid to communicate with Steven."

Blue then cleared her throat, which had White rolling her eyes.

" _Please._ "

Connie could try, although most of it was prompted with close proximity with Steven himself, ala, having him right next to her.

Volleyball stood by her all the while, her hands behind her, then gave her a reassuring smile. There was little they could go on, running on fumes by this point. 

Using what mantras Garnet once taught her, she utilized the flexibility, the love and the trust...and fell into a meditative state. There was no guarantee this was going to work, but what else could they honestly do? By the time they would find Steven, he'd already be long dead and the very premise had Connie's anxiety increase tenfold. She had to do this. For him.

It started off dark as expected. The only real occasions this kind thing really shined was when they were Stevonnie. Only this time, she was alone.

 _Very_ alone...

She rubbed her arm, wandering around in the depths of...well, her own mind. Her own self unable to reflect on what she should be doing. She wondered, how _did_ Steven do this?

Humans hold their own expectations and values on certain parts of life and so did Gems. She could do human stuff just fine but magical stuff was only through what she could see through Steven. Through emotions, through feelings...but Connie found herself straining when the abyss told nothing of direction of anything...so she opened her eyes to the Diamonds watching her closely.

"I'm sorry...I couldn't find anything." She said, wary of their impending disappointment.

Yellow rubbed her chin.

"She is _just_ a human after all." She said, abruptly.

"We are wasting time here."

Connie could agree on that but for Yellow to say she's just a human did hurt a little. Nothing wrong with being a human, but she was a human stuck in a mess she so desperately wanted to fix. She refused to give up however, wanting to push herself more.

Blue then went in her knees, putting her hand on her gem as she channeled energy into it.

"She can't work without Gem magic." Blue commented.

"Steven can fuse with her and her exposure to him might allow her to channel it somehow."

Connie could feel White's silent stare on her, but couldn't read her blank face.

"Corrupted Gem Magic, Corrupted Gems do use different types of magic compared to their original forms." Yellow continued.

Blue Diamond then nodded. Connie could agree with that too, from their battles with previously corrupted gems.

"Hence the exposure in theory holding a different reaction within organic life. Steven's organic half makes up part of the equation...potentially affecting any other type of organic within his presence." Blue explained

Connie's marking and glowing eyes were evidence enough of that. What would come out of such short or long termed mutations was anyone's guess really. It was then Connie looked on as Blue Diamonds shining hand reached for her head, with the top of her index finger on Connie's forehead. Closing her eyes once more, Connie jolted, feeling the influx of energies running around her form.

Reopening them, she was even more shocked as she could see Blue Diamond standing before her, the size of a regular human adult. The atmosphere held blended folds of blue hues, representing Blue's Aura. Connie could acknowledge Blue being the most empathetic of the Diamonds, seeing to the needs of others, not necessarily to Steven's scale but it was definitely there. Despite past misgivings, Connie actually felt more comfortable with her this way.

"Oh good. It's worked." Blue said with a smile.

Connie couldn't really decide deep down if that while it was good for their dilemma, was it good for Connie to perceive it as good for herself.

"So...is this going to help me find Steven?" Connie wondered.

Blue then frowned.

"It should." She said, uncertain.

"It's very peculiar how my power can work through you like this. I've never had to use it on organics like yourself."

Mutations. It just had to be the mutations.

"So what can I do then? I kinda need instructions since I've never really done this before." Connie requested, sheepishly so as she rubbed the back of her neck.

Blue put her hands in front of her, looking underneath them. It was apparent they were still standing within an endless void of navies and scattered starlight, although Connie could swear she began to feel something else. A bolstered assortment of sorted energies in flux with one another.

"All we know right now, is that you currently have the strongest connection to Steven in this state." Blue answered.

"You must focus...find the direction of where his aura is felt the strongest. What we might see as static, might be clearer to you more so. Feel him...feel his aura...his Gem. His mind."

Connie looked around and under her breath was repeating Steven's name over and over again. She could hear the static, but as she spun around, there were certainly signals strengthened but not by much. Not all of them had a great deal of clarity, but there was a point in where she was which had a star shining brighter than all of the rest and was louder in quick chatters and hushed whispers underneath trilling sounds and the deepened bass pounding like a mild heart beat.

The more Connie honed in, the more of Steven's voice she could hear. Pleading, crying....Connie found herself subconsciously walking towards the bright star, the noises increasing in volume as she got closer. It started off with a simple paced walk, which turned into power walking with fists swinging, then she broke into a sprint. Her heart was charged and it was aching, as the navy hues turned purple, before they turned magenta, the eternity of space warping into something a little brighter, hearing the splash of her feet against the newly found surface.

TVs were pilling up everywhere, towering up around her like growing trees with the test signal screens playing. It did get a little hotter in here and yet Connie still found herself shivering. Fear or something else? She couldn't decide which. She did come across a tall dead black tree, with what appeared to be an carved in drawing of cookie cat there, for what ever reason and underneath it, was a sentence etched in.

_Why **are** you still here?_

It was then Connie saw some kind of familiarity...not the good kind. Seeing the bright white butterflies swarming past in streams above and on both sides of her, like they were migrating elsewhere for better weather. Looking behind the tree however, it appeared that they were actually heading towards a massive pink flamed bonfire, burning up as they flew themselves into the flames. Connie ran towards the fire, feeling some kind of power to it, in a way. 

Connie felt the taste of the ash on her tongue, though as she put her finger in her mouth to try and get the flavor out, all she got was the pink goo. Freaking out briefly, she then could see Steven himself sitting on a stump, hunched over, whispering to himself incoherently. Connie was beside herself, but mustered control of her own to get a grip of her own sanity.

Towers of the old tvs with the same signal spiraled out of the red waters, as more butterflies streamed towards the bonfire which had gotten bigger, with Steven's body a darkened shadow in its terrifying wake. Connie felt more twisted up inside, with the vibes of this place tightening her throat. She had to think for a moment. None of this was real, surely. But with the way things were and how crazy they had become, this was the only form she could see and perhaps the only real way to talk to him this time around. Although she couldn't tell if it was a facsimile or a slice...

"Steven?" She asked, voice shaken. She dared to shuffle closer to the lethargic half-gem, still wearing his Diamond Suit as Connie got closer to inspect his form.

Connie jumped as the TVs switched over into sequences of him speaking, screaming, roaring that it almost deafened her, forcing her to cover her ears as she stood back. Her eyes hopped around to each of the screens in haste, seeing parts of his life flashing by. And even on some...parts of...Rose and Pink. Their forms and the younger Steven...and the huge wyrm as well, its form able to surround the others. All of them had their huge, star-bright pink eyes glaring on Connie for what ever reason had angered them in this intense stage, the heat almost unbearable.

The star of the Crystal Gem as well as the Diamond Authority symbol with it, fell from above, both melting into the fire itself, then creating two river streams of lava that poured out of both sides. The butterflies increased in mass and size, charging towards the flames now in a twisted vortex to make it bigger than before. The TVs showed two different expressions of Steven, half of the tvs having him shout and the other half in critical whispers which had become the lyrics of the hour. Connie could only describe this as; Steven still tearing himself apart.

**WHAT ABOUT HOW _I_ FEEL?**

_~~Who cares about what **you** feel?~~ _

**I DON'T KNOW WHAT I NEED.**

_~~You need to be needed.~~ _

**I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BE A FRIEND WITHOUT SOMETHING TO FIX.**

~~_Then why are you still here?_ ~~

**I DON'T WANT PEOPLE DRIFTING AWAY FROM ME.**

_~~But you keep pushing them away.~~ _

**I DON'T KNOW/I DON'T KNOW/I DON'T KNOW.**

Connie felt powerless. She was a friend but she wasn't a Gem. It was then the figures behind Steven began to speak.

"Your conscience...your _denial._.." Said the Younger Steven.

"Your regrets... _your sadness_..." Said Rose.

"Your hatred... _your anger_..." Said Pink Diamond.

It was then the Diamond Steven's head lifted up. Connie gasped seeing the hollow darkness replacing his eyes.

"Your debts... _your bargains..."_ He muttered, voice glitching.

Connie looked up at the Wyrm Steven, who seemed to more afraid, crying and wailing, his face turning towards the flames. Connie could feel such a stretching pain from that alone. It was then Pink turned around first, running and flinging herself into the fire. Then it was Rose who was next, doing the same as she pushed herself in. As did younger Steven...as did Diamond Steven until the only one left was the Wyrm. No...she wasn't going to lose him. He'd attempted the turn himself as Connie prayed for time to slow as it, unintentionally on command as she called for him to stop. She had to know where he was. Where Emerald had taken him. The marks on her face darkened as she ran, with pink after images forming as she put all energy she could bring up into running and reaching out to him. He couldn't give up like this. He couldn't let go. He couldn't just _accept_ this as his fate, forever surrounded in mixed signals and inflamed frustrations.

She made the jump and made brief contact with his body, flashing more imagery that seared into Connie's flexing mind, threatening to turn it slurry quickly if she wasn't concentrating hard enough. Her hands on her head once more, she tried to will away the pounding headache in her head. It was too much, straining against the violent tides. 

Then...everything changed, screeching to a halt...or to the sound of a single drop. Hues of pink on an endless sea of space. Calm...cool. On a cliffs edge as Connie over looked to see a huge volcano with huge structures around it, with more rivers of lava everywhere that originated from a group of volcanoes....

And a single, defining roar told Connie all she needed to know for now, as a pink hand rested on her shoulder as it jerked her out of her state.

* * *

Opening her eyes left Connie gasping for air, coughing and choking up the pink fluids as Volleyball was still sitting beside her and Lion allowing himself to be used as a pillow of sorts. The Pink Pearl rubbed her back, shaking and shivering all the while. Her head was left pounding and mouth left completely dry from the excruciating experience. Volleyball identified this as she pulled out a metallic blue bottle and handed it to her, as Connie took it, downing what she could before handing the bottle back. Once she'd come to, her eyes went up to the concerned Diamonds. They wanted answers and she was going to give it to them. There was no more time left to spare.

"He's...somewhere...on a planet of...a hot planet...volcanoes..." She said, trying so hard to get her breath back.

The Diamonds looked at one another, faces talking of knowing.

"Sounds like Eezo-5." Blue said.

Yellow furrowed her brows.

"The Disposal planet? Hmmm...well, the human has no reason to lie. We shall make due to course there."

White nodded in agreement, although her expression was a bit more disturbed than anything.

"Yes. Let's not hesitate." White said, then her focus went straight back to Connie.

"Connie was it? Let it be known that we do appreciate your cooperation in this dire matter."

Connie had zero mental space to care for White's habitual condescending nature. Steven did say she tried, after all. She looked to Volleyball, who was still rightfully worried.

"Just rest for now. I'll wake you up when we arrive." She informed her.

With her head laying back against Lion, Connie did just that, but couldn't quite shake off what she saw in that transmission, her mind clinging on to arguing forces within Steven's head. There was no secret now that he wasn't well but the fact that in her own opinion, that he struggled against this mindset that had him potentially feel like he wasn't worth saving. A mindset Connie had to help change. 

For now, Connie rested her eyes, but was generally unable to sleep.

They had a friend to save.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I switched around...some stages to fit the needs of the story....


	25. The Similarities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Volleyball contemplates what she has learned since being free from White's control and finds some interesting comparisons between herself and Connie, as they finally arrive on Eezo-5.

Pushing Connie too far became a primary worry for Volleyball.

She hadn't known the human for as long as everyone else had, only she was one Steven used to give constant praise to while on Homeworld. Volley could now see why.

Volley understood more about her own problems over the last few years than for most of her life, standing straight and still in front of Connie while the Diamonds stood there before them, vigilant until their arrival on Eezo-5. Either out of ignorance or subconscious suppression out of a love for her Diamond and her son and appreciation for open friendships, instead of hiding away matters which while made Pink happy, had to be shadowed out of both fear and respect of the other Diamonds.

Connie however, showed little hesitation in terms for her own affections for Steven, regardless of status and that her love demonstrated new ways of learning from a unique perspective. Maybe it was the way Volley saw a bit of herself within her. A little foolish when it came to certain events...flinging ones self into the fray out of stupid but intense emotions that yielded both bad and good results.

Pink never pushed Volley like other Gems would do to their own Pearls. But yet, upon seeing Connie resting against Lion brought back memories of Volleys own brief sacrifices here and there...and the many tales of the other Pearl that told of the silly kinds of things she could now point out she had done for Pink in the past. Some out of pride, others were completely embarrassing on how far they would really go for the one they called to love.

And yet, Volleys instincts kicked in to her own surprise. She couldn't guide Steven the way she'd hoped simply because she hadn't been able to guide Pink in the past. She wasn't made to guide in that sense and the desire to...save Steven from the tiny things was prevented by her own inability to connect on his level. He'd shut her out for the darker times and perhaps, that Pink too had shut Volley out for the same reasons.

Destructive behaviors through tantrums born from immaturity as Pearl would describe it and Steven would be insistent on not becoming like his mother let alone mutter her name when it wasn't relevant to the conversation so Volley, had to tip toe around it...only now becoming aware that she had very much come to know about tiptoeing from Pink herself.

Maybe Volley was _really_ over thinking it. There wasn't any doubt Steven held definite personality traits like Pink but no one would dare to bring it up in front of him. Volley found that after a couple of conversations before she got it into her not to bring her up anymore, lest his pink enraged state form a more physical opinion.

But with Connie...Connie was different. She was cautious, brave and wise but could fall into the trap of inflamed passions mixed up with common sense; the lack of erudition when something obviously painful to watch made it clear about her desires to fix the situation. And it downright hurt seeing Steven being shot at and hearing his torn roars in the air. 

Seeing Connie's treatment of him within his beastly state were indeed endearing; seeing past the monster and finding the tormented hybrids spirit within...the psychic transmissions flaunting itself in a way that no one else could even see, even the Diamonds with their own struggles. It all came down to trust in the end and even daring others to think differently...

~~"Mr. Universe...are you afraid of what your son might do?"~~

Dare _might_ not the best word but...it was the closest equivalent. Volleyball never expected Pink to change and humans...expect humans to change. Change being another, _heated_ word.

People are capable of changing, from what Volley could learn from Mega Pearl. Good, bad...good and bad. It all cycled back to the trust factor.

Volley could trust Steven not to hurt her, but the nagging doubt, birthed from his mother, weighed her down and reluctance became her impassable wall.

Connie could trust Steven not to hurt her and that paid off more than they realized, that the connection aspect was the amount of faith poured into him despite how much change he'd already gone through in a much shorter time frame. Not to mention that Connie had been Pearl's Student once, which could explain Connie's determination akin to a Pearls devout servitude to their superior Gem. Except Pearl was adamant in telling Volley that 'Rose' never wanted Pearl to think like that...in that their friendship mattered more than a master/slave kind of relationship, but thousands of years entwined in programming couldn't be underdone in months or a few years, let alone a few millennia stuck with the same percipience.

If Volley was surprised by anything, she was taken aback by Steven's patience, his endurance and stamina with their preloaded mentalities.

Gems are generally programmed for a purpose and have that purpose undone so quickly would come as a shock. It would explain the rebellion a lot once Volley changed her own way of thinking on the matter. Both the original and the newer rebellions at that.

And that despite all that...despite everything...Steven....the human...the Gem....the one entity that challenged all Gems onto what they thought they knew, was the who dared _them_ to think otherwise and would wait until the answer was more clear to themselves more so.

Maybe it wasn't a bad word, if used in the right context.

Volley was petrified and Connie was as well, as with many others. To dare to face the fires that threatened to consume them despite the heavy risk of being burned. From the marks and glowing eyes on Connie and her overall, she endured the burn more so than anyone.

It reminded Volley of her former cracked face. Unintentional hurt...pretty much like Pink herself.

_~~She didn't mean to.~~ _

Steven didn't mean to either. And he honestly did not _want_ to, pushing others away on the knowledge that he was very much _aware_ of the amount of devastation he could cause...

Ultimately, it boiled down to Steven's biggest fear not just being about becoming his mother. But fearing _himself_...

Volley wondered if Connie came to this conclusion too. Or maybe she was one of the first, she wouldn't discern unless she'd asked the human directly and she wasn't at all well versed in the organic concepts of mothers, fathers and their children, only from what she had learned studying organic creatures with Steven. It saddened Volley, knowing that she did indeed miss a great deal over those 8,000 years she'd lost. But if anything that Volleyball was incredibly thankful for, was that her own doubts and concerns were shared with like-minded individuals. 

But mostly, she was thankful for Steven's friendship all the while. Volley hardly questioned much, other than trying to mold herself to his needs while he worked. She liked the way he could speak so passionately on certain subjects, especially when it did come to organic life. But again, the road to his mother started again, knowing how much Pink liked organic life herself.

No...she had to _stop_ comparing. It wasn't fair on him. He tried so hard to distance himself from her and all Volley's mind could pinpoint were those similarities. Between herself, the other Pearl...Connie...and Steven to Pink...and the other Diamonds. One lesson she learned was she was her own Gem in the end, free to think for herself.

* * *

When they'd arrived, Volley ended up waking Connie out and lending her a spacesuit to wear. According to documents on Eezo-5, the atmosphere was breathable, but the temperatures could be unbearable. The planet had scarcely any life to begin with, with most of it covered in volcanoes. The spacesuit was not too dissimilar to the one Pearl had; if anything it was the same but it would protect Connie for now, being resistant to extreme temperatures ranging from the super cold to the super hot. Volley then handed Connie a pink filter mask, saying she'd given it to the Steven on some planets that had toxic environments that only certain other life forms could ever breath. Lion would be fine though. With her Sword on her back, she was now ready for anything.

Once they were outside, Connie could instantly feel the shift in the climate. While the suit was heat resistant, it wouldn't stop her from sweating a great deal. But they weren't too far from the facility anyway. But otherwise the charred grounds of the Earth rumbled underneath her feet, caused by the activity around them no doubt and hues of reds, yellows, whites of the harshest sort decorated the landscape...and they knew Steven was here...the dark purple and magenta clouds were stirring nearby.

They followed the Diamonds to the front entrance, as Connie rode Lion with Volleyball sitting behind her, looking around at the amount of lava and magma everywhere. 

The structure itself could house the Diamonds as went up to the entrance. Lion took them to the button by the entrance, as Volley leaned over to press her hand against the dias on the door.

The front doors slid open as thus, but not before seeing the Rebels now infamous symbol on the back wall. The Diamonds cared little for the defacing, with White muttering something about wanting to put this place in the ground anyway.

The interior was more lull, save for the faint mechanical hums behind every wall and within the lights around them with the tall walls of white and the floor of a cloudy white and navy marble. A definite cooling contrast to the harsh reds outside.

"This facility was meant to destroy waste." Volleyball explained to her.

"It was only maintained by Bismuth Gems through Eras 1 and 2, but for now in Era 3 it's mostly been abandoned. But some Gems do still visit here to get rid of their junk."

Yellow then looked unimpressed.

"Not to mention the thousands of once perfectly good weapons being melted down and recycled for restoration projects. And look where that lead us." She commented, with a dull drone.

Blue then smirked.

"Now now, remember that's what Steven asked us to do." She said.

"We're advocates for peace, not war."

And strangely enough, while she lead the group, White was still suspiciously silent about it all. Volley wanted to know what she was thinking, but the thought of her asking made Volley feel more uncomfortable than she already was.

Though, she did not expect White stopping in their tracks, turning around with the most subtle annoyed expression, as if she knew.

"And yet...we...we failed him...like we failed Pink." White said, stunning the other Diamond into near silence. For her to admit that was pretty damning.

"White..." Blue muttered softly, putting her against her chest as she frowned.

"You don't have to say it. We've had this conversation before." Yellow told her.

White looked away, her cheeks turning pink as if in deep shame.

"No..." White worded.

"We're meant to be leading example for our entire race. Yet, one of our own can make us all look like fools just like that. The first Rebellion was nothing more than letting Pink do her own thing, to teach her a lesson."

What?

"White? You...you knew Pink was alive?" Blue said, shocked.

As was Yellow.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Yellow called out.

This....this was unexpected.

White then sighed.

"I sensed her aura from afar." She said.

"All the proof I needed to know she was still alive. Somehow...somewhere. Her form, her voice...entrapped in that form she called Rose Quartz. I also wanted to punish you two for allowing Pink her own colony when we agreed that she was never going to be fit for one."

Volley and Connie exchanged looks. They didn't need this right now. They could talk about this all they liked afterwards but right now they had a job to do.

"It was all of our faults." Blue stated.

"Just like this mess."

Connie shook her head. No...they had little time for this.

"Can we not place blame right now?" Volleyball said, astonishing Connie more so. The Diamonds then looked down at the Pearl, for even speaking like that. A strike of anxiety went through her, but she had played this game of aggression before and she could use it again as her own weapon.

"Steven needs us and arguing about what happened in the past isn't going to get us anywhere."

Yellow then smiled, thoroughly impressed with the Pearls sudden burst of confidence lately.

"Heh...once again you're right." She said.

"We need to get to the control center...who or what we'll find we don't know."

It didn't matter who they would find, as long it would lead them to Steven.

* * *

The control center itself was an open area with gigantic windows overlooking the processing plant. According to Volley the plants were more for trying to weed our impurities in the recycling process, utilizing raw materials to be used elsewhere or else pure useless junk would just get melted in the lava completely. A river of it streamed between the outlook of the center and the processing plant, using its own kind of specially constructed dam on the left, with the source of the river coming from a relatively tall volcano next to it...which had the source of the purple colored storm clouds. Connie jumped off of Lion and went towards the window to get a better look.

"There!" Connie pointed. 

"He's there, I can feel it."

While that was good and all, Volleyball couldn't shake off the feeling that they weren't alone here. The consoles were mostly empty, save for the chairs before them. No one was running and yet, the rebels did reside here. So where were they?

"They have to be up at the volcano." Connie explained.

The Diamonds were in agreement. Yellow slapped her hand with her fist, their new destination locked in.

"Indeed, let us...UGH!!!"

A huge yellow, dusty and sparkling explosion filled the center with seconds of Yellow's scream. Connie coughed, putting the mask back on as Volley ran over to her. The next thing they heard was the clink of a huge gem hitting the ground.

"YELLOW WHAT- AHHH!"

A huge blue explosion was next, another clink.

White was beside herself, paranoid and looking around for their invisible attacker, although after seeing her face through the smoke, her face was more resigned to the saddest type of acceptance it had ever held, like she had anticipated this very moment.

"How on _Homeworld._...Connie, Volleyball...it's up to.....GYAAAHH"

The White explosion was the biggest of the three by far, the whole room recoiling underneath the sheer force of it...followed by another Gem falling to the ground, rolling around to join its fellow Diamonds and sending Volleyball to gasp with her hands in front of her mouth as she started to shack with a newborn bout of distress.

Once the smoke cleared, they could see a familiar red and blue gem floating there with the biggest grin on her face.

"Bluebird!" Connie cried in her own anger and fury, taking out her sword and being prepared for the worst, with Lion growling in retaliation.

The fusion cackled, with her hands behind her back as she taunted them from afar. Connie wasn't the only one with the infuriating outlook, as Volley gave just as good.

"Oh my, the Diamonds? Poofed? Thought I'd _never_ see the day." She said, mocking them.

She then whipped out some kind of, curved, tooth like crystalline dagger....though the flat base of it was dripping with blood. Red blood. No...it couldn't be...Connie could smell the strong, fiery, floral scent of the miasma oozing from it.

"Emerald mentioned his spikes had the potential to slay the biggest of Gems. She wasn't wrong. Steven did become the strongest Diamond after all...a pity with what we're going to do with him."

The glint of the spike shined in the light. They...they had _dared_ to _touch_ Steven, to hurt him...Connie could imagine screeching in agony, while tears ran down her face with the amount of pure bile she felt for this fusion right now.

"And the faithful Pink Sapphire saw the Diamonds interfering. Now that they're just like any other Gem, one dip into the biggest volcano should see them all...eliminated."

On command, a swarm of Rebel Gems entered the room from above and below the room itself; shifting in from a series of roof and floor panels respectively, with their attempts to take the Diamonds away. 

Not on Connie's watch.

Even after what they had done and Connie herself still on the fence on them entirely, they still needed the Diamonds help for Steven's situation. Connie's psychic abilities aside, there was only so much she could do while she was human without any real powers to show for herself.

But she was far from powerless.

She jumped on Lion, as Volley took out her ribbon wand attempting to attack the Gems; mainly Quartzes and Rubies and to prevent them from taking the Diamonds. The numbers were numerous and Volley was nervous about it all, having her own real experience fighting as Mega Pearl and a bit from General Jasper. Still, she could use her agile form to dodge, poofing more gems left and right while Connie utilized Lions powers and striking down Gems herself. However, she did notice Bluebird descending on White's Gem in an attempt to pick it up...so Connie ended up charging towards her and leaping up and using Lions roar to push her back, flipping her around in the air and caused her to disorientated from the dizziness.

It took them a while, until it was Bluebirds back against the glass window, with both Volleyball and Connie cornering her in. Of course she tried to weasel her way out, but if she tried anything funny, she would know the consequences, first bite.

"I don't understand it." Bluebird called out.

"What was wrong with the jobs we had? We had purpose..we were needed...and the Diamonds will defend the defect of their own making when they had us destroying such abominations on sight!"

She had a point, but what they doing right now was unforgivable. It was then the two unfused, leaving Aquamarine fluttering above the distraught Eyeball.

"And knowing what I saw was just a set up...and how they could just forgive Pink Diamond for her trickery like that? How is that setting an example for all of Gemkind?"

No one was forgiving anyone right now. A formulated mess with rightful confusion, anger, pain and so forth, brought on by short-decided decisions.

"Steven is not Pink Diamond." Volleyball called out.

"Steven is not Rose Quartz either." Connie said, knowing both of those facts well and true.

"Steven has always wanted what was best for both humans and Gems."

Eyeball sneered, the veteran Gem being stubborn as she always had been.

"He left me to die in space!" She shrieked.

Connie remembered seeing something like Eyeball within Stevonnie's visions...Steven would not intentionally cause harm but...

_~~I didn't have any choice, I'm sorry...~~ _

"Only because you tried to kill him!" Connie stated.

"He only did what he had to defend himself. I'm sure you would have done the same thing in his shoes."

Eyeball growled.

"I do nothin' in no one elses shoes but my own." She said.

"Now enough of this talk, I oughta...."

_**RYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA** _

A huge wail bellowed behind them, causing earthquakes and cracks in both the floors and windows. Connie knew that distorted shout anywhere.

" _Steven.._." She whispered under her breath.

It was then Aquamarine refused with Eyeball, fleeing the scene faster than they could reach them. The whole place was falling apart, as the floor began to give way, a huge crack threatening to have the Diamonds fall through into the lava pits below. Volley risked much, jumping off of Lion and jumping around to pick up each of their Gems, albeit struggling to pick them up and place them securely into her own Gem. She felt a bit queasy after putting in White's Gem up the back, going all topsy-turvey. Their sizes must have been too large for her to cope with carrying all of them at once. Connie ordered Lion to jump around, picking up the sick Gem making sure she was secure on Lions back.

Once they'd gotten themselves into gear, Lion warped them out of the facility to the lands below...and all Connie could really do was watch it fall apart and crumble into the river below. She sighed with relief, although their job was far from over. They realized they were on the dam, looking up at the imposing volcano as it spat more lava out of it, with the rumbling Earthquakes ceasing for the moment, only hearing the gushing, boiling lava river as it bubbled and swelled before them.

Connie's heart was charged with something fierce. Anxiety, the steel grip like an old friend what ever else served to cause her pain she so desperately tried to cope with. She looked back at Volleyball, who had been holding her Gem, sensing her own hurt. Hopefully what they had to do didn't take any longer than it needed to be, so they could save Steven, deal with the Rebellion and try to get things back to normal.

If only it were that simple but for now, the blame game had to be discarded, their ultimate job before them, so close...and yet so far. The cosmic swirl of the clouds above the volcano an indicator of their goal. They had to succeed. They needed to. Steven needed anyone to bring him out from the brink, no matter what shape or form he possessed because he was worth literal hell.

They had to continue to try for his sake, so Connie had Lion take them to the top of the volcano.

For they were the only ones left to rescue him now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah Bluebird did that.


	26. The Cage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie, Volleyball and Lion find Steven...and a familiar Pink Gem

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To put into context, italics script means the Psychic Vision Steven is talking, crossed out means he isn't talking through the Vision, but rather projected whispers into Connie's head...not just Steven's but stuff he's heard people tell him before.  
> Also super long chapter whoops. Also emotional chapter...not whoops.  
> It's almost 12 am here and I have work in the morning. I'll correct any errors during my spare time at work. If anything else, I do that anyway with previous chapters!  
> GET READY FOR FEELS.

Once they were on top of the volcano's crater, standing on its edge, they were in for a terrifying sight:

Chains. Magical yellow chains tied to the ground for support, seeing Steven trapped into into a binding box cage far too small, with limbs and his tail lifelessly limping out of holes Connie couldn't help but feel his labored breaths and whines, his face smooshing against the bars. The cage itself floated above the vent of the volcano, as blood dripped from the cage into its throat. Her eyes drifted towards his long torso, seeing the wound from where Bluebird had pulled out one of his spikes.

Connie's heart ached at the sight as his eyes lazily opened. He hooked them with Connie's, with the psychic shift heading her way shortly after, his Diamond Suit form standing in front of her. His eyes the same as the the wyrm version, with pink tears coming from his pained, eyes with the colour of the void sucking in light around them.

" _Connie..._ " He whispered, coarse in expression.

" _Go home. Don't waste your time on.....Go home. Don't waste your time on ......_ "

Connie shook her head. No. She was not going anywhere without knowing Steven for the better part, was safe. Connie would endure the heat. She would do that for him. He didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve this hurt, he didn't deserve this kind of punishment. A long, winding road down to darkness and it only lead to this. It wasn't over however...until they said it was over.

"Disgusting isn't it?" Said a voice.

To their left stood Baseball...so casual...so relaxed as she stood there with her hands in front of her. Connie watched as Volleyball jumped off of Lion and pulled out her ribbon wand. Connie was surprised on how angry she was. Well reserved for this moment but it was particularly jarring.

"It is our Diamond!" Volley called out.

" _You_ did this to him!"

Connie's senses told her something was up. Sapphires weren't entirely the greatest in combat. She could poof her...again but...noises entered Connie's mind. Mushed...rotten...

"I did, didn't I?" Baseball continued, her tone unchanged. A confidence unfounded but...

"However, I was not the one signed his doom to begin with. It was always his destiny to corrupt. The factor was always when."

Connie blinked. What was she talking about?

"Alternate timelines would have indicated his corruption would have been...inevitable whether or not I had the BYW-3 put into his food. I quickened the process. Steven was _never_ fit to be a Diamond...neither was his mother."

A growl of rage escaped Volley, something that spoke volumes, like she was going to tear the Sapphire apart. 

"He's done more for those colonies than any of the other Diamonds!" Volley cried.

"I know you wanted to save my life back then...but really...it's your fault you did nothing to help me. I would have been able to calm Pink down had you told me what she was going to do."

Connie looked up at Steven, gnawing on the bars in an attempt to free himself, but it did little. The arguing between the Gems weren't helping either, as she detected that Steven's anxiety levels had risen due to them raising their voice. The bars rattled as he shook, his behavior showing signs of claustrophobia.

Baseball's smile had disappeared however.

"That does not matter anymore." She said, her tone a tad colder, then turned to the cage again.

"The metals here are the same ones from his Venting Room. So the only way he can get out of the cage is if the button for the release is pressed. Currently, I do not hold that button."

Then why was she here? Her smile returned; the most venomous that Connie had ever seen it. A cool feeling similar to fear ran down her spine, but Connie did her best to ignore, deciding that it was pure intuition that told Connie a lot more about Baseball than she had ever planned to.

"But...I want be around for when the cage opens...and this nonsense can finally end."

Connie finally came to the conclusion that Baseball was an absolute psycho. Volley herself was in an absolutely rage, flinging herself towards Baseball with her ribbon wand ready to slice, only for someone to swoop in at the last moment, as the ribbons ended up slicing a few rocks behind her into tiny pieces.

"Oh my you weren't wrong about the Pearl." She said.

Bluebird.

She flew them up above the cage and ended up cackling as they held the spike in the other hand. Connie had to do something. She had to find the release to get Steven out of there...but doing so when end having him fall into the volcano. So how could they do this? It was just them. Everyone else had been poofed and they couldn't wait around too long for them to reform either. Connie ended up looking at the glaring Volleyball, holding the same amount of pure rage as her Diamond. 

Behind them were the numerous ships owned by Emerald that popped out from behind the volcano. A green bubble emerged from the Destiny Destroyer, as Emerald appeared, holding a remote in her hand as she stood on a large platform that sat on the edge of the volcano.

"Oh my this is going brilliantly!" She commented with glee.

"This volcano is designed for the more dangerous items that need the intense heat and churn from the magma chambers to destroy the most stubborn of materials. Perfect for this abomination to be put out of his misery."

They were really planning to kill him...Connie checked in with Steven, who continued to struggle with both external and internal battles...his eyes on her, pleading for her...pleading for anyone, anything...and for him...to reach out like that. He wanted something...he wanted help. He _needed_ help. He knew there wasn't anything he could do in that prison and for what message he wanted to get through came through in the next psychic wave link.

 _"Pearl..."_ Steven whispered in his projections.

Suddenly images of Steven fusing with the Gems while destabilized came to Connie's mind.

" _Volley....Pearl. Volley...Pearl..._ "

More footage of Volleyball and the Crystal Gems Pearl, whom hugged each other, confined in a tiny space. A glow...a broken clam. A new form emerging like it had hatched from an egg. Tall and pink with a flowing cape.

" _REEF....REEF...REEF..._ "

The Reef?

This must have been what Volley meant a while ago. The footage continued, though it appeared as a tape that had begun to rewind. Connie found herself looking on a furious Steven who had fallen into his Pink State, roaring at the Pearls. It rewound several times, repeating the same sequence.

" _I JUST WANT TO FIX IT I JUST WANT TO FIX IT I JUST WANT TO FIX IT...FIX IT FIX IT FIX IT"_

Connie tried to put the pieces together in her own head. Steven fusing and reforming the Gems...Volley and Pearl fusing...was that what he meant? It had to. Steven tried to get his message out unintentionally in an unclear way, but...there was no doubt on what he was telling her to do. He was telling them how to deal with the problem, with her heart filled with hope that he hadn't given up just yet and that more of his memories were returning to him. So no way would Connie ignore his truest self when all would be considered lost otherwise to most people. The parts of him that made the most sense. Logical in the most illogical way.

Just like the _classic_ Steven Universe she knew and loved.

"Volley! I have an idea!"

Connie went over and whispered the idea in the Pearls head, which had her eyes widening with shock. It would be considered impossible to some, but if Connie knew much...knowing that ever since she'd met Steven, that he had shown many things once considered as such but...over all, it gave Connie confidence for her own future, her own heart in the long run. Even within his corrupted form, Steven pushed himself to show others what they can really do. He had that power on people over all...and he still did, no matter what shape or form he was in.

Bluebird and Baseball meanwhile continued to chatter and mock, standing on the cage themselves as they poked and prodded Steven from above, tapping and annoying him from where they were. How dare they? Volley's desires to see Steven safe and happy emerged as this impulsive rage when ever that was threatened and seeing him whine and roar in agony were like daggers to her chest. Connie's suggestion...they had to try.

She took out Pearls Gem from her own, looking at it...would Pearl want this too? It had saved them and Steven in the past. Volley requested herself to step over such boundaries of her own worries, taking a deep breath as she pressed Pearls Gem against her chest, channeling her power and her strength, lending it over and using her own internal pleas for Pearl to her hear, feel her and allow her to be drawn out, borrowed in order to save their beloved Steven.

* * *

Connie watched on as the glow returned, with it growing taller...and eventually out of the light, came the rebirth of the Pearl fusion; Mega Pearl. A fusion of pure loyalty, her focus on Bluebird and Baseball who could only smirk at the fusions appearance. Emerald more so.

"Who do you think you are? A Ruby?" Bluebird mocked.

Mega Pearl looked at Connie. They were in this together...and they had to plan together.

"Go find the button. I'll keep them at bay." She said.

Connie understood completely, saluting the fusion before sprinting off with Lion. They warped their way to the top of the platform to fight off Emerald, who could only sneer at the humans attempts to fight an elite Gem. Connie cared less, knowing she's stood up to the Diamonds. How could Emerald be worse than them?

They had a stand off, while Mega Pearl engaged in combat with Bluebird and Baseball. Lion growled at the green Gem, his disapproval of her hurting Steven made very clear in his very pitch.

Connie's own eyes were magically inflamed with their own vigor and passion. She did not wish for the hatred to control her, only allowing her own determination; her own dedication to a cause to guide her hands and her actions. For a lack of control could spell disaster as she had seen first hand. Going around in circles with Emerald, Connie could note the caution, uncertain of how much damage Emerald could make in direct combat instead using her ships. Pulling out her blade, it was now or never.

"You are...very tenacious human." Emerald complimented.

"Colour me impressed for making this far, but I'm afraid your game ends here."

Good, then this shouldn't take long then.

"The only thing that ends here, is your hold on our Steven." Connie told her, pointing her sword towards the Gem.

"For months...maybe years he's suffered. And while he cannot fight for himself, we will fight for him. We will do it...for _him._.."

Emerald laughed at Connie's declaration.

"Brave or stupid...never understood why weaklings even dare. But I might as well have some fun." Emerald told her, bringing out her weapon from the Gem in her eye. A glistening green and silver rapier.

Dare...or try...perhaps Connie was stupidly brave. Some were better fused together to make them stronger for it.

"Bring it, organic. Let's see how much you can take before my blade finds itself deep within your flesh."

Connie jumped off of Lion, warning him not to interfere before throwing herself into the fray with a front flip as she used a forward strike, which had Emerald block with her weapon. Vigilance was the key here and Connie could not afford to lose. Not now. Not when she put it down to the whole universe at risk of a major dilemma should the Rebellion succeed as intended. Without the Diamonds, they were free to roam and conquer what they wished, reclaiming that which they had deserved to lose to begin with. 

And not after Steven fought so hard for peace that he's nearly died constantly for. For the resolution to be had and for all to be free.

Except...Steven wasn't free. He was the only one still locked away in the aftermath...his dedication to fix matters remained for much longer than it needed it be. It wasn't fair on him and for what Connie had witnessed over the last few days alone, well, over the last six months. What had been wrong the entire time was the inability to adjust to a new galaxy without too much of a lingering threat to deal with and his struggles to accept that much of that had no longer needed his touch, had ate away him.

And forcing himself to be buried under so much work called on the false pretense of his belief, his requirement that he would only there if requested when he should have been home, trying to relax and be able to unwind. He just couldn't do it anymore, however. Her mother could be a workaholic but even now she would take time to recuperate, where as if Steven stopped for one moment, it would be like a thousand voices screaming frantically, calling him lazy for not being worth anything.

Connie knows because she's felt like that before.

And Steven wanted to help her find her purpose in both direct and indirect ways. His hand, his invitation into his life, his world and his Universe meant so much to Connie that she considered herself exceptionally lucky to be a part of it and admired Steven for how he had accepted her for who and what she was. And while he was silly, his heart was the biggest thing he could give. And he still wished to give more than he could possibly provide for others...

So it was only right for others to give their hearts to him. To help fill the emptiness with what it needed. Flexibility...love and trust...and not locked into this cage of the rigid, of hate and of doubt.

Keeping up the pressure, Connie's speed and according to herself, increased agility were key towards avoiding Emeralds strikes and the odd defensive maneuver when those became impossible. But Connie knew this couldn't go on forever. It was hot, and tiring as it was, seeing the embers fly above the platform and into the purple clouded skies. Intensities acknowledged and countered through piled perseverance...of light and of the natural way of life. Connie perspired like crazy, her muscles aching under the turbulent fighting but it was a pain she had to push aside, even if it killed her in the end, increasing the colour and length of the lines on her face.

Connie dodged, weaved and slid around, desperate to find an open spot but Emerald was quick to counteract every attempt Connie made to do so. She'd suffered tiny nips to the suit but that was merely to allow Connie to get closer to Emerald and had become so close in hitting her on multiple occasions, only for Emerald to move at precisely the right time. Connie had to be better than that.

For now she was incredibly charged, absorbed in the adrenaline that kept her going strong. She couldn't give up...and with a spin and a misstep by Emerald had Connie kick her in the gut to push her down to the ground...and with that, Connie put the tip of her blade to Emeralds throat, forcing her to drop her rapier in shock. She was about to move until Lion come up from behind her, stamping his paw on her hair to keep her from moving away.

"Oh...look you got me...." Emerald said and laughed with nerves, aware of how much of a disadvantage she was at right now

"You are much more than a regular human, I'll give you that..."

Connie was beyond exhausted, nearly out of her breath as she panted, but never steered her furrowed brow stare away from the Gem. She could still stand so that was enough.

"You fight with the valor of a Quartz. You would do well as a soldier."

Connie narrowed her eyes and put the blade closer to her neck.

"I am better than that." She declared, her tone low.

"I am a Knight."

Emerald made a nerved batch of laughter...out of fear or genuinely thinking that what Connie said was incredibly dull and groan worthy. Except, Connie was indeed serious.

"Well, Knight...I think I've had enough fun for now. Thank you for...uhhh the entertainment. Now the real fun begins." Emerald announced.

This confused Connie, to where Emerald had brought out the button before Connie realized what she meant. She reached forward to take it out of her hands, before Emerald ended up kicking Connie back, which sent her flying across the platform, dropping her sword and breaking the ventilator off of her face. Her body rolled across the surface until she fell off the edge of the platform. By instinct, Connie quickly gripped the edge with her hands, preventing her falling into the depths below.

Connie did not wish to panic, unable to see the ensuing fight between Lion and Emerald, hearing their struggles as she her Lions cry of pain and a huge thumping noise shortly after. Desperation had her trying so hard to push her up, but it was near impossible to keep a probable grip without falling either. Without the mask, Connie found it harder to breath, the smoke of the atmosphere harsh against her lungs.

The clink of footsteps slowly got louder, and looking up, she could see Emerald with the most devilish of smiles as she stood before the girls fingers.

"Marvelous." She said, pleased.

"Look around you human, you've lost. Courage and effort for naught."

Connie looked down to see Mega Pearl still struggling against Bluebird. She would have thought the former would have taken the latter down by now. No. This couldn't be it.

"And now..." Emerald continued as she pulled up the remote in her hand.

"If you wish to join your precious beast in death, perhaps a quick dip shall relieve you of your duties."

Time slowed down to a halt...Connie's eyes entirely zoned in on the sequence of Emeralds thumb pressing the button and all Connie could do, was with futility, reach out and scream....

" **NOOOOOO!** "

The cage opened shortly after, disappearing as Bluebird noted, flying off as Mega Pearl instinctively jumped to safety, before she realized what was going on herself. She tried to use her ribbon wand, but the ribbon itself was too short to reach. 

" **STEVEN!** "

Connie watched on in horror as his body instantly fell, turning around with his chest on top. She could see the fear of realization in his tearful eyes, hearing his powerful roar of despair as he descended down the throat of the volcano that hungered to swallow him whole. Emerald then stomped on Connie's fingers, calling for her fate with his.

" **DIE!"** " She bellowed, the word echoing about.

Dropping down as her arms and legs flailed about, she heard Mega Pearl call her name, but her hearing became muffled under her heavy heartbeat, her last sight being of the cackling Emerald above her.

Her life flashed before her eyes in that instant, bringing on happy memories with her and Steven. Things she took for granted and those moments she called the best times in her short life. Stevonnie, their fusion...gave confidence where there had been none. Courage, born of her training...and indeed the valor that Emerald mentioned was something she was once proud of. She did not wish to die, but the rush of everything invaded her mind in those moments, warping fear and disbelief within her structure where she could barely process a single sensible thought.

Three words came to mind.

_I'm sorry Steven..._

She could only watch her tears rise above her, descending and evaporating due to the sheer melting temperatures around her....and regret became her last emotion....and forced herself to swallow her demise with dignity....closing her eyes as she prepared to be taken down into the greatest of maws.

* * *

...

....

.......

..........

.............

...............

............

.......

....

..

.

If only, as she'd hit something sort of hard yet cushiony on the way down. Opening her eyes, she could see deep dark magenta...and with enough examination, seeing a familiar Pink Gemstone to her right.

Looking around, it was clear of what was going on. Steven had somehow dug his claws into the interior walls of the volcano, preventing them from falling entirely. He'd also somehow...created a protective pink barrier of the rhombus shield kind; not too dissimilar to the one she's seen him use once before. Connie sniffed, crawling towards his head. She'd ran through so many different emotions in that moment in the whirlwind of agonizing steps. Shock, disbelief...sadness, confusion...appreciation...love. Her heart grew warm from his apparent attempt to protect her, dedicating himself more so...like he normally would have.

She wiped her tears with the back of her hand, smiling at her friend...but also being wrenched from his fight to keep things as stable for her sake, sliding down briefly. His big beady eyes on her alone and while he grunted and cried against the battle for balance, he was trying to talk to her in the silence and the way his expression wondered much through his fractured perceptions, feeling the shift. Turning around, she could see the Diamond Steven standing there, worried for Connie. Big bags under his eyes and his pale face of sweat. He was really tired.

" _Connie..._ " He said, firmly and steadfast.

" _Go home. Don't waste your time on.....Go home. Don't waste your time on ......_ "

Connie shook her head, her desire to hear his voice the one concept she had become so dependent on...for own sake...

and to her subconscious horror, her own sanity.

"No!" She shouted.

"We came here to bring you back home! And that's final!"

Steven looked down, saddened by her words.

" _It's time for me to move on...It was going to happen eventually._ "

Words that inflicted much unwanted spikes to her heart, the thorns grip on the increase. Tears fell from his face, dripping down onto the waters that Connie wished were real...and safer for them to dwell into as he brought her into the realm of silence, the skies filled with thousands of stars...that guided planets under his protection. His efforts, wasted and scoffed...and for this to be his reward...was sickening enough that Connie refused to allow him to give up.

" _Go home. Don't waste your time on....Connie...Gotta keep the world turning...._ "

Connie fell to her knees. She wanted to hold him for real. To hug him and in this place that only projected a part of him was the best she could get right now. So she hugged the ghost anyway, digging her face into his shoulder and held him in tight. Steven didn't budge, even as she began to whisper into his ear.

"You had to be somewhere...you have to be someone..." She muttered, trying to fight through the break down.

No amount of tears shed already would amount to what she had been experiencing right now.

" _I had to be somewhere, I have to be someone..._ " He repeated.

If Connie could dig more into his psyche, to set him free from this...

"You need to be somewhere, you already are someone..." She continued.

" _I had to be somewhere, I have to be someone..._ " Steven said once more.

" _Connie. To be somewhere. Connie, to be someone._ "

Connie cared not that Steven continued to slip down further. He'd kept up his shield for as long as he could.

" _Somewhere. Someone. What is me...Somewhere, someone._ "

A hand lifted up behind her, gently, softly splayed against her back.

" _Connie, What is me....someone. Somewhere..._ "

His voice wavered with that one, with the first cracks in existence actually positive for once.

" _Someone. Me. Connie. Somewhere._ "

Pink tear drops fell onto her shoulder. Connie refused to let go.

"Keep...trying...." She pleaded between sobs. Deep down he remembered who he was...she had to bring that back anyway she could...they had gotten this far and there were going to make it back. Somehow. But allowing him to absorb what could be used for himself, perhaps to remember more. Would it be worth doing? Would it work? Would it help? Connie had nothing else to lose and she was not going to lose him to something so far out of his control...so warped. Connie was going to get the ball rolling, even on the cusp of her own demise. He was worth that much.

"Repeat after me. Garnet."

Steven blinked.

" _Garnet._ "

Connie grinned.

"Amethyst."

" _Amethyst._ "

Good.

"Pearl."

" _Pearl._ "

Great.

"And Steven."

" _And Steven._ "

And finally.

"Who are they?" She asked him.

" _Someone...someone...someone...someone..._ "

Indeed they were.

~~The Crystal Gems will remain its defenders and helpers as they always have.~~

Steven tried to keep maintaining his stance. Forever if he had to, if meant Connie would be safe. Meanwhile Connie herself was being the stubborn one, finding herself trapped in this place where, ironically, it hurt the least. Because there was a Steven here. One that existed and she was aware of being selfish, her mind under the pretense of how this had to help Steven know that he wasn't alone. He was not alone in this crazy universe with all these crazy things happening all the time and what he was feeling was indeed valid. Connie would try as long as he continued to try.

And he was....except maintaining that control was hard to him to focus. Mental energies spent on communicating with Connie verses physical energies being used to keep himself in place, a dedication to ensure Connie's survival; his primary goal. And he was...tired...worn...sore...and what ever left remained knew that he wasn't going to survive this. He understood that to a point but the corruption disallowed him to see the full extent of those thought processes. Sleep eternal and free was all that he could muster from it all.

"Good...you don't have to go...I'll be here...and...and maybe we'll be okay...we'll...Mega Pearl is up there...and she'll find a way...just hold on...don't let go Steven... _please._..I won't let go either..." Connie ordered.

Though...a weird sentence in another voice...so not Steven...not Rose....

~~You have to. You have to be honest about how bad it feels so you can move on. That's how it was for me.~~

But her _own._

Steven faded away, as reality returned to them in an instant. Connie couldn't stop crying, laying own his chest and kept herself there. The amount of despair she had equaled the amount of love she had, not tipping the scales to any favor. Rocks fell as Steven slid down further, sweat dropping from his head as he strained against the amount of power he'd put into keep his position, which was failing fast. Connie herself didn't look too well either, his concerns for her well-being increasing as while he could protect her from the worst of it, it was still intensely hot due to how deep they were in and not to mention the trapped heat within the rhombus bubble itself.

She was going to die here if Steven didn't do something. The pink beast...the creature. Its power. Steven's big head arched up, giving off one more mighty roar, hoping the echoes would rise up high enough to reach the top, _hoping_ that he could hear it. 

Looking down though, his fractured mind made newly formed tethers. New tethers. Her refusal to leave, imprinting on to him more than he anticipated.

Connie being in such pain inflicted powerful instincts to protect her...and she'd proven to be the force needed to communicate...and words simple floated around...ones he could get a strong grasp on.

" _Garnet...Amethyst...Pearl...Connie_ "

Someone....somewhere

". _...Defender...friend...Helper...need..._ "

~~I know they're just trying to protect me, but I have to protect them! I have Mom's shield, they need me!~~

Why did that hurt so much? Tears forming around his eyes as memories came flooding back.

~~I'm a Crystal Gem too!~~

He was what?

It wasn't long until Steven felt the rumbles of the volcano. He was stuck here, as Connie noticed the shakes herself. Steven dug his claws in further, but that only served to dip him down even more. Rocks from above clashed against the shield. It would protect Connie but for how long depending on Steven's dwindling energies. His willpower would hold but that could only do so much, when everything around them was beginning to fall apart but his thoughts locked on to a new type of consistency he'd only just discovered, repeating the words in his head but unable to filter reason from rhyme;

_Connie...Connie...Connie needed him. Connie needed him....Connie....Connie needed him._

It was then Lion popped in. A feeling similar to relief went through him as he picked up Connie, who had since had passed out from a combination of her wounds, the heat and general exhaustion. Lion looked at Steven with a fervent expression, as Steven returned the stare and growled in thanks. Lion nodded, warping out of the volcano in that instant.

She was safe for now...but those words would whisper in his head constantly, more than the deliberation of his own fate.

_Go home. Don't waste your time on...._

* * *

Volleyball had since defused from Pearl, both of them distraught over their failure to protect Steven and Connie, their fight with Bluebird was lengthened until Connie could claim the button. That was until Emerald pressed it anyway and they could do little, even with Mega Pearls ribbon wand they couldn't reach them. Emerald, Baseball and Bluebird had since fled, on the belief their job was done.

They held each other as Volleyball told Pearl of what happened....as Pearl couldn't stop the flow of her own tears as she embraced Volley. She couldn't believe it had gotten to this point; fighting so hard only to fail so horribly that it just felt like what happened with Rose all over again. Except much worse.

They then heard Steven's roar echo from within, which stopped them from crying instantly. Looking up at the platform, they saw Lion warp off, presumably answering Steven's call. Not long after, tremors went off. This caused panic from the two, which had them become frantic, until they saw Lion bring in Connie. The two ran over to check up on her, who had come to briefly.

"Connie are you okay?" Pearl cried.

Volleyball sat Connie up, who rubbed her head.

"I...I'm fine...Steven...where's Steven?"

More tremors went off, as they all gripped onto Lion at the same. Connie's eyes widened as she tried to get off of him, running off in a brief stumble.

"No...no...he _can't!_ " Connie called out. She leaned over the edge, trying to see if she could see Steven down there, but a burst of lava had her fall back, as Pearl ran over to help her up.

"Not again, we're not abandoning him again!"

A repeat of before. On Earth. Steven falling once more. It might as have been....inevitable for him.

" **STEEEVEEEEEEEN!** "

There wasn't a lot they could do. It was too dangerous to go back in there, as Pearl strained against Connie trying to run over. Poor girl, she'd been through much that Pearl wondered if she'd ever truly recover. He was her rock, after all. Pearl knew that much. And from what Volley had explained, Connie's constant sacrifices would have her going in the same direction as Steven if she wasn't careful. And the markings and glowing pinks eyes meant that she'd already started. That terrified Pearl to no end.

"We've got to leave, the volcano looks like it might erupt any second now!" Pearl warned.

Connie's focus however, did not move from their position of the cliffs edge. She wanted to hear his voice again...it didn't matter if it made no sense...anything to assure her that he was still there...he had to be. He needed to be. She wanted him to be....

"Pearls right, we've run out of time!" Volley said, looking at Pearl. Both of them felt awful, felt absolutely gutted that they had no way to get him out of there....and knowing how much death had affected both Pearls in the past, there was no doubt that it would affect Connie the same way...unfortunate, to follow the ways of those wield the Pink Diamond Gem...destined for greatness in equal to despair to anyone involved with it.

They forced Connie back onto Lion as Volley commanded the front, with Pearl behind Connie to make sure she didn't make a foolish move. Another splash of lava dropped nearby as the tremors worsened. Volley ordered him to run, but even so, Lion found it hard to move, hard to believe...which had Volley have to tell him again to get them out of dodge and fast...

Until...

A claw slammed itself onto the surface near them, that had Lion jump. All gasped in response to this simple, striking and telling sign.

Another claw....

It was him!

His big head pushed up above, panting as he overlooked them, his glinting eyes on them. Despite their own fatigue, they smiled in relief in seeing Steven having gotten himself out. He struggled however, as the tremors almost had him slip back down, almost giving Connie a heart attack. But she had to have faith.

"Come on, you can do it!" Connie told him.

Pearl then looked at Volley, having an idea of her own. Something that had been planned on Earth but they never got to action....one that she couldn't do on her own but with Volley's help, she realized it was a definite possibility to enact. It had to work. It needed to.

"Quickly, I need Amethyst, Ruby and Sapphire."

Volley nodded, pulling their Gemstones out of hers. Handing them to Pearl, the latter took them into her arms and embraced them.

"Steven needs our help, I need yours! Please!" Pearl pleaded.

It wasn't long until the Gems started to shine, fusing with Pearl to form Alexandrite.

* * *

Volleyball and Connie watched on as Alexandrite went in her knees and took one of Steven's claws, using all of her strength to pull him out of it. He was heavy, but Alexandrite had worse.

"I've got you Steven." The fusion grunted.

Steven himself could only look on in what appeared to be in awe as Alexandrite made all attempts to get him out. He nodded, still trying despite how much pressure was on them at that moment that the eruption could take them all out swiftly. Nevertheless, despite how difficult it was, neither party was giving up.

And eventually, Alexandrite took one last pull, which had finally allowed Steven to find solid ground. However, they didn't have much time to celebrate, as they were mere seconds away from being burned alive.

"Run!" She screamed.

Alexandrite followed Volley, Connie and Lion and kept making sure Steven was right behind them. He might have been big but he was quick on his feet, running on all six limbs as they ran down the mountain as fast as they could, to widen the distance between themselves and the immense burst of flames as the eruption went everywhere. They didn't stop until they knew it was safe.

Eventually they found themselves on the exterior of the broken facility, taking breath at the Diamond Mecha. Steven himself collapsed by it, completely drained by that stage. Connie had gotten off Lion, running towards him in tears of joy and relief. She knew he would be able to make it. His head laid down on the ground as Connie hugged it, rubbing her forehead against his face, so proud of him.

"Thank you Steven." She said.

Steven made a happy murmur, closing his eyes and enjoying Connie's soft touch. It was then Alexandrite approached him, having him lift his head and form to meet their gigantic form. She smiled, wrapping herself around him, with her own tears pouring through. She unfused shortly after, as Connie found it both cute and amusing with Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl having stuck themselves on his body. They didn't mind, just happy that their boy was safe and sound. Volleyball stood next to Connie and so did Lion, as the the two beamed at the sight of the core Crystal Gems reuniting at last.

Steven was content from their constant blabbering on how they missed him. He looked at Connie however....and from what whispers Connie could hear from him alone, were two words.

_Thank you..._


	27. The Lake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group try and decide their next move, when a suggestion to a mysterious planet is made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is going to be a nice, heartwarming relaxing chapter. They all need it.

A moment of peace...a moment to clear their heads.

The most important part they all took from this sequence was that it allowed them to relax briefly before they made their next move.

They'd migrated into to the Diamond Ship with Volleys help, which had Steven being able to lie down and attempt to fall into a much needed rest period, with Connie lying against in between his front limbs, nestled within as Volley went to put a blanket on her. Steven had his long neck curled around to the same side with his head resting on his front leg. His snoring however, created their own gusts of wind, as Volley struggled to tuck Connie in as the blanket kept flapping about between breaths. Eventually she succeeded after trying several times, working quickly to make sure it didn't fly away. Lion had taken to sleeping on his back for what ever reason had him prefer to stay close to Steven in that moment. Out of comfort, affection or a feline's habit to rest in high places. It honestly wasn't worth looking into, other than knowing how weird it was to witness.

The Gems themselves were relieved that Steven had shown promising signs of recovery, recognizing them and no longer being hostile. Amethyst even commented that Steven was basically a large puppy in his current state. A comparison once made before.

Though the general consensus was now on the matter of how to restore him back to normal. He looked so peaceful, lying there and being able to just recuperate after a long series of event that been quite tormenting for him.

Volley got the Gems up to speed, explaining what had happened between what occurred on Earth, up until their reformation. Disturbing; as the Diamonds had yet to be reform themselves. Although Volley then took out Peridot, Lapis and Bismuth, as she sensed their energies fluctuating from within. No sooner than later, the three came back, as the other Gems were relieved to see that they were okay, although all three were taken a back by Steven, until Pearl told them to keep quiet and to let him sleep, while they were told everything in the mean time as well.

Peridot was curious as to the properties of Steven's spikes being able to instantly destabilize the Diamonds, their sharpness akin to Rose's Sword according to Bismuth. Volley though, had to vocalize that bringing back the Diamonds were also important, though they had no signs of reforming any time soon. 

"They had an idea that could...well, help Steven." She explained.

"Something about putting pieces back together but I never got the finer details."

Corruption was a topic of great debate and an issue discussed on many occasions between the Gems. The original version being the Diamonds attack and this time was due to a poison, although going from what Baseball had explained, she'd only quickened the process; stating that no matter which direction they took, Steven's fate was going to end up the same way.

"And you're saying Connie has some kind of telepathic link?" Pearl questioned, eyeing the poor girl.

"She's been through a lot too. She's being affected by this just as much."

It was then Peridot grumbled, calling on an earlier point she had made.

"Ugh...I said it before. Her organic body _can't_ handle his Miasma. I won't be surprised if this is like a human version of corruption or something."

A thought that horrified them as well. They couldn't let Connie fall down that road too. She wasn't a Gem either so treating her wouldn't be the same.

"She never said she was in any pain though." Volley commented.

"But her power to him, is not unlike the Diamonds connections to each other. She's the only one who can really know what he's thinking."

A power granted, intentionally or not. Steven and Connie's relationship was close; a fact everyone knew. So with this, he depended on her with communications, although it didn't appear that it was doing any good physically...or mentally. Connie refused to let Steven falter like he did; a dedication Pearl could relate to...and with that trail of thought had Pearl bring back old shame and guilt to surface once again.

And looking on the pair, they _needed_ this. This phase to regain their strength, with Garnet's future vision telling her a great struggle would follow.

Within the next few hours, Peridot and Bismuth eventually found the manual controls for the Diamond Ship, tinkering away and figuring out how the fly it without the Diamonds usual input. Thing was, that now they could use it, where could they go? Back to Earth? Homeworld? They had to wait until the Diamonds returned anyway, so going to the latter was more practical than not. Though Volley had hoped to return to Earth, wanting to check back with Jasper to make sure she had things under control.

Emerald, Baseball and Bluebird were still out there in the galaxy, but for now, they weren't a priority. Earth was still in danger however. So they needed to think about this carefully. They were primarily after Steven, although they wondered if they believed he'd died in the volcano. Baseball's future vision put in a dent in that theory according to Garnet. So their choices, while limited, were also dependent on the Diamonds when they eventually decided to come back. Although the following words emerged from tired and cracked lips surprised them.

"We can go to Astraea" Said Connie, who had just woken up. She rubbed her eyes, yawning as she approached the group. Amethyst didn't want to comment on her eyes or the marks on her face, but internally the purple Gem was disturbed by them.

"Astraea?" Amethyst wondered.

Connie nodded, bringing up something she had been told while she was asleep.

"Steven said it was a planet of the most pure of waters. Said to wash ones worries away..." She elaborated.

Something he'd either brought up once in the past or he'd told that Connie personally. Volley popped up, having just remembered about the planet, going wide-eyed in the space of her recollection, then grinning on pleasant memories on their last visit.

"Oh...yes...a nice planet. He liked the spiky snails there too." Volley said with fondness.

"He ended up naming them Hedgehog Star Snails."

Garnet couldn't help but smile at that imagery. Steven used to love giving names to things. Connie couldn't help but grin as well...a silly name but it was kind of cute.

Besides that, what purpose did this planet really serve? Why would Steven mention it? And now they were talking in their dreams? Steven had that ability normally so it wasn't too much of a concern...for him at least.

"Does Steven wish to go there again?"

Perhaps. Although, he could know something about the planet that they didn't. Either way, they could give it a shot. Though they had to prioritize Earth or Homeworld, if Steven found it important to tell Connie that they had to go there, then they weren't going to ignore it. Garnet had given the go ahead shortly after, as Volleyball gave Peridot the coordinates...

* * *

Once they'd arrived, they planted the Ship within an open grass plain in the middle of a clear dawn, before a forest of the tallest of trees...resembling something akin to redwoods on Earth in terms of their sheer height. Connie felt brisk magical vibes from it as the group left the ship, planting their feet on the cool grass and listening to the local bird life chirp their brief melodies. The temperature was mild to cool and the winds steady, the breeze brushing through slowly and softly with the hint of flowery aromas. Wildly contrasting the volcano planet, Connie inhaled deeply through her nose, allowing the fresh air to cleanse her punished, dirty lungs.

Steven followed suit, sniffing away as he tried to recognize his surroundings. His long tail was wagging around; a sign of his fabled curious thinking. Connie had indeed dreamed of him talking about this place with Volleyball, hence the suggestion. And from what Connie had seen, he _adored_ this place and Connie could now understand why. There was a serene ambiance here that reminded her of the mountain, though it felt much more ancient and mythical, like those in fantasy stories. He took the lead, heading into the forest without delay but with a moderate pace. Connie shifted her sword on to her back, hopped on Lion and trailed onwards. Despite being unsure why they were really here, the others eventually went as well.

It was a place that felt like it had its own hidden history, covered with the slight filters of fog, its own unique flora and fauna, with many a thick, green fern against the thick brown trunks of trees, as well as the giant radiant fungi of variable colours of orange and red with sprinkled spots of white that grew off the sides of the tree trunks. Sniffing the scents resonated with Connie with the fresh dew of the morning dropping off of nearby leaves. The overall hue of dotted warm colours along the greens had a harmonious effect, like the touch of silk or hearing a nice acoustic song with delicate chimes. Though what surprised Connie the most...were the glowing white butterflies. Real ones...and more in a series of other colours of green, pink, yellow and blue. Their flutters were slow, as Steven took in the sights for himself. His big head reached up, being distracted by the butterflies themselves as one landed on his nose briefly. Steven then tilted his head, his eyes crossed as he tried to look at it briefly, before it ended up flying away.

Walking once more, Connie noticed the geometric markings on the trees. Volleyball explained this place had a bit of bio-luminescence and where most of the critters here had it as well. It was certainly beautiful, which had elated Lapis, bemused Bismuth, surprised Peridot, pleased Pearl, enamored Garnet and amazed Amethyst with the sheer beauty this place provided.

Connie and Lion walked alongside Steven, her eyes suddenly focused on the plates that covered his back. They'd shifted, revealing the pink glow between the plates themselves. His spikes shifted back and forth as result, rising up in place as they began to shine between blue and pink. Steven himself appeared unfazed by the phenomenon, even taking it in as pleasant feeling as eyes closed briefly, but it certainly was a beautiful sequence...Connie wondered how he was really feeling right now but at that moment, as he still hadn't spoken to her for a while.

"This was meant to be a colony meant for Crystal Quartzes. Only half of it was colonized however." Volley explained.

Though, it did remind Connie of something else. Something Steven had indeed told her before.

~~I met...a group of Aventurines...the other week/They kept talking about the water on a planet that had been half-c-colonized. Waters that were the most pure they had ever seen. One...one sip of it and all y-your worries would _wash_ away..~~

That explained the familiar feeling she originally had when Steven put it into her head prior. The dream wasn't vivid, but Steven presented pictures and spoke the name over and over again.

~~I w-wish... I could have taken everyone there...those g-gems....~~

The Crystal Gems...

~~They worry about me....Connie, they n- _need_ help...~~

He recalled their conversation from within the dream too. Upon such recollection of words, Connie then realized Steven wasn't actually doing this for himself.

He was doing it for them. All of them.

This sacred, divine place of purity, of magic and restoration...his intention was to help them relax and revitalize their troubled minds. Within his psyche, he could note their own, ongoing pain. Connie wondered, however...if he was aware that they were worried... was he more in tune to their needs than his own? It was hard to discern unless she wanted him to directly tell her. He did, but obviously in his own, wyrmy way.

Or better yet, the _Steveny_ way.

Even in this form, his desire to help others shined through the brightest, a semblance of his youthful spirit. Connie's heart teetered between it warming up at the thought and chilling at the premise of Steven's preferences to ignore himself and his own problems. Unless she was getting the idea wrong. She'd expected him to do this by default, but still never saw it coming when he told her about it.

Though the forest trees were extraordinarily tall, Connie didn't feel small. This place welcomed her like it was a friend, like the many time's she come to the Beach House. And when they'd come across a huge lake, it was like a fresh water version of what they were so used to seeing on the beach front. Small, orange stone blocks resembled some kind of ruin on the sides of the lake itself, covered in moss and butterflies. Connie could see the mystery within the history; stuff she loved seeing from her fantasy novels.

The group watched on as Steven approached the water's edge, looking down at his own reflection in the still waters. He still didn't communicate his own thoughts to Connie, which confused her.

"What's he thinkin' Con?" Amethyst queried.

She wasn't sure. No trace of his power was being used at all, as his light lines and shining spikes eventually faded.

"It looks like he's trying to find meaning...of who he is really looking at." Garnet suggested.

That could be true. Connie got off Lion and walked to the left of Steven, resting her hand on his front leg as she carefully examined him. Although he moved his right foot, dipping a single claw into the waters and watched the ripples circle outwards. Connie kind of wished she could listen to what was going on inside his head right now. But she enjoyed the quiet and the soft music of nature playing into her ears...instead of constant, booming explosions for once.

Eventually, Steven stepped into the water himself, putting all six limbs in and going in deeper, until he found himself floating above it, his spikes like fins as they poked out of the water. He swam around for a bit, enjoying himself, as he then put his head half in the water, his eyes looking at the cautious Gems on dry land. Lion, of all people, joined him first, paddling around until he was next to Steven, who beamed at his company.

"Is this why we're here? So he could take a bath?" Peridot questioned, subtly irritated.

"We can do that on Earth, we're wasting time."

Connie could understand Peridots frustrations, but there was a general message behind this, she was so sure.

It was then Amethyst made face, staring at Steven as he floated there. To her, the message was obvious. She took a few steps back, before running up, jumping and holding her knees to her chest.

"CANNONBALL!"

Water splashed everywhere, covering Connie and Pearl, much to the latters dismay. Amethyst made off with her goofy laugh, swimming around Steven all the while, who was smiling at the fact someone else had joined in.

"Come on in, the waters great!"

Pearl was hesitant, seeing Steven drink in a bit of water and playfully spitting it out at her, which had Amethyst retaliate by doing the same. Pearl watched Volleyball wander in as well, who had dipped herself in there. She fell back and let it entire body float and drift about, looking the most content and relaxed while doing so.

"This lake is said to have medicinal properties." She explained, spreading her legs and arms out like a star.

Connie blinked; such a fact she found most interesting, given that there are certain spas and hot springs designed to do the same thing.

"Sounds like its meant to be therapeutic." She said.

And Steven knew this. This place, either by natural evolution or design, was a premise that definitely had an atmosphere to sooth ones aching body or spirit. Wanting to take advantage of it all and not miss out, Connie'd stripped out of the space suit and dived in. The fresh water rippled against her dirty, sweaty skin and it was one indeed one of the best feelings she's had in a long time. 

Maybe he designed for them to have the resolute wash as well, seeing how he was at the most peace he could be right now. It wasn't long until Garnet and Bismuth joined in and despite her earlier protests, Peridot relented, following in too. Lapis fluttered about, ending up on Steven's head and perching on it like a bird.

She had been one who had witnessed his first, horrific, self mind-flaying breakdown...Lapis herself couldn't outright shake off the guilt that she was the one who caused it. She didn't mean to, wanting to pull him out of the darker waters he'd dived into himself. He didn't seem to mind her sitting on him, as she smiled warmly as she rubbed his scalp. He made a pleasant noise, liking the feeling of her petting him overall.

Garnet herself swam up to Steven, checking in and wanting to talk to him directly...

"Thank you for taking us here." She said.

"I know it hasn't been easy for you...and we do appreciate you wanting to take care of us."

The perma-fusion had come to the same realization as Connie in that he just wanted to show them a good time. It definitely was something that he would do...especially when he was younger. Parties or what not...he still loved them and wanted to present in any way he could...that much was clear.

With his leviathan sized form, Steven was the least threatening thing with them right now. He had no other signs of wanting to escape or thrash about. An overall general state of tranquility became his current emotional presence. He was most importantly, comfortable around them...a stage Steven hadn't displayed to them in months.

Those last six months were difficult for Garnet too, as Steven's actions had messed with her powers to the point where his advice about choosing what she wanted instead of following the paths presented to her, so determining the appropriate cause of action ahead was the hardest thing she had to deal with in recent times.

She could now anticipate, however...which could be as good as future vision, that it was still going to be that long, miles long road in front of them until they were in the definite zone of the clear. But if Steven kept this up, it would make his life easier....and theirs. She'd missed him dearly as did Amethyst and Pearl, that his absence was generally notable at the Beach House. While Garnet had Cat Steven, just regular Steven being there felt like a solid part of her life, seeing him move around and do his own thing. Garnet used to encourage that and admire his freedom, his cheerfulness, but then it became apparent all that had changed within a short time frame and pure ignorance was the cause of that. She could have owed it to her scrambled future vision but even so...she had forgotten his advice to create her own future with him in it still, instead focusing on herself and the things that no longer had Steven involved.

It wouldn't have gotten as bad as it did unless she had all three eyes open...perhaps there was a way to prevent him from leaving Earth to begin with...with Garnets remorse from an ages long mistake that was far too late to erase.

Amethyst had noticed and had gotten fairly irritated by him denying any attempt for them to reach out. Signs of that were noted at the Dinner and other moments, where Garnet had to reign in her frustrations and remind her to keep that talk to herself. What she was feeling was the general denial of interference, the lack of any forthcoming presence that could have mitigated the disaster by any means but ultimately were unable to productively prevent this outcome, simply because Steven refused to let them in.

She didn't understand it at first. They raised him, nurtured him, taught him and protected him. There wasn't any explanation of his preference on not talking to them when the issues began to worsen. His words consistently rang in her head.

_I think I've said enough._

Enough? No. Instead, they let him be. 

And Garnet could not have seen how brushing that aside so casually ended up with him going away in the first place. For now, she tried not to dwell on prior errors and did what she could to continue to create the future she wanted...

Which was a future with Steven still in it, happy and healthy once more.

* * *

Over the course of the few hours they had spent together, they made do with what they had, amusing Steven in different ways to help him feel better. Lapis with her water powers playing around with Peridot, as Amethyst shape shifted into a dolphin and made dolphin noises, to where they would have races to see who could swim to the other side of the lake and back the fastest. Filled with laughter, joy....

To Connie, she could see the happiness written on their faces...and Steven's and such a rare sight had to be treasured. They'd made camp shortly after, creating a bonfire at the end of the day, while the gems talked about their plans...

Steven sat afar, as his eyes focused entirely on the bonfire, ignoring everything else. A conclusion was reached; deciding to go back to Earth for now to make sure that it Jasper had been handling things well, a suggestion made by Volleyball and agreed by everyone. Though when it came to the topic of healing Steven being brought up again, the fact that the Diamonds were still required was mess still uncleaned. Being poofed by a powerful, crystalline spike had done more damage to them than they initially believed.

The night sky was clear, being cradled by the canopies as the sun began to set. Pearl had handed Connie a snack she had kept in her Gem, almost forgetting about. A protein bar, which had Volley's focus. It had been made on Earth and Pearl normally kept a spare in case Steven got hungry with no food. Probably filled with preservatives but Connie wasn't going to be picky.

She wondered if Steven was hungry, though he had gotten up since then without anyone noticing, returning to the lakes edge to peer out in thought.

Connie disconnected from the Gems to join him, sitting next to him with her arms around her knees, as he sat down and looked upon the reflection of the twilight sky and stars on the still waters. Stars numerous, glinting...beautiful....just like his tender eyes on pink embers.

"You did well today." She commented, putting her hand on his front paw.

His head tilted downwards, looking at his reflection again. Maybe Garnet was right. He was trying to recognize himself. He then looked back at the Gems, who were busy talking and occasionally laughing, obviously at a different topic of the night in that moment in particular.

She honestly just wanted him to talk to her now but heard nothing at all. What had him so silent? Was he busy trying to pierce thoughts together still? His head sagged down, then returned back to the lake, although, without much focus, zoning out entirely.

The night had lowered in temperature and the winds were null. And as the sun set completely, the entire forest lit up, bit by bit. It was akin to the night life neons of a bustling city, except without beeping horns, shouts for taxis or loud music.

Perhaps that's all they needed right now...was a nice song to end the day. 

Steven's body lit up again like it did before. Such displays from natural life would be seen as purely for intimidation purposes, but...the way that Steven himself was still, calm with his guttural breathing the only noise he made...it was a signal that he himself...was placated. No one here was out to hurt him..and his friends. It was then the lake itself lit up too, with little white dots shining through.

Volley came on by, standing next to Connie with a grin on her face.

"Oh my it's the Hedgehog Star Snails!" She exclaimed.

"I forgot to mention they were nocturnal. They light up like this at night....and when Steven took me here the first time and I told him about it, he insisted on staying until the sun was down to see it for himself...and wanted me to see it too."

The way Volley spoke about such an event with her body language...her hands together, in front of her chest while her eyes sparkled with charmed nostalgia...Steven had definitely done some good with the Pearl. He could have been working hard but...for Volleyballs sake, he did get to try to know her better after all.

"We stayed up all night, swimming to the bottom to get a closer look...and he healed a broken shell..finding it on the ground nearby...and did not hesitate to fix it...saying that it deserved to shine just as bright as everyone else. Just like any Gem."

Words that hit Connie in a way that were powerful to her chest and while it made her smile, it also caused the pain behind her eyes again. If only Steven could hear himself say that now. Volley then looked at Connie, seeing her eyes glimmering just as much as Steven's, noticing tears falling down her cheeks, whether she was aware of it, or not.

"Connie, are you okay?" Volley asked, worried.

Powerful emotions swam around Connie herself, as a hand rested against her chest. It was just like Steven...there was Steven within that which appeared hot and cold, that wanted to act the wishes of others and to hold them to their dreams. But this it made far more clearer to Volleyball than it did before. While such signs were there before, Volley could see, more than she did previously, on how much Connie deeply cared for Steven...more so....Within her mind, ideas, ideas encouraged by Steven to formulate on such a positive flow of thoughts came to mind. It was then, that perhaps Volley, instead of being the one who was pushed towards a conclusion, could push Connie into doing what she couldn't for Pink in the end and had struggled to do so for the last six months.

To help Steven be happy. 

And today was evidence enough of his general manner among everyone he had known...the pretense of those he'd come to guide and guard before. Could he really know why he was feeling so comfortable? Maybe...maybe not. The fractured mind felt things but didn't always know why they were feeling them, but came to accept the good feelings as they came and became attached to what had him feel good...she pulled out another oxygen filter out of her gem (as Steven told her to be prepared, even keeping copies of things just in case.) She handed it to Connie, much to the humans confusion.

"Go see them...go check out the star snails with him." Volley told her.

Connie blinked, looking down at the filter, before looking back at the Pearl.

"I know he makes you happy....and I think you make him happy too."

Connie blushed, her lines lighting up as well alongside it, but then smiled and nodded, noticing what Volleyball was trying to do. She took the oxygen filter, then suddenly pulled Volleyball into a hug, surprising the Pink Pearl, who then returned the hug shortly after.

"Thank you Volleyball..." Connie said, trying so hard not to cry but failed miserably.

"That means a lot..."

* * *

Disengaging the hug, Volleyball stood aside with her hands folded together behind her, smiling with pride as Connie put on the mask. She tapped on Steven's arm, then pointed towards the water. She'd dived in, which, eventually Steven himself carefully slid himself in, going deeper in the water than they did before.

She swam down, as Steven swam beside her. Volleyball was right...the water was crystal clear as everything was lit up down here and it was absolutely stunning to behold. A light show, filled with the snails, which were definitely like stars with their spiky shells fixed onto the bottom of the lake, and on rocks...even some chowing down on the under water plant life.

It was like an upside down sky, swimming to to the depths to take in all the energy as it flowed around her. Steven himself, with his great size, didn't go into too close to the bottom, but took in the sights as well as Connie. She looked at him, which prompted him to look at her. For what emerged as a toothy smile, had old churning fire burn within her chest...a familiar feeling...an old but telling emotion she had recognized a long time ago. She welcomed this feeling back into her life, having no idea on how much she had missed it.

The lakes depths surprised her, as long, thin fish with glowing yellow and blue geometric lines swam past in numerous schools, with Steven floating there, his eyes trying to keep up with their pace as they sped around them in quickened circles. It was magical, mystical, wonderful. Another, fluffier white fish approached Connie, with pink dots on its fins. Only if they had this kind of aquatic life on Earth, Connie would have taken up marine biology in a heartbeat.

Though Steven himself was akin to a big crocodile while down here, as with the way he looked and swam could be mistaken for some kind of native on this planet. She then descended to his side, putting her hand on his front paw, using him to guide herself across. And in that moment, she could swear Steven was blushing. 

It was nice being by his side like this, Connie would not deny it. She would not deny him the happiness he deserved...he needed...he craved. To feel alive with all this life around him. Life he helped save. He did this...he protected and preserved and pulled off the impossible time and time again....and he was still doing it, even right now as they took finding a small plot of tiny yellow flowers of sorts. It looked like an underwater version of the Earth's Yarrow.

Steven brushed his face against them, perhaps trying to sniff but ended up causing petals to disconnect and rise up to the surface. He jerked his back and sneezed, as Connie couldn't help but giggle, causing him to be slightly embarrassed. She ended up rubbing her hand against his cheek and while he wouldn't be able to see her mouth, she smiled nevertheless.

There was something so...different about being disconnected from other people. Both of them here, safe with the other in this beautiful realm to themselves. He might have dwarfed her quite considerably, but she felt nothing but the purest forms of adoration for him. Connie moved back a little and raised her hand, while kicking her feet slowly to maintain her position. Steven was transfixed on the gesture for a good moment, before raising his paw to her tiny hand. The physically touch was subtle, but the emotional one had much to pour into Steven's mind, eyes widening as he accidentally projected his mind to hers...with moments of them being Stevonnie, running around and jumping into the ocean out of an unbelievable experience that they both discovered on that fateful day.

She was glad that came to his mind, though he quickly retracted, frowning in the mean time.

Connie could recognize those signs born from fear. For what reason she couldn't determine, but could only guess that it had to do with how bizarre fusion could feel at first...or something else, Steven definitely did not comment on that.

Maybe once all his pieces were put back together, he could define it all for himself, recalling those complex feelings for what they were...tracing them back to good times and bad and understanding that what he was feeling was normal. A human mind could translate it more clearly but a corrupted one? Too confusing...misplacing it and misunderstanding it as something painful and new.

Perhaps that's all this version of Steven was really trying to do. To accept...to breach the barriers for himself. He wanted to recover so he could get those concepts and getting frustrated when ever he got too confused...or even afraid. He didn't need to run...not anymore. Steven was here, with her...and his family...his friends...they would still accept Steven even when Steven could no longer accept himself when he was not mentally able to.

So maybe that's why Volleyball thought Connie was the key to fixing this. She understood human nuance...those tiny little cracks within themselves that only humans could really understand. Not everything was black and white...and everything between black and white was gray. And everything that was gray to Steven, was currently raw, shifting, noisy static that he didn't like to feel.

Being underwater muffled all that noise though so that they could focus on looking at each other and the bountiful environment that surrounded them, accepted them and made it look like they were meant to be here. No wonder why it felt so nice...and not on the lifeless Homeworld where the noise only served as the distraction. The footsteps that echoed and the clock that ticked in the Throne Room.

Steven ended up swimming in circles around Connie, his eyes fixated on her as he curved and curled around, like some kind of intricate underwater dance, before his head got really close to hers, his eyes basically two times the size of her head. He'd attempted to rest his forehead against hers, trying so hard to be gentle. Connie now found herself blushing again from his sweet gesture, before he pushed himself back with a few spins, telling Connie to follow him.

She did so, although as she started to swim, he shot behind her, much to her consternation, before he charged up from behind, digging her up on his head as he charged at full speed. She held on to his horns as started to rise up towards the surface. The sudden rush and force almost stunned her, but then again, it was indeed quite the thrill. They had then broke the surface, as Steven pushed his head above the water and allowing them to see the beautiful galaxy and the three different sized moons in the navy sky.

His long neck supported the shift up as Steven floated, with Connie still stuck on his head. She sat and leaned back, her focus on the voluminous moons as she pulled the mask off of her face. Steven himself focused on the moons too, entranced by their pure power, pulling him in with the tide.

Connie would think even as he was, he appreciated such beauty..an example of the best of what life could offer. Simple concepts that would make him happy, to make feel like life was worth this sight alone would what he had have to be perceiving as a free-thinking being. All life, despite intelligence, could tell the wonderful, to the horrible without wondering why and accepting the good...and perhaps the bad in the long term, for what they were.

"Thank you for taking us here Steven." She said.

"Thank you....for everything."

It wasn't long until fatigue caught up with Connie again as she fell asleep on his head, drifting off into the serenity of the night and within the safe confines of her beloved friend. And with that, next to her within her dreams was a spiral of pink light of unknown origins that looked down on her and a smile hidden in the projection...

_Thank you....jam bud..._


	28. The Rebuild

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As recovery efforts commence, Greg reunites with his son. Meanwhile Jasper clashes with Amethyst while Volleyball tries to sort things out peacefully. Connie also talks with her mother about her health.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...those recent episodes did not just kill me...they destroyed me.  
> IRONICALLY I had planned for Greg to meet Wyrm! Steven in this chapter and for Connie to meet up with her mother, so similarities to Growing Pains are both intentional and accidental. Yay for coincidental stuff!
> 
> Also Diamond Steven is the same as Steven Diamond, I'm thinking of fixing some of those for context. Steven Diamond is the name he chose for himself to be part of the Authority, but Diamond Steven was kinda imaging him in the suit as opposed to his younger self and his normal Future self.
> 
> LONG CHAPTER TOO WHOOPSYS
> 
> Also, I'm going to state that the chapter after this one is going to be an experimental chapter. So look forward to it.

The decision to head back to Earth was agreed on by all parties. So the very next day, involved just that.

They'd landed the Diamond Ship by the cliffs edge by the Temple and broken down light house and exited via the bubble. They'd almost forgotten the damage that the rebellion had wrought on Beach City, as it laid charred and smoked before them. A depressing sight but they would be able to recover. It wouldn't be the first time...but they'd hoped it be the last. Days, weeks, months even so they could get things back to normal as possible.

Their first priority was to meet up with Jasper to see how the situation with the Rebellion, as Volleyball had planned to go find her, with everyone else on the go to get things cleaned up.

The Citizens of Beach City, as well as the Gems from Little Homeworld were beginning to return as well, including Greg drove up the cliff to meet up with the Gems, though, his focus was elsewhere with the obvious question on his mind.

"Where...where's Steven?" Greg queried, distressed.

None of them realized that Steven, given his huge size, somehow managed to vanish completely...and quietly... how could they have not heard him run off? Connie frowned. Maybe he was afraid of letting his Dad see him in this state. She approached him, telling the Gems she'll deal with this, with them agreeing as they went to work.

Where he could have just...disappeared to was anyone's guess. He certainly would be visible anywhere, though they did hear a soft growl nearby. Running around to the beach itself, they could see him sitting by the temple's side by the cliff, looking out across the sparkling sea, locked inside of his incomprehensible thoughts.

Greg's eyes widened as he was about to comment, with a big wave of electrifying turmoil running through his body its main source, before Connie covered his mouth to be quiet.

"Just...be careful." She whispered to him.

"Talk to him like you would normally. He might be nervous though."

Nervous? His son nervous around his own father? Or the father nervous around his son? This really was bad, but Greg swallowed...understanding that it was crucial for him to continue to demonstrate his compassion, just like had done with Steven many times in the past. Wyrm or not.

"Okay...well...uhh...here goes."

Connie let Greg take the first few steps forward. He cleared his throat and fought off his own nerves. He wasn't afraid of him, but...he couldn't but feel the onset concern of being hurt and it brought the distaste of himself feeling that way against _Steven_ of all people. He'd been doing that a lot lately; instilling odd emotions in ways they would never fathom feeling, especially from Steven himself. Connie gathered that most people expected the humanoid version...and not...not _this_.

"Heya Schtu-Ball!" He said with a wave.

"Glad to see you home."

Steven's head fell, before looking at Greg with the somber expression. Nerves eventually fell away, rebirthing the pure fatherly love by Steven's well known mannerisms....mostly small stuff that Greg was able to differentiate Steven from any other monster, identical or otherwise. He just _knew_ his son that well.

"Oh come on, why the long face? It's just your old man!"

Did Steven feel some sort of shame? Again, he refused to say anything but just sit there and whine. Greg took this better than Connie anticipated, however...noting that despite his own original brief apprehension towards his son as this giant beast, he could still approach him and talk like father and son. Steven stood back and shivered, trying to keep his distance between himself and Dad. Greg kept trying anyway.

"I'm not mad or anything...I'm alright with this.... Even if you don't remember yourself as my son, remember me as your father..."

Steven looked at Connie, hoping for answers to the confusing statement. Steven had to figure that out for himself, although looking at her as she smiled meant that Greg was someone to him. Someone he knew and could trust too. Trust in the deepest ways he couldn't figure out, but...

He lowered his head to Greg, who tried to smile past his own tears. Greg could see the pain in those big ol' black holes of his and like Connie, definitely did recognize his son in anyway shape or form from just the way Steven _looked_ at him.

His pupils bounced up and down, examining his dad. There was a constant scribble in Steven's head, trying to scribe out the little details but kept muddling them up. This man, this human, this person, this being. It inspired the map of warmth and comfort, drawing to the conclusion of the worth of him to his burdened heart. Steven's back spikes, rose up and down in short rotating sequences, like the wind brushing waves against a field of long grass, accompanied by sounds akin to swords sheathing and unsheathing in a quickened melody. Connie could determine that potentially being Steven's thought processes working hard, going through their intense mazes to get to the exit. A process never seen before, however...

Steven's big nose breathed out, before he was sniffing him all around, twisting his neck around Greg, before his scent triggered a recoil, and making Greg jump in surprise too, as Steven made low growls...his pupils now going from side to side. Greg reserved patience, smiling even if it was like Steven did this all the time, raising his arms so Steven could sniff where he wanted (Within reason.)

Though Steven pulled back eventually...opening his mouth like he was about to murmur something... but then he looked to Connie who'd felt the shift for the first time in a while. On the corner of her eye, she could see Younger Steven standing to the right of her. His mouth moved to sentences, but no words were being verbally made, save for ones she's heard before. 

" _Someone._ " Was all that was really said.

" _Connie. Steven.._."

He was indeed trying to figure out who this person was, inspiring not necessarily the familiarity, but the aforementioned feelings he was giving to Steven right now. Through sight, scent...his voice. Connie would only need to translate that information back to Steven through simple phrases and words, so his mind could easily grasp at it. It worked with the Gems and it should work for Greg. She'd made it simple enough even before that and using what worked was perfect to placate his famished mind, hungry for answers it could never get in the way he wanted them to.

"That someone is your Dad." Connie explained.

Younger Steven disappeared, as Steven Diamond went to her left hand side.

" _Dad. Connie. Steven. Garnet. Amethyst. Pearl. Dad._ " He said.

Connie nodded, smiling.

" _Someone. Somewhere. Dad. Steven._ "

He disappeared, though Wyrm Steven ushered his head in closer, giving Greg some pause. Until Steven licked him...and like with Lion, drenched him with slobber.

"I think he kinda remembers." Connie said, trying to withhold her laughter.

Greg was a bit off put by the gesture, but was content on this level of affection for now and tried to wipe most of it off with his hands.

"Oh good...well, that's a start." He said, before rubbing Steven's cheek, who enjoyed Greg's contact with the contented growl.

So they stayed there, by his side as the three just discussed matters with one another. It wouldn't matter if Steven didn't speak, only that he was just required to listen and feel at ease with his Dad. It wouldn't have to take long, surely. Greg wasn't lying when he said that he was okay with it. Even with all the stranger stuff Steven had been through over the years. Steven put his body around them as his back was against the cliff edge, while Connie and Greg were by his leg. It wasn't the worst feeling in the world, far from it. Connie was just enthused that father and son were together again and that Steven was making huge leaps and bounds through of this and she couldn't be prouder of him for it. He even showed off his glowing lines and spikes, which Connie determined was a sign of him being relaxed around them.

"What about you Connie?" Greg stated.

"You look a bit...worn...no offense...I mean that from a tired aspect."

Connie understood he was also, indirectly talking about her eyes and the markings. They were kind of obvious.

"Physically, I'm okay." She said.

"Mentally? Drained. You and I worry constantly about him but now...."

Greg looked at Connie with concern.

"Don't push yourself too far." He commented.

"You can take a break when ever you want."

Connie thought she had that part down pat with her studies. There was a structure to her ways, a routine she tried to uphold. Tiring but it was for the best anyway. Worrying about her own future was simple compared to everything else she'd been through lately.

"I'll need to talk to mom about this condition I have though." She said.

"She'll have her internal freak out first but she'll be able to figure out the damage, what I need and all that."

Greg raised an eyebrow, suspecting more than meets the eye.

"You seem pretty casual about it." He said.

Yeah. She did. Connie wasn't overly concerned. She felt fine for the most part. Peridot did explain that it was simply Steven's Miasma that was causing it, even if he didn't mean to do it. 

"I think, me fretting too much isn't going to help me in the long run." She said, hoping that was true.

"We still have a Rebellion to deal with and this big doofus here needs us to be there for him."

Greg smiled, thankful for Connie being there when he couldn't be. Steven had been said to be on edge a lot lately but he was grateful for any person to be there for him. He was one average human being who knew his own limits. He was more on the line about Connie knowing hers as well. She was like him, but with her youth would be able to pull off a lot more, as a friend and peer. Steven himself had his head up high, eyes transfixed on the sparkling ocean that he'd come to know all his life. Greg wondered what really went on in that head of his, other than his body language, lying down on the soft sands was a sign of him being at ease. Which in such a state of calm meant he wasn't in a huge deal of pain; a relief Greg didn't want to take for granted.

"So...yeah...you were telling me you can hear what Steven is thinking?" He wondered.

Connie nodded. A weird topic but Greg's dealt with worse.

"I can't exactly explain how, but he's able to talk to me in broken sentences in a telepathic sense. I can sorta...translate what they mean...he tries to get the meaning out but it's not always successful. He's trying though, so that's all I can really count on." She said.

Greg rubbed his head. Lost in translation but he did indeed want to talk. He didn't know a great deal about about corruption in general, but from what he understood, was that the only cure for it, required all four Diamonds....except what do you do when one of the Diamonds necessary is corrupt themselves?

"Is he okay? At least?" Greg wondered.

Connie shrugged.

"Well, yeah. From what I think...and I can be completely wrong but...I'm confident he's slowly recalling who he is. He gets...simple stuff. He gets people. People he knows. You...me...Lion...Volleyball and the Crystal Gems..."

Greg noticed how Connie's hand grasped the sand around it, her words trailing off softly as her eyes began to well up with water. Oh boy.

"Connie...what's wrong?" He asked.

Again with the tears, with past events toiling up with an explosion of torment. Her mind, kept flashing back to his argument, his corruption and most harshly, his fall into the volcano. He wanted to protect her and she didn't want him to die. The thought of him dying pained her the most, running through her throat like acid.

"It's... _just_...." 

Everything. Everything hurt like thorns around her heart again.

"It's been hard, hasn't it?" Greg told her, putting his hand on her shoulder.

She didn't want to let it out so soon, although it was first Pearl, then Volleyball and now Greg who saw it more so.

"You don't have to say it..."

She ended up wrapping her arms around him and crying into his shoulder to let it out. Connie couldn't deny her overall exhaustion and despair over seeing her best friend almost die like that, a sight embedded into her head...and she's seen him go through multiple occasions where he'd come just as close. Greg noticed that Steven was looking down on them, a frown on his face. Steven had always considered the impact he could have people through his general communication; expressing his own desires to help others out. But even now, Greg saw the knowing in Steven's eyes and expression, with his glows ceasing. He didn't like the fact that Connie was upset. He made a rumbled growl, putting his head beside them, nudging Connie carefully with his nose. She'd stopped and moved back, seeing him worried about her did make her feel a tad better. Greg put his hand on Steven's face again, as Connie wiped her tears.

"I'm sorry you had to see that Steven." She said with a sniff.

Steven closed his eyes briefly, then opened them again as his expression quickly changed to something more intense. He'd gotten up, stretched, before he began to walk away.

"Wait, where are you going?" She asked, a little too desperately.

Her heartbeat intensified as she shot up, but he'd moved his tail to tell her to stay. What was he trying to do? Greg had stood up as well, watching on to figure out what Steven was actually doing.

"He doesn't want you to follow him I think." Greg assumed.

Did he want some time alone? Connie swallowed...it could've been the case. Though as the shift occurred, she could see Steven Diamond to her left again, looking on at the Wyrm version with a blank expression.

" _Somewhere, someone. Need. Gotta keep...Connie...turning...Connie...Dad. Gotta...gotta...need, want._ "

It was then the Wyrm Steven furrowed his face in frustration and growled to himself, swatting his face with his paw, in sync with Steven slapping his face with his hand.

" _ **Ugh.**..I had. I did... **need**. Did...somewhere I haaaaaad...I did...gottaaaaaaa..._"

Connie gripped onto his tail. The way he sounded so annoyed with himself in terms of wanting to be able to send out the message he wanted to give her, the way he pushed his mind to create something so sensible. For her to understand it more clearly. It looked painful.

"Do what you have to do kiddo." Greg said outright, who then turned to Connie. A father knew when his son had something important to attend to. Only then Connie realized that he felt the need to do something. What that something was could be anything, but by this point, Steven had maintained a version of self control that was getting to the point where he was able to utilize a type of self-awareness that was encased deep within, but continued to call out anyway he possibly could. The fact this was the first time he ended up getting irritable over not being able to convey his message properly was new in itself. 

"Come get us when you need to. We'll be around."

What that something was, was uncertain...Connie let him go and stood back. The shift ended, as Steven bowed his head, before he turned around and ran off into the distance. She had to keep her desire to run to him aside, for her own sake. And he disappeared out of sight, Connie took a deep breath to keep herself composed. It hurt to see him go, unsure of where he had planned to go. For now, Greg could see that it was important to him. In a way, Connie saw it from a logical perspective. Putting the pieces together for _himself_ was just as crucial.

"Come on Connie, I'll take you home. I'm not entirely sure when he'll come back." Greg told her.

Connie had her fears, but had her faith in him too. He didn't look fearful, but the expression held purpose... a concept he had struggled with previously. But though she could agree that what Greg said was correct; It was the matter of _when_...which was better than believing in the _if_...

* * *

Volleyball on the other hand had met up with Jasper again at the Warehouse. She explained what happened since they left to the orange Quartz, whom was shocked at many major events, like the Diamonds poofing, their battles at the volcano and the water planet. 

"That sounds...pretty intense." Jasper commented.

"I wish I was there to kick their sorry Gems into the nearest sun. Where did they go?"

Volley shrugged, but immediately felt the guilt in failing to apprehend the culprits, trying not to cry out of disappointing Jasper yet again.

"I'm...I'm sorry but they got away. I know that you told me to be better but..."

Jasper then grumbled as she rolled her eyes. Volley was simply a Pearl and one wouldn't not expect Pearls to the greatest of combatants, but ultimately, while Jasper was annoyed, she could see the look on the pink gems face and form, withdrawn as Volley rubbed her arm. Everything was indeed a mess. Her Diamond was corrupted, Earth was a pile of ashes and the other Diamonds absent for now and a far as what Jasper could note, all the rebel Gems she had with her were gathered in the corner of the Warehouse, being protected by her soldiers. They were due to go on trial to determine their fates but for now...there was more work they had to do. The Gems they had were the majority of the forces but the only ones she had yet to get her hands were the main ones.

According to one Rebel (a familiar Lapis with the gem on her arm), there were the four main leaders. Emerald, Baseball, Eyeball Ruby and Aquamarine, the latter two fused as Bluebird Azurite for most of the time. Jasper already had those parts figured out thanks to Volleyball putting in her leads with Baseball to begin with...and so came all the connections, the inquiries and interrogations....and the three random Gems sent out by Steven previously to investigate helped immensely with some other crucial data.

As efforts to fix up Beach City were underway, there was the call for the alarms to cease and allow the humans of Beach City to begin their reconstruction efforts, alongside the other Gems who lived alongside them. Going from what Volley had told about their recent adventures, it would have been more exciting to join them in combat against the Rebels on Eezo-5. And if from what Volley had claimed she did, wasn't the worst thing she could do. And fusing for power against another fusion. While Jasper loathed it, it was a practical decision given their tense situation. Jasper knows Pearls aren't meant to be soldiers, but are made to honor their superiors. And her defense of Steven and desire to save him from a melted fate was all she really needed to motivate her and be proactive.

"Collecting the Diamonds and putting them into your Gem for safekeeping; that is just as important as fighting." Jasper commented. She wasn't used to giving compliments and it made her feel so awkward in doing so. Harsh, physical Lessons were more her forte.

"You can't always guess what you're enemies are going to do next. You just need to be more prepared for the worst outcome."

Volley blinked, unsure of what she could make of Jaspers advice.

"You still have the Diamonds?" 

The Pearl nodded, although she couldn't sense their powers fluctuating within her, like the other Gems had. She had an idea to return to Homeworld so they could reform in the Palace but she had to check in with everyone else in the mean time. Even Jasper was puzzled as to why the Diamonds hadn't reformed yet. Volley went into further detail, mentioning they were impaled from one of Steven's spikes.

"A Diamond hard weapon on a Diamond." Jasper theorized.

Yeah, that was the general consensus. They would have to be feeling rather embarrassed right now, potentially avoiding reforming to collect their own thoughts.

"I'll need to get in touch with some of the Gems on Homeworld. Check out the status there."

Volleyball nodded, though she had an idea.

"We can try the Diamond Base at the Temple." She suggested.

"I think it's still intact, we might need ask the Crystal Gems permission."

Jasper grumbled...Volleyball, ever the courteous Pearl. Never mind asking, she was just gonna have to go. Besides, they weren't the boss of her, anyway. She walked away from Volleyball, who followed behind her. 

The General who had nothing but pure hatred against her enemies and it allowed her to cloud her judgement, felt like she had been reemerged as a newer gem these last few months, taming her own strengths into something practical. Urges notwithstanding, the light of purpose directed her path in the new era. Volleyballs lack of confidence bugged her, but her ideas were more often than not projected as ideas in her own little, anxious way. And Jasper knew Volleyball had some great ideas of her own that she begrudgingly accepted to take. She just had issues with vocalizing her thanks to her.

Returning to the Beach House, they could see how most of it was in pieces, with wooden planks everywhere. They could see Amethyst sitting on the railing, lost in her own little world. They expected her to be helping out...except.

"Amethyst!" Volley called out. She ran up the stairs, almost breaking one as she ran up to talk to the smaller purple Gem. It took her a moment to acknowledge Volley's presence. Jasper herself didn't want to go up there, but did so anyway and said nothing.

"Why are you two here?" Amethyst spoke, her tone low with hostility.

Volley swallowed.

"We need to use the Diamond Base to contact Homeworld. We need to know what's going on over there." She said.

Amethyst's eyes went to Jasper briefly, hoping to sting her with her glare, but instead, Jasper turned her back to lean against the wall, crossing her arms and looking outwards to the sea as well. Tensions rose, but Volley had to press their urgency across.

"Go ahead...don't let me stop you." She said, spitting.

Volleyball hadn't had the whole story between Jasper and Amethyst, only knowing that they both made on Earth and that the two had...what Steven would call, beef with each other. What ever bovine flesh had to do with this but...he had to explain is that the two did not like each other very much.

"But answer me this one question Jasper." Amethyst said, not even looking at the orange Gem.

"Do you like seeing this? Are you...happy you got what you wanted?"

Jasper snuffed...not even answering her questions. Also that was two questions.

"You're such a hypocrite. One moment, you hate Steven...and now...you're serving him, pretending to care about this planet all of a sudden. Were you hoping to dispose of him?"

And now a third.

Jasper glared, Volley was about to open her mouth until Jasper stormed over, pointing fingers. She had to hold restraint, but enough to jam her opinions down Amethyst's throat.

"That's _none_ of your business runt." Jasper said coolly.

"I am doing my job. The job I was made for. Unlike _you_."

Volley instinctively moved back as Amethyst's fist made contact with Jaspers hand as she grabbed it in time. Amethyst herself expected Jasper to find it amusing...except she didn't.

"We've done this before. But now I see where _he_ gets it." Jasper told her.

"You Crystal Gems have been _nothing_ but a bad influence on him. Since he's been on Homeworld, he's improved under the Diamonds influence...by being a Diamond."

How much of that statement was actually true, was debatable. Volleyball saw both sides of Steven. Good and bad. Even if he didn't want her to see the bad, Volley felt, within herself that the effort he'd put in showed more of his character as a good leader...

Except that made Amethyst a lot more angrier...and more upset.

" _Improved_? But its your fault he's like this!" Amethyst retorted.

"If you weren't so _careless,_ you would have prevented this from happening!"

Going from Amethyst's cracking voice, she'd needed to vent, from what Volley could recognize. Meanwhile Jasper wasn't raising her voice at all. Steven would say he was impressed with Jaspers development and to keep up the good work. He would say Jasper had a horrible attitude but even now, she had gone a lot further than he'd anticipated. Jasper would claim that she didn't care but deep down, she honestly did. Well a weaker version, anyway...

Going back and forth as proxy, talking with Jasper on the normal occasion was...civil. All business and no real spite between them. But in terms of crisis, she had put others under pressure, chewing them out but for a good reason. Unorthodox teaching for one...and Steven didn't mind it too much, only that he'd ordered her to cut it back a touch, to make sure her pressure was for productive purposes only and that they were free to take breaks every now and then if they found it too hard under Jaspers command. Fortunately, a lot of the Gems that joined her forces actually liked her style and became better soldiers within those months.

It was certainly shown in the fight against the rebels, with their General being the shining example of a Quartz with cunning and well thought out tactics. The fact that they had pushed the rebels out of Beach City and even Earth was very telling of how much Jasper herself had changed under Steven's guidance. She didn't want it, but there were meetings on statistics and for where ever there was a shortfall, Steven didn't just make suggestions, but asked Jasper herself questions that she would be able to answer once she really thought about it. The right questions that had her thinking more so she could come to her own conclusions.

Jasper didn't have to like it, but the fact that its was easier to do what he said and after the first few attempts, the statistics actually showed that a lot of the KPIs were being met under his tutelage. Steven explained to her that he simply had to change the way he dealt with Jasper...not to mention a lot of the time he had to prove to her a certain part worked in order to understand a lot of his lessons. (To which Jasper found it amusing to watch him fight with her or with others.) He even admitted he didn't like to do it, but if it was to help then he felt obliged to do so.

Only now that Volley couldn't really see from Amethyst's perspective, although she didn't want to fight either. So once more, she drew inspiration from Connie once again.

" _Please_ , let's not do this. Let's not blame each other." Volley pleaded.

Both stopped to look at the Pearl, who stood there, framed between the two like a stick stuck in a giant canyon. Volley then turned to Amethyst, summing up what sliver of courage she had to prevent an all out brawl.

"Amethyst...I'm really sorry."

Amethyst took back her shaking hand. She wasn't angry with the Pearl in the slightest. Jasper on the other hand, lifted her chin, staring down at the smaller Quartz, like she wanted her to make another pathetic move on her. There was a brief moment of silence, with only the waves nearby being the loudest noise, eyes locked onto one another. Boiled up historical spats, the inborn desire to pummel...and to earn the hardened restraint in its place became the only barrier between them outright destroying each other. But Jasper could honor Amethysts pitiful retreat for now.

"To answer all of your questions....No." Jasper said, before she walked off. 

Volley went to follow, before she felt Amethyst's hand meet her shoulder. Once Jasper was out earshot, Amethyst sighed.

"I've been keeping it in all this time." She revealed.

"I figured, Jasper would be my punching bag and she would get a kick out of it. Did Steven really change her all that much?"

Volley looked away, recalling her previous thoughts.

"If you want my opinion? Then I believe so." Volley replied.

"Steven played to her strengths...so what he told me."

Amethyst's eyes widened.

"He couldn't do that here...." She muttered with disbelief, then grew frustrated with herself.

"He does what he typically does on another planet...how...how much did he actually do? I...it makes no sense."

Volley wasn't there for when Steven grew up. He did make references here and there but nothing overly stood out to her that much. Only, that his own reputation for his ethics remained consistent in how he wanted to help others get what they need.

"Maybe Earth really was stunting him. I should have known that when we were playing Steven Tag."

Steven Tag?

"He didn't want us to see him as a little kid anymore. He wanted to be the adult....and this is what he meant. We...we were holding him back."

Volley didn't know what to say. 

"He's thankful for what you have done for him." She said, putting praise where it was needed. Exactly what Steven would say.

Amethyst chuckled weakly.

"Of course he'd say that." She said, leaning over the railing and combing her long hair with her fingers.

"Steven never lets people know what he's really thinking. He doesn't want others to get mad at him...and he says stuff to get on their good side. When really, he should have been able to get his true feelings across the entire time..."

Which had Volley flash back to the Reef. He didn't want to hear anymore talk about his mom or the bad stuff he did. His reaction was quite...volatile. And that was part of him on Homeworld...

"Steven...was quite explosive..." Volley told her. Whether or not she'd like to talk about Steven in that way without his permission, but, there wasn't anything she had to lose by telling those he cared about. Pearl said Amethyst was quite receptive and took most of the serious matters in confidence.

Though hearing that made Amethyst puzzled.

"What do ya mean? Literally or figuratively?" She wondered.

Both and that pained Volley quite considerably.

"There's his...Venting Room...but then him losing his cool...it reminds me so much of Pink..."

This was Amethyst's first time hearing about this. Volley shook her head...she promised herself to stop comparing...and hit herself on the head for still doing, which prompted Amethyst to get her to stop by grabbing her hands.

"Woah woah woah back up. Steven...being explosive...reminds you...of _Pink Diamond?_ "

It was then Volley's flashbacks continued on, as she started shivering on recollections. Pearl never told her. Pearl didn't tell anyone. An incident kept to themselves...perhaps out of respect...or fear.

"He's...he's heard some unfavorable things...while most of his work was generally meaningful and it was supposed to help. But occasionally, he'd hear things or see things that I tried so hard to protect him from....and he's had to go into the Venting Room to get it all out."

Explains so much about what happened at the Dinner. Amethyst knew something was wrong, as did everyone else. Why didn't she look into this sooner?

"He's so afraid of this side leaking out to people. He doesn't want to hurt anyone."

It had Amethyst reflect on a lot during the last few years. She couldn't understand it, no matter how hard she tried to. Getting him to open up to them...he didn't...he didn't want them to get hurt...

Though she wondered how long this had been going on for. Cheerful Steven... _Classic_ Steven. What changed? Amethyst took a deep breath and straightened herself out.

"We need to fix this." She said, stern.

"By we I mean, myself, Pearl and Garnet. Perhaps...while he pushed us away...maybe it was us who pushed him instead...I...I wanted him to open up. So many times...and he's let up small snips...but he's always so hesitant...and has a habit of spinning things around to be about us...."

A fact Volley could agree with. She's tried to do the same but...

" _Ughhh_ this is so confusing..."

Indeed it was. Amethyst then turned to Volley...and hugged her out of the blue.

"You don't realize how much this means to us...you were there...you've seen everything from his side..."

She'd shifted backwards to grip both of hands on Volley's shoulders.

"I wish I could have done more." Volleyball said with melancholy.

"It's really...my fault."

Amethyst shook her head.

"Nuh uh Steven is as stubborn as they come." She said, firmly.

"If I put myself into Garnets boots, she'd be like, well, this was going to happen at some point."

Amethyst then snorted, smirking for a bit.

"Steven was...always unpredictable at times. For better or for worse. It's not that you can't count on him for help...it just doesn't always end the way you want it to, ya know. Results vary and personally, there's nothing wrong with that. Unless those results end up creating a giant monster but that's besides the point."

Steven's mentioned the concept of Wild Cards before. It took a while to Volley to understand that he wasn't talking about feral, sentient pieces of paper either.

But the fact remained that Volley approved the chemical. Though from what Baseball said, that only sped up the process...and with Amethyst mentioned with Garnet only proves that it was something that would occurred at some point. Which worried Volley even more...and the guilt of quickening his condition further in just buried itself more into Volleys chest.

Steven could be, as Amethyst said, unpredictable. But that's what made it fun. Was that...normal or was it actually a bad thing?

"But that giant monster is still Steven...and we can't forget that. And if it requires getting inside his head and stitching up all the pieces together again then so be it. That's kind of his thing with others, if I remember correctly...."

Getting inside his head...Connie's connections...perhaps...that's why Volleyball was so inclined to believe that Connie was key. The Crystal Gems had a lot of knowledge about Corruption more so than the Diamonds that caused it and their idea consisted of exactly what Amethyst had just mentioned. 

"We might be going back to Homeworld soon." Volley told her.

"I would...encourage Garnet, Pearl and yourself to join us. Don't worry too much about Jasper."

Amethyst rolled her eyes.

"I'm civil as long as she is. It's just seeing her just...waltz up here made me so angry...and as I already said, I've been on edge with everything that's happened. I'm kinda glad I got to talk to you...weird I know."

Volleyball smiled.

"Not weird at all." She said.

"Steven spoke of you so fondly. Saying that Amethyst was the chill one...and even said at one how silly it was for him to say that you were the most mature Gem then calling you out for pretending that you were mature."

Amethyst blinked, feeling an off-colour feeling run through her. Though looking back at the Cactus Steven incident, it allowed to connect age old dots, stuff that she never really questioned once the ordeal was over.

Did he really feel that about her? Why did he never say this? She had to dig for more.

"Anything about Pearl or Garnet?" She said, her curiosity getting the better of her.

Volley pondered for the moment, tapping her lip as she thought about it.

"Hmmm...well, he said Pearl was really good at what she did...but he was worried that telling her anything would break her...and he'd have to pick up the pieces, but also noted how much she'd changed herself...for the better...and he didn't to ruin the...airquote, good thing she had going."

Oh no...

"As for Garnet? Amazing....but didn't like the way how she acted....again airquote, high and mighty, but respected her position as a leader either way."

Steven...

He never ever said anything like this to him directly. Why was he so afraid of mentioning that to them? It had Amethyst think long and hard, more than she liked it to be.

"Hmm...I see." She said.

"Well, I guess you got work to do. I need to do some cleaning up, cya!" 

* * *

Coming home was a such a relief. Though the stench of the fire wafted all the way back to the Maheswaran Household. Her mother was busy at the hospital tending to the injured, so had Doug drive her there instead, worried for his daughters livelihood.

Going to her mother with the way she looked went just as Connie predicted. The initial freak out, the check up, heading to the hospital etc...besides the few close calls of cuts and the heightened hormone levels, Connie was okay, although some tests were still underway. But, of course, her mother liked to thorough, questioning Connie on what she had been exposed to. Connie had to be honest, while she sat with her mother in the consultation room.

"It's...Steven." She said.

Priyanka furrowed her brows.

"What, did he do something to you?" She wondered.

How could Connie begin to explain it?

"Well...something happened to him and was somehow transmitted to me."

She went into detail about how Steven fully corrupted; losing his mind and autonomy of his body. The Miasma was described as a type of radiation, which had her mother fearful her daughter was going to die of being poisoned as such, but none of the results so far had told her any kind of symptoms relating to that, so at least she wasn't in any danger of actually dying, which caused some relief at least.

"I'm not in any pain besides obvious injuries, Mom." She said.

"I'm a bit overwhelmed....and still worried about Steven."

Priyanka sighed and rubbed her eyes. There was a lot to be worried about in recent times.

"So far I'm glad you're still in relatively good health. Although some tests will take a few hours and I suggest taking it easy for a few days...rest up while you can. I worry about you sometimes and I understand you doing your own thing and having your own independence is important...but please just be careful. That's all I ask."

Connie smiled, hugging her mother all the while. This was far from finished of course and Connie did not want to rest. 

"Thanks Mom." She said.

Disconnecting the hug, Priyanka took a clipboard and escorted Connie out.

"Steven appears to have had a rough time too. Where he is now? Perhaps I should take a look at him as well."

While she had good intentions, Dr. Maheswaran didn't quite get the full picture.

"He's...off somewhere...recuperating most likely." Connie told her. How much of that was true could hardly be said.

"But you're not wrong...I just want to help him."

Her mother stopped in her tracks, looking at her daughter with intent.

"I've seen a lot in my life Connie and...I've come to accept that there are...strange things. But just because they are strange, it doesn't mean we should fear them. I know you don't think I can't handle certain things and I'll be blunt in saying that yes, I will be surprised but that doesn't matter in the face of making sure my patients are taken care of and given the care they need. So even if you think Steven's some kind of hideous monster, there's still a human within there...and if you think I should treat him with the same respect then I'm going to do just that."

Connie smiled, trusting her mother to say and do the right thing in the end.

"I actually don't know where he's gone." She admitted.

"But...thank you anyway. I think the Gems have some sort of plan to help him out, but I don't know what they're going to do."

With that, Doug ended taking her home, as her mother promised to bring the results to her in the morning and eventually talk a bit more when she had time to spare...and for Connie to promise her to tell her if anything changes. Connie would swear to that, at least. Especially if she starts growing horns or a tail herself.

Laying in bed that evening, her mind unable to shake off over what happened with Steven, Connie wondered...where he was and what he was doing right now. She looked up at the ceiling she's known all of her life. The strange familiarity, the same glowing stars that have been up there since they moved in. 

She had the bed side light on, as she used her phone as a mirror, looking at the markings more closely as well as her pink eyes. She found it strange how it never really bothered as much as she thought it would, although, it might have been because she's had ten million other things she had been worried about...and now that she was thinking about it...

Going into the bathroom, she'd stripped down into her yellow sport bra and navy blue underwear, checking out all the other markings on it. They were faint but had indeed had some kind of bizarre pattern, though she was kind of glad the patterns were symmetrical, diverging on 45 degree angles on her curves, shoulders and belly button her mind bringing images of cool cybernetic robots. And Connie knows and understands she had to take this seriously, but if she didn't want to think of the bad stuff, at least she could note down some of the more positive sides to this. It was the only thing keeping her sane right now. Plus she'd always wanted tattoos but wasn't going to do that until she was older, anyway.

She put eyedrops into her eyes, to make sure that they were still healthy. A habit she'd had even after she stopped wearing glasses...and seeing Steven's own tired eyes inspired her to provide him with some as well. Connie was keen to make sure he didn't fall apart. And now he's like this...Connie now had to make sure she herself didn't fall apart and upon her reflection on past events, had her ashamed of some of her actions, born on emotion and being rather hasty on certain quick time decisions. She couldn't do that...she _shouldn't_ be like that. 

Though she jumped as she heard a knock on the bathroom door.

"Connie, honey are you busy?"

It was her Dad. Connie quickly changed into her pajamas.

"No, coming!"

Opening the door, she saw her Dad standing there with something blue in his hand.

"Do you know anything about this?"

He showed her the object, a certain blue cushion with gold trimming answered a major question.

"Woah, where did you _find_ that?" She asked, going star eyed.

Doug was confused as Connie eagerly took it from him.

"It was outside. I went to go put the rubbish out and I found it on the front doorstep. I'm not entirely sure how or why....it matches none of our furniture but there was something on top of it. It just had this initial, figured you'd have some idea on what it means."

She opened the piece of scrap paper. A marking with dirt with a single letter on it. It was a messy, but it clearly said, C. Powerful charges flowed through her, causing her to get emotional again...(which she now knew were from her higher than normal hormones.)

"Oh yeah I do." She said, feeling the forming tears yet again...

Doug shrugged, as cleaned his glasses.

"Well you might wanna wash it....woah...what's with the hug?"

* * *

Meanwhile, out the outskirts of Homeworld, a familiar yellow-green pointy ship begins its invasion....


	29. The Strings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven returns to his mountain for one reason...but finds it hard when certain Ghosts start popping up again and tries to sort through the mess in his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is generally all from Steven's corrupted perspective, so its gonna be a bit weird. Hence why I mentioned in the last chapter that this was going to be an experimental chapter.

_**It's sort of like if MC Bear-Bear didn't tear the fabric of his arm, but the fabric of his mind.** _

* * *

Steven's mission was unknown, but guided through a hundred pairs of cyan, hologram hands on his heart, showing him what to feel, how to feel it but not bothering to tell him the names. The hands exists to pull strings. The same gray strings on faces. No words. No proper correlation. Locked inside himself with no autonomy. All but a hushed whisper entered his head:

_~~Why is he in the cage?~~ _

Connie's face was clear. Dads face was clear. He heard their voices and their strings disappeared. They were there, existing as concepts on their own. And the words previously unknown began to emerge from the surface of the pink waters that surrounded him. Words fading and images pouring into their place in his mind and the sound of his heartbeat pounding in his ears, like they were trying to speak to him. To give him the proper correlation.

Connie's _tears_ , her face in a _frown_. Steven felt the depths of his heart being _torn_. He was hurting her. Steven did not _want_ to hurt her.

He got up, leaving them behind. Connie wanted to follow. Steven did not want her to follow. He needed the face he knew that made her feel _good_ so his heart could feel _good_.

Dad knew. Dad knew and said that it was _okay_ to leave, but the sense of being trapped lingered. So Steven left. Left, running in an endless sprint, until he returned to the mountains...but he wasn't free. Not there, not anywhere.

Steven found the the blue cushion with the gold trimming. His mind, fixated in purpose he didn't know could exist. No name...just purpose. Correlation with a concept that needed his attention. Taking the cushion, he returned to her premise in the twilight, trying to be silent...and leaving the cushion behind in front the place he knew correlated with Connie. A concept connected to Connie.

He did not want to leave, but his mind told him to. He was going to hurt her. He did not want to hurt her. 

Tears, the frowning, equivalent to the bad things Steven did not like to see. The Mountain...empty, big. Made him feel so small when everything else made him so big...so...disconnected. Hands tried to connect, but couldn't reach his heart, resting too tall. The hands that could help him no longer could...

The heart and mind disconnect as the mind tries to find meaning in the way the bright sphere of light in the sky, as it rested behind the jagged lines in the distances, containing the grey and white on top. More mountains. And the dots in the sky...he's seen them before, connecting them...connecting words on their own without meaning to. His mind connecting correlations without meaning to. Writing lines. Writing words he's supposed to understand and supposed to know but some of the dots couldn't be connected, because there wasn't any more string to spare. And those that could find the journey across...made their own stories and conclusions...borrowing the strings. Discard and draw; leaving the spotlight on the connections he tried so hard to maintain, but his brain hurt too much with how much it so desperately tried to draw out what he wanted to say...

So Steven sat there, eyes looking they were paying attention to their surroundings, only to find himself dissociating with everything around him, with words...images...connections...correlations...they took hold, finding himself within the crux of his mental state, finding answers in the cracks between his psyche, trying to clear the static.

* * *

The mountain. The place of solitude. Quiet...charming.

The sky, beautiful, with clouds spread on to it like jam on biscuits. 

The alcove...the cushions. Pink, Red, Blue, Green, Purple, Yellow, Orange.

The cushions; soft, warm...secure. Rectangular, square, round...rainbow.

Rainbows, colourful, beautiful.

Beautiful; Connie...brave, smart, wise.

_~~Why is he in the cage?~~ _

Wise; Dad...family.

Family; Friends, Gems. Crystal Gems.

Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, Lapis, Peridot, Bismuth

Scrambled gray strings on faces. Cannot recognize.

Words written on paper. Pictures painted on a canvas. Still can't recognize. Concepts out of balance.

Concepts. Correlation.

Correlation; Connie, Jam, Blue, Soft, Square.

~~Square cushion in the middle of the pile of others. Gold trimming. Yes.~~

World gone dark. Black. Cold. Lost. Gem shards. Gem facets. 

Pink Diamond; Rose Quartz, Steven Universe, Steven Diamond.

Steven. _Lost_.

Spotlight; Wyrm locked in a cage.

_Found?_

~~_He's there, get him out._ ~~

Unsure. Scared...

Spotlight; Steven Diamond.

"Pull it together." He said.

Together. Uncertain.

Spotlight; Younger Steven, crawling...pale...lethargic.

Hand reaching out...desperate.

"I...I need it." He cried.

Need what?

Spotlight; Rose Quartz.

Smiling.

"You're going to be a human being."

A human?

Frowning.

"This isn't how it works?"

How what works?

Spotlight: Pink Diamond.

Angry, displeased.

"I'M JUST AS IMPORTANT AS YOU."

Fingers pointing.

A star. A gold star underneath them.

Important. Cracked.

Blue Hologram ghosts, scattered on the black canvas, the ground. Color. Cyan. Shapes; Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl.

Crystal Gems.

"I'm very disappointed in you." Said Garnet.

A heart shatters.

"I'm proud of who you've become."

Become?

"Such a sad sack." Said Amethyst

A Sad sack?

"It's definitely paying off."

Paying what off?

"What do you know, you've never even met her!" Pearl cried.

Who?

"Steven! We fused!"

Fused?

Holograms disappear. Spotlights disappear.

Good, bad...bad and good.

Spotlights; White, Yellow, Blue.

No words. Faces. Faces disappointed, angered, saddened.

Scrambled gray strings on faces. Concepts not recognized.

Spotlights disappear.

 _Take care of them Steven_...

Rose...

 _I never asked to be made_...

Amethyst...

 _I've got to be our guide_....

Garnet.

 _WHY WON'T YOU LET ME DO THIS FOR YOU ROSE_?

Pearl...

* * *

The throne room.

The clock.

It ticks, it tocks.

Steven Diamond. 

He sits there on the Pink Throne.

Volleyball, hands behind her back.

Sad. Standing next to him.

The clock.

It ticks, it tocks.

Pink Diamond. Rose Quartz. Young Steven.

The Wyrm stands behind him behind a pink, translucent wall, unable to get through; as pure misery in a prison.

The floor, the cracks glowing between them.

The Dinner. The table. The guests.

One at a time.

"He can't deny the pain." Said Young Steven on the right hand side of the table.

"So much to go through, so much to process." Said Rose in the middle.

"And yet this shouldn't be how I am feeling...I hate it." Said Pink on the left.

The Wyrm is not there anymore. Where is the Wyrm? Why was he not invited?

"We can't be here. Why can't we get along?" Asks Diamond Steven, still sitting on the Pink Throne.

"You cannot connect."

Another voice.

The dinner table is gone. The clock remains.

The Spotlight shines once more. It's Connie. 

Her face null, lifeless, but her eyes glow pink.

No gray string on her face, but what purpose does she serve? The strings were attached to her body, her neck, her arms...her legs and went left dangling from gravity.

The ends singed...burnt with purpose.

Purpose to bring the cushion to her. Purpose of her, purpose of...comfort, of warmth...

Of someone, somewhere in the world that holds a purpose unknown to a purpose pre-existing.

"Why are you here?" Diamond Steven asked, annoyed.

"You are lacking a piece." She said, her tone dull and monotone.

"I am here because your subconscious requires it to be."

Confusion in concept. Connection there but still unknown. Correlation to Connie, uncertain.

"Those around you. Pink. Rose. Your Youth. Diamond in mind, human in heart. Human in mind, Diamond in Heart."

These...concepts...existed around in his head, holding the meeting but not actually agreeing on anything.

What was there to agree on?

Wyrm Steven struggled, feeling the wedges in his mind both getting in deeper but also falling out...they couldn't go far anyway, no matter how hard he tried to get them out. The static was powerful. The cage kept it all within.

 _Something_ was clearly missing. His spikes, like before, raised and fell rapidly in waves...an obvious sign that he was thinking harder than necessary...trying to piece together everything himself but failing over and over again. He's had this argument before, breathing in bated breaths, and teetering around, digging his claws into the Earth, grounding himself but also giving himself a massive headache too.

Steven _knows_ there is something horribly wrong with him. He hates it, he regrets it, he denies it and tries to sort through the copious amounts of clutter. The gray messy string is on his face now, he can scarcely recognize himself. He doesn't correlate any name to something that holds no description but something locked away.

To correlate with a being unknown to him, he doesn't know but he does. He's supposed to know but can't draw on the pieces required to make sense of it. No hands on his heart...no hands on his mind to put a spotlight on it all...to give direction, make heads or tails, to say yes or no, right and wrong...black and white...

He _needs_ the gray...he needs the strings to connect everything else but there's just _not enough_...

And he whines because he's failed yet again. He stomps his foot into the ground in frustration and his terrifying, garbled and distorted roars echo among the mountains. He cries because he's in pain and he doesn't know why. His mind keeps trying to tell him but the strings are just _too short_...

What is he supposed to do when he's completely rampaging in his own head, running about at the speed of light, but crashing and burning at every wall blocking his way. Walls created by the shields of his own making, They spark, fizzle but can't be destroyed completely. 

There's something beyond the wall there that has everything he needs but he just can't reach it. The cage has him restricted, but there is a spiraling beam of pink light behind it, surrounded by petals.

The storm forms above the mountain...he doesn't care. And while everything like this has happened, over and over and _over_ , there was something...different in this attempt. He could see the Fake Rose inside the glass case on the armchair of the throne. The stem stood still on its own...but there was a petal there...despite all the other petals having fallen off. Where did that come from?

"Why is he in the cage?" Connie asks, her voice almost at a whisper. The clock ticks and tocks once again.

The Throne Room...in a deeper magenta hue.

She stands in front of Pink, Rose, Young Steven and Diamond Steven...face void of any emotion.

"You do not need that." Diamond Steven tells her.

"You cannot know that." Young Steven says.

Steven flashes back. The volcano. The Cage. The Wyrm.

"You mustn't know that." Says Rose.

"You do not want that." Said Pink.

Connie turns her back on them. She looks forward. Steven feels her big pink eyes boring into him. Her markings increase. She isn't a threat...a someone, somewhere...a pair of hands. Her back drop is static but her eyes turn gray. He doesn't like the noise but the volume of the static drops every time she talks. He's inclined to listen.

"Why is he in the cage? I'm asking you a question." She repeats.

Who is in the cage?

"You can't ask a question one doesn't know the answer to!" Pink roared.

"He does, but he cannot handle it." Said Rose, fearful.

"He doesn't want to know the answer." Said Younger Steven, aloof.

"He will give anything to not know." Said Diamond Steven, stern.

Connie steps forward, running her fingers against the black bars of the cage. The gears of the clocks turn and the spikes still wave about on his back. But he wants to listen, her hands close that he felt compelled to touch. Her strings, tempting to take.

"The answer is there, you can reach it. But you must _need_ them to help you...there is a piece that is not _quite_ missing...but lost..."

Lost... _found._..

Thunderstorms form around the mountain, with the lightning flashing about as the downpour begins. The flashes relate to every piece of memory within his mind. No amount of string could reach them...it wasn't the length...but it was _something_ else, in _someone_ else who was _somewhere_ else.

~~I AM SICK.~~

~~WHO NEEDS A SICK STEVEN DIAMOND RUNNING THINGS?~~

She's close. He thinks of her tears, her frown again. No. He cannot hurt them. He cannot hurt her.

"Why is he in the cage?" She asks him one more time.

_Gotta keeping the world turning..._

"HE CAN'T TAKE IT!" Pink screamed.

The static increased with her protest, widening the cracks around them. No...he couldn't afford to be broken apart even more. He couldn't give up.

Why the tenacity however? The Cage. It stuck with him. Something about a cage. Something about what was locked within and couldn't get out...what was it?

~~I JUST WANT TO FIX IT!~~

The arguing served to cause more pain, which aggravated him more so. He incites a single roar which sends them adrift elsewhere.

Steven eventually breaks free of the internal battle, unhindered by the heavy rain, but seeing a pool forming under him. He sees himself, though...

~~It looks like he's trying to find meaning...of who he is really looking at~~

There's the rain that replaced the static. His folding of his spikes ceases. The storm eases up. The rain stops. The mountain is still there...everything else becomes motionless.

The sky emerges. The stars shine. The air clears. 

Stars? Something about stars. Something about them.

Someone within them. Somewhere within them.

Concept; the cage. The correlation...

Someone within it. A name. A name known on lips around him. He had no strings left to spare. But perhaps, they held their own for him to borrow.

Not a concept. A reality.

"Steven."

He sees someone. Someone real. Someone he _should_ know, but has only ever seen and walked along side.

"It's Garnet."

A name told by Connie. Yes. He made a strange and confused whine, sitting down as she sat down on the cliffs edge.

"You're trying to pull things together. I know." She said.

"You've got to keep trying. For your own sake."

His sake? Her head fell.

"I'm sorry."

Sorry?

Garnet took off her visor, showing how much she had been crying. No... _tears_. Not again. He was _hurting_ her...surely.....

"This isn't your fault. It's ours." She said, wiping her tears.

Not his fault?

"I should have done something when I could see how bad it was becoming. I was focusing too much on what path I hoped you would take...instead of guiding you along the path you needed to take."

Bad....good...bad...

"But we can get through this." She said, putting her visor back on and standing up. She approached Steven, putting her hand on his front leg and looking up at him with a smile.

"You _need_ to let us help you. You don't remember everything but a part of you still remembers who Steven Universe is. You just need to find the key."

_Someone...somewhere..._

"Either way, we still love you...we just want you to be happy. And you to be you...whom ever that you becomes."

_Love..._

His heart raced, as put he put a paw to his chest, looking down at it for the longest time. It was warm, his mind projecting images of the Crystal Gems, Connie and his Dad.

"Just...don't be afraid. The last thing we want you to be is afraid."

Words that hit him harder than they were meant to. Familiar...

"Even if you are, know that you're not alone..."

Alone....no...he wasn't. His mind locked on to Connie, his first revelation, his first concept of idealization, a form of truth in his fractured, troubled existence. A translator, a message, a voice...seeing the tears, the frown....he couldn't do it to her anymore. But...he felt other...aspects.

Lion...Volleyball too. Beings...strings being removed. Though...what is the purpose of the gray string if it both connects and disconnects? Blinding...joining. It was lost on him.

They remained there in silence for hours, keeping each other company until sunrise.

Steven _was_ someone, somewhere...

All he needed was the key to the cage and a string long enough to connect everything again.


	30. The Coup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A trip Homeworld is needed get matters fixed once and for all, only for a new fusion to threaten their goals.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only a few chapters left now! I appreciate you guys sticking around!  
> Get ready for an action packed chapter either way!  
> (its like 3:45 am rn...help me)

It was only a matter of time until they were due to head back.

Coordination and cooperation were fundamental, once the discussions had been wrapped up between the Gems and some of the remaining humans including Greg. General Jasper had concluded that the situation on Homeworld had escalated and now that the Earth was safe for now, she rallied as many remaining troops as possible and had those rebel Gems imprisoned, remaining in the safety of the Temple until further notice.

Hectic as it was, the rush to get themselves organized began. They weren't going to leave Steven here either and while the scenario on Homeworld was dire, they were still on the path to cure Steven's Corruption. So getting him and the other Diamonds back to Homeworld was their first priority. 

Bismuth, Lapis and Peridot would remain on Earth, as would Lion, maintaining order with the other Earth-bound Gems and aiding in the reconstructions of Beach City. Meanwhile, Garnet herself had to get both Steven and Connie; the latter that Garnet would foresee being absolutely necessary for the tough roads ahead, especially given her unique power, although she was wary of Connie pushing herself too far, so Garnet warned both Amethyst and Pearl to keep an eye on her, especially.

Connie wasted no time in preparing herself, getting bits and pieces and having to triple-make sure to tell her parents that she was going to be fine. For the most part...for what Garnet understood, was far beyond her own expectations and would only see pieces of their success...and pieces of their failures but the paths to get to either were far too intertwined for her to accurately direct them.

And being with Steven...despite the emptiness that came with him not being able to speak, she could think there would be a lot he wanted to say and do...and within himself, that there was a boy trapped, afraid and alone. Garnet had been dealing with corrupted Gems for thousands of years. She knows corruption...she's seen corruption and she knows what to expect from it. But it hurt the most coming from boy she had sworn to protect and failed. And it was a failure on her part that weighed heavily on her shoulders, but it made her dedication to save him all the while stronger.

Finding her own path in her life relied on thousands of factors. But not when it mattered to others she would come to care for. Amethyst. Pearl...especially Bismuth and even Peridot and Lapis. Steven...Steven was just unique, who pushed boundaries and improved chances and factors for others. 

She'd kept her eyes on him all night until the break of dawn. He didn't sleep, except...to peer into the unknown, lost in the wards of his mixed up mind. She could see that he wanted something, needed something and tried so hard to get it...but he couldn't understand what it was he wanted and what he needed...but only that the desire to reach for those unknown goals were there, nestled within, wanting a coup on all the insanity he had gone through...to rebel against the inner foes of corruption.

Because she doesn't need the foresight. She knows Steven. Steven would want the best outcome. But requires their help to get it. Garnet even said, right from when he was going to live on Homeworld, that it wasn't going to be easy.

She just didn't expect it to be this _hard._

She'd fallen into the self-made habit of being too dependent on outcomes and so she failed to keep a hold of Steven's advice. But any time she wanted to, there was a weight, holding her down, keeping her in position because of her general expectations. With or without foresight. For now, they would just need to be more proactive, for the roads before them were paved with multiple forks, each path more dangerous than the last.

As dawn broke, her sight told her of Jaspers plans to head to Homeworld. She looked at Steven's eyes, that were somewhat in awe of the rising sun perhaps aligning it with some kind of pleasant feeling, even if he wasn't able to comprehend it.

"It's time Steven." She said to him.

He definitely wasn't beyond saving and while he was corrupted, there was a drive in that mattered the most right now. The deliberation with everything he'd lost and gained in the sensations provided, the knowledge given and the way he could direct his own garbled thoughts to a point where he can keep himself with a level head. For the most part. With residues of his intelligence leaving marks, leaving signs and hints. The only parts of Steven Universe left behind; the core anchor of every choice he made and would make for then on in. 

"We'll get you back to where you _need_ to be. I promise you."

They'd made the trip back, and rendezvoused with everyone else, eventuating with their impending departure via the Diamond Ship, with Steven sitting at the back. Garnet let others take the lead for while she just observed, though, wouldn't expect much except for any signs of conflict. They knew what they were doing and what their goals were. To argue now was pointless when all of their lives were at stake, but for now her eyes were on those around her; she observed Connie who had changed into a cyan blue, hooded jacket as she sat with Steven, who smiled at her when she smiled first. Observed Volleyball as she spoke to Jasper...observed Pearl and Amethyst.

She'd spoken to Greg before they left. His words alone were enough to make Garnet want the best out come.

"Just come back safe." He said.

For Steven. For them.

Garnet _will_ guarantee.

For she will _not_ accept loss...not anymore.

* * *

A sensation that would make most shudder, but Garnet already felt the heat, the pain and the destruction ahead of them. The others were on the fence, but ultimately, they had a goal now. But for what Garnet could see, was something quite ferocious making the rounds, being the center of everything; the leader of all battles, the ultimate giant against those they would deem to be Pebble size in comparison. For all the hurt and the hate....it had to end. For the ways how things were could not continue further.

Once they had returned to Homeworld, they could already see it ablaze and in bright hues of green and orange and the heightened temperatures that came with such fiery devastation. Among all of that being a furnace of destruction, they were stunned to see a giant black with white striped fusion creating the chaos and in a shape Connie described to be a centaur with a massive crossbow...the very giant Garnet foresaw. Its sheer tower-like size incited fear to most, but not to Steven, growling at the figure with his spikes shifting back and forth, ready to pounce. He too, would be the leviathan against the behemoth.

So the rebels were indeed desperate enough to lay waste to the planet. They had to hope they weren't too late. But had to take down that massive monster, bulky with the long mane and eight eyes to boot, and four arms to tear the world apart, limb from limb...they would definitely need a plan.

Resting the ship on White's Palace, Volleyball and Jaspers plan was in two phases. Jasper would need to regroup with what soldiers loyal to Homeworld and loyal to the Diamonds that could take down both the fusion and any other forces scattered across the planet. While Volleyball's priority would be to draw out the Diamonds so they could be able to fight back.

However, they didn't expect Blue Pearl and Yellow Pearl to come running to them in a panic. Volleyball quickly communicated with them about their second phase, telling them she needs to bring them to Blue's Pool for restoration, but Blue Pearl had to give them the bad news at the worst time.

"A lot of the palaces are being ransacked right now." She said, her voice soft but full of worry.

"Yeah, a lot of the pathways going and in out of them have been destroyed by the rebels, as well as that horrible fusion. We'd try to get a ship there but the shipyards were all raided." Said Yellow Pearl.

The Gems looked over the long beaten track towards Blue's Palace. There were both rebels and soldiers, alike, but there was a jagged path they had to get across...and no way would they able to get across without coming across an ambush or two. They would have to fight, irregardless.

But then they saw Steven on the edge of the roof, sniffing and his eyes wandering about the battlefield. It must have given him bad memories...or perhaps hatred by this point, going by the sparking miasma coming off of his tensed up and shaky body. It gave Connie an idea, however...to direct that powerful rage in the right direction.

"Volleyball, your priority is to bring the Diamonds back." She said.

"We need to clear the road for you. I'm sure Steven is willing to help."

Everyone looked at the Boy Wyrm and noted his entire focus was on the Centaur Fusion. His claws dug into the concrete and his growls were made to threaten. He didn't move, only if he was ordered to. Which was fine by Garnet, silently proud of his restraint.

"We'll help too." Said Pearl.

"Alexandrite should be able to carry Volley over safely."

Amethyst then approached Connie with the most serious face that Connie had ever seen her make.

"Think you'd be able to ride and command him?" She asked, tone firm.

Connie nodded in confidence. They were right to be worried, but out of anything, Steven had made huge strides towards his recover and instilled the greatest sense of faith...no doubt in Connie's mind was to be had, when it came to this sort of thing. It was _Steven_...that was enough.

"You worry about the Pearls. Steven and I will deal with anything and everything that comes your way."

Amethyst looked at him briefly, his focus; not lost. She nodded, before running off.

The core CGs grouped together, fusing into Alexandrite in that instant. It caught the Blue and Yellow Pearls off guard, staring up at her as she went to pick them all up. Meanwhile Connie went to Steven and tapped on his paw. He looked at her, with a sense of familiarity in his stare told Connie everything in the blink of an eye, as he cautiously picked her up with his mouth by her hood and threw her up, allowing her to fall on his head again. This time, she was prepared for it.

Getting a hold of his horns, Connie took a deep breath. Out of all the crazy things she's done over the years, this...this was up there...

She tapped his head twice.

"Let's go." She told him.

Forced to hold on tight as he roared into the air, Steven's back spikes folded backwards into his plates as he prepared to run, with all the gravity, jumped off the building, as Connie felt the gusting forces against her face. She felt the mighty thud as he landed cracking the ground beneath him. It did grab the attention of the the rebels, their focus now on him. Just as planned.

Alexandrite followed, keeping the Pearls as they dodged, jumped and front flipped about, staying close to Steven as he practically galloped across the field. His head was high enough, seeing the giant centaur fusion to their right as its head turned, its many eyes glinting as they locked on. Connie's heart skipped a beat as it practically came running and shouting something so incoherent, it was more a scream than anything else. 

Steven's focus went back on the smaller Gems, practically taking the hits of some of the ranged weapon blasts, but he was barely taking a dent. While he'd be able to regret it later, he skidded to a halt as the path diverged into two, with more taller buildings in their way. Alexandrite took the the left as Steven went to the right, although he was forced to make a quick decision jump as a huge blast of black lightning struck the road beneath him. Connie struggled to hold on as he was now running on the series of emerald like towers, his momentum the only thing keeping him on there, although as another black bolt blast in front of them, Connie directed him to jump against the series of light blue buildings on the other side, but he was able to maintain his balance there, just shy of getting hit by the bolts which had him going back and forth.

Connie heard every distorted breath, every echoed grunt and whine of pain and every explosion and through that, she could have sworn she heard his real voice underneath it all. She'd come to her own understanding that perhaps some of the stuff she could have seen or heard was simply delusions sent through her hormones and what ever psychological pressure she been under lately, but there was a certain..unspoken thrill about of all of this. 

Especially when Steven had gotten closer to the roof, seeing Alexandrite pop up for a spell, firing Opal's Bow at the Centaur Fusion and pushing it backward, but only momentarily as Alexandrite dived back down to the grounds, where they eventually met up at the same road again. She ended up in front of Steven, who was practically giving off energy, his miasma flaring up a literal storm above them. He was must have been so encased in his rage and hatred, his eyes practically on fire by this point, his control only on a thread...but Connie would make sure she protected that thread, no matter the cost.

A break, a slow down of time as the Giant Centaur Fusion burst through a tall, black tower, knocking down any smaller Gem out instantly, its screeches nearly unbearable. It mattered not for the components, only that it was a definite foe that had to be dealt with quickly. Steven put himself between it and Alexandrite, growling as acidic saliva dripped out of his mouth, burning the ground beneath them.

His spikes instantly shifted upwards, crackling with electricity like miasma. His stance, his heightened tail. This was the fiercest they'd ever seen him be.

"Back off now, if you know what's good for you." Connie warned with a low, tense tone.

The fusion gave off a deep, reverberated laugh that had a similar structure to a gem they'd met before. Looking at the Gem carefully, the could see its components Gem locations. The top two eyes were actually differently shaped Gems, a tear drop underneath the bottom right one, one on the right arm and although as it moved earlier, Connie could have sworn to see one more on the back of its head.

Its hair was all over the place, a deep shade of grey but with two notable horns poking out...it kind of reminded Connie of Jasper....though this one was a lot uglier, given its sideways mouth that was kinda gross. Its two sets of arms were long, with their fingers thin, wrinkly and sharp.

"Hah...your tenacity still stands, little human." It said, its voice garbled and deep.

"I am Onyx...I am the monument...of everything the Diamonds would envy."

Connie rolled her eyes. Why do the some people prefer to be over dramatic like that? She didn't care about what they stood for. They were the enemy...they were bad...it was enough for her to pat his head to check in.

"What do you think Steven? Are you impressed? I know you love fusions." Connie asked him, in playful arrogance kind of way.

Steven snorted miasma out of his nose, his expression less than completely into it. Connie sighed.

"No...I don't think he is."

Onyx chuckled.

"Your arrogance has only gotten worse." It said, before pulling its clawed hand into a fist.

"Such a mistake, will cost you your life."

Maybe, but Connie wasn't stupid enough to stick around. She looked at Alexandrite and nodded....knowing how much she had thought about her actions on the way over. She needed to be practical and to trust Steven. Alexandrite picked her up and left her on her shoulder next to Volleyball. Right now, their priority was the Diamonds. If Steven could hold Onyx off for now and maybe even defeat it...they did not want to doubt him but there was always that tiny sliver. He'd already come so far and right now as he stood there, on the verge of losing all of his control for the lust for violence; a sign rarely seen in the boy, they wondered if he would also lose everything he'd gained since his original corruption. Feral...but there was the chain of his own mind holding back what he could...

But the chain...it had to be let go. Connie however felt the shift....

" _Go..Connie...gotta...gotta keep..._ " He strained.

Connie knew this. She knew exactly what he was trying to say and knew exactly the true meaning behind it...and not because she's heard a million times...its each of those times they had a different meaning. Her heart told her so much but her head had to filter through all the emotion, all the passion for it mean something. His heart, his soul of a Diamond and a Human, but his entire true being was a Crystal Gem; through and through. 

He was telling her to be just that.

"Gotta keep the world turning, gotcha Steven." She said.

"Come back, promise me."

Alexandrite lowered her head as well, her components just as way and anxious.

"Be careful Steven. We need you back too." Alexandrite said.

* * *

Steven found it hard to watch them leave without him, bringing back unsung nightmares of the past; parts of time he'd forgotten...people leaving him and the pain that came with it. Right now, he turned towards Onyx, his entire view on something he could do and could do well in his current mindset. He would be unaware of how **~~(cathartic)~~** it would be, only that this disgusting beast and sorry excuse of fusion only existed because of....

~~**(Hate.)** ~~

The storm raged on, twirling above them; the symbol of Steven's pain; his anger...and all that could have come to the surface otherwise.

~~**(REGRET)** ~~

Only anger would exist to him.

**~~(DENIAL)~~ **

Truth to him was what ever existed to serve its purpose. Its purpose to go to the black and the white.

~~**(The Gray)** ~~

"Steven Universe." It garbled.

"Savior of Gem kind and organic kind; now only here because he needed to run back to the real Diamonds for help. How does it feel? Lost? Confused."

No. He wasn't going to _try_ to think. His goal; destroy Onyx; who summoned their crossbow in their own anticipation for slaughter.

"You're not the only one; who can cause havoc."

It aimed, it fired. Steven stood there, spikes as high as they could be. His eyes flashed, as he raised his shield to deflect the dark bolts with little effort. It only served to make him more angry and as the dust settled, he lowered his head, growling as he charged up his beam, firing through the black smoke, only for Onyx to move their neck to avoid the blast. They cracked their gangly fingers and laughed.

"Pathetic." It said.

"Can't you do more than...OOF"

Steven pounced on them, with the two having a huge brawl that toppled many buildings in the way. Explosions, more smoke of different kinds as the two threw punch after punch, bite after bite and roar after roar. A show of force, strength and in the times they were split...disconnecting briefly as Steven used a circle of walls to run circles around the fusion, folding his spikes back before he went into a ball, biting the end of his tail as he created a massive twister formation that briefly dismayed Onyx, before Steven rolled up into the air and went to body slam them.

Onyx tried pushing back however, holding Steven in the air with all four hands. It tried to pull him apart as he struggled against their strong grip. He moved his head towards their face and deliberately let his saliva drip onto their eyes. By instinct they'd shifted, loosening their grip as they cried out in agony. Steven rolled to his side, keeping his distance as he watched them squirm. Some could say they would be happy in seeing their foes doing so. But not Steven... he... felt.

**~~(PITY)~~ **

Onyx eventually got back up, one of their eyes out of commission. He was disappointed that he didn't get one of their gem...although that was an unconscious decision. Why didn't he think to do that?

~~**(PITY)** ~~

No, it was something else.

Out of those few moments Onyx summoned their Crossbow again, firing off indiscriminately as Steven projected his shields again. Onyx looked like they were the ones that were.

~~**(LOSING CONTROL)** ~~

Their form warped and changed shaped...unintentional as their components argued. Steven's see this before.

~~**(Malachite)** ~~

A fusion of

~~**(Hate)** ~~

**~~(Bluebird)~~ **

His mind trying to maintain those connective thoughts, feelings and ideas of the past had him shaking his head, afraid that overthinking it would be much more worse than to rely on his grit and pure aim. Pure aims weren't necessarily pure...just something without all the hindering junk to affect the outcome in the projection.

"We had everything...and somehow, in a few years, you managed to scrap thousands of years of _our_ hard work, into NOTHING!" Onyx screamed, digging their claws into their scalp.

"We blame you just as we blame Pink..the useless, sorry excuse of a Diamond!"

~~**(LOSING CONTROL)** ~~

It was then Onyx jerked back, like they had come to some kind of a realization.

"You...you _know_ you were a result of Pink's stupid decisions...why do you not rage against the hurt and the heartache? Why do you fight against us...against the the system that created you in the first place? We had control. We had order....We had everything we needed...and you had nothing. WHY?"

Images of Pink and Rose floated by rapidly. 

**~~(WHY)~~ **

An open question...one Steven couldn't answer. An answer with a single word...or an answer with a convoluted paragraph.

"How did it work anyway? What are we even talking about?" Onyx said to themselves; their components arguing with one another.

Truth to Steven couldn't be perceived any other way that knowing what was in front of him so any argument was lost on him completely. although....names. Faces....grey strings on faces.

He knows their feeling it...because he's felt it too. 

~~**(Pain)** ~~

Correlation; concept.

"We shouldn't be thinking about this too hard; we just want Steven dead, remember?" Onyx said.

~~**(Dead)** ~~

Correlation; concept.

His rage had subsided somewhat, with ~~**(confusion)**~~ being the only feeling he had right now. Hologram ghosts appeared all around him. Holograms that served purpose. Unknown purpose. They weren't looking at him. Embers flew up into the air, both black, red and pink, swirling up with the gusts of wind that appeared around them. Their words kept ringing around in his head, flaring his chest somewhat, but there was more to the holograms this time.

They were instead, looking at Onyx.

"We're losing this war because of your failure as an Emerald!" Onyx said, holding their head.

Their form became to distort even further, their body had started to glow as well as their gems.

"But there has to be a reason why they adore him so much. Why did they follow him? I DON'T UNDERSTAND."

_Follow..._

"We did everything right and it was suddenly wrong. There was no other explanation. GIVE UP ALL WEAPONS OF WAR; they said."

Steven's focus went onto a row of Pearls ( ~~ **The Crystal Gems Pearl. Volleyball. Blue Pearl. Yellow Pearl.)**~~

No string on their faces...their correlations; concepts.

~~**(Allies)** ~~

~~**(Friends)** ~~

"You fools; keep it together else Steven _will_ beam us into oblivion."

It was then they snapped up at that response, reforming back to normal as they faced down the perplexed Steven. He immediately went on guard again, standing back as Onyx regained composure. Steven took a deep breath. His spikes flared up, as he was prepared to take anything they were willing to dish out. Something about

~~**(Buying time)** ~~

And

~~**(Keeping them safe)** ~~ ~~~~

A feeling; to the concepts of words that drifted into the mental abyss. But they existed, they were there.

Wasn't that what ~~**(instinct)** ~~was?

~~**(TAKE CARE OF THEM STEVEN)** ~~

Onyx summoned a series of cross bows that floated in the air, twelve mini ones that fired all over the place. Steven shielded, although a punch towards it sent sparks flying as massive soundwaves pushed Onyx back as the crossbows disappeared. Steven folded in his spikes, jumping up and diving back on Onyx as his teeth met up with their neck.

The Giant Centaur screeched in pain as Steven attempted to clamp down, although they managed to get a hold of his massive jaws and with great effort, pulled them open. Pushing Steven pack, they took hold of his front legs and pulled him up and with enough force, threw him several hundred meters away as his massive body crashed into a bulky black and purple building. Landing on his back hurt, crying out in pain briefly before shaking his head, hearing Onyx's stomping feet coming his way.

A cross bow appeared above him, firing off the black bolts down directly at him. Steven rolled out of the way, crashing through the nearby walls and onto a blue superhighway of sorts. More rebel Gems fighting Homeworlders, He could have sworn to have seen ~~**(Jasper)**~~ in the fray, although that didn't last long as Onyx barraged through, flailing their front legs as they tried to stomp on him.

"Fire everything you've got! Keep that abomination off of him!" Jasper roared.

A series of Quartzes held laser light cannons in front of them, firing a series of pure white light beams towards Onyx...it didn't do a great deal, but it allowed Steven to get out of there before he was hit with massive hooves. 

The battle felt like it went on forever, as Jasper's troops did what they could do, hopelessly against the Centaur Fusion, although all were stunned as the fusion suddenly grew wings, huge black angelic wings, flying upwards and away from the the battle. Summoning another crossbow, they ended up obliterating most of the ground forces...and came very close to Jasper...

Until a shadow over cast her, following by a series of heavy hitting explosions. Steven had jumped to her defense, shielding her with his barrier...which colored Jasper incredibly impressed.

"Nice work, my _**Diamond.**_ " She told him...out of a genuine compliment this time, going from the massive grin on her face.

"We really need to destabilize her quickly, one clear shot should tear her apart."

Whether or not Steven understood her, he sort of got the idea. Jasper ended up climbing up his body and jumping on his head. It was her turn to have some fun with the colossal one. She'd hoped with the fact that Onyx had made themselves a clear target, that Steven should be able to find a position where they would be able to pull off a single shot. Commanding him, she directed him to areas where she could find some other Gems lying around to help create a distraction; mapping out where they could go so they could do this.

They will do this. They had no choice.

No room for apologies either.

* * *

It took them a moment, running and sprinting across, barely dodging Onyx's attacks. They attempted to get closer, although most of what Steven was doing was, pretty much exactly what he was already doing. Jasper on the other hand, trying to get more willing Gems to go ahead with her plan. Most were exhausted but they would have to just suck it up and persevere for a little while longer.

Steven did attempt to jump up at Onyx a few times, except that his reach was never enough, as Onyx taunted and laughed at how feeble his attempts were, all the while the storms intensity sent miasma everywhere, as the surface of Homeworld practically crackled with it. Lightning struck on occasion but it never was able to hit Onyx directly (unfortunately)

Although it didn't matter, as Jaspers quick-thinking plan would soon come to fruition. Once she had her plan sorted, she returned to Steven, jumping on his back and commanding exactly where he needed to go.

It was the most fun Jasper had had in a long time, even more so than what she had done on Earth. Now she was with her commanding officer; in her best and doing her darn best to win this thing. And win it, they shall.

Jasper had a position far enough to make sure Onyx didn't see them. She had a few soldiers with cannons on the other side and ushered Steven to maunever silently, but quickly as he could, trying not alert Onyx to their position. He climbed up at the back of a tall, black and thin tower, gasping from his own exhaustion. Jasper kick his head to make sure he was still awake. (He was) Jasper didn't want him slowing down now, not when they were so close.

Once they were on the roof, Jasper jumped off of him, using her comms to communicate with the other soldiers.

"Alpha Team, keep firing. Beta Team, Once you see Steven powering up, begin the diversion attack." She ordered.

She then turned to him, seeing how bruised up and beaten he was. Jasper wasn't gonna lie; she was as well.It didn't mean that they were gonna take it easy just yet. She walked over to him, looking at the big lug who used to be smaller than her and patted his leg.

"Don't hold back." She said, before she walked off.

Steven held himself in position, spreading his legs and digging his claws into the concrete. He inhaled deeply through his nose, as his spikes fizzled and sparked with his immense power. The storm got worse, with lightning now striking more frequently. He could see the shots being fired in the distance, a series of long and short ones that served to keep Onyx at bay. Steven opened his jaws. 

The pink sphere in his mouth form, absorbing all energy around him. His body ached and he was just... _tired_. _Tired_ of fighting...tired of fighting battles both seen and unseen. Tired of trying to think too hard and _tired_ of hurting others. They'd put all this time and energy into this...and it just had to end.

It _needed_ to end.

The **~~(pain)~~** , the ~~**(suffering)**~~...

The constant ~~**(frustration**~~ ).

The _**anger.**_..the **~~(hate).~~**

His mind began to wander, as he kept charging in place. Dissociating at the worst possible moment.

He missed _something_...he missed _someone_. That _someone, somewhere_...He wanted to talk to them. He needed them.

" _Connie...._ " His mind projected, _hoping_ she would hear it.

His body was fueled by pure pink energy, as lightning struck him at its fullest velocity. His form was now brimming with more power than it could possibly take, threatening to take him apart just as much as it would to Onyx. Bright as a star, and just as powerful...and enough to sustain worlds...and destroy them.

A single, pure blue tear fell from his eyes. 

Silence became the most damning thing in the single strike that befell Homeworld as Steven unleashed the longest, strongest shot of pure heat and power he'd ever had to make. Blinding, deafening, striking...things most warlords would dream of taking advantage of if given the chance.

And as Onyx realized too late, they turned and tried to fire off a bolt to Steven, but they were too slow to move as his projectile struck them right through the chest. Their form burst into light a moment later, as their component Gems were sent outwards towards the nearest buildings. Steven couldn't hear Jasper, weary and vision blurry from the attack and mind sent all over the place once again, only feeling the brunt of Onyx's bolt as it struck hard, bursting against his chest. It was that had sent him flying off of the tower, passing out before he too, hit the ground with a great shudder sent quaking almost everywhere, like a comet had just collided with the planet.

* * *

He frequently went in and out of consciousness..feeling the immense amount of agony throughout his body. as he heard ringing in his ears. He heard someone shouting his name...and orders. A lot of orders....and stuff stabbing and digging into his body, giving endless amounts of grief.

"Get him out of there...he needs to go to the Blue Palace immediately...I don't care how tired you all are, this is _your_ **Diamond,** you get him out of that hole and get him over there, is that clear?"

A lot of footsteps and a lot more muffled shouting proceeded it. Steven wasn't exactly in a position to fathom his surroundings...though he could other, kinder, softer voices more clearly.

" _You did good kiddo..._ "

" _You did very well Steven...._ "

 ** ~~(Dad)~~.**.. **. ~~(mom)~~**...

He whined, crying out of both ( ~~ **pain)**~~..and out some other intense emotion.

His entire body was steaming, as Gems tried to pull away the rubble, as trickles of light poured through like rain.

"Relax Steven, let us deal with it. You've done enough damage for a while..."

His eyelids then gave up shortly after, surrendering to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Onyx is really ugly. They are so ugly, that everyone dies. The end (not really)


	31. The Pool Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Diamonds put their plan to heal Steven motion, but will need Connie's help to do so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a lot of this was written before Homeworld Bound; but I have rewritten some parts but mostly a lot of this stuff was put in before what Homeworld Bound confirmed for me, which makes life a lot easier haha.  
> Apologies for further delays! I've been preparing to work at home so my room has become my office so I've been cleaning up and stuff. Also...Animal Crossing.  
> But I'm not prepared for the series to end either so I really want to finish this fic!

The entirety of Homeworld rocked underneath the titanic battle between Steven and Onyx. An atmosphere that dripped with underlying tensions and loud, explosive rites.

The Gems had to fight against all those who would follow the old philosophies and ensuring dramas with remnants of the rebels baring their path as they ran down the hallways of the Diamond Palace. Connie's heart ached, but she had a job to do. Tense as it was...they couldn't let up. If Steven could continue, to rally others with his courageous strength, then they should as well.

Once they had gotten enough distance away from Steven, Alexandrite unfused, with Pearl fusing with Volleyball and Garnet fusing with Amethyst as Mega Pearl and Sugilites strengths were enough to keep huge groups at bay, while Connie protected both of the other Pearls in the process. Team work at its finest, albeit the struggles to keep balance remained due to how much the fighting out there caused delays. Irritating but they had to adjust as they went.

Eventually the group arrived at the Blue Palace, Mega Pearl took the other Pearls while Sugilite took Connie, climbing up the blue walls to escape the other rebels. Sugilite was forced to use her flail, while Connie held on as much as she could. The struggles were real and like before, she was drenched in her own sweat from the sheer intensity of the combat she had trained so much for.

All unfused (baring Garnet) as they ran towards the entrance leading up Blue's Pool. Blue Pearl went to the side panel and opened the door with haste. With all this running around, and while she considered herself relatively fit, Connie barely had enough time to get her breath, as Blue Pearl ran up stairs first to get the pool filled, which would take time. Volleyball and Yellow Pearl went nearby, as the former took out their Gemstones and carefully laid them out before them.

"I don't get why they haven't come out already." Amethyst wondered, her attention on the pouring waterfall.

"You'd think with their power, they would have reformed ages ago."

Garnet hummed, a few dips of into her own history should have told Amethyst the answer, but for this...she wasn't entirely wrong.

"The shock of a Diamond being destabilized would have them thinking their next forms very carefully, or that the damage done had slowed down the reformation process." She guessed. Whether or not it was true, it was the simpler aspects of a summarization. The Diamonds were predictable normally, but when it came to the most unexpected of matters, there were either no timelines portraying that possibility or there were too many to make a definite, accurate answer.

"Either way, this is the easier part. The next part is going to require caution."

It was then Garnet looked at Connie, who was confused at first. The fusion wandered over and knelt down on one see to get at her level, removing her visor; a rarity in itself.

"Garnet..." Connie muttered, surprised.

The former was a bit distressed but maintained order within, wanting to stress a point to the human.

"You're going to see things...Steven doesn't want you to see." She said, her grip on Connie's shoulder tightening for some reason.

Connie had seen a lot already. A lot in his mind that he had intentionally and unintentionally shown her. Flashbacks...memories. Though, only used within certain, psychic ghot type contexts. Garnet's suggestion, however...meant that she was going to see a lot more. More than maybe she would expect herself with to witness, like a movie of his private thoughts being played at a cinema. She dreaded it, but would swear to withhold it all, to keep his trust in her the strongest it needed to be.

"You're strong, but...despite what the Diamonds will suggest, _you_ give the signal if you want out. While I see scenarios occurring, I fear some may end up worse for you if you're not careful."

And going from Garnets furrowed brows and all three of her eyes entirely focused on Connie, she was deadly serious. Connie looked down, thinking to herself to understand that her _own_ humanity was on the line and if anything that would serve to carve that out meant she could turn out like Steven. A thought that crossed her mind a multitude of times. They'd almost lost their balance as another quake rocked the room, with debris falling from above that had the Pearls protecting the Diamonds with their entire bodies while Garnet shielded Connie herself.

Once the quakes stopped, Garnet put her visor back on, standing up and sussing it out.

"Ughhh...can't this pool fill any faster?" Amethyst complained as she kicked a rock down the stairs.

"I surely hope Steven's doing okay out there."

* * *

Once the pool was filled, the Pearls threw the Diamonds in there respectively. Connie stood close to Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl on the other side where Volleyball, Yellow and Blue Pearls stood, with their hands behind their backs.

The whole pool started to glow, with the forms of White, Yellow and Blue Diamonds reforming, sitting on the edges of the pool in their new, somewhat smaller forms.

Blue was the first to emerge. A light blue corset that complimented her Gem, with a long, navy silk like dress that had fallen sleeves that went past her shoulders. Her hair wasn't too different, although it was a tiny bit shorter. Yellow was second to emerge, her hair unchanged, but had a yellow frilly top that had a high neck collar, with frilly ends on her sleeves and a small cravat that sat above her gem, dark yellow pants and brownish boots. White was the last to form, her dress however, was more thin, accentuating her curves, simple with the same here and shoulder pads...but oddly enough, no high heels or shoes of any kind; a preference for bare feet now it seemed.

"Ugh...what was that all about?" Yellow Diamond whined, rubbing her head.

"My chamber? But how?" Blue Diamond asked, resting her fingers lightly on her chest.

White on the other hand, focused right on the other Gems once she had gotten her surroundings. Volleyball was the first to approach, standing forward as she cleared her throat.

"My Diamonds...." She said.

They talked them up to speed about everything that had gone on since they had been poofed, stunning them, surprising them on some counts, though they did praise them for getting this far, with the following moments as Garnet had predicted to be, would indeed be the most challenging.

"Volleyball mentioned your plan to us...we would like to know more." Connie asked.

White sighed, looking at both Yellow and Blue who nodded, knowing how important it was to enact their plan. She would explain the whole process.

"We've spent most of our time finding, collecting and restoring shattered Gems through a process known a Gem patching." She said.

"Yellow helps with the physical restoration, Blue helps with the emotional restoration and I help with the mental restoration...."

"And Pink? What role did she play in the order of things?" Connie queried.

The Diamonds looked at one another once more. It was clear they were uncomfortable with talking about it, going from their roles in the past where they were the main ones doing the shattering and now they were beginning to heal those they had once wronged and correcting their mistakes one Gem at a time.

"Pink...was...the foundation that made each Gem....unique." She said.

"Varying personalities, powers, abilities...even shape shifting all come from Pink's side. We form the basics." 

A Wild Card, if anything.

"The loss of Pink meant the Gems of Era 2 lacked critical features." Blue stated.

The loss of shape shifting and other attributes.

"Development of technologies were put into place to help our Gems to be able to fulfill the roles they were made for."

Which explained a lot regarding Peridots situation as well...

They kept talking about it, on how that after the massive healing of corrupted Gems, the Diamonds had studied corruption a bit further, realizing they themselves had the incomplete picture and that they had used the Diamond Light to disrupt the Gems normal algorithms. All four were necessary to restore due to their roles in production of Gems, basically trying to restore gems to a factory default. Shattered Gems generally didn't need the pink contribution, since their functionality was set with they were originally made. However, Steven's healing power would have made a lot of their processes go quicker, ala his spit being the glue to heal the Gems Gem, so all they had to do, however, was gather all the pieces and work out a way to reboot them normally. They were met with less than favorable results, with most of the Gems only being partially resorted. They were prone to glitches most of the time but they were able to walk, talk and think for themselves again...only their Gems were much more vulnerable and could fracture at any moment, so they had utilized a special chemical meant to be synthetic healing tears to repair the Gems to mostly their older condition.

Blue shook her head, frowning.

"There's...still the trouble of distortion that comes with entering Steven's Aura." She said, saddened as she rested her hand on her cheek.

"White's tried so many times and we cannot get any closer."

Yellow crossed her legs and tapped her lip with her index finger in contemplation.

"I think it could be his organic component....as strange as that sounds." She suggested.

Possibly. Especially when it came to Steven himself, everything was considered new ground to cover. Strange? Yes.

"Hence why I suggest using Connie to help you out." Said Volleyball. 

A point they brought up back on Eezo-5 before they were poofed. White nodded, looking at the human. Unique in power without needing a gem.

"Hmmm yes...it could work." She said, though it did sound a little bit of condescending mixed with uncertainty.

"She could use her power to clear the clutter away while we nail down the fragments of his mind. After all, his power to change our minds could be used to change his as well."

* * *

Connie wouldn't lie, coupled with Garnet ominous words of foreboding, she was terrified. She had to be confident in the Diamonds plan but overall, whether it was going to work had her heart beating quickly as she couldn't stop herself thinking about all that could go wrong. They would either see Steven restored, or they would end up...in the worst case scenario, having to kill him...a thought she'd so desperately wished to discard. He'd shown so much progress alone and it would be all but a waste if that was indeed the final straw. And it terrified Connie even further. Amethyst stood by her side, as did Pearl and Garnet.

She was but the fragile organic alongside sturdy, strong and supernatural forces that would kill her if they wanted to. Luckily enough they were allies in a sticky situation, with nothing but their own experiences as their guides.

The Palace rocked about ever further, with the way that things were heading, they could only imagine two certain individuals causing all that ruckus.

"We need to help him." Blue said, urgent.

White put her hand on Blue's.

"No, we cannot." She warned. White closed her eyes, channeling her aura to see what was going on out there. Her hand lifted, her fingers moving through like she was sorting through something within the Aura herself.

"The Miasma is quite potent out there....Steven's mind is as frazzled as ever and yet...the fusion itself is easy to see..the anger, the disagreement with its components. It won't be long."

How White could judge that wasn't questioned, with Blue and Yellow heading White's call, trusting her to make the right decision.

They all waited in anticipation and at the same time, held the desire to flee. The Diamonds discussed tactics, while Connie sat with the Gems, as they kept her close to make sure she was okay with what was inevitably to come their way, sitting on the edge of the pool and waiting for the next update. It was then Yellow turned to the Pearls.

"Pearls, I need you to come with me for a moment. We might as well get some materials for this process." She said she got out of the pool.

"Blue, you had some spare sheets in your basement I presume?"

Connie wondered what she was talking about.

"I do, in fact. I normally kept some spares in case the others would falter to wear and tear. Though, that would take a few thousand years, now that I think about it. What do you think White?"

White herself tried to keep stoic about the whole dilemma. Commendable, but sometimes they wanted to really know what was going on in that head of hers.

"Do it if we have to. If it gets out of hand, containment might be the our only savior right now. Blue go help her." She said.

With that, Yellow and Blue Diamonds left the room with the Pearls, while White Diamond left the pool as well. According to White herself, they needed to create a safe space for them to hold Steven while the process was in place, planning to use it.

"Do you think its going to work?" Connie queried.

White herself stood up at the back end, crossing her arms and piercing her own thoughts together. Connie could tell by the faintest of expressions that White, despite being unreadable most of the time, was indeed quite troubled by all of this.

"It has to. It needs to." She said

"We tried to protect Pink. We really did."

Tried to protect her? They had a funny way of showing it.

"We knew her. Her destructive tantrums unbefitting of what a Diamond should do or how they should act. The price we pay for being who we are."

Dictators with a lust for power.

"Her being on Earth and the way she handled things the way she did. She reminds me too much of me...her cunning, her guile and her ability to weave lies. Maybe that was really why I never lifted a finger to solve the problem."

What?

"You deliberately let her go? Despite knowing?" Pearl called out, questioning White's motives. 

White smirked.

"I won't deny Pink was the most imaginative of us. Serving to inspire and spread the love. But she had to have her restraints. I know that more so, than Yellow or Blue. We adored her, but she was, more often than not, out of control."

It was a morally gray area Connie did not want to tip toe around. Without Pink, they wouldn't have Steven and without Steven, they wouldn't have...well, a bit of peace in the interim. But then it rolled around the damage Pink had unconsciously inflicted. Trying to make matters better, when the balance said someone else had to lose.

"But...harsh lessons are sometimes necessary for others to learn." White continued, her poise and tone fluctuating in a dramatic fashion.

"For us to be able to grasp the scales and the gravity of our influences. Steven taught us how to tip them in favor of everyone, including ourselves."

It sounded like him.

"But for Pink, well, I hadn't known she had done so much. She existed...somewhere...as someone. But she would never be able to shake off who she truly was...it was not in her making to be anyone else."

And yet...

"Why not though?" Connie queried.

"Why the lack of change? You say these harsh lessons were needed, but they would mean nothing if they had no idea or even the power to change."

Whites eyes narrowed, looking on at the girl as the Diamond rubbed her chin. An astute question.

"It was never about telling them change..." She said.

"It was the punishment for _changing_. They need to be reminded of who they are and their purpose in the order of things. What we made them do was their sole purpose...their entire existence. Stepping out of line and shattering them was mean to remind others of what would happen if they did not obey their orders."

It reminded Connie a lot of the old days...although her parents never really threatened to kill her at least...that would be considered over the top by a long shot.

"Even then, Pink _was_ a Diamond." Pearl pointed out.

"Shattering her was never even thought of."

White shook her head.

"Stars no! Pink may have been...troublesome but ultimately, there were her good qualities as well. Only the bad ones needed to be tamed."

That didn't sound right to Connie. There had to be more to it. For some reason, it made her angry. This, was a Gem who was at the top of the food chain, to have observed, watched and seen so much, for thousands, potentially hundreds of thousands of years, peering out from her ship with an idea of how things should be...how they could be...how much power was used and she seemed particular, arrogant and a poisonous perfectionist that knew how to lie just as much as Pink did. Maybe that's where Pink got it from...

"You don't sound so convinced that's the truth." Connie said.

"What are you really hiding White?"

White lifted her chin.

"I hide nothing that matters." She replied, her tone solid and unwavering.

"And what matters is getting Steven back to his good ol' self."

Figures Connie wouldn't be able to get exact answers right now, although she could imagine White's secrecy being well known among Gemkind. She kept it aside, but knew the truth was there, somewhere.

* * *

Blue and Yellow soon returned, using other Gems to set up the alloy panels around the the pool itself. Four in total, though the front was kept aside for now. They stretched up to the ceiling as they nailed the panels in place, though gave enough room for the Diamonds to stand around; Yellow on the left, White in the middle and Blue on the right, while Connie stuck around the front. She felt a bit inadequate, but that was unimportant for the task ahead; she needed the strength and mind of Diamond, but the heart and soul of a human to get through this.

The room shook a few more times, before one last explosion sent off an earthquake of the highest magnitude which had debris falling briefly, before it went deathly still. The Gems were looking around for answers, though lost, worried and confused themselves. What ever that was, it was definitely the last one, with no other shakes afterwards. It had gotten quiet, with their focus on multiple things, like they were expecting something out of pure anticipation for incredulous danger to storm in their direction. It was still quite tense for that still moment, wondering for eternity for the next big thing.

Eyes went straight down to the stairs upon hearing the hydraulics of the doors sliding open not long after, as a cry from a familiar orange Gem echoed from down the stairs.

Just in time.

"My Diamonds!" Jasper roared. She had a few nicks here and there and her hair was more tussled than normal.

"We have defeated the fusion, but Steven is in bad shape, permission to bring him in?"

Did she have to ask?

"Quickly!" Blue stated.

"Bring him up to the pool."

As Jasper nodded, waving at the other Gems before her...

And in came a massive white panel that held a wounded, brazed and charred Steven through the doors; his scrambled, screechy wheezes apparent. Connie gasped, running down the steps in haste without thinking as she approached the gurney, seeing every scratch and every scar inflicted on his huge, draconic body. Her heart raced, fearing the absolute worst.

"He put up a good fight." Jasper commented. Though normally such praise would have her sounding more in awe, if not for the current circumstance.

"That huge attack he pulled off...it took most of his energy...and hurt most of his body alongside it. It was definitely a sight to behold but it did the job. Onyx is no longer a threat."

Well, that was supposed to be a relief...and Connie wanted to take what little good news they had to begin with. But her mind wouldn't let her accept it; not while Steven was in agony. 

"Good work Jasper." Said Yellow.

"Get him up now so we can begin."

The platform lifted itself, as it was shifted towards the entrance of the pool itself, bypassing the stairs. Once level, the platform tilted, allowing Steven's body to slide into it. The ordeal required the body to be cooled off somewhat, the waters a conduit for the ability to work without the restoration process being required. But one could see the spiraling white streams of steam as the water hissed from Steven's heated body. The pool barely fit him to begin with, with his tail hanging out on one end and his head on the other and most of his body within the cleansing waters.

Connie headed back up the stairs and stood to his head, as it laid sideways on edge, his tongue hanging out as he barely kept conscious. She then went to feel his cheek, but her hand immediately shot back from the burn, vastly underestimating how boiling his body actually was. Her ears continued to hone in his wheezing, but she heard the water splash as he lazily moved a paw on to the edge. Connie went to touch that instead, which, while still warm, didn't threaten to singe her skin off this way. It heartened her to know that he understood what she was doing and in the smallest states of awareness he wanted her to touch him...perhaps out the way it made him feel something positive...and Connie took tearful joy in knowing that _she_ could make him feel good.

"Hang in there Steven." She said, trying to smile through the pain of seeing him in this much pain.

It broke her heart once more with witnessing him still trying...retraining his will power over and over and over again. There was a point; a finish line, a limit to where and when it had to stop. If they could begin to ease the torment at least, in the hopes that he might find some traces of peace...within himself.

They had come here and they had come so far...and he would have to hold on to this...he was exhausted beyond all belief, but they couldn't afford to rest.

The Diamonds stood around the pool as planned, holding hands with one another, then Yellow and Blue resting their fingers on Connie's back. She walked forward and eventually put both hands on his paw...One by one, from White, to Yellow, to Blue...they closed their eyes, channeling their power through Connie, who was the last one to close her eyes as she felt energies spiral into her.

It felt a lot like fusion...

* * *

Inside was dark with intricate patterns of green and pink folds on a black backdrop. Looking around her, she could see the Diamonds on top of their oddly larger than normal bodies behind her, arms raised, filtering their unique auras. Connie looked at her own hands, seeing a pattern of White, Blue and Yellow...and the odd pink glow around her fingers...stretching up to her arms...and her legs and feet. Looking down, she could see she was standing on a giant version of herself as well.

"Okay, well, I think I get it..." Connie said to herself.

She really didn't, if she was honest.

" _Reach out to him Connie, we'll be watching..._ " Yellow called out, her voice echoing in the astral plain.

" _You should be able to feel him around you..._ "

Uhh...well...

" _We found one piece you could use._ " Blue said.

" _Go towards it, you'll know when you get there._ "

She swallowed, her anxious self brought to the surface as she tried to figure out what she had to do. Reaching him...feeling him around her....a part of him nearby.

" _We'll be able to translate his thoughts; analyze each piece for you to help clean things up._ " White said.

" _Something your own human mind will be able to handle...so our own minds can handle it too_."

He definitely was there in some way shape or form, but to talk to him...for her to be that middle ground for his humanity and his gem self.

"Steven?"

Her voice traveled the emptiness of the void and its impending ominous thick fog. She had to continue, walking forward, and finding her feet in shallow waters the more she walked. The atmosphere changed slightly to a dark magenta, the skies above that filled with beautiful sparkling stars that invoked many a harsh feeling through Connie's chest, like they were thousands of judging eyes, watching her every move. The feelings that stood out the most were the ones of her being trapped...and alone.

She'd almost tripped over an edge, waving her arms back as she almost fell forward into an infinite void of more watchful stars. She noted that there were a series of floating islands of dirt, scattered across the mind space, in shades of dark purple and growing small, black roses with the waters pouring over them in fascinating display of otherworldly nature, even with their own rainbows in the mists. She jumped on a few in sequence, up...down of varying sizes as well and few were relatively unstable, with Connie fearful of falling as some of the smaller islands waved about as she jumped on them. She could hear...odd noises...ethereal noises...water streaming...wind gushing...whispers muttering...and the odd chirp from crickets, cicadas, birds and bats but they were quite faint compared to the former sounds. It was all a mess really. Random without real reason...without purpose.

After a while, Connie then looked down, seeing a golden, long triangle on the next piece of solid ground. Jumping on to it, she inspected the marking more closely. She knelt down before it, wondering its purpose...its meaning. A piece of him, though she could recognize it in a weird way; albeit unclear with how she could do so.

She reached down, running her hand over its hardened surface. It sparked flashes in her mind; Steven _screaming_...Steven falling into his pink state....Steven angry in general scared her.

Connie fell backwards in shock, as she pulled her hand back and gasped. White butterflies poured out of the fragment in a spiral, revealing a familiar figure to her.

_Pink Diamond._

"Wha?" Connie muttered in disbelief.

Pink opened her eyes; as a scowl emerged. Her form, her stance...shaken and resolute in place. Paralyzed with _rage._

"I do _not_ deserve this. I do _not_ deserve to be here." She said, though in Steven's voice as it reflected and echoed across the void.

"I do _not_ deserve this. I do _not_ deserve to be here."

Words that repeated themselves; Connie was unsure how she would even _begin_ to process this for herself. She wanted to, but her knowledge on this was already limited. But she knew that Stevens words were limited, but spread against his splintered psyche and piercing together something out of scraps laid around his mind.

"Steven...can you...can you hear me?" She asked, on the verge of freezing from how petrified she was. She shouldn't be but this was so foreign to her that she was just more afraid of doing something wrong than what she was witnessing right now.

This was a Gem Steven tried so hard not to be like. The surface appeared harmless, but right now was filled with vengeful thoughts. The winds echoed with a heavy bass and bird chirps that were meant to sound pleasant, but more threatening with their deeper cries that were more alien than recognizable.

Pink's focus honed in on Connie, her glare nearly immobilizing her.

"I....deserve...not...here." He said, his voice a bit fuzzy.

"Here...here _I_ deserve..."

Connie swallowed. What ever her own head was doing, was voicing words on their own. Instinct or something else...Connie couldn't decide. They warned her that it wasn't going to be easy...but she didn't prepare for how strange it was...and she knew strange from being with Steven alone.

"To be _somewhere_...to be _someone_..." She muttered.

Pink started to cry, grinding her teeth in vitriol...for something.

"To be somewhere...to be someone..." Steven said, repeating her words.

~~_You already are here...you already are someone..._ ~~

Connie looked down briefly, furrowing her brows as she was quite disturbing at hearing her own voice whispered back to her like that. Her eyes zoned back to Pink...figuring this was a part of Steven that was quite hate-filled, going from her clenched up, shaking fists...something she's seen him down on multiple occasions.

"I hate you Mom. I _despise_ you..."

Fear wasn't meant to be the thing that could hold her back...but this...it still had an impact of how much of this....pure hatred could come out of him. She could make him feel good...and she wanted him to hold on what aspect of the warmth and comfort she could provide to pull him through.

"How do you feel about... _me_?" Connie questioned.

Pink's eyes blinked, as a tear dropped from her face.

"Connie..." Steven said, though sounded more choked.

"Connie I...do not...deserve...Connie...Connie _gotta_..."

She stood up straight. There was another part of this, she was certain. One side of the coin that couldn't see the other... She approached the Diamond, step, by intricately careful step. Pink stomped on the ground in frustration, quaking the environment around them.

"Diamonds...fix up their mistakes..... **FIX IT!** " He roared.

The scream sent Connie sliding backwards, much to her dismay. No. She wasn't going to _that_ cautious. Delays served to worsen. But haste would also serve to be unhelpful. Connie shook her head and sprinted towards Pink and ended up wrapping her arms around the latter, holding her in and squeezing her tight. She felt an intense burn coming from contact, but it wasn't entirely painful, with a warm fuzz and an odd buzz running through her form.

"You _deserve_ to be angry." Connie explained, her head against Pink's Gem.

"I would be angry too....for all the things that happened to you...to all the people that hurt you. I do not blame you for being angry..."

To say Pink was surprised by the gesture was an understatement. She remained still, before looking down at Connie who was content on remaining where she was. Pink rested her hand on Connie's back, slowly as she was now confused at what Connie was doing.

"But you've gotta accept that feeling...so you can move on. Remember what Garnet said..."

Steven wasn't naturally someone who would go to that extreme...but...

She's seen this and its not healthy in the way he tried to ignore and suppress it all. And now this was the result of such pure loathing boiled up to the surface with no other place to go than up and out.

It was then Pink burst into the butterflies as they swarmed around Connie in great speed, like they were in a rush to get somewhere and taking the petals of the black roses with them. Pure chaos, a pure swarm that had no sense of direction, but it called out in mysterious ways that Connie couldn't fathom. Words...concept...correlation. 

" _Now Connie!_ " White called out.

" _Collect the fragment before it reforms elsewhere!_ "

Connie wasn't entirely sure what she should do, but she put her hand into the the massive collective of bugs and petals and snatched a random butterfly. Connie felt the Diamonds power go through due course, surrounding the piece as it absorbed all the other butterflies inside of the one she held. It was...definitely otherworldly as Connie eyes started flickering between white, yellow, blue and pink themselves. It definitely hurt, stretching her mind in places it had never been stretched before.

~~_You want others to suffer, for what you lost_ ~~

Buzzing noises rummaged her senses, her heart thumping in her head the only solid one she could lock on to, preferring that over deafening screeches. Monstrous, but they belonged to Steven; born of his detestation. However, once all was said and done, came the calming silence as a large, lone butterfly fluttered between her fingers.

The situation calmed down somewhat, as Connie grew curious over the piece she had there.

"What...what do I do?" Connie queried.

" _Keep it with you, use it to find the next piece._ " Blue said.

The butterfly perplexed her, though she could somehow...for what reason could only be explained as a sixth sense of sorts, feel a bit of Steven within and it was incredibly strong. She also had this need to protect it, nurture it, take care of it...a part of someone she loved and adored as a treasured reminder. 

The world turned dark again as Connie placed the butterfly on her left shoulder. It... surprisingly stayed there, fluttering but not actually budging, like it _wanted_ to stay there. Connie gulped, though it wasn't exactly fear she felt, but something else that couldn't really be described...if it was through taste, it was like her body was tasting peppermint, a freshness overcoming her in the most peculiar of ways.

* * *

The water was at her feet again, which both grounded her and nourished her, but somewhat...it connected her to something upstream. It felt weird and nice at the same time, the sensations incredible to one human being like herself. Her heart...her being called out to any piece that would hear her internal calls..for what ever slice happened to nearby or even be drawn to her. A single star on the left angled her towards its direction, as Connie fell into a sprint.

She wondered how Steven even coped with all these dips into the mental aura realms or psychic ghost dimensions....things she's only ever read in books or seen in movies. Surreal wouldn't cut actually being in one of those situations...being in it definitely felt bizarre. A touch different from fusion but otherwise not the worst thing. Only its contents that she should be really wary of.

Jumping on more islands, the hues of the dimension began to change. The next golden triangle she found was on a whiter atmosphere and a small field of lilies surrounding it. Connie's sense had it presented as something...somewhat calmer than before. Connie reached down yet again, pressing her hand against the surface.

Out of the next cycle of butterflies emerged none other than Rose Quartz, her hands in front of her and face more somber than originally presented to be.

"I wish I didn't do this. I feel the sadness and I _deserve_ the pain." She said, although again with Steven's voice.

Steven used to speak so fondly of his mother, but the more he found out the more she noticed how differently Steven had begun to talk about her. But comparably, one version of his mother with another...no wonder why he felt so conflicted.

But she didn't want to make excuses for Steven's actions either. He's made stupid decisions like anyone else. Choices of his own doing, but some, one would still regret and feel awful over things that actually weren't their fault. Connie didn't grow up with Gems like he did but from what she understood was the Gem hierarchy and how they should act. Steven, by all means should have acted like Rose Quartz or even Pink Diamond.

In ways, he did and he didn't. Connie wasn't sure. She's only ever known Steven for being Steven and he can own his own screw ups. No one elses. Not his mothers...not the Diamonds... _his_.

To own ones mistake is a big thing and Connie appreciated that more so and the strive to be the better person overall is all Connie could ever ask for. For herself, for others...especially for Steven.

"Do you still want to fix things?" She asked. Though how that response would go was anyone's guess. She wondered if she should remain silent, although her purpose was to clear the clutter...and perhaps in the meanwhile find out Steven's true core.

"Fix... _fix_ it." Steven said.

Rose approached her, kneeling before Connie herself. Connie felt the sadness emanating from her being, the large Gem's tears falling at a rapid rate. A being, Steven's mother...the one he's never been able to see...the one who gave her life and held the symbolism of purity and saw the beauty in everything...including her own unborn child. 

_~~They care about you deeply Steven. You miss them too...don't waste this chance to set things right again...before it's too late.~~ _

Rose's voice...soft...warm. Comforting. And yet, so worrying with a sense of foreboding.

Steven _knew_ there was something wrong and this...part _knew_ that there was that impending sense of doom on his own horizon...that he chose to ignore.

At least, that was kinda the vibe Connie got anyway. 

She could see how the other Gems loved her though. Her form, manner and poise all reminded Connie of mothers...contrasting Pink, who just reminded her of princesses.

Though through her current manner, there was a part of Steven she could definitely see. Perhaps it was the expression and the way she held her herself...

"You deserve to be sad." Connie explained, then realized what she said.

"I mean, you have every right to feel...sad. You're a real person. You experience...emotions that you can't always suppress."

Like anger.

The tears fell into the waters and were beginning to rise up quicker than Connie anticipated...but as soon as she placed her hand on Rose's arm, she felt the flashes of Steven crying on multiple moments of his life...his emotional breakdowns....crying and crying and _crying_...

He did cry a lot...

And now Connie was too.

It hurt...it _really_ hurt...

She instinctively hugged Rose, the desire to break the cycle still apparent. The hurt, the regret...the upkeep to maintain the self in all of its form. It was tiring to witness from this perspective...because she could see how Steven copped all of these things through out his life and hardly got the chance to express them properly. Things her mother taught her and things she could see and make judgments for on her own. The Guilt, the shame...of being someone, somewhere and not being able to meet the standards others expected you to have....

Like that picnic near the lighthouse.

Connie found it sad back then...but now...it made more sense and it somehow made her feel a lot worse for not seeing it more clearly.

Rose was...certainly surprised but she welcomed the gesture, holding Connie tightly as well.

"I'm sorry...I'm _so_ sorry." Steven choked.

Rose then burst into more butterflies just like Pink did and took all the petals from the lilies as well in into the vortex. Learning from the previous fragment, Connie took a deep breath, closing her eyes and put her hand into glowing twister. She snatched a single butterfly and the stillness returned once more...the remaining petals disappearing entirely. Connie could learn quickly, understanding what she had to do...how she had to do it and why. It was illogical to some but...

The Pink floating islands remained aloof in the wake of her attempts to reform him, bit by bit. She wondered, how many pieces there were until he could be whole once more.

* * *

Putting the next butterfly on her right shoulder, she focused on finding the third piece. Like clockwork, the next piece became known to her in the single blinking flash. More islands, more jumping and keeping her balance. More gorgeous, divine sparkling waterfalls and...now from what Connie could identify were flowers of white Chrysanthemum sprinkled about.

Upon the visage of the third golden triangle, sparked a sense of more familiarity from with Connie. The butterflies on her shoulders flapped more frequently. The hues of the skies turned to shades of a pinkish red as well. Connie pressed a hand against her tight chest, looking around for any kind of clarity to this...unusual sensation she had running through her, more intense than either the fragments of Pink and Rose gave off. What ever it was, it was quite powerful.

Knowing the next step, she pressed her hand against the triangle. Out of the next set of butterflies had Connie gasped.

It was Steven.

Specifically, Younger Steven with his classic red pink shirt. He looked at Connie with the least amount of expression compared to the angered Pink or the saddened Rose...more blank but somehow the intense he gave dug into Connie far more than she was comfortable with.

"I did not want to do this. I couldn't believe I _deserved_ it." He said, his neutral tone noted.

It surprised Connie on how the most joyous and bouncy version of him was the complete opposite...the stoic and the emotionless side...and it brought her no end on thinking on what part of this of him it actually was.

"You didn't deserve any of it." She said.

Steven's eyes then looked at both of the butterflies on her shoulders.

"No. But I got it anyway." He replied.

Her eyes widened at how normal that response sounded. It wasn't at all splintered as she would have expected it to be.

"My powers....were out of control. Out of anger, out of sadness. There's something wrong with me. I know. I can't accept it."

Can't accept it?

"You tell me that I'm allowed to feel these things." He continued.

"But these are the things that are causing the most hurt. To me....to everyone."

He could identify these concepts...and somehow could correlate them.

"The guilt within me. The hatred within me. Combined with everything else....tore me apart."

How blunt he was with this as well...it had Connie wondering the purpose of this piece.

"What...who are you?" She asked.

Steven closed his eyes.

"I am my conscience...and my denial." He answered.

"I know the system. I know who you are Connie. I identify my sadness and I identify my anger." 

~~**Opening your eyes to the fact that people can do some pretty mean stuff unintentionally. Mom apologizing did not satisfy the need of forgiveness.** ~~

It appeared as if he served to be the one thing Steven needed to understand how he was really feeling. The ultimate answer was always in his heart...and the way he kept _denying_ it.

He knew the truth...and why Steven continued to ignore it.

"Then...why won't you put yourself together again?" She asked, unsure if she wanted to even know the answer for herself.

"My existence serves to contradict." He said.

"I am a sum of the everything I am supposed to know and to expect. But I am also the sum of all I cannot tell and cannot change."

It made her head spin. He was both the treasure and the lock that cannot find the key.

"You serve as a warning..and a barrier to the truth...." Connie summarised.

"The truth of how you want help to ease the pain inside. But you feel like....you don't _deserve_ the help." 

Steven nodded.

How...complex....and awfully tragic.

"My pain is my truth. My denial is my shield." Steven confirmed.

Suddenly, that made a lot more sense. But there was one thing Connie wanted to know more than anything.

"Why me then Steven, why connect to me more so than the Crystal Gems that you've known all your life?" She wondered.

His eyes popped open so suddenly, his expression possessed a subtle scowl as he focused on her.

"Because...the human within me feels....less hurt...it feels good...."

Connie's mind instantly replayed previous events...from the time he got back from being kidnapped in space, threatening to tear their friendship apart of his role in the order of gem life and how talking to her helped him feel better...solidifying their friendship more so.

"And you saved my life. It is...a memory that sticks with me. Always."

The time White Diamond pulled out his gem...and with that, the butterflies on her shoulders became frantic.

"I cannot deny. I will not deny...how much of an effect you've had my life Connie. You've always been stronger than me...patient with me....even during my last moments with lucid thoughts."

The pressure Connie felt on dwelling on such words from him alone had her crying once more...filtering back to the way all the way back to when he started to corrupt...and even if he forgot who she was...he...he _remembered_ their conversation. He _remembered_ who she was.

"And...I am sorry for the way I hurt you. It wasn't intended...but I feel... _regret_...and I feel it more so by the butterfly on your right shoulder."

So...being there did somehow connect to him this way. Strange, unusual...so this was actually working?

" _He could not originally connect this to his whole self._ " White said from afar.

" _But the way he feels allows him to understand himself a little bit more clearly now._ " Said Blue.

" _You're not finished here, however...there's still more to come._ " Said Yellow.

So what was it that Steven couldn't do on his own?

"What do I need to do Steven to have you back together again?" Connie inquired.

He looked at his hands, peering down and scrunching his eyes as he fell into the pink briefly.

"Acceptance." He answered, bluntly.

"I do...not have the power to bargain. I am _not_ the last piece." Steven answered in his struggles, confirming the Diamonds words.

Connie frowned. This...this was the knowing...this was the hows, the whys and the whom. But it was still just something that was so incomplete...that could not grasp much else beyond his own understanding of things.

She walked forward, her intentions the same with him as it was for the others in this hollow, watery world of the shattered mind.

"I cannot accept the thing that's needed the most. I cannot...tell myself what to do. I can only tell myself the things I want and the things I need. And the truth. The voice that comes out of me...is not always able to be heard. All because...I don't want to hurt others...for that makes me feel...both angry and sad."

There was that difference between what was correct and what the ideal mindset drove him to be better than himself.

"I feel...sad...I feel...angry...I...don't _want_ to feel this way. I cannot accept feeling...this way."

**~~I DON'T WANT TO FEEL THIS WAY.~~ **

And so it manifests...his powers react...his body reacts.

"I already _am_ the answer. But it's not _enough_."

She knelt down before him...for he was but the smallest so far. Steven had always been shorter than her, but for now, being at his level was important. His eyes kept going back and forth between the butterflies, while Connie felt a type of emotional exhaustion within herself, a pain like spikes in her chest inflicted through all of this. Her resolve was important, pushing past her own barriers to ensure that she going to complete her task head on. It was needed and he needed to know that he was too. She was flexible...she held the love within her being to fight through it all and the trust in her own instinct to get him back no matter the cost.

"I'm going to hug you now Steven. There is no denial in that....I care and I willingly...give this strength to you."

She pulled no punches, hugging him as hard as she could...but the sadness and the hate that literally rested on her shoulders became more burdens to her, fluttering their power into her astral projection, causing her to feel much more than she wanted to hold on to.

The conscience and the denial hugged her back, with the fullest extent of his emotions filtering through her as his body burst, just like Pink and Rose....as the petals of the flowers ascended into the tornado as well. Connie reached out grabbed the butterfly...and rested it on her head. The power that echoed around her body was brighter than before...a combination of soft and hard energies...her own blended Diamond Aura, unique to her...transforming a mind in a way she'd never thought she was able to.

" _That's three pieces you've gotten so far._ " Said Yellow

" _I'm detecting at least two more pieces_." Said White

" _You're so close...don't stop now._ " Said Blue.

However, she stood there, alone...and closed her eyes. Steven's presence had been much stronger than it was at the beginning, owing to the butterflies she so wanted to protect with her life.

Looking up, she could see the next star over the series of floating islands...and despite her own psyche threatening to fall through its own cracks, she carried on and made the first jump to the second last piece.

Not knowing it would entail the biggest of struggles yet as the skies turned black...and the watchful stars more piercing than ever.


	32. The Pool Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie aims to find the two last pieces of Steven's psyche

When Connie generally thought about fantasy adventures, she didn't imagine having to pick up parts of a fallen friend like they some kind of collectible treasures...specifically the parts that made him sane. And the way that he acted, the Diamond King, a businessman of an authority that he would never have originally found himself a part of...while working is generally an adult thing to do, but to run ones self into the ground like Steven did to escape everything else definitely was _not_ healthy.

Parts of this realm felt colder than they had been and when Connie came across one large island, a series of white, marble stairs reached up into the nearest, darkest clouds as small riverbeds flowed down on each side of the steps, filtering into their streams that poured off of the island.. On the barren earth before her, were rows of pink gladiolus flowers that waved in the winds. A chill went down her spine, causing her to shiver. 

Connie could sense a type of energy flow familiar to her, as she took the charge and walked up the steps. The flow, telling of something she's felt...something she's seen and heard but it had no name.

Or it did...

But for what ever reason she couldn't identify it.

Maybe it was the combination of the Diamond Auras that fluctuated within her, filling her with powers and expressions that only Gems could describe. Though it had Connie wonder if Steven knew what this feeling was, running through the motions of the White, Yellow, Blue and Pink filters like a switching tv channels.

Although, as she as reached the top, she could see the pointy pink throne as the feeling increased. Though if there was something she could compare it to.

It would be _terror_.

Though, Connie knew fear well and truly, but..the familiarity of this terror was tainted by something Connie had not wished to experience. The fear of seeing Diamond Steven...clad in his suit, slouching on his throne as he had an elbow on the armrest, leaning his head on his fist as his Diamond eyes zoned in on her, his expression; unimpressed. Connie swallowed, all the while feeling awfully small while he...didn't necessarily glare at her...but just looked disappointed.

"Tried to prevent this. Did everything possible to deserve it."

Connie furrowed her brows in confusion. That made no sense.

"Now you bring those three into the equation. Why?"

Why?

"Because you need to pull yourself together." She answered, using his own words.

She noticed the glass case on the left armrest, pertaining the fake Rose with its fallen petals around it.

"Giving anything, to protect....to conserve." He said.

Again, this made little sense to her.

"Protect what?" She wondered.

His eyes narrowed.

"Protect against that which cannot be afforded. It can't exist. Will need to make sure it doesn't exist."

He got off the chair with purpose, aiming to snatch his sadness on her left shoulder. Connie pulled back, defending the butterfly as she raised her hand. This fragment was dangerous, trying to erase those parts of himself altogether. Steven however, stepped back, his expression eery.

"Why...why protect against that which has no value?" He questioned.

No value....

"Because you need these Steven." She told him outright.

"You need to feel these in order to be whole."

He then...laughed...which served to both strike Connie down with a mixture of dread and anger on her end, putting his hands in his pockets so casual and smug like.

"To...be whole. That's what this is about isn't it?" He said. a smirk on his face.

"They're not needed at all. Those who served to hinder progress. For what REAL purpose do they serve than to cause hurt and shame?"

So far, it had been off putting to hear Steven like this. If he could hear himself talk the way he did through these fragments, what would he really say?

Protecting what, exactly? Progress for what, in particular?

"Just like it...just like the _monster_ in the cage."

The monster...

It took Connie a moment to realize the giant cage behind the throne. But...it looked like nothing was in it, behind the giant bars that actually spread out like pillars beyond the realms boundaries.

"It's not acceptable. It's not part of the plan." Diamond Steven continued, talking about it with such disdain.

What plan? Connie had to figure out what he was doing...and why he was doing it.

"Because silly things like emotions can get in the way of purpose for the sake of purpose. And purpose for sake of healing the damage the Diamonds inflicted on all organic life."

Another quick flash in Connie's mind became much more painful this time around.

" _You know they're not silly._ " Connie found herself saying, though it wasn't something she intended to say as her voice held several inflections. Her hands went straight to cover her mouth in absolute shock. How...her hands moved away briefly, but she felt the sudden shift again.

" _It's pain. It's real and you won't let me through. You won't let them in._ "

Covering her hands again, Connie's knees wobbled inwards as she started to shake out of the aforementioned familiar terror.

Diamond Steven chuckled, his laughter poison in her ears.

" _They_ take control of this Connie." He said.

" _They_ want Connie in. Connie, you cannot go in what needs to be protected. Cannot let loose the one thing that is not needed...not wanted."

Connie found herself losing control, noticing the Butterflies on her shoulders fluttering with such an intensity, that they started changing into various shades of Pink. She didn't want to surrender this feeling...but it took hold of her anyway, whether she liked it or not.

"The idea of the Diamonds hurting me, haunts me, hurts me...guides me...I _need_ to accept this!" Connie called out.

She finally connected the dots..the butterflies...were using her to voice themselves in a way they could understand and to convince this fragment to reason with them.

"And yet, Connie is used as a key? How could this be anymore than taking advantage of Connie being the friend that is the most undeserving of this torment. The torment that is deserved those whom have inflicted hurt in the past." Diamond Steven said, irritated.

"Need to be needed. Needed to accept the fact this is what is deserved. But the anger...the sadness no. Only the part with the knowledge of why this is required to be done."

Connie wouldn't doubt the purpose of the ones form to be the sole piece that tried to hold everything together by suppressing...no...dominating everything else before him; ordering everything down and to obey his every command. He held power, he held structure and the false sense of security. 

**~~I CAN'T.~~ **

She needed, however, to take control of where he couldn't. He was the one with the most will power, the largest barrier in the way of her getting through the gate to the dungeon where held what was the most important aspect that was being suppressed the most. Diamond Steven; the Gatekeeper, the leader, the commander...but he was also an executive with all the decisions based on what was needed, what was required and where and when and how.

" _We need you too_." Steven called out through Connie's voice intertwined with his own; his pink spiritual energies in sync with her own unique human ones.

Connie's own ability to think and move for herself began to waver, unsure of her own consciousness was trying to do something on its own accord. She looked down her hands beginning to grow their own dark magenta splotches. She didn't gasp or move, but the shock ran through her just like anything else.

~~While I see scenarios occurring, I fear some may end up worse for you if you're not careful.~~

Garnets predictions bore fruit of the most spoiling of sorts; the bad bunch of the timelines. 

"A Diamond must remain strong." Diamond Steven proclaimed.

"If it means keeping the hurt and the bad away, then so be it."

How could Connie even convince him to see from a different perspective?

" _I've been this all my life_." Connie/Steven continued, putting her hand on her chest. 

" _I know this is wrong! This is not how I should be! I should be happy! I should be able to be happy, why can't I have that?_ "

Hands pulled her back of the translucent, cyan sort. Wrapping themselves over her torso, her mouth and her arms and legs.

"The Ghosts say _no_." Diamond Steven conferred, still not moving and as still as a mountain.

Connie struggled to turn her head around, but instead, the hands did it for her, Behind her were scores of the hologram ghosts. Dull in expression, but at the ready. They resembled everyone Steven knew. The Crystal Gems, Gems from Little Homeworld, even humans like Greg and Sour Cream and the like, like they were an army, awaiting their orders in their straight laced discipline.

The atmosphere changed to the whole Throne Room without much notice, but it held that ethereal charm...from the parts of it that just looked off. A flash back of a previous scenario went through her head once more.

**~~Connie...you're a good person and I once appreciated you always looking out for me. But now...it's no longer necessary. Go home. Don't waste your time on something that's never gonna change...~~ **

"Connie is being taken advantage of....how _disgusting_." Diamond Steven commented.

"Being used as an edge, a voice to try and change something that will never change. It _can't_ change."

It can. If he could just try...Connie struggled against the grip of the Hologram Ghosts which threatened to suffocate her.

"Knight Maheswaran...the Dashing Swordswoman. Should leave. Knight Maheswaran, _can_ leave." 

Connie burst out of the grips on her own power however, with a bright light shattering the ghosts that had an hold, as her own emotions flared to heights not seen before.

"I am not _leaving!_ " She said, angered as her eyes flared up with their own multi-coloured flames. She too stomped her foot, cracking the floor underneath her and destroying more ghosts within close proximity. She puffed and panted, though couldn't believe what she had just done...again, was this..her...or Steven? She couldn't tell the difference.

Diamond Steven's face turned from a scowl, to one of minor irritation and of concern, squinting his eyes as he examined her sudden outburst. He sighed then pulled out a hand mirror out of his pocket, approaching her and handing it over to her.

"Look into the mirror, Connie." He told her.

The amount of inflamed passion and fury had her incredibly anxious to hold on to it, though as she did...she took the mirror, looking into it...and all she could see was Steven...not just any Steven...

The normal Steven. Pink Jacket and Black Shirt Steven. Connie moved her mouth, which the mirror moved along with her. Her eyes widened, as did Steven's.

"A game so dangerous that it cannot been seen beyond anything a bargain could possibly create." Diamond Steven said, putting his hands in the pockets of his pants.

"A debt so large...can it be shared or must it be carried alone?"

She put her hand on the mirror, seeing Steven reaching to her within. The sense of feeling...trapped returned to her.

"If this is what is desired....then all the pain will be let loose. The burden is heavy. This isn't needed. The burden is here. It _must_ remain here."

The burden is heavy because Steven made it that way. He kept it in so close to his chest that his body couldn't handle it anymore. A stubbornness that persisted and mutated into this...

"The burden...it doesn't have to be like that Steven." Connie told him, her voice, her own. She moved forward her own free will...her intent known. It became clearer to her now...that this was simply him not wanting to burden others with his problems...and as gatekeeper, Diamond Steven simply could not process anything for himself, other than processing one feeling for another, displaying dominance over everything else that came before them...a single front...the ultimate facade.

"You can share it. You're afraid of allowing others in. We know you're hurt...you can't hide that anymore....so the only person who thinks its going to be a burden on them, is you. No one else."

He squinted again, but said nothing in response. Connie walked a step forward.

"You give...but you won't take. You're..."

 _In debt_.

Because he won't take what he needs but he gives away everything that he had, under the belief he didn't need them if someone else did.

A horrifying blight of unnecessary sacrifices. Hurting himself to allow others to the chance to heal. He was a healer, but what he did, took parts of himself out in the process, all for maintaining this stance that Steven Universe could be the one you could always depend on.

He tells others not to be afraid....while Steven is terrified himself...

"Denial tells the bargainer what needs to be done." Diamond Steven said, his eyes to the left.

"For what denial holds is always given. If denial accepts anger and sadness...if the debts can be lifted...freed..."

~~**But you're...you're fine. You think it's fine to just... _vomit_? And not question why?** ~~

" _It isn't just denial._ " Connie/Steven said.

" _It is my conscience. The truth. Truth in the anger and sadness that exists within me. What needs to given away to allow the debt to be erased_?"

Connie looked into the mirror, now seeing herself this time, surprised at the how the magenta blotches were replacing the marks on her face now. No...she still existed and mattered in this mess and kept herself in the loop, checking to note that what he said...wasn't right at all. His conscience believed more needed to given in order to solve the problem...and that was Steven's issue. The concept of giving; not correlating to the concept of taking.

He needed to take...and not give. His conscience disallowed him to allow others in...and that's what he was telling himself all this time.

"No...you need to be given much more credit than that." She said on her whim.

"I've given you my ear and my shoulder...and you've taken that...albeit with a great amount of reluctance."

The burden that he did not wish to share. The minds that he did not wish to give grief to. He gave the light...and exchanged it for darkness in return. A pattern..an everlasting cycle.

"My deal with you...is to beg for you to allow us to help. You're _not_ a burden Steven....you're our friend and you deserve all the love in the universe that is more in debt with you then you are in debt with it."

Diamond Steven appeared pensive, his focus lost with scurried thoughts.

"And your anger, your sadness and your conscience should help build you and it is designed for you. They're there for a reason. To feel bad is to exist as a living being able to think based on those feelings...alongside those of joy...the tell the good from the bad."

He shrugged his shoulders, his mouth still shut all the while.

"Allow yourself to express those emotions...so you can move on... _please._ "

Eyes that locked on to hers that struck hard and fast...and with purpose.

"Expressing those emotions will hurt others. They cannot be controlled." He said.

"What is the suggestion on how to do so... _that_ is what is needed."

Emotions...out of control.

Suppression. Denial. His conscience suppressing and denying his feelings out of fear of hurting others...and holding the burdens like weights in his heart. For the sake of protecting others.

He's always been like this and no matter how many times they would offer Steven help, he would decline and make some kind of excuse...or run away...

"I don't want to force you to do anything Steven." Connie expressed to him as she now stood right in front of him. She made a tentative fist and suppressed the urge to hug him until he gave his consent.

"But you've dug yourself in too deep, you can't see anything past your own unhealthy habits. So....I ask..."

She raised her hand to his with a subtle hand shake gesture.

"Allow me...to offer this gift to you. Just me.....and take my hand....and I will help you get through this. Free of charge."

The last thing he needed was to be overwhelmed...so it was important to take small steps before the big ones. Steven's eyes lingered on her hand for the moment, trying to decide what to do. Those butterflies within her, channeled an understanding between each other but...still debilitated on smaller parts that he couldn't quite grasp.

Steven eventually took her hand. Connie shook it, still refraining from hugging him until she knew he was certain on what he really wanted to do.

"Space is required for those who wish to unleash the beast." He said.

* * *

The floor then had the same wooden dining table from the dinner (albeit a lot shorter) with the same long, red suede curtains, but a much more ominous vibe. Leaving the throne, Diamond Steven stood at one end, directing Connie to stand on the other.

The floor went jet black, as the golden triangles returned in a near star like formation underneath. The butterflies flew off of Connie's shoulders, each of them going to their corresponding point. Anger and Sadness went to the left and Denial on the right hand side. Diamond Steven leaned over and placed both ends on the table, watching them reform into Pink, Rose and Young Steven respectively.

Connie felt a bit off for being here, but...no matter how weird this was...she was going to see it through.

It was a meeting, a debate of the selves in the hopes of coming to sort of agreement. The curtains soon faded away as the darkest of the magenta, folded skies returned with the watchful stars bearing down them as the true judges of his fate. Black trees rose up around them on the desolate earth, growing tvs on its branches like fruit. They displayed the no signal aspect, although Connie was unsure of what they were for.

Water ran underneath her feet again, trickling from the top of the throne, straight down its steps and down below the table and connecting to the other parts as well. Connie felt the energies pour through her, connecting her to them too. All of their eyes widened turned hot pink and maintained a stoic expression. They all stood up straight, looking aimlessly forward. The one thing that was moved, was the glass case with the fake rose sitting in the middle of the table... with five petals glowing on it.

"What happened to me..." Said Diamond Steven.  
"Everything...to wanting to be a Crystal Gem, to live up to my mom...it was impossible. And I wanted to be like her. To prove myself worthy of her legacy."

The TVS demonstrated all Steven had gone through in his youth. His adventures...his escapades...

"Then everything started to fall apart around me...because I wasn't her." Pink Diamond!Steven said, his voice inter-lapping with his mothers.

The TVS then showed the Crystal Gems arguing, Garnet telling Steven she was disappointed in him and Amethyst arguing with him.

"Because the legacy I wanted wasn't all it was cracked up to be." Said Rose! Steven, voice the same.  
"And then...finding out who she really wasn't...I couldn't process it."

The scene of Rose 'shattering' Pink...then Rose turning into Pink.

"Because all mom did was cause pain to everyone around her and I couldn't stand to hear about it." Said Pink! Steven.

"But...mom....she wanted...she _wanted_."

A close up shot of Rose Quartz appeared, rewinding and replaying a certain scene over and over again.

_Take care of them Steven....Take care of them Steven....Take care of them Steven._

"She needed me to help them and I wasn't going to deny them the help needed." Young Steven explained.  
"And so I endured everything piece of pain coming my way. Jasper...Bismuth...Eyeball...and tried to shut any thought about it away."

Stevonnié's memories of them played next, demonstrating the turmoil of his escaping trauma.  
  
"But it all piled up." Diamond Steven said.

Videos of the Diamonds. Blue firing her energy sphere at him. Yellow stomping on him, White taking out his Gem.  
  
"And up."  
  
The incident with Spinel...and most horrifically, his argument with Connie after the dinner.  
  
Connie didn't know that had impacted him that badly. He needed to hear it however...everyone was too careful...but...Connie herself became worried that she damaged him too much. It wasn't intended. Steven needed to see what he was doing to himself against everything that he put himself through as a Diamond of the Authority. His give could reach but his take could not. Each of the pieces then spoke in order of Diamond Steven...Pink Diamond, Rose Quartz, Young Steven then Diamond Steven again....  
  
"And it never went away. It got worse."  
"I regretted the changes."  
"I hated the changes."  
"I denied the changes."  
"I transformed the changes."

  
But...  
None of those worked.  
  
"I _can't_ accept the changes. I _can't_ accept the pain. I _can't_ accept how I really feel because...I don't _know_! I don't know _how_ I should feel and what I do feel is sad, hurt, angry...and annoyed...  
it's been so _long_ since I can remember how it was to be happy...ïf I _should_ be happy..." Diamond Steven continued, his voice cracking up...and his face beginning to warp under the influence of his frustrations, becoming more distraught as his tears fell down at a rapid rate.   
  
Connie felt the pain from his words alone, unable to stop herself from shedding a few drops of her own. She had the mirror on the table and looked at her reflection; her eyes continuing to go run its course of Diamond colors. A stillness within her core allowed her control from her quietened composition; which allowed to give evidence to the contrary.

"What about when you reunited with your Gem?" Connie questioned.  
"The smile on your face when you realized you were you all this time."  
  
Young Steven cracked something akin to a smile....the first she'd seen him portray in a long time, feeling like a warm sunrise.  
"Maybe...maybe it was more like I wasn't my mom." He said...the sunrise turned to the cold twilight straight after.  
"Maybe I was so glad I wasn't her. Isn't that terrible?"  
  
Perhaps...And everything who had thought otherwise was proven wrong. But then the only other question remained.  
Who was Steven?  
  
"I came to Homeworld, thinking that if all the problems on Earth were solved, then I would be able to go where I was needed. I wasn't needed on Earth anymore." Diamond Steven explained.  
  
 ~~ **I don't need to be on Earth. Why would I want to go there?**~~

"And so everything I did was simply out of my real purpose to fix things."  
  
Connie shook her head. That definitely wasn't right at all. It couldn't be. Humans aren't born to have a set role their entire lives. But...Steven was half gem...a race that created set roles. So ultimately, what he really had _was_ choice...but he'd been brought up with so many conflicting messages through his childhood...so no wonder he was confused. This had to be sorted...Steven had to see what he could do.

"No...that _isn't_ your purpose." She said.  
Pink Diamond then flipped the table away, screaming as Diamond Steven suddenly stormed up to Connie with complete ire within him, his fury unforeseen as he fell into the infamous Pink State. He didn't touch her...keeping his distance but the fire in his stare burned right through her. And while it frightened Connie to the core, she dared not to move. Moving would make things a lot worse. And taking her stand against this...it required true guts.

  
"THEN WHAT _IS_ MY PURPOSE?" Diamond Steven demanded, raising his arms out in anger as his roars echoed loudly across the void that could awaken any sleeping beast.  
"I _can't_ be my mom...I _can't_ be a friend....and I _can't_ be who I am needed to be, THEN WHO AM I? WHY AM I HERE?"  
  
 ~~ **WHY DO I NEED TO NEEDED?**~~

 ~~ **WHAT IS ME  
**~~  
Connie didn't know the real answer. But from what she did know...  
"I'm not sure Steven...I can't answer that. You proved you weren't her and as well as who you are and who you chose to be...I can say Steven Universe proved to be a real friend." Connie told him, trying her best to be calm and collected.  
  
"And you're young. Like me. There's nothing wrong with trying find your place in the world and you don't need to rush that. Sometimes...it takes a while. Trying to find a purpose...has always been what humans have been doing for thousands of years. Until then...keep...trying new things. Practice things. Understanding what you want and need takes time Steven. Even that can change. But you've already accomplished so much..."  
And what he needed right now...he needed to hear it.  
"But right now...you _need_ help. This isn't healthy. I'm still not going to force you to do anything unless you understand that you need to let people in. To accept that what you're going through...that you don't have to do it alone. Because..."  
  
She grabbed his hands and looked intently into those big pink eyes of his...forming their own waterfalls of tears into the streams beneath them.  
  
"You've never been alone. You just can't see that bottling it up has been destroying you from the inside....until someone, somewhere shows it to you."  
  
A statement that even had his denial, Young Steven nodding to that one. Diamond Steven; on the other hand...transformed himself from tense to ashamed with himself. Connie gave him back the mirror, as he looked into it, seeing the normal Steven in his reflection. He put his hand against it, only for the mirror to shatter itself from his touch alone. It alarmed him...then looked at the glass case on the floor...it too, was completely broken. He wandered over and picked up the stem of the fake rose, then saw each of the red petals scattered alongside the glass. He took a knee to the ground, his eyes lulled as he examined the wreckage thoroughly.

A mess of things, really. The risk of cleaning it up...was it worth it?

"The last thing I want to be...is afraid..." He said, his tone low.

Each of the shards of the glass portrayed a reflection of the wyrm...his eyes burning through each piece.

"But nothing will be the same anymore. You know this."

Connie nodded. She did.

"For the better Steven, I promise you." She assured him.

He then took a deep breath, picking up each of the petals with shaky hands, not wanting to prick himself from the glass shards closest to them. Connie felt his anxiety from where she stood; a fair distance. Though, she could see him struggle, so she walked around to the other side, sitting down and helping him out. She picked up a single petal, to where he had picked up four of the original seven.

"Those ones...those petals...and the one you have." He said.

"I don't recognize them...and yet..."

Connie looked up, gasping as she could see Pink, Rose and the Younger Steven standing right behind him looking on and watching his every move, placing their judgement on his shoulders. Connie felt the Diamonds voices in her mind explain the purpose...Pink, Rose, Younger Steven, Diamond Steven...

The last petal was held in place by shards that were indeed sharp and would definitely hurt, even if you tried to pull them away. Could it be...

"Did you want me to take it for you?" She asked him.

He appeared to debate that in his head for the moment, silent all the while. His eyes darted from side to side as a drop of sweat appeared from the left side of his forehead...evidence of how hard he was thinking about it all.

Looking up at the others, they definitely felt...imposing...with Diamond Steven feeling the pressure from their presence alone. That which appeared to be important parts of his life...that which held the greatest of impacts...the teachers of memories, expectations and experience, all on the one whom had the power to bargain...the power to give it up...and to take it down...

"I'm not certain on what the future holds...I guess that's the price I have to pay from dealing with the unknown." He commented.

Everyone has to pay a price at some point. Connie subconsciously knew it all too well. But for the sake of his debt....only Steven could take it.

"You know what you have to do." Connie said.

"I'm here to support you...and many others...out there...will support you too."

Trepidation was his enemy to slay...no...to contend and make peace with. He took a deep breath, his shaky fingers descending upon the petal. Connie winced as his finger grazed on the edges of the broken glass, hearing Steven's sharp breath through his nose as his response. But never the less, he pulled it out between his index and thumb and raised it up...watching the blood trickle from his finger to the shards below.

He took it to the others, while he sucked on his wounded finger and healed it...Connie could only watch as he stood up, holding the six petals in his arms. The figures of Rose, Pink and Younger Steven put their hands on his back, while he cried. They then transformed back into the white butterflies respectively, returning to their respective places on Connie's body. Still holding onto her petal tight, her instincts kicked in...the unknown voice telling her now was the time to take action.

"Please...let it _go_ Steven." She whispered to him, putting her hands on his shoulders.

"It'll be okay..."

It had Connie feel awful on how much he had been dealing with...the Atlas holding the world for eternity. How much of it hurt that he so desperately clung on to for so long, that he literally couldn't find himself doing anything else but to do so until his last breath.

However, this time instead of Connie doing so, it was Steven who instigated the hug, pushing himself forward into her arms and burying his head into her right shoulder as he wept. His embrace humbled her...where she was proud of him for letting her do this for his sake...not giving to her but taking what was being offered right in front of him. She held onto him more tightly than before and even though she should have expected it given it had already happened three times before, she was still stunned at the sudden explosion of the butterflies that swarmed around her. Shaking her head, Connie put her hand into the swarm and endured the hardship of his heart in hers. Louder and numerous than the others.

 ~~Sometimes, you hurt people by accident...you just gotta...try not to think about it  
  
~~ ~~~~~~And as a Diamond, I have obligations for the recovery efforts to where peace is a work in progress~~

**~~She doesn't need to look after me. That is _not_ her responsibility!~~ **

**~~I am _not_ denying, regretting or hating anything.~~ **

**~~There is no REASON for _any_ of you to be here....~~ **

The fourth part emerged in her hand and lingered on the tip of her index finger for the longest time. She looked down, seeing she had all seven petals in her other arm now. All four butterflies flapped away from her, but not before Diamond Steven's took the petals for themselves as they started to glow, turning gold as they spiraled around Connie. The butterflies then surrounded her, with the petals themselves merging with one another, rising up above Connie and eventually emerging in a golden light, descending down slowly. Connie held her hand out as it lightly fell into her palm. 

She blinked with confusion, seeing a small, lengthened golden key with a star on the base of it. The butterflies returned to sit on Connie, with Diamond Steven's and Younger Steven's sitting on both sides of her head in a tilted fashion. Looking up at the giant steel bars behind the Thrones, she realized what this was. Water poured out from underneath the door, the original source of it found prior.

"The cage." She muttered to herself, grasping the key firmly in her hand. 

" _The last piece should be in there. Keep going Connie, you're almost there._ " White announced, breaking the silence.

Connie knew exactly what she had to do, still swimming strong in this pool of Steven's mind and knowing how she was about to go straight into the deep end. 

And the terror like feeling returned to her once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Diamond Steven is the literal embodiment of I can't.  
> ALSO yes I was debating this to be the second last chapter...but it ended up being the third last because of how long this one turned out.  
> I have a habit of elongating things tbh. But I feel more confident because I am working on chapter 33 and will finish it on 34. I can't sleep so I am going gung ho on it.


	33. The Pool Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Self-healing begins here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second to last chapter. GET READY FOR MORE FEELS.  
> If this feels rushed, its because it was done within a few hours with a nap in between. I wanted to get it done before the finale so I only have a a vague idea of the beasts description. I know I've seen things but I like him as a giant, draconic like leviathan.

Trapped, locked in, imprisoned....the ordeal of being stuck by some kind of wall or barrier to keep one inside and to never leave. This was just like any other...except far more complex.

Going up to the bars herself, far too tall than what they had to be as they stretched into the eternal darkness above, Connie eventually found the reasonably sized cage door and the golden lock. She looked at for a while, her mind trying to get a hold of what just happened prior. The summarisation of all of what Steven had to bare..and Connie couldn't deny how much that saddened her and hurt her to witness. Garnet did mention that she was going to see something like that...and now she could see why.

Looking at the magenta patches on her own skin, it was apparent that all of this...jumping to fragment to fragment, fighting through the mess of memories and horrible experiences affected Connie as well. To what end, was uncertain. She felt physically fine, weirded out and a bit anxious and tired but other than the mixture of her own roiled emotions she was okay for the most part. She still was able to move, walk and talk and think. It was enough.

And what she had said was definitely true. To a point where it was inevitable that he had to be called out like that, no matter how much he hated it. But for now, she was indeed closer to the end and she refused to stop here.

With great mental effort, Connie inserted the key into the golden lock, with time feeling slower as she turned it, then the knob and opened the door...revealing a glowing light.

Behind the door was...surprisingly..something else.

Earth...specifically like the one from her dream. Back to when Steven first emerged as a corrupted beast.

The sky clouded with multiple hues of pink and purple...the storm raging on...and blazing fires across neighborhoods.

No enemies or any gems to be found...just pure heat and ash in the tempest of the realm.

Connie looked around for any sign of the next fragment, although she anticipated with all the evidence prior, she knew exactly what this piece looked like. It all lead up this, the finale of the self. But this destroyed land mass was huge, bigger than the other floating islands she's so far come across...the strangest of places and yet the familiarity of it struck her like nothing else had beforehand.

The noises of the thunder and the crackling flames filled her ears and the smell of smoke was surprisingly potent. She kept forgetting this place wasn't actually real, but otherwise it definitely felt real. Which was more jarring to have her constantly forget she was in her best friends head and not having traveled back in time.

The structure of the neighborhood wasn't the same however. Connie has had time to map out the neighborhoods from all the bus traveling she's done in the past, but none of this looked the same, akin to a maze more than anything. of 

She had to, once again rise up to the impossible challenge...but the buildings were abnormally large and the light of the fires were almost blinding and explosions; almost deafening. She closed her eyes, wondering how she could get through this with so many obstacles. 

More platforms formed in front of her, as the butterflies circled around her, going to the closest pink hexagonal platform which had risen in place as if she had commanded it to be, creating a path for her to take. Connie was surprised, but otherwise had both no choice and the choice to follow them. She nodded, going forward and jumping up onto the platform of pure light

They continued to do this, leaping in different directions and navigating through flames and barely dodging streams of fire that often shot upwards without warning, but she trusted the butterflies that aimed at each platform, highlighting her definitive path...the fragments knew enough to know where they going and where they were leading her. Steven was telling her where to go and he trusted him to know what he was directing her towards. Though some were lower, higher and all fraught with dangers that if she made one slip up here...instead of the void, that she'd fall into the mouth of flames instead.

It had Connie thinking about what younger Steven said about her role in this. The fact she made him feel good...and how she stuck with him in the worst of times. But surely others would have done the same.

Though she couldn't invade such feelings of others...but her own connections...his correlation with her...the concept of Connie Maheswaran stood out to him the strongest, against all the hurt in the world that existed because his mind couldn't hold on to much else. Other than her and what warmth she could provide.

It was..both heartwarming and frightful, distressing that she became his anchor to his own unstable reality. The butterflies she could see...and the factor that the petals were the key to unlock this last fragment. There had to be some sense to this madness and if it wasn't for the power of the Diamonds being able to solidify something out of a scrambled mess Connie would have already stepped into that madness the moment she popped into his head.

Maybe that was partially why regret and sadness were just as strong as his hatred and his anger. His guilt of using her, as was said by Diamond Steven. He felt...disgusted in himself for using her to help him and wanting her to leave became logic when he found that out for himself.

And when dawning back to when he left them...and why he didn't want her to follow...was he afraid of himself hurting her further? He had to have been aware on some level of the damage he thought he was doing...and what he thought he'd broke, was something else entirely or was it was caused by someone else.

In any case, with Steven being who he was and it was a fact she always had to repeat in her head (by habit) that he did not want to hurt people. So in his mind, that _was_ hurting Connie. And it only made him hate himself even more.

Despite the possible cost to her, Connie persisted anyway, despite his warnings. Despite Garnets warnings...and while the increase of the splotches were noted, Connie felt like she was the only one right now who could still help him. He chose her to be this and to do this....and she was _not_ going to fail him.

* * *

Eventually, her platforming lead her to the beach and the temple, finally stopping in front of the Beach House. The seas were oddly calm, although everything else still held those violent hues of pink, purple and magenta. The world in war with itself, if any other proper description could be given.

Her chest felt heavy while she stood there, wondering if she was waiting for something to happen. The butterflies then went towards the shore and remained there. Connie followed on, walking and thinking that this was where she was meant to be. Though it turned out to be the spot where they first met, sending a warm fuzz to replace the heaviness. He was so...sweet and naive but thoughtful and kind...qualities of a true friend.

She heard the ocean gush a bit, as the earth quaked around her to synchronized thumps. Looking up, she could see a part of the temple break off the ledge, falling downwards. Connie gasped, raising her hand, but then noticing that it stopped, hitting something and falling beside her. Looking up again, the butterflies protected her with their own unique pink shield.

Her focus was now back on the shoreline, as the stomps got louder...and eventually, a familiar figure emerged from it. One large, lanky and long, pink and spiked leviathan.

Connie couldn't help but smile. Something about this monster was more comforting to see than anything else she had come across so far.

"Steven!" She exclaimed cheerfully.

The wyrm fully emerged from the ocean, lowering his head to Connie and tilted it, out of curiosity. She'd come to appreciate him as this gentle giant...and was not at all afraid of him in the slightest. Though, his eyes were more interested in the butterflies that protected her. The look spoke of some kind of attachment to them, perhaps knowing but not understanding that were him all sliced up and cut into the shapes of shining bugs, but returned to Connie, his expression that which could swear could be of concern.

"What's wrong?" Connie asked, putting her hand on his cheek.

He stood back and made a whine, laying down in front of her. The butterflies resumed positions beside his head...two on the left and two on the right.

But then...his mouth moved. The beast...tried to talk to her directly.

"I'm....I'm sorry....pleassse." He croaked.

And Connie thought she'd seen everything. To hear his deepened, distorted dragon actually create words with a slight hiss at the end of his s's was astounding. She went from surprised, to impressed...to glad. This had to be helping him, she was sure of it. And he was only saying that...and he only ever when he felt like he did something wrong to others.

"You should be saying that yourself." Connie told him.

"Just relax...we'll have you back together very soon."

A growled whine reverberated in his throat. His attention was brought to her hands and her face...in fact, Steven was apologizing for the splotches and marks on her skin. A fact blamed on his uncontrollable miasma that had the power to affect the organic life around it.

"Don't worry about me." She continued.

"I...knew there were risks involved. I'm okay...just..."

This wasn't the worst feeling in the world. Things that be dealt with after most of the problems that needed to be solved were dealt with. The more serious matters. Everything else that didn't serve to hinder her immediately could be sorted through afterwards. Right now, Connie had to know where his head was at; how much did he hold to himself as a large fragment of dire importance?

"Do you understand what's going on right now?"

Steven looked down in shame, though he was mostly relaxed, putting his head down towards her when he felt it was comfortable to do so.

"I... _deserve_....thissss..." He declared.

No...no he didn't. No one deserved _this._ No one did.

"I...did....thisss..."

No...the rebellion did most of the damage that had him turn out this way. Though other circumstances were on his end, Connie could now see for herself that there was indeed a tonne of stuff that had gone on in his head that was him fighting against himself most of the time and falling into damaging habits that were the main blockade to what he required.

"I...am... _siiiiiiiick_..."

Yeah...kind of...The part of him that was able to understand and comprehend his circumstances. Correlations and concepts.

But such acknowledgement...it was the first step in his recovery.

And despite the chaos this burning world brought along with its unpleasant odors, temperatures and general taste of ashes on the wind...there was a paradox of peace residing here, more so than on the other parts of his mind, the sense of the resolute and clarity where there hadn't been before. Looking at the butterflies...she felt..that they must have had a part to play in doing this, muffling the other noises to bring in the zen. But this was what Connie was here for...to clear the distortion, to bring everything to together so that they could finally begin to recover all that was torn apart...to sow the fabric of his mind back together at last.

Connie rubbed his chin with just the way he liked it, his growls of content evidence enough. Looking upon the charred lands, it was more a less a perfect description of what had been going through his head, gaining what knowledge she'd already taken from the other pieces.

Destruction...silence...no one else talking other than the voice of his confusion, created within the crackling flames. Surely, Steven didn't want to be here, however.

"We'll take you home soon. But...if you want to stay on Homeworld then that's fine too." She told him.

Though it would pain her if he said he was...if it allowed him some kind of happiness, then that was what really mattered. Although, going from his slowly, shaking head, Steven had other plans.

"No...." He said. He raised his front left paw, gently caressing Connie's face with his index claw. Connie giggled, blushing at the way he was so careful with doing so...perhaps returning the favor, thinking it made her feel good in response too.

He was not wrong.

"Home....Earth...."

Relief was the perhaps the second most powerful feeling she had right at that moment.

"Earth...Connie....Earth...Gemssss...Earth....Dad....Earth...family..."

Connie couldn't help but cry from simple words that touched her in the softest of ways...her emotions pronouncing her love for him the the deepest parts of her worn heart.

"I'm glad Steven...I really am." She said.

And she was intent on keeping this pleasantness for as long as it needed it to be. Though her words were interrupted by the Diamonds talking to her again, causing her to be jerked back slightly as this felt like a type of pull more so than them actually talking to her. Her lights radiated much more brightly than before. Steven moved his head back as his eyes widened with surprise, unsure of what was going on himself.

" _He can't mend the tears on his own_." White called out.

" _We can't reach that far like you have Connie...it's still too cluttered where we are.._." Blue commented.

" _We need your psyche to be able to mend the tears together, it's the only way!_ " Yellow yelled.

It like her entire body was burning as they took control of her, the flickers more apparent. Connie struggled against the pull, then again, she was going up against three powerful Diamonds. She looked at the worried Steven, who was totally bewildered as to what was going on.

"It'll be alright Steven..." She assured him as her body was forced to stand with her legs apart. Her right arm rose up, and her palm facing against him.

Lightning in her nerves and concrete in her blood. It was impossible to do anything on her free will but open her mouth to speak. Steven's spikes folded into his spikes completely, a sign that he was preparing to run.

No...not now. They were so close...

"Please don't leave!" She pleaded.

"It....it won't take long. I-I swear."

His entire composed manner changed, however...the butterflies scattered as he charged up, with sparks flaring between his spikes that decided to shoot up. His once peaceful expression turned violent in a heartbeat, his feral nature forcing him to react this way. Though he stopped as Connie cried out in pain, the magenta splotching getting worse as it covered her face completely. What Steven found the most disturbing, were the similar white growths that form by her mouth and spikes that popped out from her forehead.

"No... _sssstoooooop_!" Steven roared as he stomped his foot in the ground in retaliation.

He became frantic, scared and unsure...as the butterflies swarmed over her....and out more came from her mouth by the hundreds like vomit. Her mind on the fritz, splintering, breaking on it own, unable to make any sensible thought other than her mind on Steven alone. She was doing this for him...and _only_ him.

Steven could see the tears of anguish from her eyes however...and he wanted to do something, anything to get it to stop. He was losing her. He was going to lose her and he couldn't handle it. He couldn't take it. Connie, his anchor his only reason...the one who served to reconstruct him, piece by piece and he didn't know he had created this himself. Her hand charged up with powerful energies into a sphere of its own making, a rainbow of Diamond colours. This wasn't right. He had to do something before it was too late. Before she ended up like... _him_...

He looked up at the biggest of the butterflies...breathing through his nose and exhaling out his miasma. He then shot up and ended up consuming the giant ones for himself, swallowing all four whole with a giant bite.

In doing so, started to break the reality around him. He turned back to Connie, her eyes flickering the colours at a much to rapid rate than he was comfortable with and the static unbearable.

"Connie... _no_....." He murmured, feeling the despair run through him.

Steven shook his massive head. Though, as the pieces slowly fell into place, he felt...the sense of his mind seeing things, remembering things. Pink Diamond, Rose Quartz...his mother. Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl...Dad...Connie.

He had to protect her. She needed him. He had to find the source of _her_ pain, like she did for him. He ended up swallowing a heap of air and roared into the skies as the realm kept falling apart to the sounds of glass breaking everywhere...the sky literally was falling and the fires themselves began to disappear. The magenta skies returned with the eyes more threatening than ever as Connie eventually stopped vomiting, as Steven picked her up gently with his mouth by the back of her shirt, stopping the charge in its wake completely. He was angry. Someone was doing this to her and it wasn't Steven this time.

Things came to him in small doses...his heart..his soul. His being. He definitely was a someone and that someone had a name. Looking down at the reflection in the water beneath him as it replaced the ground...it had been the first time he had really seen himself in a while. Pink Jacket, Black Shirt.

"Hi, my name, is Steven..."

The boy with the red shirt...the girl with the green dress on the beach, locked in a pink bubble appeared before him...the only remnants of fiery cage he was locked in. 

"Connie."

His heart was charged with something chronic with striking realizations all around.

"I am...Connie Maheswaran." The real Connie spoke without much life in her tone, under the spell she was under.

No. Steven could _accept_ who he was and the fact that there was something wrong. He was sick.

But for the one who had sacrificed too much to save his life. No. He couldn't accept. He _won't_ accept.

He'll only accept the true Connie Maheswaran. The one he loved so dearly. He cared for. He knew this. Steven _always_ knew this. And from everything from coming to Homeworld, to corrupting to being here, filtered in, piece...by piece, finding their homes in the gaps of his mental galaxy.

And so, Steven folded his spikes into his plates, then ran...and he ran...in the infinite magenta of void of folded hues, with the infinite pool of sparkling water that splashed underneath his giant feet, galloping with purpose and determination.

Because he wanted to help...he didn't need to most of the time but he wanted to. Because his efforts meant something...and that if no one else was to do it, then who will? And Connie needed him. Needed to stop the madness and needed her to hold on.

The running eventually stopped upon the visage of someone.....three someones in fact.

The _Diamonds_.

Running towards them, he could see the three standing there, much smaller than him that had their arms raised. Steven felt conflicted and for reasons he understood. Such conflicts he could now explain as both a mixture of respect and disdain, retaining a modicum of both to place himself in a stable position. He was still angry though.

All of them recognized his presence...ceasing their activities as the looked up at him. He definitely was not pleased.

"Oh Steven hello!" White said...much too chirpy for his liking. He made a tiny gruff of disapproval as he glared at them.

"Don't be like that, we're here to help you!"

Whether he liked it or not, he tried to recall Connie's words...to let others in. No...her first. He put her on the ground before them, as she lay limp on the ground. Her eyes were wide open, still flashing.

"Help...her...help Connie." Steven demanded.

He commanded the stage. His form, his stance served to intimidate and he meant to do so. Because the Diamonds, for all their good intentions...were predictable.

"But Steven, we're here for you!" Blue called out.

His eyes widened with rage more so...upon her voicing that to him of all people. No. Connie first.

"CONNIE....FIRSSST!" He roared. His spikes shot up, sparkling with his power once again as he trembled with fury.

The Diamonds ended up looking at one another. They weren't scared of him...only wary. They silently debated it, as White picked up the small human that rested in the palm of her hand, unimpressed with his temper.

"We need all four Diamonds to heal her. You should know this Steven." Yellow informed him, as she crossed her arms.

"Your condition is favorable; the organic half is your saving grace. Once your corruption is cured, then we can proceed to heal her."

Blue approached Steven first, her doe eyes and soft smile apparent.

"She's done so well too...and so have you." She said, trying to reassure him.

He wasn't entirely convinced however...but logically, if he could get out of this mess to make sure Connie was okay, then he was willing to do what ever it takes to help her. He owed her that much...and more.

Much more.

Blue pressed her hand against her gem, channeling her power through it and pressed it against his chest. The coolness struck him hard, as Yellow rubbed her hands together, with quick friction sending sparks flying as her hand went against his chest as well. Electrifying but not entirely unpleasant. White rested her spare hand on her head, being the final one in the line of those of the others....but the feeling she gave became much more surreal.

Steven closed his eyes and let their powers flow through him. He grunted as the discomfort of flooding in memories...sounds, songs, voices...names...colors, faces...places, were put in bit by bit like a sped up film reel. It became quite painful, raw and relentless in the pursuit of giving himself the chance to recover it all in the quickest of blinks. 

His body began to shrink...and what was once lost, became found in the restoration of self recognition.

* * *

Hours could have felt like minutes...or days....minutes like hours...or seconds.

But the fact remained that real water surrounded him....muffling out the noise of the surface to where his blurry vision couldn't see much else beside the ray of light and the scurry of hands that pushed through. Did he have a choice to say where he was right now was relatively chill, his mind blank for once and giving him a moment of pure peace for the first time in a while. Though, that didn't last long. But the way he was feeling, the way his heart turned on the aches had him realize that he still had work to do.

He took one of the hands, albeit a bit feeble due to how weak he was. The hand snatched his end away and pulled him up and out with great force.

And as he broke the surface...his ears honed in on the natural order of noises....him gasping for air and the faces and voices he's come to know and appreciate became frantic. He let them do what they had to...falling unconscious once more.

And the dark and the mute world was his life for that moment. The cessation of all kinds of thinking was actually a break from all the other incorrigible lines he found to be quite agonizing prior...like his voice was tangled up in a storm...striking randomly.

But...he was confused by it all. He didn't want the pain that came with scattered thoughts but he didn't want the silence either. He wanted things to be as normal as they could be.

What was normal?

That wasn't normal. This wasn't normal.

What classified as normal as far as what Steven Universe recognized it as?

Steven Universe? Steven Diamond.

Who was he really?

But a sum of his experiences that molded his life and his choices. Choices he still had to make and choices left behind. Good, bad...good and bad.

Guilty, disorientated, tired...hungry even. Concepts, correlations he could figure out on his own again. Memories; the Crystal Gems...Dad...Connie. Beach City...all were there where they should have been and where they should not have been moved to be begin with. The dots connected, the emotions mended and understood. How he felt....what was...normal..abnormal...what caused hurt and what caused him to feel....good...great...happy. 

The grey had been returned to him at last.

No more strings on faces...now it was more clear than ever. This version of it...like a beautiful crystalline stream of pure water, washed over his mind to soften the blow as some pieces rested themselves back into place....the final pieces...the last remnants to allow him to be able to move and properly think...

A single voice broke the mold. No time for that.

"Steven..."

Hers?

His eyes opened in that instant, seeing the pink roof he'd identified as home. Shooting up with a gasp, he grasp his shirt as he tried to rapidly breath reality back into him. Looking down, he could see his old black shirt and jeans....and his pink jacket on the chair next to him.

"Steven? You're awake!"

Looking beside him, he could see both Pearls in the room...smiling at first, before they dashed to wrap their arms around him. He smiled too he took in their warm embrace, becoming red faced as they cried.

"Hey hey, I'm glad to see you both too!" He said.

No lie to be had there. 

* * *

They took him downstairs as he slid on his jacket, seeing the Crystal Gems in the lounge of the Pink Palace. Once down, Amethyst and Garnet rushed up to him, declaring it was their turn to hug him and their turn to gush huge tears, making note of how much they missed him. It brought him feelings of the bittersweet...happy to see them and still culpable at his previous actions which had threatened to haunt him but...he honestly just wanted them there...his real family.

Peridot, Lapis and Bismuth soon joined in, bringing the love on their end the same way. It rendered the warmth within him to its near highest, as he talked to them about feeling a lot better than he had been and thanking them for not giving up on him during his worst moments and that he wanted to make it up to them.

Eventually, he felt a tap on his shoulder from Volleyball.

"Excuse me Steven...but I think we need to still help a certain someone..." She said.

All the heat suddenly washed away from his face. Oh no...

"Connie..." He muttered in a quick distressed voice.

"Go Steven, go help her." Garnet told him.

"We'll wait for your return..."

* * *

Rushing out of the Pink Palace and down the halls that he once owned, Volleyball lead him towards the Throne Room in great haste. How could he have forgotten about Connie? Though he owed it up to being in the heat of the moment with what good feelings he had surely missed, but right now his concerns were now waiting for his arrival.

Going into the Throne Room, he could see the Diamonds kneeling down around Connie's body which laid on the floor, straight as a plank with her hands crossed on her chest. He slowly approached her, seeing how the corruption had taken over her face. He felt...more accountable for her state...this was his fault. He knelt down beside her, touching her face with the back of his finger...not a claw...but a finger. A smaller, softer, _real_ human finger.

It brought to mind everything he felt and saw as the wyrm, a mirror to his own insights as such. Connie wasn't a Gem but now...she was being treated like one. And his heart raced, not wanting her to be in any pain and hoping that as she rested that she had none. He just hoped she didn't destroy her own mind in order to save his...he began to cry at the thought of it. No...

"There is still a chance to save her Steven, do not worry." White assured him.

"You're here now...all we got to do is do what the Diamonds swore to do for _you_."

Right...Steven nodded as he wiped the tears away with the back of his sleeve. It did little to ease his anxious, tightening and burning throat or the way his heart pumped out more than it needed to keep him going. 

White went first with a single finger to the top of Connie's head. Yellow put hers on Connie's chest and Blue on Connie's stomach, using their powers once more.

"Ready when you are." Blue told him.

Steven swallowed.

"I'm sorry Connie." He said. He leaned down and planted a single kiss on her cheek.

In that instant, his powerful feelings for her surged immensely, but that served to strengthen his power. Her body began to shine and sparkle on the influence of the Diamonds, glowing briefly...before seeing her face warped back to normal. It instantly brought a type of joy to his heart. The Diamonds retreated..and they could but wait.

After much anticipation, she began to budge, as Connie groaned briefly, scrunching her eyes before she batted her eyelids. Once she opened them fully, she sat up and tried to get a grasp of her surroundings. Steven felt the wave of relief come before him, tears of his astute and pure happiness at her seeing her safe and alive before him.

"Welcome back." He said.

Connie looked at him with shock at first, but then couldn't help but grin.

"I should be saying that to you." She joked.

Steven chuckled, then as Connie threw her arms around him, Steven did the same, the butterflies in his stomach racing around faster than ever.

"Ahem..." Yellow said, clearing her throat...and the air.

"Come on Yellow, let's leave them be." Blue told her.

They didn't realize the Diamonds had disappeared not long after, with the two too wrapped up in their embrace to care for it all as such. It took them a moment until they forced themselves to disconnect, but ended up holding each others hands as they looked at one another with the look of fondness, their faces red and hearts charged with something chronic.

There was a lot Steven wanted to say and do....and now they had the time alone, to discuss it. They sat up...as Steven took her up to sit up on the Pink Throne. Their legs dangled over it and their hands tight together with affirmation of their bond. Only this time, no magical nonsense could get in their way. Provided they had good fortune still on their way.

"Connie..." Steven said first, though a bit eaten up by his own, heated up nerves.

"I...wanted to thank you. Sincerely. I know...I've been...awful...and I said some things...hurtful things. And I'm...."

She then putted a finger to his lips to stop him from blabbering any further.

"Sh...it's fine Steven...." She told him.

No. It wasn't. It really wasn't. Nothing about what he said and did was okay. It did nothing more than to serve grief and misery in the end. She removed her finger, to allow him to gather his thoughts and talk coherently.

"It isn't..." He said with sadness..

"There's so much wrong with me....and the way I acted was out of line...and I tried to pretend everything was okay when it was the complete opposite. I'm a complete idiot."

Connie then squeezed his hand, noticing how terrible he felt and the way his face was contorted with such anguish. While yes, what he said was true...and right now...it was important for him to realize he could still make those changes.

"Hey, don't think like that. You're not an idiot....far from it." She said, rubbing her thumb over his knuckles.

"What's the most important thing right now...is that...you're still here...we're still here...I'm....still here...and that any damage done can be mended as long as we can work this out...and it doesn't matter if we get it wrong...that just helps make it easier to get it right."

For what reason was only blamed on her own messy emotions, Connie felt inclined to gift him. He needed to take as much as he had once given to others...and that people were willing to guide and guard him through steps they could help him walk on, no matter how many there appeared to him. Accepting this sadness, this anger...and without denying such causalities and processing it the way that wasn't necessarily going to be the fastest or the easiest but the steadiness until he was ready to move on completely.

"You're right." He said, defeated and deflated.

"I...need to sort this out..."

He took a deep breath, his frown and focus on the floor proof his reluctance over all. He could heal if he just tried...and that it was going to take effort. But for now, Connie just wanted to give him some slice of happiness for the long journey ahead. She shuffled herself closer to him...ready to make the first move. It, in no doubt had her nerves scrambling for control and sensibility to ease the chaos in her heart...the fire of the inside her raged about wildly...but she was strong enough to contain it.

Her spare hand met with his cheek as she began to close in the distance with their heads...it had him going red faced more so than ever, closing his eyes as he took in the calming and soft yet electric sensation of her cupping his face the way she did and they way he remembered her doing so while he was corrupted.

But now was not time to think about the past while he was distracted by the way his heart thumped in his head, the way she was so close to him and his now half lidded eyes going to her lips repeatedly.

"And...I will...not be alone..." He said with a low, quiet tone.

Connie eventually, slowly, but agonizingly, forced herself forwards, eventually closing the gap completely as their lips touched. Steven's other hand wormed itself around to her waist as he tilted his head, feeling the singe of her lips on his. He felt the fire explode within him, as did Connie, remaining in place for the moment. It was certainly otherworldly and only served to prove one thing;

The much needed adoration between themselves, expressed in a pure form.

They disconnected eventually. Both of them held the same, expression as Connie giggled and Steven's portrayed an awkward, but sincere smile as he couldn't help but chuckle for himself.

"I love you Connie." Steven told her, without a shadow of a doubt ruling over him like it had been in the past.

A long lasting weight lifted off of her shoulders as he said that, with more tears of jubilation that escaped from her.

"I love you too Steven." She replied.

Steven's smile went wider, before he went in again, kissing Connie once more...and for much longer. He absorbed the energies taken from holding her, needing her, wanting her in this light fragment of solid tranquility that they had in that moment, the waters of solace, their guiding river to the pool of such genuine tenderness. 

And only _they_ could feel this big...in this Throne Room, where they were free to rule over themselves with cleansed hearts once more...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't help but giggle at the thought of the butterflies suddenly going, hey LISTEN.


	34. The Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new horizon approaches.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the last chapter! I can safely say I'm actually done with a fic! Thanks everyone for joining the ride! It's been really fun!  
> I was trying to get an idea of how I wanted to finish this and had great difficulty in doing so, so I took a bit of inspiration from the last ep lodged in with other bits. Hopefully it came out alright.

He'd gone and done it.

Steven know knew better and this was the last straw.

He couldn't leave Beach City without some going away shindig.

A dinner in front of the Temple the night before his big adventure was perfect, after days of wracking his brain for an idea. Not a total recreation of previous events but..

When he told the Gems about it, they insisted they organize everything. Steven tried to help but they wanted him to relax...causing him not end to the amount of grief, though it was in his favour. And yes they were upset at first, they eventually came to understand it might have looked like he was running away again, he was doing it for a much better reason this time.

It'd been some months since his corruption and the rebellion. Returning back to Earth was indeed the best thing for him and the Diamonds had since returned back to Homeworld, and his future involved discovering himself and more of the broad, vast Earth he'd never visited, the sides unseen; The human side, preferring to nourish that aspect after neglecting it for so long. He'd made plans with Connie, to see Connie while she was out touring schools and studying. All that experience in planning things helped him immensely, and even Connie gushed at how well he was actually handling it all with such ease. Though, all that transpired prior hadn't been forgotten and that Steven's path to recovery was anticipated to be a long winding one with dirt roads of doubt and uneven asphalts of uncertainty. But there were the steady freeways of relief and the country roads of clarity alongside them.

"And when's the going away dinner?"

Winding out of his accidental dissociated day dreams of driving (which happened a lot), Steven had one final face to face session with his therapist whom had known for some time what Steven was going to leave. Sitting in this room, on leather couches, he noted that his therapist liked pot plants and ferns that mostly generated a calm atmosphere, but they were numerous. His eyes then went to the clipboard in her hands; hands that would have dealt with many other individuals prior.

She was...unusual, this Dr. Johnson, but she preferred Steven to call her Sandra. With the whitest hair he'd ever seen, her wavy hair dangling by the sides of her pale face, cradling her cheeks with the rest of it in a bun. She wore a deep burgundy blouse which was normal, matching it up with her lipstick. Although he'd seen doctors in black skirts, stockings...but not red runners. She said she doesn't like heels. Steven asked her if it was because it was a metaphor of not being above other people, she said it was she found the runners better for her feet and debated just wearing casual clothes with a hoodie, but it wouldn't look professional.

Steven understood that much. The line between holding a front and yet, finding comfort in your own skin. Sandra might not have claimed it as such, but he was sure she was doing it on more grounds than her own comfort. To Steven's own disturbing links to correlations, he came to think of her as a human version of White Diamond. Some of what she could say would be, to those unaware, be a bit condescending, but over all, Steven understood this and while it was hard to detach the similarities, he needed his human side to temper his gem one and Sandra's purpose was to help...that was her role and she wanted to help, her humanness her dedicated premise.

Perhaps that was the point. Every person had their own needs and wants and Sandra's small smile was real. She never pushed too much and yet, while there were sessions where he'd lash out, Sandra would never, not once, panic and order him to calm down. Most of the time she continued to talk normally. It grated him at first, but it gave him room to trust her. By not displaying her fears, each round of screaming became more of a less a part of him yelling and not letting loose. The damage to the windows, to a mug or three that would have Greg paying extra for the damage, but overall, the last few months taught him so much. That he now held his own a lot better...and the bills for seeing her became cheaper over all. Steven was, overall grateful for her powerful suite of patience and understanding, and that no matter how many times he apologized, she told him that it was...normal. Normal for individuals in his state of mind that were in great need of healing to lose before they would begin to win.

"Tomorrow night." He answered, after exhaling, not realizing he had been holding his breath.

Sitting on the couch with his hands on his legs, Sandra could tell that he was anxious from that posture alone. She could always understand the real meaning behind his words and actions and respond appropriately, the guideline to eventuate him to finding his own truths.

"And the gems keep saying they want to take care of it and they don't want me to lift a finger. Is it normal to feel annoyed by that?"

Sandra grinned.

"Of course." She said.

"You're so used to doing everything yourself. For so long, you've been the proprietor of being the only handyman in the universe who believes he can fix all that would be seen as broken. The tools were in your hands and they've been glued to them...so its going to be painful when someone strips them away...the grip so impossibly tight that you're left with hands that don't know what to do with themselves when they're not filled with something practical to do."

Steven looked at his hands so often. He worked hard; too hard and too often...which often lead to nasty thoughts intruding on his doorstep like the neighborhood bully knocking on your door for a cruel prank.

He tried using them for many things...gardening, that failed...but most of his time had been spent writing and typing and the odd manual labor every now and then. Tasks that were seen as normal to do...the problem was how much was too much.

"Which is why I gotta hit the road." He answered, his head lowered and eyes focused on the polished floorboard and ended up rubbing his hands together, like they just needed to fidget with something.

"These hands will be busy on the steering wheel."

Sandra leaned back and crossed her legs.

"Indeed." She said.

"No intent to fix anything else, but to find ways to pull off the repairs to the sweet smiles Steven Universe _deserves_ to wear."

Something like that reminded him of his old Diamond Suit, though of course Sandra dabbled in metaphors like she normally did, though she did raise a valid point...there were more reasons to smile for him now, then there were to frown.

But it didn't mean he couldn't. Sandra did explain that there were going to be some bad days alongside the good...and that in itself, was _incredibly_ normal.

"I know you've been saying things like...I have to find my own way in life one step at time..." Steven informed her, reminding her of their previous sessions.

"Does driving miles count?"

Sandra couldn't help but laugh. He liked hearing her laugh, just like he enjoyed other peoples laughter.

"Definitely." She said.

"Steven, which ever path or road you decide to take. You are ultimately the one who gets to decide how long it is. No one else can tell you how high or how far you to have to go to find what you really need and want in life. Travelling is indeed therapeutic to both the young and the old...taking in sights you've never seen before. Keeps the mind occupied with fresh, new, invigorating and real content that the open world has to offer you. When I was your age I did the same."

Steven raised an eyebrow.

"And all that travelling...told you to be a Therapist?" He queried.

Sandra grinned.

"You'd be surprised at how random some ideas can really be when on the road." She explained.

"The subconscious absorbs information all the time and one day it could pop into your head that you suddenly want to be a rock star or a teacher or yes, a therapist."

Was it that easy?

"But not every's minds are set by direct internal guidelines. Not all of them are going to give those instructions to live by. People give things a chance for multiple reasons. Because they need to work for an income to live on. They don't always like the jobs but it can make life more bearable if you genuinely enjoy the work you do."

And Steven did like being a Crystal Gem. He got to save the world, he got to be around the people he loved. And there parts of being a Diamond Steven could say he liked being as well...but to his own, eventual, detriment...

"And you've never thought about being anything else other than a Therapist?" Steven wondered.

Again, he was gauging into others. Typical Steven Universe.

"I think about many other opportunities this world has to offer me." Sandra answered.

"Do I see me doing this job for the rest of my life? Maybe. I cannot really say what the future holds. Just like I cannot tell you yours."

Sounded just like Garnet, if he could be honest.

"But time in this case, will be your most valuable ally." She continued, then smiled wider.

"And just as important as the support from friends and family."

Time. _Just a little time._

* * *

Preparations were made in terms of allowing him to chat with Sandra while he was away. Checking up at least once a week just to see how he was going. For the following few days were busy in doing everything little thing from packing up and doing routine checks, to making sure the Dondai was in the right condition for months, potentially years of travelling. Steven gave each of the Gems a parting gift...and offered his Dad to live in the Beach House in his place...who took to the bed faster than Steven expected him to.

When it came to time for the dinner, the Gems had organized it by the beach, not too dissimilar to the dinner on Homeworld. Except there were no Diamonds or Spinel and not as flashy. He had spoken with them over the last few months, as they had returned back to Homeworld to utilize their new powers and to ensure that the hard work Steven had put it wouldn't be abandoned. The internet connection they established would allow them to still communicate to Steven's upgraded phone; a hybridized piece of Human/Gem tech from Peridot that would allow him to do so. (Trying to fit all their heads in the screen at once made for some amusing entertainment when it happened.)

They had begged him for forgiveness for their actions that lead him to his prior state, telling him that they had come to the conclusion that they were the ones that hurt him and perhaps, put Steven down the spiral to his corruption. In the depths of his mind, his opinions of them had changed. One of his sessions came to acknowledge the fact that he had been avoiding them because of his own unkempt feelings originating from how they had treated him the past. He'd tried so hard to try to like them and they had come to know each other as family, but that tiny bit of hesitation, that deep pit of darkened anger, always pulled him back to the realm of doubt.

All in all, while Steven continued to allow his mental wounds to heal where ever they could, still feeling sore in some places. On every other day he held the habit of feeling his head for the horns, only to know that they weren't there anymore. Parts of the beast remained in the crux of his memories and the overwhelming sense of distress would claw their way to his heart that would have him struggle to get out of bed on the odd morning. Not all, but some.

His relationship with Connie was steady, and on going and one of the few anchors he held onto in his life. Sandra would pry, but while she never got to speak to Connie in person, would have thanked her considerably in the way that she helped Steven, stating that her own humanity hooked on to his own and kept it active, knowing that without that anchor, that from what Steven described to Sandra as him being a monster, could have gone a lot worse. Though Steven had this idea crocked up in his head that Sandra did actually want to talk to Connie...only because from what he could scramble from his time as the leviathan, was that she was in an equal amount of stress herself...and Steven ended up feeling worse from blaming himself.

She had her mother for support, so there wasn't a lot Steven should have been worried about...but as her boyfriend (he was still getting used to that term) he was always going to be worried.

And in that twilight, among the sky of pure, star-sprinkled magenta, he saw her in a beautiful blue casual dressed and blue slip ons walk along the beach. Her smile, that warm, welcoming expression upon their eyes meeting up with one another told his heart to race, but in a good way where the worries would evaporate into the air and only love remained its place. The smell of home; the ocean...only served as a reminder of his truest roots...and the vision of the young woman before him, a reminder of his truest heart.

"Hey Connie, you're looking fabulous as always." Steven said with a wink.

Connie ended up snorting at how his flirting game was always ridiculous, but still charming and natural with the Steven-esque touch. She approached him, kissing him on the cheek...while her eyes admired his new suit. Less business like and more casual, with a pink tshirt underneath. He wore his classic sandals to complete the classic look.

"And you're not half bad either." Connie retorted, deliberately teasing him before she gave him a quick peck on the lips.

Steven chuckled. He took her hand and casually walked her down the beach back to the front of the temple.

"So...how's the packing going?" She asked him.

"Packings been fine." He answered.

"Pearls been frantic over the particulars, insisting on logistics with every tiny and big bit."

Connie laughed.

"That should have been my department." She joked.

"And dare I ask, how much of tonight did you actually arrange?"

Steven looked to his side, his smile sly.

"Uhhh none of it." He replied sheepishly.

Connie pouted.

"And if I was your prosecutor I would have called you a liar." She stated.

He actually did. He felt more shame from not being able to touch or do anything the entire time.

"Honestly Connie! I did nothing! Pearl and Garnet did everything while Amethyst prepared the food. With some help from Dad."

Amethyst was a good cook...only needing Greg to make sure some ingredients weren't being put in that could potentially poison them. Steven was _not_ going to risk that again.

The two approached the front end of beach, seeing the three tables covered with dark blue table clothes and a series of candles and roses were the wholesome decor Steven never asked for, but definitely appreciated. Bismuth, Peridot and Lapis had arrived not long after, with Steven greeting them with open arms. 

He'd missed this and it had been shielded by obscene desires to separate himself...to distance himself from Earth because in his mind, he no longer thought he was needed...but he needed _it_.  
Though him leaving again was only because he felt the need for him to explore himself and roots both new and old from the place that he should have called home to begin with. Homeworld was...home to an extent, but...there was that allure of Earth that would drag him back and found it funny how he had...much to his own shock, compared this mindset with his mother...but in a less harmful way. Earth was a beautiful place...and he could see why she would be drawn to it...a first that he discovered during one fateful session with Sandra.

Most of the food made were salads and vegetarian pizzas (no one said anything, but it was probably Amethyst who made them...not to mention she was the one who served them.) which were scoffed, in between talks...

Talking about...things, stuff from Little Homeworld and all in between. Normal talk, things that _should_ have been easy to talk about among friends and family. He belonged there...he wanted to be there, among all this...to be who he had thought he would be coming home, with love that was showered on him on a daily basis...he should have been a chatterbox.

Except...

Steven was quiet. Sitting there, on one end of the table with Connie by his side. Most of the words spoken came out muffled, his focus wavering in spite of how good his current position was. He had a weak smile, but his eyes were on the crashing waves before them...crashes, that turned into roars, and centaur fusions, gaping maws...Connie's flickering eyes and....

"Hey Steven!"

His focus returned to reality with a unconscious thud in his brain, unaware that Amethyst, who was sitting opposite him, was trying to talk.

" _YeahImawake_!" He replied so suddenly and so quickly.

The purple gem rolled her eyes, though her smile indicated that she wasn't annoyed in the slightest.

"I was asking whether or not you heard about anything about the Gems that ya know, had a hand in the rebellion?"

He'd spoken to the Diamonds a few times about this, about their ongoing trials....the thoughts caused a bubble to form in his throat, forcing him to cough to clear it before he could talk about the tricky subject. One only ever brought up to Connie and his therapist.

"There was a few hundred in their league from what I remember." Steven said, his voice unusually soft.

"They prioritized the main leaders...Emerald, Baseball, Bluebird....."

And others, like Mean Lapis.

"And Blue Diamond is taking on their cases one by one. Given the no shattering policy, they're still trying to figure out the type of punishment. For now, they're bubbled until further notice."

Once upon a time, they would call them on to be shattered. These days peace was accepted...but as for the troublemakers general imprisonment was utilized. Gems like them required special punishments.

"What was Baseballs problem anyway?" Amethyst queried.

Steven sighed, rolling his shoulders. His eyes went to the concerned Pearl, before he looked down at the table again. He didn't want to go into a huge amount of detail from what they found out, with Steven still disturbed by the Pink Sapphires treachery.

"She...didn't like Mom." He said.

Somehow the horror crept up his nerves once again, causing him to shiver. Volleyball explained it the best...

"So...she didn't like me...and wanted me dead."

Like Spinel...although only if Spinel was lucid, cold and calculated instead of the chaotic frenzy she threw herself into. Compared to her, Baseball was _worse_...

The way Steven's voice was so low and quiet while he explained it, as well as his sunken body language, told Connie he wasn't comfortable in talking about it just yet. She put a hand on his shoulder, which grabbed his attention. She said nothing, but showing a soft, safe smile that had him reached for her hand with his other one, thanking her for letting it slide.

It used to be such a trigger for him too, the way that others would talk about his mother...a matter he never wanted to revisit, those downtrodden paths into the shoddy past.

Emerald's motives were more simple. She lost power. Bluebird _hated_ Steven...as he understood clearly. But Baseball...

The remainder of the dinner went fine...Pearl left the table briefly to clean up some of the dishes. Steven felt a bit off, tempted to leave and go to bed early. It was generally accepted that Steven's lethargy was a result of some of the more damp emotions that clogged his head constantly...that once he felt down, he would generally stay that way until the next morning, sleeping over the decrepit parts of his depression, with a new dawn leaving his thoughts behind.

It wasn't always healthy and Sandra would encourage him to vocalize to others or find a bit of exercise to clear the head. 

"You're safe now." Garnet assured him, giving him her own warmth in her voice.

Yeah...yeah he was. He tried to remember that part, but dreams were dreams and the way the mind would always wander...it was frustrating. To the beast, to the torture...to the pain and to all that would serve to bring him down again...leaving him gasping for air on escaping his nightmares, climbing the edge of the volcano because there were important things to live for. For his friends, family...Connie...

 _Himself_.

He had to live for himself, most importantly.

Maybe his purpose wasn't to be a Diamond. But...as Sandra had told him, it could change. He'd find reason, he'd find rhyme...he might not. He couldn't say until what mattered, to what sounded good in his head was worth putting to action and even so, that if he decided to go ahead and try and find he didn't like it, he was allowed to continue to keep going on his own journey. It was certainly a dynamic he would have to get used to, but in the end, what he really needed could always be subject to change, reminding him on why his power to do so was in-disposable.

He wasn't aware that he'd begun to drift off into his day dreams...until he heard everyone begin to mellow down and shift about.

To his surprise, Greg got up and raised a glass.

"A toast to the best son I could ever ask for!"

Everyone else raised up their glasses as well.

"To the best buddy who saved me!" Said Lapis.

"To the best Human/Gem who reminded me on what it was to be a Crystal Gem!" Said Bismuth.

"To the best Steven to come into existence!" Said Peridot.

"To the best future you make for yourself!" Said Garnet.

"To the best Ste-Man to muck around with!" Said Amethyst.

"And to the best Jam Bud in entire universe!" Said Connie with more gusto.

Steven had grown emotional to the point of tears. Those he shouldn't be ashamed of. He got up and raised his glass as well, joining in with the rest.

"To the best family I could ever need." He commented, almost choking his words. A tear rolled down his cheek as they clinked the glasses.

And he had every right to cry....and he would cry..and he did. On his own. With Connie. And no one would chastise him for it...and he didn't like it when others could see him at his weakest, his most vulnerable. Most of what had been hugely suppressed as Steven Diamond...

But now, he was comfortable in being just Steven Universe...thinking how silly it was to erase such an important name in the first place. Greg had told him that the name came from a song a month ago, to which did not surprise Steven in the slightest.

Although one Gem was missing...where was Pearl? She had gone to do the dishes. Steven shot up from the table, feeling bad as to leaving her out of the toast.

"Hey, just settle where you are schtu-ball." Greg told him.

"She's prepping something for you."

Oh?

Not long after, he looked towards the Beach House, seeing Pearl come out...with Volleyball of all people...and another Gem ...a pink one he tried to remember.

Once they were down, he looked at Volleyball, who was smiling just as much, seeing her old superior where he was. He wanted to go up and thank her, though Connie stayed his hand, pointing towards the mysterious Gem next to her. 

"Remember Pink Agate Steven?" Volleyball said.

Pink Agate...

She...reminded Steven of Holly Blue, except her snow white hair was longer and voluminous with the Agate style, ringing coloured horn like protrusions. Her form, obviously of pink and white colouring. Her smile was kinder, warmer...her uniform more relaxed and flowy; a deep pink dress with a white belt and rose colored trimming on the bottom. She wore white thigh high boots that served to dominate in the past and her gem was located on her right shoulder. Next thing he knew, was Connie's head right next to his ear as she whispered.

"I remembered you telling me about the Gem you taught how to sing...." She whispered.

With striking realization, Steven went wide-eyed, then felt horrible for forgetting her. He shook his head, standing up where he was and tried to greet the Gem with the least amount of awkwardness he could muster.

"How...how are things?" He asked her, unaware of the sweat that rolled down his forehead.

Pink Agate grinned, her hands behind her back.

"Good, great my Diamond!" She said, out of habit.

Any other moment, he would correct her but for now, Steven just let it slide. It wasn't worth the effort to tell people these days.

"Your Pearl told me that you wanted to hear me sing?"

Well, his memories were too in shambles to remember the minute details of everything he did on Homeworld, but as his Therapist said, time was his ally and the more he gave to it, the more he could recall. Connie piecing back most of what he had made him function, but it hadn't be collected as perfectly than he liked to admit. It wasn't that he was missing anything, it was more that his mind was trying to cope with the heaviest parts that were being dealt with first; the stuff that continued to linger as an ugly itch in his heart. Blocked were the more pleasant moments, though they were sliding in ever so slowly, a lengthy pace of what good he had done that made him feel...well, good in return.

And Volleyball was no longer working for Steven anyway. She'd come into the service of being Jaspers assistant, the latter beleaguered but respectful of the Pearls position. Steven wondered how Jasper was coping these days...

"I uh...yeah." He replied, rubbing his neck.

"I'm sorry I never got to hear you...I really wanted to....but ya know..."

Pink Agate grinned.

"You had Diamond duties. I understand completely." She said, baring no ill will.

"I had spent some time on Earth, in Little Homeschool...and I wrote a song about what I learned..."

Steven felt a little bit of excitement jolt through him...the few he got to embrace so rarely. Why couldn't he had her in her service earlier? Would have made his life a lot easier and more pleasant if she had just been there to sing...and maybe he would have returned to reality sooner for better reasons...instead of him dwelling in his own hallucinations and slowly, painful killing himself. No...not again, he couldn't get his mind to go back there now, not when everyone was still trying to get him to be happy on the night before his big trip.

He sat back down, as Pearl got Pink Agate a stool and Volleyball handed her an acoustic guitar...her own of light brown with a pink and white stripe strewn across like splashed paint. With the wash of the waves, Pink Agate went to work as she closed her eyes...and began to play...

* * *

_Forever ago, I felt like I had nothing left for me to take._

_Perhaps, after all this time, I never really took anything._

_But you taught me this, taught me the four._

_All four, all for the reason to sing._

-

_I was taught a world of seasons, seasons that covered an entire year._

_And in one of those seasons, was the season my heart did thrummer_

_I was mentioned, told I was funny, liked and the heart all there._

_I remember that season...and that season was summer._

-

_I was taught a world of seasons...seasons that covered an entire year_

_And in one of those seasons...was the season I gave my all._

_I was taken, told I was special, wonderful and had so much to share._

_I remember that season...and that season I remember was fall._

-

_I was taught a world of seasons...seasons that covered an entire year._

_And in one of those seasons...was the season to splinter._

_I was shattered, told I was nothing and useless to boot._

_I remember that season...and that season I remember was winter._

_I was taught a world of seasons....seasons that covered an entire year._

_And in one of those seasons...was the season I learned to sing._

_I was given, told I was gifted, growing and had so much potential._

_I remember that season...and that season I remember was spring._

-

_Forever ago, I felt like I had nothing left for me to claim._

_Perhaps after all this time, I never really had anything._

_But you taught me this...taught me the four._

_All four, all for the reason to sing._

* * *

The group clapped, Steven especially, humbled by the Agates willingness to share that to the world, a fragment of a positive vibe that he would hold to for as long as he could. He'd approached the Agate, as she put the guitar down, and ended up throwing her arms around him and almost squishing him with her big arms (Steven was only ever so durable).

"I hope you liked it!" She asked, pulling herself off as she put her hands on his shoulders to push him back.

He did...it was sweet. And songs he missed. Songs that sent his soul to the heavens and back. No wonder he missed Earth when Homeworld was always silent.

Besides the ticking clocks.

"It did! It was great!" He told her.

"Thanks!"

The deepest well within him opened up wider, allowing for more tears than he intended. Most moments would have Steven running off to hide and to cry heavily on his own...but...now he couldn't hide it..and was so confused as to what he should be doing right now. He wanted to leave but he didn't, marooned in the paradox he found himself in, unable to budge until everyone got up out of their seats and wandered around. Connie was the first to hug him from the front, wrapping her arms around his shoulders as he began to sob into her shoulder. Next up was Greg who ended up hugging him from behind. Then Garnet...

Then Volleyball, erased of all fear as she took her stance without haste, wanting to show her newfound, blessed appreciation for him as a friend. Pearl was next, then Amethyst, then Peridot, Lapis and Bismuth, then the Pink Agate joined in too. Lion ended up coming into the picture too, nudging his way through in there.

Honestly, Steven didn't really want to leave but...he found it more logical than leaving than the entire planet. He wasn't going to be that far and he was going to be within proximity of other humans. So they would have human expectations and that he could now try all the things he missed out on while growing up...knowing he wasn't going to take it for granted.

* * *

The next day was probably the most emotionally draining, the inevitable exodus. Pearl made a list of items Steven had taken, and made sure that he had everything he needed to take, Amethyst ended up rough housing him one last time, while Garnet ended up giving him some final words; that they would always be his family. Steven held zero doubt in that.

While they were relatively calm beforehand, when it came to him going down to the beach to his car, the Gems ended balling their eyes out harder than Steven did. He embraced each of them, kissed Connie goodbye and hugged his dad. Volley remained to say goodbye as he was about to go into the car to drive off. She handed him a small pink box; a parting gift in thanks for helping out on Homeworld.

"Jasper wanted to come, but she said she was busy." Volley explained.

A cover excuse if anything. But Steven got to know Jasper a great deal over there and he knew she was quite protective of him overall. Perhaps...like he, she didn't want to show any weakness. Typical Quartz.

"But these are thank you letters and gifts from Gems around the galaxy who wanted to thank you personally for your help. If you have time..."

Steven put his hand on top of the box and nodded, eager to go through it all at a leisured pace.

"I'll have plenty of time." He said with a smile. 

_Just a little time..._

"I'll make sure to read each and every one of them."

He ended up putting the box on top of the car, before wrapping his arms around her, much to her own surprise, but she happily reciprocated, putting her own hands on his back.

"Thank you for being there with me, especially when it got really bad...I know...I know a lot of what I might have said or did was unpleasant...if I hurt you I swear..." He muttered to her.

Especially if she got hurt because of him. No. Volley didn't think that at all. While he did resemble his mother in some respects, Steven was much more cautious and aware of his actions than Pink had been. He had gone a great length to distance himself and rightfully so.

"You didn't." She replied.

"I...tried so hard to help you. Like any Pearl would have for their..."

"Friend..."

Volley blinked.

"Yes...friend..." She continued, using Steven's own word. He pulled out and couldn't help but smile at her. He was...in fact, proud of her...proud of what she did for him.

"Connie told me everything." He said.

"You went beyond your normal duties. I think you're in the perfect position now to keep Jasper in line."

It was only meant to be taken as a joke, though going from her expression, Volley thought he was being serious. Until he snorted.

"Don't worry, I'm kidding."

Ah.

And with that, the most difficult action occurred. After triple checking he had what he needed, Steven ended up getting everything, including himself, into the car. He waved to the tear-drowning people he had to come to love and adore for the last seventeen years. It hurt, it really did...given that he'd already been gone for months before but now to the comfort of those who knew him best, could take that as his own growth and knowing that one day, out of his own free will could return to Beach City. For now, what he really needed, was the world that had been waiting for him to explore all this tine.

With a heavy heart and a heavier sigh, Steven adjusted his mirror to see them one last time and drove off to the first leg of his journey. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sandra is...kinda a reference to another..fic...or two...or three..or more.  
> I'm debating a sequel now. Thoughts?


End file.
